Chapter 11 – Ready or Not

A/N: Apologies for the lateness! Our lives have been pretty hectic lately, but we will definitely finish writing this fic I promise!

3rd December 1979

Lily had been horrendously busy for the past few weeks. Between order meetings, doing some recon work for Moody, and her long shifts at the hospital, she had barely had any time at all to concentrate on herself. Despite this, she had felt fine, it a little worn out, so it came as quite a shock when she found herself running out of a patient's room early on Wednesday morning, before retching into the nearest toilet.

Lily sighed, pushing her hair back out of her face and standing up shakily. She flushed the toilet and went to wash her hands, staring at her flushed reflection in the bathroom mirror. She was very rarely sick, especially with no other symptoms to speak of – that last time had been when she and James had got food poisoning and had spent an unfortunate two days puking and rolling around in bed, feeling sorry for themselves. Lily shook her head at the memory, which is of course, when I thought struck her. Mentally working out what time of month it was, it was with a wave of fear that she realised she couldn't remember when she'd had her last period.

"No," Lily said, almost laughing at the idea. She couldn't be pregnant. She and James had barely had time to be intimate lately; although there had certainly been a few welcomed occasions when they'd managed to forget about their jobs and the war and snatch a brief pocket of time together. But they'd always been careful, and had talked about having children in the future – far in the future. Not now.

Blinking at her reflection, Lily glanced down at her wand. She was a healer, of course, and was more than familiar with the spell she could perform to prove whether or not she was pregnant. It was really quite simple. Still, she couldn't bring herself to say the incantation. Because she couldn't be pregnant. The very reason she and James had been so busy in the last few months was exactly why they shouldn't bring a child into the world - they were in the middle of a war. They had come face-to-face with Voldemort for goodness sake. Lily couldn't imagine the terror of having a child at a time when they were losing friends, and hearing of more and more attacks every week.

She looked down blankly at her wand, wondering what to do, wondering if this was even possible, but was broken out of her revere by the bathroom door swinging open. Lily hastily shoved her wand back into her pocket, turning around to stare at the young healer who had come to check on her.

"Are you okay?" he asked, concerned. "You ran out of there pretty quick."

"Must have had bad eggs for breakfast," Lily lied, attempting a smile.

She took a breath, composing herself, and followed her colleague back out into the ward.

It wasn't until several hours later, when her long shift was finally over, that Lily found herself hovering outside a muggle pharmacy. Only a month ago she had heard about Petunia's pregnancy, and the thought had led her here. She stepped inside, seeking out the same muggle pregnancy tests that her sister would have used. For some reason, it made her breath a little easier. There was no magic about these tests, no spells or complicated muttering, no flashes and bangs. All she had to do was pee on a stick. And she could do it whenever she liked. Maybe she wouldn't have to use it at all.

She paid for the pregnancy test and headed home to be greeted only by their cat, Peanut. With James still at work and nothing to do for once, it was strangely quiet, and Lily wasn't sure if the twisting feeling in her stomach was because of nerves, or something else entirely. She attempted to busy herself with cleaning up the kitchen, then picked up a book and flicked through it, but she couldn't seem to concentrate on anything, and the pull to retrieve the pregnancy test from her bag became stronger the longer she tried to distract herself.

"Okay," she said to Peanut, who blinked at her lazily, and wrapped around her ankles. "It'll be fine. Let's do it."

When James got home from the Aurors' office each day, Lily always gave him the same look. No matter how late it was, how long a day she'd had, or how worried she was, Lily always had a smile for her husband.

So when James came home to find Lily sitting on the edge of the sofa, her hands curled tightly together in her lap and her forehead wrinkled with worry, he felt a wave of fear rush through him, clamping his chest tightly.

"Lily?" he said, hurrying to her side and putting an arm around her. "What is it? What's wrong?"

It took a long moment for Lily to turn her head towards him, and a number of possibilities raced around his mind. Was someone dead? Injured? Had more muggles been attacked by Death Eaters? Surely they had endured enough already - surely the universe could not have dealt them another blow.

When Lily's eyes met his, tears welled up and made glistening streaks on her cheeks. "I'm pregnant, James."

The pressure in his chest seemed to dissipate. "You're - ? But Lily, that's amazing!" He pulled her to her feet and wrapped his arms around her, laughing with relief and joy. "We're having a baby! That's good news, isn't it?"

