It had started off perfectly. He had a nice schedule and he could be at home by lunchtime so he'd have time to make his own meals with no rush and he could even exercise before diving into studies for the day. For the first few weeks, it was a consistent routine. He woke up just past 6 AM and got everything ready for the day – he took a shower, had breakfast, brushed his teeth and walked to campus. Then he'd be in class, he'd talk with newfound friends and when it was all over, he'd walk home and have lunch, take a shower, exercise a bit (although he did skip this one a lot) and then he'd sit down and study for the rest of the day. It was nice living on his own and his neighbors were nice, so he didn't have any complaints.
Until that guy decided it would be a great idea to start bringing people home at 2 AM. Now, Eiji wasn't one to peep into other people's business, no, no, he already had enough of his own to deal with. But he imagined it started being his when there were moans echoing through every pipe and there was a bed squeaking loudly right above his head. He had no problems up until that night and he thought it would be a one time thing – it happened, right? Most of the people who lived in this complex were university students, anyway, so he was sure it wouldn't be the first time something like that happened.
He just hoped the guy who lived right above him wouldn't do it as often as college students did in the movies he'd watched, because then he wouldn't be able to sleep at all, and he couldn't really afford moving someplace else because this was the cheapest he could find. Please, be a one night stand, please, be a one night stand.
In fact, it had been a one night stand. But the guy was seemingly very good in what he did because for the next two weeks, Eiji got zero hours of sleep at night – there was a lot of moaning, from both men and women and there was also lots of praising and muffled words he couldn't quite comprehend. Good for him, Eiji thought every night. But couldn't you fix your bed? Or maybe soundproof your room? He didn't know who the person was but he bet they were good-looking. They must be, if there was a new person in their bed every night.
And he dealt with it in the best way he could. He slept a little bit in the afternoons before he started studying again and that's what kept him from going insane, that hour and a half every day just after lunch. But, of course, someone was bound to notice the purple-blackish circles under his eyes and, of course, someone would point it out. Then what would he say? My neighbor from upstairs makes a lot of noise during sex and I can't sleep at night, so I'm just dealing with it in my own way, but it's not working very well and I'm afraid I'm going to die from exhaustion. Can I crash in your apartment for a few days? Of course he couldn't say that. So he just shrugged it off and said it was insomnia.
His friends seemed skeptical, but didn't push him into saying more. But he noticed their stares and during break they bought him a cup of coffee and a chocolate chip muffin from the cafeteria, which he gladly took. And then it was time for class and the subject of the bags under his eyes was tossed aside as they started talking about something that hadn't even crossed Eiji's mind. Finals week.
He tried to keep it cool while walking back home from campus. Finals were coming and he really needed to study and his neighbor was still going at it every day and he had no time to sleep or to study because even if he slept after class and only studied at nighttime, he wouldn't be able to concentrate with so many "Oh yes" coming down through the pipes, would he? He was most definitely going to flunk and his parents would make him go back and enroll in a university close to home so they could keep an eye on him and he didn't want to. This was his chance to prove himself, to show them he could live on his own – and only then he might be able to tell them who he really is. But his pervert of a neighbor would ruin that for him if he didn't do anything.
And that's how he found himself, tucked into bed at 3 AM and still unable to sleep because the loud moans and creaking bed kept on disturbing him. Because just what the hell was he supposed to do, anyway? Just knock on the guy's door and be like "hello! I can't sleep because you keep fucking people's brains out every night, so can you please stop?", as if… knowing himself, Eiji guessed he wouldn't even be able to get his words right and end up making a fool out of himself in front of him.
A string of curses echoed through and Eiji cocooned himself further into his blankets, staring at his ceiling. There was a thump and he raised his eyebrows – he wasn't a sex expert by any means, hell, he was still a virgin!, but he knew people didn't usually fall off the bed in the middle of it. But the moaning went on and Eiji found himself blushing furiously when there were more than two voices joining in the mess – that was most definitely not expected. It seemed as if they were close to finishing up as their voices got louder and louder and Eiji had to press his hands onto his ears so that it muffled them a tiny bit or he'd definitely go insane. This was absolute torture, there was no doubt about it.
