Chapter 13 – Secret Keeper

14th March 1980

James was still in shock. When Alastor Moody's face had appeared in their fireplace bearing the news, it had felt like a physical blow. Benjy Fenwick and Caradoc Dearborn had never returned from their last mission. They'd been missing for three days. When Moody asked if he and Lily wanted to join the search party, they had of course said yes. They arrived at Emmeline Vance's only minutes later, where the Order members were gathering.

The house was bustling with activity, almost the entire Order having shown up. Of course they had: Caradoc had been one of the first members Dumbledore had recruited, and Benjy… James' heart tightened at the thought of his friend being in danger. They had been on the Gryffindor Quidditch team together, had practised at all hours of the day and night, had shared wins and losses, had got drunk at victory parties. That all seemed so far away, now. They lived in a different world.

"James?" Lily said, squeezing his hand. She didn't ask him if he was okay, because she knew that he wasn't. She knew him better than almost anyone.

Fabian and Gideon Prewett were standing with Marlene McKinnon and Emmeline Vance at the dining table, looking at maps that were spread out on the table top. Fabian looked especially worried, his nails bitten down to the quick and his eyes ringed in purple like he hadn't slept in a long time. James felt a twang of sympathy: if he was this worried, how must Fabian feel?

It didn't take long for James and Lily to find Sirius and Peter. Sirius' expression was grim, but Peter looked distracted, like his attention was elsewhere. James didn't know what he could possibly be thinking about at a time like this.

"Do you know when we're going?" James asked Sirius. "We should get the search party going as soon as possible. The longer we wait…"

"I know, mate," Sirius said. "I think Moody's just contacting the last couple of people."

He gestured towards the fireplace, where Moody was kneeling with his face in the flames.

"Is Remus here?" Lily asked, looking around for him.

Sirius shook his head. "He's busy. Dumbledore's been pushing him to get more and more involved with the other werewolves. He's been getting useful info, changing a few minds, but…"

"But you're scared for him," James finished. "Me too."

"Peter, are you alright?" Lily asked, peering at him with concern. "You're very quiet."

"What? Oh, I'm fine. Just thinking. About Benjy and Caradoc."

Now that James thought about it, he'd not seen much of Peter lately. He hadn't seen much of anyone, really, between working as an Auror and going on Order missions. His friends felt far away, most of the time. He wasn't even sure when the last time he'd seen Benjy and Caradoc was.

He was drawn out of his thoughts by Moody clearing his throat. He had stood up from the fireplace and was surveying the room, which fell quiet.

"Now that you'll all here, we'll be splitting into smaller parties. We don't know the exact location they went missing, so it'll be a broad search. I'll be honest with you all: we don't know if Fenwick and Dearborn are alive. We don't know if we'll find anything. But we'll try our damnedest."

James tightened his grip on Lily's hand. Moody never had been one to downplay the severity of a situation.

The clamour of voices resumed as Moody split them into groups and James felt a hand on his shoulder. He turned to see Albus Dumbledore standing behind him.

"James, Lily, I need to speak with you. Privately."

James frowned. "Not right now. We have to help search for Benjy and Caradoc." People were already starting to disapparate.

"I'm afraid this matter can't wait. Everyone else would be best to go on without you."

He gestured meaningfully towards Sirius and Peter.

"No," Sirius said instinctively.

"Whatever you have to say to me, you can say to Sirius too," James replied indignantly. "He's like my brother."

"Very well," Dumbledore said. "If you insist."

"Potter?" Moody said. "Are you coming?"

The sitting room was now almost empty, and Moody was gathering the final group together.

"They're staying with me, Alastor," Dumbledore said.

"I'll come," Peter said. His jaw was set and there was a strange expression on his face. James nearly asked him to stay, too, but changed his mind. The more people out searching for Benjy, the better.

"Suit yourself," Moody said. In moments, the last few Order members were gone, and only the four of them remained.

"What is it?" Lily asked urgently. "Has something happened?"

"It is not so much something that has happened as something that will happen," Dumbledore said.

"Could you be a bit less cryptic?" Sirius said.

"What do you know about prophecies?" Dumbledore asked.

"Not much," Lily replied. "Aren't they mostly fake?"

"Mostly, yes, but some are true. I was witness to one such prophecy. I'm afraid to say it concerns your child."

Lily's hand automatically went to her stomach.