James reached out and gently laid a hand on Lily's stomach, feeling the ever so slight bulge. "We're having a baby," he said again, softly and with wonderment.

"James," Lily said, pulling away from him. "How can you be smiling? This is - " She paused as though searching for the words. "It's terrifying. With everything going on, how are we supposed to raise a child? It's not safe, and we're not ready."

James felt his smile fade as the weight of this realisation fell upon him. It wasn't safe - not for them, and certainly not for a baby. It was only a few days ago that the Bones family had been killed, their two young children included. If Death Eaters came for them, their baby would not be spared. Voldemort knew nothing of mercy.

He sat back down heavily, running a hand through his hair. He wondered what his own parents felt like when they realised his mother was pregnant. He wished they were still here for him to talk to - so that he could ask them for the advice and support they were always so willing to give. They had always made it seem like they were so prepared, so ready to bring him into the world. They had made parenting seem so easy. But if the past year had taught James anything, it was that nothing in this world was easy.

Lily sat down beside him and took his hand. "I want to keep it," she said softly. "I know I could - could terminate the pregnancy. I've done the spell for people before. But even though I'm so scared of what could happen to our baby, I'm more scared of the thought of giving it up before it's even had the chance to see the world."

"That's that then," James said, as firmly as he could. "We're doing this. We'll find a way to keep our child safe - whatever it takes."

"We'll be a family," Lily said, finally smiling despite the tears still flooding her eyes.

"So who should we tell first?" he asked, smiling too. "Your mum?"

Lily wrinkled her nose. "I don't know if I can deal with that just yet. Sirius and Remus? And Peter, afterwards."

James grinned. "Can we go there now? And - if it's okay - I mean, it's up to you but - can Sirius be - well -"

"Godfather?" Lily suggested. "Who else would it be?"

After composing themselves with cups of tea and talking a little more about how they were going to handle the pregnancy, they apparated to Sirius and Remus' flat, appearing on the dark street as fine rain began to fall from the sky. Lily clutched her stomach and said, "Ugh, I was wondering why I've felt so much nausea after apparating for the past couple of weeks. Now I guess I know."

"You can take my broomstick to work, if you want," James offered, and Lily glared at him.

"You're not getting me on that broom no matter how hard you try, James Potter," she replied. "I don't care if it's the latest model."

"Then I guess we'll have to stock up on floo powder."

They stood there for another minute, their shoulders getting damp from the rain, working up the courage to go inside. It wasn't that they weren't eager to tell their friends - James was excited to see the look on Sirius' face when he told him. But telling other people would make it seem so much more real.

"We'd better go in," Lily finally said, and wordlessly they linked their hands and walked up the stairs. James lifted his free hand and knocked firmly on the door.

Remus opened it almost at once, surprise lighting up his face when he saw them. "Hey, I thought you'd be Sirius - he never remembers his key."

"He's not here?"

"No, he went to the cinema - he tried to make me go with him but I refuse to indulge his bad taste in media."

Though they all smiled, it must not have been entirely convincing, because Remus asked, "Is everything alright?"

James and Lily exchanged a look. "Yes," James said. "Everything's great - wonderful, in fact."

"Okay..." Remus said, drawing the word out.

"James, you should go and find Sirius," Lily said. "I'll tell Remus, okay?"

As Remus looked at them in bewilderment, James hesitated, wanting to stay with Lily but also desperate to tell his best friend the biggest news he'd ever delivered. "Alright," he finally agreed, giving Lily a quick kiss. "I'll be back soon."

Sirius was having a swell time. His lap was laden with popcorn, he had a large fizzy drink to his left and he was watching a war movie. Going into the cinema, he wasn't exactly sure what he was letting himself in for, just that Remus had said there was already enough war in their lives without watching a fictional one too. But having never had the chance to go as a child, the big screens and grimy majesty of the cinema hadn't quite worn off on Sirius yet. Remus had been almost offended the time he'd try to have a bit of fun in the back row and Sirius had refused, preferring to concentrate on the giant shark causing terror onscreen, despite Remus' insistence that it was shite compared to its predecessor. The cinema was just too interesting.

He shovelled another handful of popcorn into his mouth, and his attention was caught by something behind him. It was dark in the cinema, but he could see the outline of someone rushing down the aisle towards the front of the theatre, a distressed steward close behind them.

"That's my dream; that's my nightmare." Sirius heard through the speakers as he watched the figure come closer.

"Crawling, slithering, along the edge of a straight razor... and surviving."

"Sirius!"

