Disclaimer: I do not own Red vs. Blue, nor do I own RWBY. My method of storytelling is writing out scenes first, and then changing the font into Comic Sans. If I can't take the scene seriously, I rewrite the whole thing over. Now you know why I take so long to update. 100% legit reason.

Chapter 5

One of the first lessons Jaune Arc was taught was to "drop, cover, and hold on". He did not know why his father thought this was a good idea, but it had saved his sorry butt many times afterwards, so he didn't question it. Thus, it became a skill he decided to make use of.

So when the doors slammed shut, it was understandable that his first instinct was to drop, cover, and hold. However, in his panic-ridden mind, Jaune didn't know how to proceed with the third step, which led to him grabbing the ankles of an unsuspecting student who chose that exact moment to make his move… which made him trip at the sudden loss of usage in his legs, ingloriously falling to the ground and landing spectacularly on his nose, Aura not activating in time to absorb the blow.

Jaune Arc drew first blood, as evident by the massive nosebleed afterwards. And no one had a clear picture of what really happened except for a certain nearby redhead.

Everyone in his immediate vicinity turned towards the sound of the *THUD!*, and saw the unconscious form of a student with blood leaking out of his nose. Eyes gleaming, they chose him as their first target to eliminate.

The blond did not know how he managed to escape the many weapons and projectiles that shot his way, but he did, and now that he's been cornered with only a sword and shield in hand, he tried to find the correct set of words that could explain his current predicament.

He managed only one.

"Crap."

The crowd suddenly dispersed, garnering his confusion. It cleared away when he caught the sight of a fellow blond with an assault rifle bulldozing everyone away with a charge full of reckless abandon, sending everyone in his path flying in the air. He couldn't hear what the guy was saying, but he did catch the words, "I hate babies!" Gosh, he hopes he doesn't have to fight him any time soon.

Suddenly realizing that there were still two people who were in shock by the charge, the blond bash his shield against one of them and clumsily duck a slash from the other, inadvertently damaging his adversary as he stumbled forward and headbutted his crotch. Muttering a quick apology, he slashed the Huntsman-in-training who dropped his hands toward his holy region, quickly dropping his Aura into a red zone.

Jaune decides that his best option at the moment is to run away. His immediate danger has been thwarted, and everyone else is either distracted by the baby-hating blond or is being decimated by another blonde who has shotgun shells in her gun for days in the distance. He took a moment to look at the blonde. Correction, shotgun-gauntlet. Then she turned in his direction. Wait, isn't she that one girl next to Ruby who he accidentally vomited on at the airship? Her sister, or something?

'Nope!' he immediately dives in a random direction, and rolls like a log until he bumps into something. Looking up, he is met with a pile of moaning bodies. "S'up, Arc? Fancy meeting you here," Grif greets the unfortunate blond, casually sitting against that same pile while checking his weapon, which Jaune notes to be a strange-looking grenade launcher with a large curved knife attached to it. Dang, that thing looks scary.

"De- Grif, I know this is a little late," the blond pants, "but is everyone here supposed to be so insanely overpowered?!"

"You'd be surprised," the orange-shirted Red affirms, pulling the lever on top of his weapon and loading a Dust missile into it. "I'm kind of surprised myself. I have managed to survive this long without Simmons or anyone to help me. Then again, I did play dead the moment Ozzy left, so there's that."

Jaune moaned in despair. That wasn't helpful at all! Crap, oh crap, oh crap! All he wanted was to become a hero. Sure, his skills aren't the greatest, but he had hoped that with the time he spent at Beacon, it would grow on its own and by the time he graduates, it'll be like he never cheated his way into the prestigious academy. Never did he think that the Initiation would pit every other student against each other!

He shakes his head, "Alright, so do you have a plan, Grif?"

"Wing it."

"What?"

"Wing it," Grif repeats. "It's not like you'll die if it fails."

"But that doesn't sound like a safe plan at all!"

