Disclaimer: I do not own Red vs. Blue, nor do I own RWBY.
Chapter 6
David "Wash" Washington watched the proceedings as it came to an end with resignation.
Of all the things… why wasn't the Initiation being held in the Emerald Forest? Why here, in the auditorium, which he would have to clean up later? Speaking of cleaning up, the road on Main Street had been fixed, the cracks filled in with cement, and Glynda will not have to work her Semblance to the max and get more wrinkles on her forehead due to the constant exercising of her facial six-pack. Contrary to popular beliefs, Goodwitch's Telekinesis simply placed broken pieces back together. What happened after that would be based on the structural integrity of the objects in question.
Anyways, enough of that. Wash had a clue as to who was responsible for the mess he would have to clean up later. And it involved copious amount of cursing, violence, and a particular eagerness to inflict pain on a certain orange-themed soldier.
"Wasn't it marvelous, Washington?! The entire room was in an uproar! Just as God intended us to be."
Speak of the devil and he will appear: Sarge, in all his shirt-ripping, eye-squinting glory. Oh, and he was also wearing a professor's coat over his usual wardrobe. Another mystery he had yet to decipher, and one he really did not want to find out for his sanity's sake. Mostly because it would just add to the headache that could possibly shatter his psyche.
"Sarge. I can somewhat understand your need for violence and conflict, but did you have to drag everyone into it? Not everyone shares your appetite for…" He did his best to summarize the situation in the kindest way possible, "…intense situations."
"Nonsense, Washington! I had recently met with a kindred spirit who wholly agrees with my plan to bring back the glory days of the Red Army. No doubt, even in the calm times, his blood boils for excitement. For adventure!"
It took a moment to figure out who Sarge was talking about. "You mean Peter Port."
Wash knew the man. He even sat with the man when he spoke of the tales of a brave sterling Adonis who travelled the world of Remnant, hunting Grimm and monsters alike, whilst explosions and young, beautiful women flocked to him in droves. By the way, the "Adonis" was Peter. While he couldn't exactly take the man's tales for granted, it still didn't change the fact that he fell asleep somewhere in the middle of the portly man's stories.
Thank goodness for his mask and glasses, and the fact that he's a school janitor. The latter gave him an excuse to be somewhere else, and the former let him hide his boredom.
"Yes, that's the man! If we had met sooner, he would have made a marvelous addition to the glorious Red Army!" Sarge exclaimed vigorously.
Left unsaid was the fact that the man in question also wore red, and that was a plus in Sarge's book.
Wash sighed forlornly. Perhaps it was just wishful thinking, but out of anything that could happen right now, he would rather it always be like this, characterized into him watching the Reds and Blues somehow getting involved in a disaster, and then fixing said disaster while flipping the bird at the people who caused-
*BOOM!*
Another explosion interrupted his line of thought, making it vanish as quickly as a fart in the air.
"Oh, WHAT NOW?!" He groused irritably. Next to him, Sarge chuckled.
Tucker held out his energy blade and kept a free hand out in defense to the brawler in front of him.
"Okay, before you decide that my face is very punchable, I just want to say that what just happened… was totally worth it."
The blonde roared out a battle cry and engaged the aqua/teal/turquoise themed Blue. Tucker dodged the incoming barrage of shotgun-enhanced punches with immense clumsiness, making sure that he did not sever another follicle of hair this time, lest he wished to visit the afterlife prematurely. And by prematurely, he meant before he could get some.
What just happened, one might ask, to warrant such a scene? It could be fairly summarized into a handful of phrases that could act as a prologue:
Lavernius Tucker.
Scared shitless of Tex.
Slightly aroused and willing.
Yang Xiao Long.
Slightly interested in sword.
Small demonstration.
Energy sword brushed hair.
Yang Smash.
Tucker Dodge and Grope.
The simplicity of the situation may very well earn its own award.
Thus, the one-sided confrontation between one Yang Xiao Long and one Lavernius Tucker, with the former doing her damned best to murder the son of a bitch that cut her hair and said son of a bitch doing his best to live. His chances of scoring had become nil at this point, but it did not stop him from flirting with her and speaking words that put to shame the most debased of sexual harassers.