When they stopped, finally, Eiji was already up and by the door, waiting to see if any of them came down – because if they did, he wanted to talk to them. Maybe tell his neighbor to limit his, uh, love affairs so that he could get some sleep. He wondered what they would say, if they'd scowl at him. So when he heard footsteps on the corridor, he opened his door and stared at the hallway, where three people walked side-by-side.
"Um, excuse me" he managed to say, voice strangled and weirdly shaky.
Three heads turned to him and Eiji froze in place. They were all so beautiful he was at a loss for words for a few seconds – until one of them smirked at him, cocking his head to the side and raising his eyebrows questioningly. He was gorgeous, Eiji thought, with his hair cascading to his shoulders and shining under the crappy light of the hallway.
"Can I help?" fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, that was the voice he'd been hearing ever since and he was suddenly blushing, not being able to form coherent thoughts anymore. The guy snorted.
"Hi, yeah" he mumbled. "Are you the guy who lives in apartment 302?"
He took a step back, staring Eiji in the eye, smirk still plastered on his face. Eiji gulped.
"So what if I am?"
"I, um…" what?
He hadn't felt so scared ever since he told his parents he wanted to come to America to study, and he didn't know what he did back then to stop his heart from beating this fast. The guy got a tiny bit closer and Eiji could see his lips shining, still puffy and reddish and he wanted to scream at him and tell him to stop fucking around so he could live inside his own apartment but he didn't know how to get these words out. He blinked a few times and then he was close, so close and Eiji could smell him and he felt his knees bucking forward under his weight, suddenly too weak to support his whole body and he tripped a bit to the side so he didn't fall on top of his loud neighbor.
"Are you okay?" he heard one of the other two speak up and he blinked a few more times, his neighbor still staring at him with a cocky smirk, head tilted to the side.
Eiji didn't answer. Partially because he didn't feel like he'd be able to, when their eyes were on him and the hot mess he had of a neighbor was still so close and he could feel his breath on his face. "Y-yeah" he mumbled out and tried not looking at them too much, having just heard them moaning out some pretty interesting stuff.
His neighbor snorted, strands of blond hair falling in front of his eyes while he shook his head and walked back to the two who waited for him by the stairs. "You know where to find me if you need anything" he said, dismissingly shaking his hand while his other arm rested comfortably on top of the other man's shoulder. He looked back and winked and Eiji swore he might be having a heart attack.
And he just stood there, mouth open and knees weak, staring at the spot they were standing in a few minutes ago, wondering what he would feel like having arms wrapped on his shoulders. He started thinking about it, how those filthy words would feel like if they were ever being said by him. And at that moment he was sure he had lost his mind, the lack of sleep finally getting to him.
X
He tried going back to sleep, he really did. He got himself under the covers, cocooning himself once again and hugging his pillow. But his eyes refused to close and his heart was beating so fast he could hear it in his ears, and suddenly it was hot and he was already sweaty and icky and he needed a shower but he was also so tired and so confused because yeah, he knew his neighbor would be good-looking because how else would he get laid every night? But he was so much more and Eiji didn't even manage to speak properly when their eyes met and he felt so stupid because he was so plain and he was always the good boy who did everything right and now he was being kept up past 3 AM listening to his neighbor having sex – and he couldn't exactly deny the fact that sometimes it made him feel things he wasn't supposed to feel, it made him think stuff he didn't really consider before and it made him scared and flustered as if he was thirteen again and his friends had just bought a porn tape.
He was never really interested in that to begin with, anyway, so why was he feeling so restless? Why was his heart so eager to jump out of his chest and make its way upstairs? He didn't know the man who lived above and he had just seen him going out with the two people he had just slept with and that was weird but Eiji was also feeling weird and his pants were suddenly too tight even though they were his most comfortable pair. It was only when his heart slowed up a bit that he was able to think clearly.