"Alright, then sit there and cry. I need to find Lopez before he goes all Terminator on everyone. We don't need another sequel of that. The things I do to be lazy." With that said, Grif ran away from the scene in search of his robotic comrade, not that Jaune knew that. With his departure, however, Jaune immediately found himself surrounded once more, and this time he didn't have any leg room to run.

"Crap baskets."

At those words, the crowd dispersed once more. He's beginning to wonder if 'crap' is the magical word that would get him out of trouble now. Looking at his savior, he is met with the sight of red and gold dancing in the form of a young, redheaded girl. Stalwart and graceful, a gilded xiphos sang through the air at the dividing crowd as an equally as gilded hoplon shield repelled any assault and reprisal towards him and her respectively. As quickly as she had appeared, any combatants that had been chasing Jaune dispersed, for they did not wish to engage the Invincible Girl.

Not that he knew that nickname. He had never felt more thankful to see the cereal box girl in his life, and in his joy, he blurted out mindlessly,

"Well, isn't this some crap?"

She smiled, "Hello again!" Jaune heard her greet him cheerily. Err, he meant champion… wait, what was she the champion of? What's it again? "I see you're in some trouble, Jaune?"

"Hehe, I guess? It happened too fast. I just did the first thing that came to mind."

"I saw." Her immediate response made him blush in embarrassment, "It was a dirty move, but otherwise a tactical decision. I look forward to see what else you can think of."

'Please don't,' his mind screamed in fear. Pyrrha paused and pointed at a bleeding scratch on his face, "You're bleeding, Jaune. Why aren't you using your Aura to heal it up?"

"My what?"

"Your Aura."

"Gesundheit."

Pyrrha would have said more, but an aimed shot from behind halted the conversation. She deflected it easily and raised her shield and sword into a trained stance.

"Stay by me, and don't wander far, Jaune. In fact, don't leave my side. We can talk about your issue later."

Jaune felt it would be wise to comply with her instead of showing off some bravado, "Err, okay."

There are many things that piss Church off. People who fuck with his scope, people who think they can just order him around, people who act all high and mighty, people who talk too much, cholera, Caboose on some days, Tucker on some days, Tex when she's on her period or when she's just acting like a total bitch, the Red Team when they blame him for something…

…You know what, scratch that. He hates everything.

This particular situation would count as something that just can't seem to go his way, though such events have happened far too many times, so he got used to it.

Ramming the shaft end of his weapon against his current opponent and then swinging it wildly behind his back to hit another attempting to take him out without his notice, Church rammed his spear against the ground to rest for a while, uncaring for the damage it made on the floor. The supplied Dust ammunition did not have what his Sniper Rifle fired, so he was forced to use his weapon form instead.

Honestly, fuck Sarge. He's starting to remember why he hated that senile bastard's guts. THIS was the reason why; because everything that guy does always makes him get out of his comfort zone and in effect, piss him off.

"Hello, Church."

He froze. Of course she would be here. Why wouldn't she? Turning around, he beheld her very angry form. And holy shit, she looked as pissed as an alpha Beowulf with raging gonorrhea. Imagine having sharp teeth that can bite through metal, claws that can tear walls down without a struggle, and having a burning crotch that felt as if a colony of fire ants decided to make a colony there at the same time… Yeah. Not a very pretty thought.

He resigned himself to his inevitable fate. "Hey, Tex."

His greeting was reciprocated with a foot into the face.

"That's it? "Hey, Tex" is all you have to say, Church?" Tex grinded her boot against the downed boy's cheek. He managed to keep a straight expression through the pain.

"What else do you want me to say? Oh, I got one, 'Welcome back, bitch. Would you like a serving of kickass? Because we are fresh out since seven years ago.' How 'bout that?"

His face went further into the cracked wood floor.

"Don't give me that bullshit, Church. You ran away from Atlas and left me behind. What the hell do you have to say for yourself?"