The funny thing about the situation was that the entire Initiation had already ended. In that one hour, many friendships were born and many animosities were created. For example, one Jaune Arc and one Pyrrha Nikos became unexpectedly close, albeit for different reasons for the both of them. Another example would be the shitshow that was unfolding because one particular person could not keep his sword in his pants. Whether it was figuratively or literally was really up for debate.
So led to the current state of affair. Ruby Rose, Weiss Schnee, and Blake Belladonna, members of what would soon be known as Team RWBY, were resting nearby and watching their last member wreck havoc upon the gymnasium/ballroom, while the Blue Team minus Tex were on standby, waiting for Tucker to get his ass kicked and be done for the day.
"I'm honestly surprised we're still alive," Church mumbled as he nursed a cheek, having suffered a vicious haymaker from Yang when Tucker dodged her at the beginning of her rampage. 'Damn, that bitch hit hard.' Thankfully, not as hard as Tex on a bad day, so that was something.
"Yes. There's no way we would be abandoned and left to gather dust in the corner. The creator has too much free time to not update us," Caboose readily agreed with Church.
Everyone within his vicinity ignored that particularly insane rant.
"So..." Ruby brushed up to Church smoothly, "You thought up a name for that sweet as heck Lancer Rifle yet? Have you? have you? Oh please please, say that you did!" She was positively shining and somehow slowly transforming into a fairy along the way. Tiny, adorable, floating in the air, horrifically wide-eyed like an anime character. Sound familiar?
"If I said I haven't even begun thinking about it, will you get mad?"
Ruby instantly poofed back to normal and frowned. To him, she looked like she was pouting instead. "Maybe..."
"Then no, I haven't."
"Hmph!" Ruby puffed. He really didn't know how to describe it, other than it being kind of cute. Oh god. What was this revolting feeling he was feeling right now?! "You're saying that just to make fun of me, aren't you?"
"Honestly, it sounds like the kind of thing I should be doing. But I'm just tired–"
He stopped talking, having strayed his eyes elsewhere and inadvertently towards one Weiss Schnee.
Church recognized the white-haired girl immediately. It was not hard to forget when Grif accidentally tried to assassinate the Schnee Dust Company's head honcho. Sure, they escaped Atlas without getting caught. Sure, they were placed on their blacklist. And sure, he didn't like Atlas anyways. But none of that meant that he wanted the attention associated with unscripted explosions, arson, and jaywalking, just because one asshole decided he wanted to scratch his trigger finger.
So it should not be a surprise to see him freeze up when he and Weiss Schnee met eyes. Figuratively, of course. The latter had already used up her Ice Dust supply and was confused why he stopped talking.
"Why did you just stop talking? And why are you looking at me like that?"
Nope!
Church decided it would be best to tactically retreat. And by "tactically retreat", he meant run away like a bitch. He was not going to risk getting caught and shipped off to Atlas for summary execution.
"Yeah. Yeah, no."
"Wha- hey! Where are you going?! I'm asking you questions!" Weiss yelled at the unwarranted retreat of Leonard Church. She turned to the others, partly flabbergasted and partly insulted, "Can you believe the nerve of that rapscallion?! He ran away from me! Without saying anything!"
Caboose, in all of his wisdom, nodded solemnly and placed a comforting hand on Weiss. "Don't worry about Church. He is very, very shy. Always was like that. Yes. I, uh. I will tell you why he is shy right now. Yes! And why is he walking away like he needs to go number two. Yes. Um. Yes." He stared at Weiss through the bush of bangs hanging over his eyes. "...I want a redo."
"Why do I feel like I'm dying with every word you say? Actually, who even are you? And why are you acting so, so chummy!? Do you not know what 'personal space' means?"
"…Are you Church's sister, white girl?" And if that was not enough, he took a big whiff into the Schnee's hair. Although innocent in his intention, it went 0 to 100 in the creepy zone really fucking quick.
"Ugh! Get away from me, you freak!" Appropriately, Weiss attempted to push him away. Attempted, because he did not even budge an inch. If anything, her resistance strengthened his "belief" and in turn, strengthened his grip on her.
"Oh my god! You're not Church's sister! You're a female Church! I always wanted to meet another Church! It will be just like old times! Except with girly bits! And more bleeding and high pitch voices! We can build pillow forts, play Nintendo, and smoke candy cigarettes together!"