The figure stopped right at the edge of Sirius' row, and although his face was still cast in shadows, his voice was easily distinguishable. "James?"

"Sir, I really must insist -" said the poor steward, who had finally caught up to James, and was tentatively trying to pull him away.

"I need to talk to you!" James persisted, even as he allowed himself to be led back up the aisle. "I have news!"

Sirius was immediately out of his seat, his forgotten popcorn scattering across the floor as it fell from his lap.

"Wait," he said hastily, following James and the steward out of the room. They emerged into the bright foyer and Sirius blinked at the sudden light. "What's going on?" he asked James, who was grinning despite the tiredness and worry behind his eyes.

The steward frowned at them, but walked away, muttering curses under his breath.

James didn't seem to care.

"Come here."

He grabbed Sirius by the arm and led him towards the cinema's exit.

"Spit it out why don't you," Sirius insisted, "I paid a galleon for that film."

"I'm having a baby!" James announced, his hands reaching out to grab Sirius' arms. "I mean - Lily. Lily's pregnant. We're having a baby. A baby," he repeated, seeming astonished at his own words.

"Woah," Sirius replied, taken aback by the news. "Since when?"

"Lily just found out!" He hesitated. "It's kind of worrying because of the war but-"

"It'll be fine," Sirius said defiantly, immediately feeling a swell of protectiveness towards his best friends' unborn baby. There was a hint of worry edging his words, but he didn't doubt them. "That will be one lucky kid. He'll have the whole order looking out for him."

"Or her," James grinned. "Oh god, what if it's a girl? I don't know how girls work."

"You married one," Sirius pointed out. "You'll figure it out."

James nodded, running his hands through his hair in a way that was so familiar that Sirius couldn't help but laugh at him. "You'll be a good dad," he said. The surprise at the news doing nothing to diminish the honesty of his statement.

"And you'll be godfather." James said matter-of-factly.

"What?"

"As if it could be anyone else."

Sirius stared at him. "I - I'd love to," he stammered. "Oh Merlin, does this mean I'm having a kid too?"

"It's okay," James laughed. He was still holding on to Sirius, and his excitement was infectious. "You and Moony can be the cool uncles."

"I can do that," Sirius said. He looked away from James for a moment as he realised that people were starting to flood out of another film, filling the doorway where they stood and letting in the cold night air. "Come on," he said. "Let's get out of here - you have a pregnant wife waiting for you, and I know better than to incur Lily's wrath."

"A wise man," James grinned as he followed Sirius out of the cinema. "Let's go."

Silence fell upon the flat when James apparated away, and Lily felt Remus' curious gaze upon her. It seemed like there should be a more grandiose setting for her to give such enormous news, but Remus and Sirius' flat looked the same as ever when she stepped inside, with empty mugs piled on every surface and their record player on a low volume in the background.

"Remus," she said, but she felt a wave of panic take her breath away as though grasping her in a chokehold. She unconsciously held a hand to her stomach, and she saw Remus' eyes widen.

"Lily, are you pregnant?"

Unable to speak, she just nodded, and Remus pulled her into a hug as she started to cry again. "I'm sorry," she said into his shoulder, "I can't seem to stop crying."

"It's okay, I get like that after full moons – the transformation screws up all your hormones. Though I think that's probably the only similarity between lycanthropy and pregnancy."

She laughed as she pulled away. "I don't know – I've seen a lot of heavily pregnant people and they're pretty fearsome."

"You're pretty fearsome already," Remus said fondly. More seriously, he added, "And you'll be a great mother, Lily. You really will."

Lily looked down at her stomach again. "I'm about five weeks along. I've been trying to remember what that means – I think it's when the heart begins to form. Pretty soon this baby will have a heartbeat."

"That's incredible," Remus said.

"Yeah," Lily replied. "I suppose it is."

6th December 1979

As tended to happen at Order of the Phoenix meetings, they were all waiting for a report from Dumbledore, who was late.

They were sitting around the large dining table in Emmeline's house, listening to the Prewetts talk animatedly about the fact that they'd just returned from visiting their sister, Molly.

"Fred and George are really starting to talk now," Fabian grinned, "they're going to be troublemakers, I can see it coming."

"They're already giving their brothers a run for their money," Gideon agreed, curling his fingers around Marlene's hand, which was placed beneath his on the table. "I'm surprised they didn't scare you off," he grinned.

"Kids are not my domain," Marlene agreed, shrugging. "But they seemed far more interested in Benjy than me anyway."