Church remembered that day as clear as if it was three months ago. Tex totally didn't need his help nor did she need Tucker's, Caboose's, or the Reds' to help her. If anything, the number of miniguns, grenade launchers, assault rifles with explosive-tipped ammunitions, and grenades used by Tex in their escape from Atlas meant that she was completely, totally fine on her own. Hell, they may as well have tied her feet and arms together behind her back, and she would still be able to hand a platoon of Atlesian soldier ass back to their parents on gold platters, complete with fine silverware utensils and vintage Mistrallian red. She's that good.

Not that he's gonna say that, of course.

"…Welcome back. I knew you would make it."

Tex made a final, well-deserved stomp on Church, before sighing in defeat. She couldn't hold a grudge for long on Church, even if she tried. He's too special, in more ways than one.

"Yeah, yeah, I'm back." She pulled Church up to his feet and continued, "Now, let's go get my other idiots."

"I just got stomped on several times by my girlfriend, who is one of the best Gulch has ever produced in several decades. I am entitled to have a break when she kicks my ass."

"Well, your entitlement is known only to you. Now come on, you big baby. We have a test to finish."

"Yo, Caboose! CABOOSE! CABOOOOOSE!" Tucker shouted in panic at the approaching blond, waving his arms frantically just to be safe.

"Oh, hello Tucker!" the special Blue greeted his companion as if he hadn't just ran like a freight train through a crowd of students. "Have you seen Church? I need to tell him something important!"

"Not now! We are Screwed with a capital 's'!" the sea-foam green clothed Blue interjected in panic. "Tex is here, and she is pissed like a motherfucker!"

"Oh, that. I was going to tell Church that."

The two ducked to avoid an unfortunate fellow who got launched away by the power of a shotgun-enhanced punch from some smirking blonde chick that Tucker is going to hit on later, probably maybe. They hid behind a groaning pile consisting of those who got knocked out early in the initiation, "Alright, so MAYBE we should have told her that we would be attending this oh-so-wonderful academy."

"Tex was busy, though."

"Yes, Caboose. We've established that before we came here. I'm trying to say that we should have told her something anyways."

"Silly Tucker," Caboose laughed in a silly manner. Tucker felt justified to be ticked off from being called 'silly' by Caboose, of all people, "Tex was on her period. She kept making people bleed around her, and Church said to never be near her when she's doing that."

"That is not how periods work!" he yelled, scanning the surroundings for something to help them out. He took out a Dust grenade he managed to nick from the tables earlier and threw it at his compatriot, "Alright! Caboose, I need your help. Throw the grenade at the ceiling as hard as you can!"

"Okay!" Caboose immediately pulled the pin and let go of the explosive. Tucker blankly stared at the grenade rolling towards him.

"…Oh my God, I should fucking shoot you right now."

"That's okay. You did your best, Tucker."

"No no no, you actually dropped the grenade at our feet, you complete dumbass."

"And I forgive you."

"Whu- fuck off! If I die, Caboose, I'm gonna haunt your ass!" Tucker grabbed the unpinned device and threw it as hard as he could up high, which detonated a half-second later. The ceiling crumbled and fell, landing on an unfortunate number of students who either didn't see the sky falling or didn't make it out in time. "I swear, you are going to be the death of me one day!"

Caboose began firing at the smoke the collapsed ceiling created, shouting "Covering fire!" Which is pretty moot, since all he's doing is shooting confetti out at high speed while the AI in the rifle did all the work for him.

「Target suppresse- target suppres- target suppre- target suppr- target su- target- tar-」Freckles spoke in rapid-fire as special Dust bullets took down a good number of students who were dumb enough to be in Caboose's line of fire. The power of a subscription to command "Aimbot" is fearsome, indeed. Now, if only Caboose could still make use of his limited number of brain cells…

Actually, never mind. Tucker had seen what happens in Caboose's mind, and isn't cruel enough to let others suffer what the messy blond's mind can concoct if left to its own device.

Weiss Schnee felt that for all intents and purposes, this is going to be the worst week she ever has to live through.