His neighbor did invite him to come over if he needed anything, right? So he could simply walk up the stairs, knock on his door – never mind the fact that it was 4 AM – and ask him to stop sleeping around. As if…
And suddenly there was a creak coming from his ceiling and Eiji actually pouted, sitting up and rubbing his forehead. He was so tired and it felt so weird listening to his neighbor doing something Eiji thought was supposed to be so intimate and ugh his pants were already a mess and he wanted to take a cold shower and maybe curl up inside his tub and sleep there if it meant he could have some quiet. He was actually surprised none of his neighbors mentioned it to him, though. Then again, maybe they just didn't mind the noise or maybe they didn't really spend that much time at home for it to be a nuisance.
But Eiji did – and he was tired of it already.
When he finally thinks it stopped and he can finally close his eyes and sleep for what felt like the first time in forever, it creaks again and he howls, jumping off the bed and grabbing his glasses from the bedside table. He sighs and darts out of his apartment, not really paying attention to the fact that he's still in his pajamas and his hair is a mess, pointing to all sides, because he's tired and he's pissed and he's never been hornier in his entire life and this whole thing is unfair because he hasn't told anyone yet, about him, about what he's interested in because he thinks it doesn't matter but there's this guy living on the apartment on top of his that decided to make his life a literal living hell and he's so tired and he wants to free his dick from his pants because it hurts and he wants to see what it's like to have someone else touch it for once. And he's not even paying attention to his thoughts anymore because he's going insane and the throbbing inside of his boxers feels different and he's not quite sure why.
The hallways are dark and he can't really see ahead of him, even with his glasses, but he knows where he's supposed to be going. It's like going to his own apartment, he knows the way. And he's not really thinking because he's so tired and so uncomfortable and his head is spinning, his throat dry and his hands shaking and he hadn't even considered that his neighbor might be with someone else now, bed creaking and moaning like crazy as he always does – because he doesn't have time to think because his whole body feels like it's on fire and he's going insane and he has no idea what to do to make it feel better.
He stands there, in front of the door with the huge 302 mocking him. For a few seconds, he can only blink, not really understanding his own thoughts. What exactly was he doing there? He didn't really have a plan, did he? Would he just blurt out something like hi, I'm your neighbor from earlier and I would really like if you could kindly stop fucking people so loudly in the middle of the night, oh and also, could you perhaps buy a new bed? Because, you know, yours is very squeaky and I can't really get any sleep and I think I'm going insane by now. Thank you, have a good night! Of course not. Right?
But before he can actually think of something to say that wouldn't make him seem like a cranky old man – which he was starting to think he actually was, thanks to all of those sleepless nights –, his hand was already balled into a fist and he was already knocking. Now, if he could have gone back in time and punched himself, he would have, because suddenly his heart was up his throat and his whole body was shaking and oh, my God, what did I do was the only thing Eiji could think of. He was hopeless and so, so tired.
And the man who opened the door was looking so good that Eiji thought he might be dreaming. And there it was, the cocky smirk tugging his lips up. "Well, hello" he said, crouching a bit so he could look Eiji in the eyes. "For fucks sake, you look miserable."
Eiji actually snorted, feeling the blood rushing through his cheeks and tainting it pink. "Yeah, I haven't been able to sleep lately" he says, and his neighbor raises an eyebrow questioningly, although the smirk doesn't fade away. "Um, you sure are popular, huh?"
He giggles – and it's the most heavenly sound Eiji has ever heard in his life. "Yeah, you could say that, I guess", he scratches his neck, looking at the mess of a man before him through half-lidded eyes. "Why? You want a taste?"