"What are you talking about?" James said. "How can there be a prophecy about a baby that hasn't even been born?"

Dumbledore took a scroll of parchment from his pocket and unfurled it. He read aloud the prophecy, his voice ringing clear in the silent house.

"'The one with the power to vanquish the Dark Lord approaches. Born to those who have thrice defied him, born as the seventh month dies. And the Dark Lord will mark him as his equal, but he will have power the Dark Lord knows not. And either must die at the hand of the other for neither can live while the other survives. The one with the power to vanquish the Dark Lord will be born as the seventh month dies...'"

There was silence for a long moment as Dumbledore rolled up the scroll and replaced it in the pocket of his robes.

"Well that doesn't mean anything. How do you know that it's about James and Lily?"

"I cannot be certain," Dumbledore replied, "but I believe there are only two children who fit the description."

"'Born as the seventh month dies,'" Lily said. "That's when I'm due – the end of July. And what was it, something about defying Voldemort?"

"'Born to those who have thrice defied him'" Dumbledore said.

"But we haven't defied him three times," James said, "have we?"

"I think we have." Lily listed them on her fingers. "We caught Dolohov and had him arrested. We fought Death Eaters and Voldemort himself at the Ministry. And…"

"Yaxley tried to recruit me," James finished, "could that event count?" He and Lily shared a look of fear, not for themselves but for their unborn son. Bringing a child into the world in the middle of a war was risky enough as it was, without Voldemort himself targeting the child.

"Who's the other kid it could be?" Sirius asked.

"Alice and Frank Longbottom's child," Dumbledore replied. "I have spoken to them this morning. They are preparing to go into hiding as we speak."

"Hiding?" James repeated. "Is that what you expect us to do? We're in the middle of a war! We can't just cower in a corner when all our friends are – are going missing – and dying."

He broke off, tears burning in his eyes.

"Does Voldemort know about the prophecy?"

"I'm unsure," Dumbledore replied. "I was present when the prophecy was delivered, and I thought I heard someone listening at the door, but I could be mistaken. However, it is safe to assume that Voldemort will learn of the prophecy eventually. It's too dangerous to ignore."

"This is insane!" James burst out. "This whole thing – our baby is meant to defeat Voldemort? To have some sort of power that can beat him? That can't be true. It just can't. The prophecy is wrong."

"It doesn't matter whether it's true or not," Lily said softly. "If Voldemort hears the prophecy, he'll come for us. For our child. He'll try to kill anyone who might be a threat."

"But…" James felt lost, like the ground had crumbled beneath him. "But what about the Order, and our jobs – our lives. We can't just give everything up. We can't leave the people we love to fight this war without us."

Lily stepped close to James, holding both of his hands. She seemed somehow calm and steady and certain. It was suddenly as though they were the only two people in the room – in the whole world.

"We chose to keep this baby, James. We're his parents, and that means it's our responsibility to protect our son, no matter what. He has to be our top priority." She paused. "Think about what your parents would have done to protect you."

"They'd have done anything," James said, his voice heavy.

"Exactly. I won't put our son in danger, no matter what we have to give up to keep him safe. We've lost so much already, and I won't let Voldemort take our little boy away from us."

"Lily's right," Sirius said. "James, you can't just go on with your life knowing that one day Voldemort might turn up on your doorstep. You've got to keep your kid safe. The rest of us will keep fighting the war."

"Yeah," James said. "I know that. It's just – what about Benjy? What about all the other people who are going to get hurt, or go missing, or die? How can I sit around doing nothing while that happens?"

"You won't be doing nothing," Sirius said, a note of humour entering his voice. "Didn't you hear? You'll be busy raising the kid who'll save the wizarding world."

James smiled slightly.

"I think it's best that you prepare as soon as possible," Dumbledore said. "You'll need to move to a safe location right away - it would be wise to think about using a fidelius charm and whom you would entrust as your secret keeper. The longer we spend talking about it, the more dangerous your situation becomes."

"Okay," Lily said. "We need to pack. Do you know a safe place where we can hide?"

"I have somewhere in mind."

"It's not in someone's basement, is it?" Lily asked. "In muggle films it's always someone's basement."

"Not quite," Dumbledore replied. "There's a house I think you'll like. It's in Godric's Hollow."

"Alright," James muttered, his mind still cloudy with disbelief. "I suppose we should get going then."