Starting off with the disastrous day yesterday, when this Ruby Rose girl, who is too young to be attending Beacon anyway, sneezed and made an explosion, two groups of utter cretins decided that was a signal to shoot at each other. Her servants were injured by the altercation, and while she only got hit by the brunt force of part of the pavement, it tarnished her pride greatly.

The fact that Ruby pulled her to safety only made it worse for her.

Then today, some tall, blond, and scrawny guy named Juan or another tried to hit on her while she was trying to secure some form of connection with the Mistrallian champion Pyrrha Nikos. She is certain she made a fool out of herself for losing face in front of her prospective comrade for asking the Invincible Girl to help her in that sticky situation.

Now? She's fighting some hoodlum entirely covered in clothes, from top to bottom. Not a single bit of skin is shown underneath the tanned leather that is plastered across his frame. A mask of Atlesian heritage adorned his face, completely hiding his features sans a glowing red dot that is in place where his right eye should be at.

"I'll admit," Weiss began, tactics and footwork planning out inside her mind, "It is rare to find another Atlas native here, but what right do you have that you think you can attack me and not be punished for it?"

[Soy el Terminador, puta. / I'm the Terminator, bitch.] He responded emotionlessly and readied his belt-fed Atlas-issued LMG. Weiss prepared many Glyphs, Myrtenaster in hand to enhance her Semblance's effect. She did not have to worry much, however.

"Lopez, you idiot! Now is not the time to go full-on Terminator!" A scream of panic made itself known. Lopez, as he is now named, nearly dropped his weapon at the holler and looked in the direction it came from.

Weiss recognized the orange-themed teenager as the one who dodged the pavement that kissed her face the previous day, and in a split-second, her target changed. She summoned a Glyph underneath him, causing him to be launched into the air.

"No, not again!" He yelled out in a panicky voice. For some reason, he also covered his crotch as he was waving about comically midair.

Lopez immediately began firing at her, preventing her from continuing any attacks she had planned. She did not run so much as dance, her Glyphs helping her glide across the ruined floor like a professional ice skater, all while Myrtenaster's cylinder spun as she began her counterattack and shot Dust blasts at her adversary. Lopez endured the number of Dust blasts, but was unfortunate enough to get one of them lodged in his arm. That is going to take a long time to fix.

Grif landed unceremoniously and looked around to make sure there aren't any nutcrackers waiting to crack his nuts, "Oh, thank God. I thought I was gonna-" He saw one of the bolts the Schnee heiress shot at Lopez aiming towards him. In his euphoria of not getting his nuts shot, he neglected to cover his crotch and thus, his nuts got crushed. "…eeeeEEEEEEEE-" What came out of him is a strangled, high-pitched squeal that couldn't possibly come from an adult male.

The cry was enough to warrant Weiss' attention, and in that split second, Lopez finished reloading and prepped for another barrage. [Te tengo. / Got you.]

"Weiss!" A red, rose-forming blur sped past her and collided against the leather-covered assailant, whose aim was disrupted. Thus, the bullets that were meant for one unprepared person were spent on a crowd of unprepared students, which eliminated almost all of them from the Initiation.

[Puta! / Bitch!] Lopez grabbed Ruby with an arm and threw her away so easily. Ruby did not look the least bit fazed, and aimed her scythe to shoot at him midair. Lopez At the same time, she used the recoil from Crescent Rose to propel herself towards the ceiling and spin rapidly towards her opponent, using gravity to her advantage.

"Yaaaah!" She swung her scythe at the leather guy, who lowered his LMG and punched at her… no, he punched the side of her scythe. As they were spinning. It was extremely well-timed. Weiss found herself impressed at the feat. The force behind it was enough to knock the redhead's weapon to the side, redirecting it towards the floor instead. The scythe embedded deep into the floor, and Lopez took that chance to plant a solid push kick against Ruby's chest. She flew back in a crumple, coughing from the unexpected weight behind the kick.