His body stiffens and he opens his mouth, but nothing comes out. There's a lump in his throat and he's sure he's going to faint because there are tears pooling in his eyes and his whole body feels hot – and not the good kind of hot, it just feels icky and he wants to curl himself into a ball and cry. He hasn't told anyone about himself yet and it makes him want to die because he shouldn't be ashamed of who he is and yet… what can he do? The attractive neighbor is still staring at him, although now his brows aren't raised anymore, but furrowed in concern and his mouth is no longer tugging up.
"I'm gay" he says, suddenly, surprising both the man in front of him and himself.
Eiji looks up at him and there are tears streaming down his face, wetting his cheeks and he can only smile timidly, raising his chin and closing his eyes because he can't bear the thought of staring at someone when he's so helplessly sat there, when he's such a mess but he doesn't feel sorry for saying it – he feels relieved, somehow, because it's who he is and he was finally able to say it, even though it was pathetic and he's exhausted and he blames it on the man in front of him.
"Y-yeah, okay" the guy says.
And just like that, Eiji flops onto the floor, on his knees, and hides his face in his hands, letting the wave of feelings wash through him and he cries, sobbing into his hands, shaking his head and muffling it as best as he can, because it's too much – he hasn't slept well in weeks and he has finals coming up in two weeks and he's sexually frustrated because his neighbor is a literal god and he always has someone over and Eiji can hear him and he just told said neighbor that he's gay because he's so exhausted and he's so embarrassed because they don't even know each other.
Hot Neighbor, as Eiji decided to call him, falls to his knees as well and pats Eiji's back, rubbing circles on the cloth of his pajamas and starts hushing him, and for some odd reason it really does help him to calm down a little bit. Only a little bit, though. Because now they're both so close and Eiji doesn't think he realizes that at all, because if only Eiji looked up, their noses would be touching and suddenly his tummy is hot and it's the good kind of hot but it's not exactly good right now and he feels so embarrassed he can only hide his face against his hands until that feeling goes away. He starts planning his escape route, but he can't exactly get up because then Hot Neighbor would see the bulge in his pants and he couldn't do that to himself.
"Why did you come here?" he asks, and Eiji peeks through his fingers.
"Your bed" he answers, and Hot Neighbor cocks his head, chuckling a bit.
"Excuse me?"
"It's very squeaky" he says, finally dropping his hands to his lap and sitting up straight, carefully accommodating them on top of his crotch so Hot Neighbor doesn't see anything.
"Oh?"
"I can't sleep"
"Oh."
"Yeah" he giggles at the surprised face Hot Neighbor makes. "The walls here are also paper thin, so I can hear everything you do", he admits, cheeks burning. "It's not exactly nice to listen to your neighbor having sex every night…"
"I see" he says, and that is it.
They're just sat there staring at each other for a while, and the sun is about to rise and Eiji didn't get a blink of sleep again tonight, but he doesn't really mind anymore. Because it wasn't all moaning and bed creaking and arousal pooling at his tummy and him being unable to do anything about it. And he actually snorts when Hot Neighbor scratches his head and yawns, closing his eyes for a second. Yeah, man, I know how that's like, is what he thinks but doesn't say. Then, Hot Neighbor is up on his feet and reaching out for him with a pink shade spreading through his cheeks and Eiji cocks his head in utter confusion.
"Come on" he says, shaking his hand in front of Eiji's face. "The least I can do for you is get you a cup of coffee after ruining your nights for so long."
Eiji snorts. "Yeah", and grabs the hand in front of him.
X
He had closed his eyes shut so hard it hurt. He didn't even know why he did it in the first place, blabbering nonstop and finally, finally, letting the words slip from his lips. And when he realized what he had done, there were eyes on him and he was so embarrassed he felt like he was going to die. But then someone hugged him and there was cheering and he opened his eyes slowly, confusedly, and stared back at his friends, all of them nodding and smiling so hard Eiji thought their faces would be permanently marked.
"We knew that already" they said. "But we wanted you to tell us, anyway", they said. "It's great that you can trust us", they said. "We love you for who you are", they said. And it was okay. Eiji was okay.
