Chapter 19 - Godric's Hollow

14 June 1981

Lily stood in front of the bathroom sink. The tap was still running, waiting for her to rinse her toothbrush in the cold water, but she'd become fixated on the mirror above the taps.

There were dark shadows under her eyes, and she stared at her reflection with a vacant feeling. Since having Harry her cheeks seemed rounder than before, and she couldn't help but think that she looked older than she had a few short months ago.

She didn't dislike her appearance by any means; it was just different. Like everything was different these days.

"Morning beautiful."

James' reflection appeared in the mirror beside her, and his arms wrapped gently around her waist.

"How are you feeling?"

"Okay," Lily replied. She closed her eyes as he placed a kiss against her collar bone, and finally turned off the tap.

"You sure?"

She nodded. Sleep had been a little easier to come by in the last few days, and although she still felt exhausted, things were starting to go back to the normal – the normal they'd come to know, at least.

James let go of her, grabbing the bottle of Sleekeazy's from the cabinet and running his hands through his hair.

"Are you going to write to your sister?"

"What's the point?" Lily replied bitterly, "it's not like she's replied to the last three letters. I can't believe she could just put dad in that place without even talking to me."

"I know," James frowned, "but maybe –"

"Don't say it's for the best, James."

"Okay, okay," he held his hands up in defence. "Look, why don't you take a bath and relax a bit? I'll get the little man dressed and fed then take him into the garden for some quality time."

Lily considered this, and when she didn't immediately reply, James added, "You know, a bit of arm wrestling, some quidditch drills…"

"Very funny," Lily smiled, relenting slightly, "go on then, just don't put him in the Arrows kit again, I'm sick to death of washing it."

"Got it," James grinned, raising a hand to his head to salute her. Before leaving, he bent down to place a kiss on her forehead. "Love you."

"Love you too, idiot."

It had been almost two weeks since Lily learnt of her mother's death. Petunia has sent her a letter in the muggle post informing her that she had been hospitalised with respiratory problems. The next day she was gone. Lily had, of course, wanted to leave the house immediately – to see her father, who Petunia informed her would now receive the best care possible at a local care home, no need to worry. She wanted nothing more than to be able to see him, to be allowed to attend her mother's funeral – but it was too dangerous. She had to think of her own son, and although Harry would no longer be able to spend long weekends eating ice cream and making daisy chains with his grandparents, his future had to be her focus.

So, she stayed in the house, barely sleeping and wondering if there might have been something she could have done with her healer training, if only she'd been able to get there in time.

James and Harry were still in the garden when she eventually ventured downstairs, flushed from the bath and wondering whether the kitchen windows needed cleaning for the third time that week.

She almost stepped on a pile of Harry's wooden blocks, left precariously on the floor in the hall, and was about to pick them up when the doorbell rang.

Lily immediately tensed: they weren't expecting anyone.

Pushing down the urge to call for James, she glanced through the peephole in the door, and was relieved to see a familiar figure.

"Remus," she smiled, opening the door for her friend. He greeted her warmly, standing with some of the awkwardness he always seemed to retain on their porch, a small bouquet of daisies in his hand.

"For you," he said, holding them out to her. "I'm really sorry about your mum."

"Oh," Lily took the flowers, unsure how to respond; 'thanks' always seemed inappropriate in these situations. "Come in," she said instead, "I'll put the kettle on."

Remus looked just as tired as Lily felt and took the offered cup of coffee gratefully. They sat at the kitchen table together, silence stretching between the two of them.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Remus asked eventually, "I know when I lost my mum I kind of shut off for a while."

"It's okay," Lily said. She felt like she'd done nothing but think about everything and talk to James about it for the past week. "Maybe we can just pretend everything's normal, for a bit."

Remus nodded. He seemed tense, Lily thought, as she watched him trail his thumb around the rim of his mug nervously. "Are you okay?"

"Hmm? Oh, yeah. Fine!" he said, a little to enthusiastically. "Where are James and Harry?"

"In the garden."

"Nice day for it."

"Remus," Lily sighed, "just because my mum died doesn't mean you can't talk to me."

He looked at her sadly, and Lily felt a surge of worry for her friend. "What's going on?"

"Sorry I didn't say I was coming," he replied, deflecting. "I just didn't want to be in the flat anymore and ended up here on a whim. I guess I convinced myself it was for your benefit." He gestured to the flowers. "Just wanted to see a friendly face I suppose."

"What's he done now?" Lily asked, trying to lighten the mood. She knew Sirius well enough to imagine that living with him could be challenging, to say the least.

"It's not him," Remus said, not meeting her eyes. "Well, it is. But he has every right to be mad at me."

"Why?"

"I didn't tell him some stuff," Remus shrugged, even now hesitant to give away the secret that Dumbledore had so strongly insisted that he keep. "And then with Dumbledore talking about a spy at the meeting last month…" He paused, reluctant to express what was most worrying him. "He says he doesn't know if he can trust me. And Lily you know I would never do anything to put you and James in danger. I wouldn't–"

"Of course not!" Lily agreed immediately. "Don't be ridiculous Remus. I don't know what you didn't tell him but it's Sirius. He's just sulking, he'll come around."