"Ruby! Help me!" But Ruby was nowhere to be seen, having chased after Church when he ran away. With Yang currently busy trying to murder the dark-skinned student with the lightsaber, that left her with only one person. "Blake?!"
Said person weighed her options and found that no matter which choice she picked, it would not be in her favor. Blake then turned to the other person who was too busy trying not to laugh at the shenanigans that were happening. The shark-teethed redhead caught her eyes and winked before resuming her laughter.
Right. Shifting the deed to another was no go. Saving the Schnee, it would be. This was all for the sake of peace and quiet, she mentally murmured to herself.
"I can't wait to call it a day. I think I want to go to sleep." She said before drawing Gambol Shroud.
On the other side of the room, it was alight with activity. Grif had set up a betting pool, seeing the opportunity to make money, on whether Tucker would get smashed or would smash tonight (definitions of "smash" may vary).
"Make your bets, ladies and gents! Will our resident lightsabre wielding aficionado score a nookie tonight, or will he be thrashed and trashed like a Saturday morning cartoon villain? For a limited time only, make your bets or forever keep your peace!" Grif announced in an uncharacteristically charismatic voice.
"30 Liens on the dude getting wrecked!"
"50 on the blonde!"
"100 on nothing happening!"
"306 on Yang and Tucker getting together by the end of the year." Donut made his bet, flashing the elaborate set of Lien to Grif.
"An oddly specific and dangerous bet, Donut. You sure you wanna take that bet?" Grif was not complaining, either way. Money was money. That was a problem for future Grif. He was that much of an asshole to himself, if the message had not yet been received.
"Well! If I can beat off an entire room of men, then I'm sure Yang can beat Tucker off before the day is over! And that would not be fun at all!"
"You mean "beat up an entire room of men" and "beat Tucker up"?" Ren tried to correct Donut. The effeminate blond just looked at him strangely. Nora, on the other hand, slid up to him with a large, sunny smile.
"We are going to have so, much, fun together! Hip bump, second best buddy!"
"Yeah!"
They bumped hips. A sign of imminent Rapture for the gathered Reds. Another day for Lie Ren.
And so, the Initiation ended.
After a very quick speech about unity and teamwork and all that good stuff from Ozpin, all the remaining students were promptly placed into teams based on how well each of them fared with and against each other. Team RWBY, composing of Ruby Rose, Weiss Schnee, Blake Belladonna, and Yang Xiao Long, was a notable quartet due to how synergistic they were in an impromptu moment. Team JNPR, composing of Jaune Arc, Nora Valkyrie, Pyrrha Nikos, and Lie Ren, was a curious one, due to how there was an enticing sense of duality found between the two pairs. And then there were others like Team CRDL, but no one noticed since they were completely overshadowed by the more… unorthodox ones, let's just say.
Primarily, two teams.
Leonard Church.
Lavernius Tucker.
Michael J. Caboose.
Allison Tex.
Together, they formed Team CLMA, Columbia, with Church as team leader. Tucker thought it would be Chlamydia and made it abundantly clear to everyone. He earned a telekinetic whip to the face from Miss Goodwitch while everyone laughed.
Franklin Donut.
Lopez L. Pesado.
Richard D. Simmons.
Dexter Grif.
Together, they formed Team FLSD, Fluorescent, with Donut as team leader. There was much groaning and cheering, the former more than the latter. The three stooges immediately contemplated murder. A new kind of brotherhood was born.
These two teams drew looks of curiosity, scrutiny, revulsion, and awe in equal measure. Each of them had already made a kind of reputation for themselves. Church walked out on a Schnee. Tucker nearly got murdered. Caboose apparently assaulted the same Schnee. Tex remained miraculously unknown to the mass. Donut made many men and women question their sexuality. Lopez became rather infamous for not showing any bare skin and speaking a language very few, if any, understood. Simmons gained a lot of female admirers, much to his horror/dismay. And Grif made (and scammed) a lot of money from people, teaching a good lesson on gambling that day.
They were a massive topic for the school forums.
And so, finally, the day had ended. Every team were in their assigned dormitories. Some immediately went to sleep like RWBY. Some stayed awake to get to know each other more, like proper teams. Some had already engaged in orgies. They would be reprimanded strongly and referred to Dr. Emily Grey the next morning for… testing.