Hot Neighbor, or just Ash, as he found out after a few late-night conversations, had stopped bringing people home every night (although he did bring people around every now and then) and now Eiji could sleep peacefully and fully concentrate on his studies, which was nice. And they were friends now! After making a complete fool out of himself, Eiji gladly took Ash upon his offer of a cup of coffee although it had probably been the worst coffee he had ever had in his entire life. So now they met up at Eiji's apartment, usually right after lunch and then after it got dark, making each other company for some time.
But when Eiji got home after the last exam, exhausted and more than ever needing someone to cheer him up, Ash didn't show up. He sat on his couch, cocooned into his duvet and munching on a chocolate bar, for who knows how long – but no one was coming, and he didn't really know why he was feeling so down. It's not like they had an agreement or anything like that. It's not like Ash would always be around, right? They didn't have anything, didn't owe anything to each other. But his chest still hurt.
He moved to his bed, face-first on his pillow, still wrapped up in the puffy duvet. He did well on his exams, better than he thought he would – because he didn't exactly concentrate fully on his studies because Ash was always there and he'd steal glances at him because who wouldn't, when there was someone so ridiculously beautiful sat right beside you? – but he wasn't exactly thinking about that. Finals were over now and he didn't need to study so hard. Ash knew that, didn't he? Would he start bringing people over every night again? Would he make Eiji listen to that whole thing again? It's not like he couldn't do that, right? Because they didn't have anything going on between them, but somehow… somehow Eiji felt they did. Even if it was only for a little while.
That's why, when suddenly there was a loud creak on top of his head, Eiji felt his heart sink all the way down to his stomach. It shouldn't have bothered him, really, but he couldn't control it, he couldn't stop the tears that had started gathering and the knot that suddenly showed up in his throat. It's not like they were a thing, anyway, so why should Ash stop bringing people over when Eiji was done with finals, right? He only stopped doing it because he felt bad, and he was only coming over to keep him company because he told Ash he was the only one from his friend group that wasn't in a relationship.
He sniffed, wiping away the tears before they even spilt. But there was no creaking after that first one. There was no moaning. Eiji blinked fast, looking up and gulping. He felt stupid. Slowly, he rid himself of his nest, picking up his glasses from the nightstand and almost tiptoeing around his room and towards the living room. And then there was a creak again and Eiji felt his heart making its way all the way to his throat, thumping loud in his ears. He shivered, gulping down the knot that had built once again in his throat.
Then he saw himself standing right in the middle of his living room – wrinkly pajamas, red and puffy eyes, some snot still glued to his nose and lips pressed together. If Ash were to come down and burst his door open, he'd be in for a very pitiful sight. Eiji was tired and he wanted to sleep so bad but at the same time he was restless and the tugs at his heart were making this whole thing worse. Why was he feeling like this? Sure, he'd gotten accustomed to seeing Ash every day and having lunch with him and then talking for a while before he started studying and stealing cheeky glances at him when he thought he wasn't paying attention. But that was it. It's not like he was in love or something, right? The thumping in his chest didn't mean anything. And the tugging he felt when Ash looked up at him through his hair certainly didn't mean anything. He wasn't in love with his neighbor, of course not.
Except for the fact that he might be. And that scares him, it scares him so much he thinks he's going to start crying at any second, because if it keeps on happening – Ash bringing so many people home and having sex with them right on top of his head and being so loud and seemingly feeling so good while Eiji is just there, being able to hear everything –, Eiji is sure he's going to lose his mind. It's all too much and he's so, so tired he doesn't know what he's doing or what he's thinking but the one thing he does know is that he's in love and he doesn't want it anymore because it hurts, it tugs at his heart and it squeezes it so tight Eiji can't even breathe anymore and it's so painful he thinks he's going to die. But he also likes it, because when Ash looks up at him, there's a pleasant tug in his tummy and it seems like he's flying when Ash shoots him a smile, cocking his head and giggling softly. He doesn't know what to feel because it hurts but there are times it's so good and he's so tired and so conflicted and–
There's a knock in his door.