He looked to Lily for clarification, and she nodded at him.

"I can barely believe this is happening," Sirius said, raking a hand through his hair as the three of them turned to leave. "Wait until I tell Moony," he added. "We're going to sort this whole thing out. You won't have to go away for long and I -"

"Sirius."

He was interrupted by Dumbledore's voice – tired sounding but uncharacteristically sharp – contrasting with the warm red hues and cosy ambiance of Emmeline's sitting room.

After the news they'd just received, Sirius didn't think it was possible for his heart to sink any further. But when his eyes met Dumbledore's blue ones, it did.

"In the interest of everyone's safety I think it may be best if Remus remains in the dark. At least for the time being."

"Why?" Sirius demanded. He froze in the doorway, and while James and Lily stepped through it, into the hallway, Sirius once again strode towards his old headmaster. "He would never -"

"I assure you Sirius, I'm not accusing anyone of anything," Dumbledore said softly. "But as we've discussed, the fewer people who know about the prophecy the better. Whoever James and Lily choose to be their secret keeper will be in extreme danger. You know how the fidelius charm works – James, Lily and the baby will all be far safer if fewer people know about their situation."

"Remus isn't just anyone," Sirius argued.

"Remus goes on necessary but very dangerous missions."

"Missions that you send him on!"

"I do," Dumbledore nodded. "But think for a moment, Sirius." When Sirius merely glared at him, he sighed deeply before continuing, "If he's interrogated for information. If he were to tell Voldemort's followers where James and Lily were... If you choose to tell Remus and something happens, their blood will be on your hands."

"So we're just pawns in your war?" Sirius asked. He had known Dumbledore for many years, and yet while he was at school, he had never imagined the kind of decisions his headmaster had to make in the real world. Perhaps, as Dumbledore said, it was necessary, but he didn't resent it any less.

"Quite the opposite," Dumbledore sighed, "I care about you very much."

Sirius just shook his head at him. "I'll do what you say," he said, glancing back at the door, "for them."

He would do whatever it took to keep James, Lily and his future god-son safe.

Sirius hadn't known what to do all day. After leaving Emmeline's house he had reluctantly said goodbye to James and Lily, and had since been restlessly awaiting news on Benjy and Caradoc. He hadn't dared send a message to Remus in case it gave away his cover - but he still wasn't home, and Sirius was growing more and more agitated by his sense of uselessness at the situation that his friends had found themselves in.

When there was a knock at his front door, it was therefore with an unnecessary amount of energy that he flung it open, glad of any kind of news or distraction - even if it was just his neighbours telling him to keep the noise down again.

Thankfully, it was James that he found on the other side of the door, and not a disgruntled neighbour.

James attempted a smile, but Sirius had known him long enough to know when he didn't really mean it.

"Heard anything?" Sirius asked, stepping out of the doorway to allow his friend to pass.

"Yeah," James said.

He headed straight into the living room and sat down heavily in the armchair by the window. He picked at the frayed thread on the chair's arm, not meeting Sirius' eyes. Despite his reservations, the action reminded Sirius so strongly of Mr. Potter that it was somewhat startling.

"James?" he prompted.

"They're dead, Sirius."

"They're..." His breath caught in his throat. "Did they find-"

"I saw Fabian and Gideon," James said, looking up at Sirius. "They were - " He shook his head. "They tracked down where Benjy had been and they found - there were just bits of him."

"Jesus," Sirius said. Because what else was there to say? He'd played quidditch with Benjy. He and Chloe had been responsible for helping him and Remus realise their feelings for one another. And now they were both gone.

"They couldn't find any sign of Caradoc," James continued, unshed tears glistening in his eyes. "But it can't be good."

Sirius couldn't help but agree.

They were silent for a moment, James continuing to pick at the chair, and Sirius feeling unsteady on his feet after what James had told him.

"You'll be okay," he said. "You and Lily and the baby."

"You can't know that," James said. It was unusual for him to admit. Sirius and James had gone through their teenage years with the feeling of immortality that adolescence is often kind enough to bestow. But things were different now. "I don't want to put any of you in danger."

"You won't."

"Sirius," James stood up, imbued with a sudden sense of purpose. "You know you're my best friend."

"I know."

"I hate to ask you, but if we're really doing this, there's no one I'd trust more to be our secret keeper."