Some were more Seinfield-like in nature.
"So you dumbass fucktards tried to negotiate with the Glynda Goodwitch?" Tex asked, torn between being exasperated and amused.
"One of us dumbass fucktard tried to negotiate with Goodwitch," Church corrected. It was very important, "The other dumbass fucktard was busy evaluating his life decisions on the periphery, while another hit on her and a peanut gallery sat by and wisely kept their mouths shut."
Her amusement won over and she laughed heartily. Good old Reds and Blues. They were truly a haven of peace and disaster that she did not deserve to be a part of.
"Why would you ever consider doing something so insanely fucking stupid?" She chortled in between her gasps of breath.
"To be fair, we weren't given much of a choice when Sarge decided to wage war on school grounds." Tucker bent down towards the ground, arms forwards as he stretched his muscles and tendons along. He was even doing a split, the limber bastard. Church then realized that he never got a story about Tucker's flexibility. That was going in his bucket list on things to bitch and complain about in the foreseeable future.
"I liked that part," Caboose popped his head out from the bathroom. "It reminded me of the good old days."
"It reminds you of the days when we were stuck in a box canyon after graduation from Valhalla. When we had fake C.O.'s and fake commands that boiled down to "kill the Reds" and "stop sucking so much". And then instead of doing as commanded, we just stood around and talk."
"Fun times," Caboose smiled in nostalgia and popped back into the bathroom. It was time to relearn how to brush his teeth.
Church sighed and turned over on his bed. "Whatever. Goodnight and all that. Wake me up when it's time for class… goddamnit. I thought I was done with school already."
"Aww, how cute of you, Leonard. All grown up and back in school."
"Up yours, Tex… good night."
Tex smiled softly. "Good night to you too, jackass."
'Well, might as well call it a night.'
Tucker was torn in between jealous and apprehensive. Jealous, because Church had a girlfriend. Apprehensive, because said girlfriend was acting like a softy for some reason. Then he remembered that Tex could bench an entire shipping container made of steel and throw it around like it's a batch of pie.
'…Maybe she's just PMS'ing,' he thought as he attempted to correct the weirdness he just witnessed.
"I heard that, Tucker. We'll talk about that in the morning."
"Ah, fuck me." He had said all that out loud.
"You would like that, wouldn't you?"
"What a nightmare," Grif stated on top of his bed, already half-asleep and most importantly (to him), half-naked. "I thought Sarge was bad, but now that Donut is team leader, and I can't believe I'm saying this, I want Sarge back." And like that, Grif clocked out and snored.
Donut was in the bathroom, using up all the hot water to maintain his hair's "oomph" and whatever. Really, the others weren't paying attention. Just give them a soap bar and that was enough. Too bad there would only be cold water in the morning.
Lopez did not make any inputs, having put himself in "Sleep Mode".
Simmons had already broken into the CCTV database, looking at all the calls being made while also browsing through the school forums. While he did not need to hack further, he felt that if he did not have a distraction to keep himself busy, he would actually go through with Plan 'D' with Grif and Lopez.
Granted, it had been concocted half-assedly while Donut was praising the word 'fluorescent' as the best name for their team, but there were no serious motives to follow through with the plan.
That should have been obvious from the start. Semper Fi and all that.
But if their buttons were pressed in the correct order, then Plan 'D' would be initialized. They prayed it never had to come to that. Thankfully, there were a lot of buttons to press. Years of being stuck in a box canyon with nothing to do but standing around and talking could do that to people.
There was a fondness for Donut, but they would never admit it openly.
Simmons sighed and decided it would be best to go to sleep now. There was nothing new on the net but porn. Just porn. Too much porn, actually. Plus, Donut was going to hog the bathtub for the next hour anyways, so a shower at the communal shower room in the morning was set in place. Maybe things would make sense by then. Hopefully.
…Actually, he may have jinxed it. So, yeah. That was bad.
A/N: Columbia is a shade of blue, described as a light blue tertiary color. I tried to find a name that could elude to "red" for the Red Team, but "fluorescent" was the best I thought of. If someone has a better suggestion, I'll see what I can do.
But until then, oh well. Alea iacta est.
-DarkAkatsuk1