Eiji jumps up and tries to straighten his wrinkled pajamas, sniffing once again and sliding his hands through his hair so it doesn't stand up so much. He knows it's stupid, but some part of him actually expects to see Ash standing there, smiling down at him with that ridiculously adorable face and telling him about his day, about why he wasn't able to come over for lunch today.
"Good evening, how can I–" he starts, but then Ash is standing there, smiling at him in a way Eiji hadn't seen yet and he doesn't know what to make of the bittersweet look in his face. "Ash?"
"Hi" he says, running his hands through his hair. He seems nervous, Eiji notices. "Can I come in? It's freezing out here."
"Y-yeah" Eiji mumbles out, shifting a bit to the side so Ash can come in. "Sure, make yourself at home. I can make you some tea."
"Yeah, that would be great, thanks" he says, taking off his shoes and jumping up a bit when his bare feet touch the cold floor of the apartment. Eiji snorts at the yelp while closing the door.
So, Ash is there.
Ash is there and Eiji feels too awkward to say anything. Because his heart is going crazy in his chest and the thumping feels so loud against his eardrums he's afraid Ash is being able to hear it as well. But he doesn't say anything, walking straight towards the couch and slumping against the fluffy cushions Eiji got from one of his friends. He starts to make his way into the kitchen when Ash blurts out: "I didn't bring anyone home today", and Eiji chuckles.
"Yeah, I heard that"
"I haven't been bringing people home for five days now" he says, and Eiji nods, turning his head just enough so that he can look Ash in the eyes.
"Yeah, I noticed" he nods. "Thanks", he continues, doing his best at a smile, although he's sure it came off as cocky and pretentious. "I really appreciated it. I think I did pretty great on my exams, thanks to that. So thank you for managing it, it must've been hard."
Ash nods and there's a light shade of pink creeping up his cheeks when he locks eyes with Eiji.
"It's not that I actually didn't want to" he says, and Eiji cocks his head in confusion, still standing in the middle of the hallway. "I just…" he scratches his head and Eiji can see the frown in his face. "I couldn't do it. And not even because you asked me not to, but… it felt wrong."
Eiji takes a few steps forward, towards the couch, and then stops. Ash is still frowning and he's shaking his head, eyes closed, probably trying to come up with something to say, so Eiji halts and waits for him to find the right words. His heart is going crazy in his chest and he feels like he's about to explode, but he stands there, waiting, looking at the man sat in his couch and the only thing he can think of is I wonder how it would feel if he kissed me. Would it feel weird? Or is it as good as people say it is?
"I think" he starts off again, and Eiji cocks his head to the side. "It felt wrong, and I couldn't bear the thought of you listening to the whole thing."
Eiji snorts. "Yeah, that was pretty uncomfortable…"
"No, I don't mean it like that" Ash says, voice a little bit louder and body jumping off the couch, fists curled into balls and eyes closed, frown still twisting his face. "I don't really know why, but I really liked spending time with you during lunchtime."
"I did too" he answers, but his tone is low and he's very much confused, head tilted to the side and eyes squinting a bit. "It was fun having company and–"
Ash makes his way to him faster than Eiji thought it was possible, and suddenly his chin was being held and his face was being tilted up and his face was burning because Ash was too close and he could feel his breath and his eyes were darker than what he remembered and there was something churning in his stomach and he was starting to feel weird because it was too close and he might blurt out something stupid like the night he went to his apartment and he was so, so close it was making Eiji dizzy.
"I don't think you get what I'm trying to say here" he says in a whisper and Eiji shivers under his gaze. "Are you that oblivious or what?"
"I don't–" he starts off, but Ash get a little bit closer and he yelps. Why is he doing this?
Ash still holds his chin, and his head is being tilted to the side and Ash is right there and if Eiji moved just a tiny bit their lips would touch and he's so nervous his vision is getting blurry and he's afraid he might pass out for real because he's never been this close to anyone and it's making heat pool up in his tummy and he starts to feel hot all over and this is so hard, how is Ash able to look so cool and composed and so hot when Eiji is a mess already?!