"My little sister was always quite the handful," Benjy grinned, "so I'm used to it." Lily noticed that as he spoke, Fabian wrapped an arm around the back of his chair, resting his hand affectionately on his shoulder.

Had they always been that obvious? she wondered idly. She had seen pictures of them dancing together at her and James' wedding but other than that, had been fairly quiet about whatever was going on between the two of them.

"I don't know how Molly and Arthur do it though," Fabian continued. "That's five kids now, and at a time like this..."

There were murmurs of agreement from around the table, and Lily felt immediately uncomfortable. James took her hand under the table, while Remus, Sirius and Peter shuffled uncomfortably, shooting her worried glances.

Lily merely looked down at the table, trying to block out the talk of babies. She and James had agreed that they should tell the rest of the order about the pregnancy as soon as possible, but she was worried about being side-lined, and was determined not to become useless. Being stuck in the house while her friends were out fighting a war would drive her crazy. Especially if something happened to any of them.

She was just leaning over to James, about to suggest that maybe they should keep news of the baby to themselves for now, when she felt a hand on her shoulder.

Lily was surprised to look over and see Marlene standing beside her, a gentle smile on her face. "Come to the bathroom with me," she said purposefully.

"Um."

"Come on," she insisted.

"Where are you two off to?" Gideon asked when Lily stood up to follow Marlene.

"Women problems," she told her boyfriend firmly. "Nothing that you boys would want to know about."

"Are you okay?" Lily asked, as she followed Marlene up Emmeline's large staircase and into the bathroom. "Is it something you'd be better coming to the hospital about?"

Marlene perched on the edge of the bath, and regarded Lily with a knowing look. "Are you pregnant?"

"What?" Lily gasped, "How do you - "

"It's pretty obvious to anyone who isn't an oblivious man," Marlene shrugged. "You've seemed off this last week or so: quiet, feeling queasy, holding your stomach..."

Lily sighed, sitting down next to Marlene.

"I was going to tell everyone, but -"

"But you don't want them to treat you like a time bomb?" Marlene interrupted. "Yeah, I can see that."

"Exactly," Lily nodded. "I know what we do is dangerous but how can I spend nine months doing nothing?"

"It won't be an issue," Marlene said with certainty. "I know we've never been the best of friends, but I like having you around. If anyone has a problem with it then they'll have to go through me."

Lily smiled, and Marlene hesitantly took her hand, squeezing it before quickly letting go.

"So, whenever you want to let everyone know there's going to be another Potter on the cards, I'll make sure they all behave. I'm sure McGonagall at least will have an interesting reaction."

"True." Lily smiled. "Shall I just get it out of the way?"

"There's that Gryffindor bravery coming through," Marlene grinned. "If you're ready, go for it."

They headed back downstairs just as Dumbledore finally arrived, and before he could start telling them about the information he'd recovered, Lily nodded at James, who stood up as she cleared her throat, looking anxious.

"Everyone," he said loudly, causing a hush to fall over the room. "Lily and I actually have an announcement to make."

Everyone turned towards them, and without preamble Lily took a deep breath and said, "I'm pregnant. We know it's not the best time, but I intend to keep working and stay in the order."

"That's wonderful!"

The comment came from Alice, who was on her feet in an instance, wrapping her arms around Lily. "Maybe I'll get pregnant soon too and we can be maternity buddies!"

Lily let Alice hug her tightly, relief washing over her. "Maybe," she agreed, smiling at her friend. "I'd like that."

"Are you - are you sure this is a good idea?"

"Meaning what, Dearborn?" James asked defensively.

Caradoc had spoken from the other end of the table, and was holding up his hands in a manner that suggested he didn't want to start an argument. "Just that - it's dangerous. If you get into a fight while you're pregnant you could..."

"Die?" Dorcas Meadows asked bluntly. "That's the same whether she's pregnant or not, idiot."

"But there's the baby..." Gideon said uncertainly, and Marlene gave him a dangerous look.

"This is James and Lily's decision," Moody interjected loudly, "you should all respect their choice."

"I quite agree," McGonagall said. She was nearest to James, and squeezed his shoulder supportively. "Congratulations, both of you."

"Thanks Professor," James said. "Bet you never thought you'd see me become a dad."

"I'm quite used to your surprises by now, Potter," she smiled. "And I must say that this is one of the nicer ones. I don't doubt you'll be excellent parents."