"Ruby!" A blonde girl yelled out, which Weiss recognized as Yang the previous night. And with her is that black-haired girl with that book. Suddenly, she felt very apprehensive, not because of the fact that the latter had managed to get close to her without her knowing, but the fact that Yang looked extremely, fuck-all pissed.

"We better move," the black haired girl with the bow said to her.

"YOU BASTARD!" Yang snarled, red orbs replacing her lilac eyes as she charged towards the robed guy, who was not prepared for the not-so-unexpected assault. She released an onslaught of shotgun-powered punches on Lopez, tearing apart bits upon bits of his wardrobe, before releasing a battle cry as she finished it with a powerful haymaker that resounded in the entire room, its shockwaves reverberating the air itself.

[Ai yai yai!] The guy screamed robotically, flying erratically away from Yang's righteous anger-filled punch.

"Take that, monster! You will never harm my sister again!" she screamed into the distance, her anger well spent. Ruby soon recovered from the kick, Aura speeding up the process.

"Weiss? Are you okay?"

"I had it under control, Ruby Rose," Weiss gritted out. "

"But you got distracted! I saw it! You turned your head to look at some guy who screamed like a girl!" Ruby pointed at the orange-shirted teen… who was no longer there. "Oh wait, he's not there anymore. But he was there earlier!"

"I did no such thing!" Weiss blushed at the accusation.

"We all saw it, Ice Queen," Yang backed her sister up, having cooled off from her anger-induced rampage. "You saw it too, didn't you, Blake?"

"Yup."

"Ugh!" Weiss raised her arm in exasperation. "I don't have time for this. I have an Initiation to pass, and spending any more time with you louts will only hurt my chances of getting into Beacon!"

"Look, Weiss," Ruby suddenly stared sharply at the heiress, who got caught off guard by the sudden forwardness. "We're at the end of our ropes, and you're at the end of yours. Things aren't perfect, but we need to work together if we want to pass this. You don't like me, I get that. But you need people to help you just as we need others to help us. The point is, you can trust me. And if we're all going to get through this, it'll be with people we can trust."

Weiss stood stock still at the impassioned speech. Yang reacted the opposite way.

"Aww, Ruby! That was so deep. My little sister is growing up so fast." The older blonde embraced Ruby, rubbing her face against her adorable little sister's, just to get her love through.

"Hehe, yeah. I read this book back in Signal about creating bonds in fights; speak to the central pain, differentiate, and reinforce trust."

And like that, Ruby's awesome moment disappeared like a fart in the air. Still, Weiss had to give her credit for trying. She gave a deep, prolonged sigh.

"Alright then. You're the leader." She immediately regretted saying those words, as Ruby disappeared and reappeared right next to her in a flash of rose buds, one arm draped over her shoulders.

"You will not regret this, Weiss, best bud! We are going to be the most awesome-est team Beacon has ever known!"

"I'm already regretting this," the heiress muttered.

"Don't make conclusions so quickly, Ice Queen," Yang chipped, reloading her gauntlets. "It's not very nice to assume. You make an ass out of "u" and "me"."

It took a moment for the people around to figure out that Yang had just made a lame pun, and they collectively groaned.

"Whatever. My puns are awesome. Right, Blake?"

"Hmm."

"…I like her," she said sarcastically.

"Ack!" Simmons squawked as the ceiling collapsed on a number of students, creating a plume of dust that filled the auditorium. Who the hell did that?! That is totally coming out of his paycheck! If it was Grif, fuck that guy! If it was Tucker, fuck that guy as well! If it was Caboose… well, that would be expected of him and he can't do anything about it. But really, who was it?!

[Ai yai yai!] Lopez said as he collapsed next to Simmons, the robot's head slightly tilted from getting a hard punch from one of the student. There was also a hole in his arm with Dust filled in it, and god damn does he look fucked up. His clothes are all torn up and stuff, singed to the point that his metal skin is almost revealing.