"Do you get what I'm saying?" he whispers, and Eiji trembles when the hot air touches his face, closing his eyes for a second. "Or do you need me to be more explicit?"
"I don't–"
"It felt wrong" he cuts him off, and Eiji doesn't even have it within him to care anymore. "… because I wanted you. I wanted to know what you would look like beneath me and squirming and crying out", and at that, Eiji opens his eyes and Ash smirks. "I wanted to know what kind of faces you'd be making if I were touching you right there, what kind of shriek would you make, what kind of words you'd say" he continues, and Eiji feels like his knees might give in under his weight at any second.
His whole face is red and his mouth is open in a silent plea, looking at Ash through half-lidded eyes and he's never been so aroused in his entire life, the throbbing inside of his boxers almost unbearable and he has no idea what's going on or even if it's ever going to be something other than a one night stand for Ash but he wants this so bad and it hurts because he's not sure they'll be able to be around each other again when Ash is so outgoing and always has someone new over and–
And then Ash is getting closer and their lips meet and Eiji doesn't know what to do because his lips are soft and he has no idea what's going on and all the blood he has in his body has gone straight to his dick. He doesn't close his eyes because he doesn't have the time to process what's going on before Ash breaks away, staring at him once again.
"Do you get it now?" he says, voice hoarse and eyes darker, mouth slightly open and lips so inviting… "Or do you need me to do that again?"
Eiji blinks up at him and he actually feels like he might cry. He nods. And the whole thing is so overwhelming and his dick is so hard and he's so confused but also so excited and so, so needy for more of Ash, that he doesn't even notice the words coming out of his mouth until they're already out and Ash is looking at him with a cocky smirk printed onto his face: "I think I'm in love with you", and he might as well die right then because then there's a chuckle and Ash is no longer holding his chin up.
"Is that weird?" he asks, tempted to take a step back.
But Ash is all over him then, wrapping his waist and bringing him closer and closer until he's on his tiptoes and Ash is looking him in the eye and their lips are so, so close once again and Eiji shivers under his touch. He can probably feel Eiji's dick poking him and Eiji can't even bring himself to care because he's staring at the pools of lust that had taken Ash's eyes and he suddenly doesn't remember how to breathe.
"Why do you think I kissed you?" he asks, and Eiji blinks up at him in confusion. "Why do you think I kissed you?"
"Because…" Eiji mumbles "Um, because you felt like it?"
Ash chuckles, shaking his head. Their noses seem to nuzzle against each other and Eiji thinks it would be nice to wake up to that every morning.
"Maybe" he says back. "But try again."
"Because…" he looks away for a second. Why would he kiss him? That was a hard question. It's not like Eiji was handsome, in his own eyes, but he also didn't think he was ugly. He couldn't see why someone would choose to kiss him, though, when there were people like Ash around. So why? "I don't know", he finishes, looking back at Ash with his brows furrowed. "I can't see a reason for you to do that…"
He wants to lower his gaze because he's embarrassed, because it feels like Ash kissed him just because he couldn't bring people over for whatever reason it was that made him feel like it was wrong in the first place. And he's mostly embarrassed because he just confessed and Ash just took his first kiss and he wants to curl up against himself and hide under his blankets for like a week.
"Eiji" he calls. "Look me in the eye and say you don't know why I kissed you just now."
Eiji does look up at him and heat pools up in his tummy once again when he sees the face Ash is making because he didn't think he'd ever get to see that. His eyes are squinted but his pupils are huge and he doesn't think he's even seen someone with eyes with a shade of blue so dark and he feels his knees giving in but Ash still holds him up, closer and closer to his own body and it feels so surreal, so unreal and he's opening his mouth even though no words come out because there's something stuck in his throat and it's so hard to breathe Eiji starts to think he might die right then.