At any other time, for any other argument, she'd have felt certain of her words, but Remus' expression made her resolve falter slightly.

"Another brew?"

Remus laughed lightly. "Better had. I think it's one of those days."

It was another half hour or so before James, bouncing a slightly muddy Harry on one hip, appeared from the garden.

"Moony!" He beamed upon seeing Remus, "what are you doing here?"

Lily watched as Remus' face disappeared into James' shirt. As they hugged, Harry pulled lightly at Remus' hair, giggling happily to himself. Lily wished she had a camera on her.

"Wait," James said, pulling away and assessing the two of them, "three cups of coffee each? What's he done now?"

"Nothing, nothing," Remus said, waving away the concern. Clearly, he didn't want James to worry about Sirius.

"Who won the arm wrestle?" Lily asked, saving Remus from further questioning.

"Who do you think?" James asked. He took Harry's arm gently and held it up as if showing them his bulging muscles. "He's a tiny power-house!"

"Must get that from you Lils," Remus smirked.

"Hey!"

James popped their son into his playpen and was about to join them when the hooting of an owl at the kitchen window made them all jump.

"Hey buddy," James said. He opened the window and immediately offered the tired owl some water. There were two letters tied to her leg, which he took.

James scanned them while Lily tried not to presume the worst. Owls appearing at their window often seemed to be carrying bad news recently.

"From Mary, I think," he said, handing one of the envelopes to Lily.

He opened the second himself, eyes scanning the page quickly.

Lily knew it was bad the moment he started reading. His eyes went wide, and his lip quivered involuntarily.

"It's Marlene," he said after a moment, the words ringing through the kitchen. "Her whole family – they're – they're all dead."

Lily didn't know what to say. She hadn't been as close to Marlene as James was, but she had a strong sense of loyalty that Lily had respected immensely. And for it to be her whole family…

The three of them remained in shocked silence, Lily and Remus huddled around the table while James learnt heavily against the kitchen counters.

When they had first started hearing about deaths in the Order, James had screamed and shouted, and they had both cried more tears than she cared to think about. Now they were just numb.

"Mama," Harry gurgled from his pen, "mama?"

He was starting to fuss, throwing his blocks against the pen and slapping his hands on the ground. It took all of Lily's strength to push herself up from the table; to walk those few steps across the kitchen and pick him up.

"Hey baby," she whispered gently against his head, "I've got you." He hummed happily into her chest. "I've got you Harry, you're safe."

31st July 1981

It was Harry's first birthday, and James wanted it to be perfect.

It was hard to imagine what Harry's next birthday would be like: would they still be in hiding? would the war be over? would they have lost even more people than they already had? With the uncertain future looming ahead of him, all James could do was focus on the present. Lily and Harry were there with him, and that was what mattered.

They'd put a lot of effort into making their ramshackle little house look as bright and cheerful as possible for the occasion. Lily had spent hours cutting out paper rings and turning them into streamers that hung from the living room ceiling. James had conjured balls of colourful light that floated around the room, which Harry stuck out his chubby hands to grab for every time they came within reach.

The morning of Harry's birthday was spent in the kitchen, James and Lily cooking a huge meal as though they were expecting the whole Order to show up and not just old Bathilda, who lived down the road and was a close friend of Dumbledore's. They took turns holding onto Harry, bouncing him up and down as they stirred the gravy or mashed the potatoes with one hand.

When they piled the table with steaming dishes and placed Harry at the head in his highchair, James looked up into Lily's face and saw the redness around her eyes. He knew she was thinking about all the people who should have been there celebrating with them: their parents, Sirius, Remus, Peter, Mary, Alice, Frank… The list could have gone on and on. There were so many people they'd lost, and even the ones who were still here were so caught up in fighting for the Order that they couldn't spare the day to come and visit.

"Hey," James said softly, reaching over to squeeze her hand. "We'll do this again someday, alright? Harry's next birthday, or the one after, when this is all over. We'll throw the biggest party you've ever seen, bigger than all those parties in the common room whenever we won a Quidditch match. Sirius will be here making a prat of himself and making us all laugh, Remus will turn bright red watching him, Peter will get drunk on butterbeer but deny it in the morning. Mary will come back with her girlfriend, Alice and Frank will come out of hiding. We'll invite the whole damn Order and we'll all squash in together and have a great time. And it won't be perfect, because there will still be people missing, but it'll come pretty damn close."

"Okay." Lily gave him a tearful smile and squeezed his hand back, tightly. "I'd like that."

The doorbell rang and Lily went to answer it, forcing a bright smile onto her face. James started scooping carrots and mashed potato onto Harry's plate and got out his little plastic spoon covered in tiny golden snitches, a gift from Peter when he had visited the previous week. No matter how hard things were and how afraid he was, he would still make this a special day for Harry.

After lunch, with all of the dishes set to wash themselves in the kitchen sink, they settled themselves in the living room with Bathilda.

"Time for presents?" James suggested.

"Absolutely." Lily had Harry on her lap, one arm around him to hold him close, and she placed a soft kiss on the top of his head. "What's first?"