"Oh, Lopez! Thank God you're here!" Simmons cried in relief. A mortally-"wounded" Grif approached the two of them as well, dragging his weapon along the floor. "Oh, and Grif too."

Grif gasped out, "Fuck. You." He gasped harder for breath and leaned on Lopez for support. "Balls. Need. Healing. Got. Shot. Schnee needs good punching."

[Sí. Porque estar cerca ayuda siempre a la situación. / Yes. Because me being nearby always helps the situation.] Lopez responded sarcastically.

"Yeah, the situation really got out of control! This is all Sarge's fault, I'm certain of it!"

[Guau. ¿Cómo llegaste a esa conclusión? / Wow. How did you arrive at that conclusion?] Again, Lopez snarked at the nerdy Red.

"You're right, Lopez. We need to get allies before we get ourselves eliminated!"

[¡Pensaste eso, idiota! / You thought that up yourself, idiot!] Simmons ignored Lopez and looked around for potential allies. He spots an exotic-looking student in a dark-green tailcoat and long black hair tied into a ponytail. For some reason, a strand of hair at the left side of his head is pink. Or magenta, whatever. Currently, he is firing at his opponents and moving acrobatically about with twin handguns with sickle-like blades attached under the barrels. There, that guy looks like friendly enough.

"Hey! Hey you! Guy with that pink hairstrand!" Simmons yelled at the Chinese-looking guy, whatever that means. When he turned his attention towards Simmons, he continued, "You wanna be friends and get out of this mess alive?!"

The stranger gave them a critical gaze, before nodding. "Nora! Fall back! We have allies!"

There is an explosion from the distance, and an orange-haired girl with a kickass hammer flew towards them with a giggle. Once she arrived by his side, fidgeting in excitement to top it off, he began introductions.

"Ren." The stoic boy introduced himself. No further words came from him.

"Ren?" Simmons confirmed.

"Ren." Ren affirmed.

"Simmons." Simmons introduced himself.

"Grif." Grif groaned out.

[Lopez] Lopez buzzed.

"Nora!" The bubbly girl yelled out.

"Nora?" Simmons repeated.

"Nora?" Grif repeated as well.

"Nora!" Nora pointed at herself.

"Ren?" Simmons looked at Ren.

"Nora." Ren confirmed that yes, she is Nora.

"Nora." Simmons nodded.

[…Lopez] Lopez felt lonely and said his name again.

Simmons nodded. "Alright, now we need to find..." He swallowed a deep breath at what is about to come out of his mouth, "...Donut."

"Oh, Donut?" Nora piped up cheerily. "He's over there!"

Donut strolled up to them with a fine smile on his face, his large briefcase swinging about with trickles of blood at the corners. "Howdy doody, Nora-coozy, my explosive friend! Oh hey, guys!~ Look at that, all my merry friends together in one place. Mind if I squeeze myself into this delicious sandwich you've made?"

Simmons and Grif looked at each other in horror, clearly not expecting to find Donut so fast, or rather Donut to find them. Their resident robot has no face to express his emotions.

Doc is not having a field day. This is the opposite of a field day to him.

To Emily Grey, this went beyond just a field day; it is paradise.

"Look at all of these helpless, injured test subj-, students just waiting for us to treat them, Doc! Wouldn't you say that this is such a wonderful day for us?"

"H-help… I-I can't feel my legs…" A nearby patient whimpered.

"Aww, that's just the adrenaline rush dying down, sweetie. In a few minutes, your Aura should be able to heal you up just fine!"

"I'm o-out of Aura…"

"Now, isn't that wonderful? This is a great time to observe the effects that medical treatments have on Aura-less recipients," Doctor Grey states sweetly. The patients in her immediate proximity felt genuine fear from the angelic smile she radiates to all of the room.

Doc sighed. This is not how he envisioned the day going.

Seriously, who's the asshole that really planned this?

A/N: I have to say, Adderall does a good job making me think sharply and clearly. It's either that, or the placebo effect is working its magic on me.

-DarkAkatsuk1