"Did you figure it out?" he asks, and Eiji doesn't even have enough strength to nod. "Have you figured it out that I also think I'm starting to fall in love with you or do I need to say it again and again and again?"
And it's not like he's sad, it's not like this is something bad. But Eiji feels the tears streaming down his cheeks and he's so blissed out he doesn't even have enough strength to wipe them away, and he doesn't need to. Because Ash is prepping light kisses all over his face, down his neck and nibbling at his ear, and Eiji doesn't even feel anything because Ash is too much and they feel the same and Eiji is so confused but also so happy and there's also something complaining inside his underwear but it's so weird, being kissed all over like that.
It's only when their eyes meet once again that it downs upon him and he feels his whole body burn in the best way possible, and Ash is chuckling, and he's looking down in embarrassment once again, but it feels right and he doesn't even care if he's being made fun of. He giggles along and eventually looks up again, finding the most sweet smile being directed at him and something tugs at his heart.
"Are you serious?" he asks, and Ash nods. "But…"
"It was weird" Ash says, and Eiji cocks his head to the side. "I was used to not feeling attached at all, as you know, and then suddenly there was this hot mess of a neighbor in front of my apartment at 4 AM coming out to me, you know?"
Eiji yelps and Ash nuzzles his neck. His voice is merely a whisper, lips brushing against Eiji's ear, and he can't help but shiver. "Then we started hanging out every day and he made me lunch and dinner and it felt nice to be alive for the first time in a while, and I didn't even need to be naked for that" Eiji snorts and Ash lets out a giggle, moving away only so that he could look Eiji in the eye again. "And when I decided to bring people home, I felt weird having someone that wasn't you looking up at me because they didn't look at me the way you did and they wouldn't be there with me while I talked about work or if I just wanted to banter because it wasn't what they were there for. And I started thinking about you. I started thinking about your giggles when I said something funny and how you'd complain about certain professors and you'd tell me about your days and your friends and how they were so amazing when you came out to them and then I wanted to embrace you and eventually I started thinking about you more often than not. You came along with your stupid matching pajamas in the middle of the night and you made a mess of yourself right outside of my apartment and you just came out to a total stranger and then I fell in love with you."
That was most definitely not what Eiji was expecting and it left him teary-eyed and he was so hopelessly in love and he felt so cherished he might have started crying right then if Ash hadn't taken his chin in his hand again and brought him a little bit closer so their lips brushed once again. And Eiji was the one to move in closer this time, gripping at the shirt Ash was wearing and it was so good when they kissed again because Ash's hands were pulling him closer and he could feel his warmth perfectly and he tasted like coffee and Ash and it was amazing. But then there was something poking at him and he opened his mouth reflexively and there was something being shoved in his mouth and it was so weird and floppy and wet and oh, no, am I doing this wrong?! He just let Ash do his thing for a while, trying to remember it, and when Ash opened his mouth again, he tried mimicking it and Ash hummed against his mouth, so he might've been doing something right.
They break away after a while, and Eiji feels his whole body burning and he might need another shower but Ash doesn't let him go, pulling him closer and closer until he's just flat out being crushed between Ash's body and his arms and he doesn't even mind anymore. Ash rests his head in the crook of Eiji's neck and stays there for a few seconds and suddenly Eiji doesn't know what to do with his hands. Does he… rest them on his neck? Does he leave them hanging? Does he wrap them around Ash's body?
"Can I stay the night?" he whispers against Eiji's neck and he swears he's going to die before the night is over.
"Y-yeah" he manages to get it out, and Ash squeezes him again. "Oh", Eiji suddenly remembers. "I didn't make you any tea!"
And it's right at that moment that Ash stands up straight, looking down at Eiji with a devilish grin in his face, eyes dark and cheeks flushed – and Eiji is absolutely sure he has never seen anything so dangerously beautiful before. He's almost sure his heart stops for a second when Ash says, in the lowest tone possible, "I can think of other ways for you to warm me up, though."