Sirius had seen this coming. His hours since last seeing James had been filled with little besides thinking about secret keepers and death eaters and Voldemort. Of course, his first instinct had been to volunteer to be secret keeper.

"Hear me out," Sirius said, and James' face fell. "I've thought about it a lot," Sirius continued. "You know I'd do anything to help you, but I'm the obvious choice."

"What?"

"Think about it," Sirius said, repeating the words Dumbledore had done his best to instil upon him earlier. "What if they get it out of me?"

"I don't understand what you're going on about," James said, growing annoyed. "If you don't want to - "

"No, James. Everyone knows we're best friends, everyone. If Voldemort's looking for you he'll come to me first. And if I'm not the secret keeper then they can't get it out of me, no matter what they do. You'll be safer."

James was shaking his head again. "I don't want this," his said in frustration, "I don't want to think about people – death eaters – trying to torture information out of you!"

"I know."

Sirius wasn't usually the one who had to calm James down, and he didn't think he was very good at it. But he was confident that his idea to refrain from being the secret keeper was the safer option for his friends.

"What about Peter?" he said. "If Dumbledore thinks it's too dangerous to tell Remus, Peter would be a good option. We can trust him, and people won't suspect him."

"I guess not," James said, his brow furrowed as he thought it over. "If you think that's the best option," he shrugged. "We'll do it."

"I do," Sirius nodded, relieved. "And hey, it's not like death eaters tend to frequent the owl post office."

Lucius Malfoy had begun to regularly frequent the owl post office since Peter had started slipping him information. After the search party had found what remained of Benjy Fenwick, Peter had returned to his job as normal. He didn't know how he felt about the whole situation: he'd never really been friends with the Quidditch team, not the way James and Sirius had been, but he had to wonder whether the information he'd been passing on had had a hand in Benjy and Caradoc's deaths.

The thought was enough to make him feel nauseous when Lucius stepped through the door, and so Peter had been less forthcoming than usual. He was happy to see the back of Lucius' fancy fur cloak as he stepped out of the post office – particularly when James walked in only minutes later.

Peter had to stop himself from scowling at him. He remembered what James had said earlier: "Sirius is like my brother." What, then, was Peter? Didn't he matter to the man he'd been friends with for almost a decade?

"Peter," James said, sounding relieved. "I'm glad I found you. I didn't expect you to be at work, after – after…"

He trailed off.

"After the search party," Peter finished for him. "I guess I just wanted a bit of normality." He paused. "What did Dumbledore want to talk to you about?"

Peter asked himself whether he wanted to know because he was concerned for his friend or because it might be useful intel. It was hard to tell the difference anymore.

"It's complicated," James said. "I'll explain the whole thing when we have more time. But for now, Lily and I need to go into hiding. Voldemort – he's after us. He's after our baby."

Despite everything, Peter felt a surge of fear for his friend.

"What?" he said, uncomprehending. "Why?"

"There's no time," James replied. "I'll explain everything when I can, I swear. But I came here to ask if you'd do something for me."

"Anything." The word was out of Peter's mouth before he thought about it. Because it was true, wasn't it? For years, Peter lived for his friends, the four of them like a solar system, all in orbit around James. Once, Peter would have died for James. He had loved him like a brother. Part of him still did. But all that had fallen apart when they left Hogwarts, and Peter had been flung out of orbit.

"Would you be my secret keeper?" James asked.

Peter stared at him. He'd heard of secret keepers, but it was very powerful magic that few people ever used. And James was asking him to be his secret keeper? He trusted him that much?

Suddenly Peter was flooded with guilt. How could he have spent all these months resenting James, of all people? Of course James trusted him. How could he have doubted that?

"W-why me?" Peter stuttered. "Why not Sirius or Remus?"

"It was Sirius' idea," James explained. "He thought our secret would be safest with you. The Death Eaters will be less likely to come after you, when Sirius is the obvious choice. If you're secret keeper, then them coming after Sirius will be useless."

Peter almost laughed. So that's why James had chosen him – not because he trusted him more than anyone else, but because no Death Eater would think of chasing after little old Peter Pettigrew. Well James was a fool, because Death Eaters had already come for him, and they valued Peter far more than James did.

Peter felt the seed of his anger towards James sprouting again but he forced a smile, something he'd become good at lately, and gave his reply:

"Of course I'll be your secret keeper, James."