James and Lily hadn't been able to go to Diagon Alley or Hogsmeade as they would have liked to for Harry's presents; James might have risked sneaking out in his invisibility cloak if Dumbledore hadn't borrowed it from him. Instead, they'd asked Bathilda to go to the muggle toy shop down the road for them, and she'd arrived clutching more presents than they would have expected her frail arms to be able to carry.

While Bathilda read to Harry from a copy of The Tales of Beedle the Bard that McGonagall had given to them, they opened all of Harry's presents together. Bathilda had got him a puzzle, a soft bouncy ball, and a toy train that she had enchanted herself to trundle along the carpet and shoot out puffs of colourful steam. There was a huge teddy bear from Remus that Harry pulled around the room with him as he followed the little wooden train.

The final present was from Sirius, and James had had an inkling as to what it was ever since it had arrived in the post, carried by an exhausted Sir Lancelot – Sirius and Remus' owl – who had perched on their kettle and gone to sleep for an hour after delivering it. It was smaller and bulkier than a normal one, but James would recognise a broomstick anywhere. He tore the wrapping paper off delightedly and beamed as the broom started to float a few inches off the ground.

"Lily, look!" he exclaimed. Harry looked up from the train at the sound of his dad's voice and James was sure he wasn't imagining the excitement on his face as he crawled over to the broom.

"Sirius is as bad as you are," Lily laughed. "You can't make him a Quidditch pro before he can even walk, James."

"I'll have you know I was flying around the garden by the time I was three years old."

"Oh, really?" Lily asked, amused. "Then how come you fell off your broom during your first match in third year?"

James grimaced. "That was a fluke. It was windy that day – could have happened to anyone."

"It looks like Harry likes his present," Bathilda pointed out. James looked down in time to see Harry reach up for the floating broom, closing his fist around it and using it to pull himself up to his feet.

"See, Lily!" James beamed. "It's in his blood. He'll be a Quidditch star in no time."

"We'll see," Lily said, but she was grinning too as James lifted Harry up and placed him on the broom, holding him by the shoulders to keep him steady.

"Ready for your first flying lesson, Harry?" James asked.

"Dah!" Harry responded, which James took as a yes. James started gently pushing the broom forward, and once it started moving, it began to respond to its rider. All James had to do was lean Harry to the left or right slightly to steer the broom, and he could guide him all around the living room.

Their cat, Peanut, crept into the room to see what was going on. He stuck his head inside some of the wrapping paper left on the floor and sniffed the teddy bear before settling himself on the arm of the armchair in the corner.

James was having the time of his life teaching his son how to ride a broom, and Lily was cheering him on. Bathilda got an old muggle camera out of her handbag and held it up to her eye, pointing it at Harry, with both of his parents in the shot.

"Smile!" she called, though they were all already beaming.

James looked up just as the flash went off. He was looking over at Bathilda, not at his feet, when he stepped on the wooden train that was still chugging in circles around the room. It slid under his foot, making him stagger forwards, and he lost his grip on Harry's shoulders.

The broom kept going with Harry still on it, shooting forward in a straight line. It flew straight towards Peanut, who dived off the armchair in time to avoid being skewered, and brushed past the cabinet where a large green vase wobbled and then crashed to the floor. James and Lily scrambled after the broom, shouting Harry's name as they followed it out of the room.

Harry was, miraculously, still on the broomstick when they caught up to him in the kitchen, doing laps around the dining table. James sighed with relief as Lily scooped him into her arms and held him to her chest as he giggled and reached out for the broom once more. James and Lily exchanged a look, and just like that they were both laughing again at the close call.

"Sorry about the vase Petunia gave you," James said, pulling out his wand. "Do you want me to fix it?"

"Oh, God no," Lily replied. "I hate that ugly thing. You and Harry did me a favour by smashing it."

"James," Bathilda called to them from the living room. "Your – um – mirror is talking?"

"That must be Sirius," Lily said. "He said he'd call."

They piled onto the sofa together, with Harry on Lily's lap, as James got out the two-way mirror that was the twin of Sirius'. There was Sirius' face looking back at them, and he grinned when he saw Harry.

"There's my favourite godson!" he exclaimed.

Harry babbled back a word that sounded like, "Pafoot."

"Hey, did you hear that?" Sirius said. "He said my name!"

"If he says your name before he says mine, I will remove your godparent privileges," James said, ruffling Harry's hair. "You just know who spoils you rotten, don't you Harry?"

"Well, what am I going to do with my leftover fortune if not spoil my godson?" Sirius asked. "Do you like your present, little man?"

"He loves it," James said. "He just broke a vase and nearly killed the cat."

It might have sounded like a bad thing if James hadn't said it with such pride. Lily laughed and shook her head at them. "Bathilda took a picture of him – I'll have to send you a copy. He'll be the chaser of the century, I'm sure."

"Oh, I don't know," Sirius said. "I think he'd make a good seeker."

Sirius was walking and talking at the same time, and James didn't recognise where he was. Harry was reaching a hand towards the mirror, trying to get to Sirius.

"You're not at home?" he asked.

Sirius shook his head. "Order business. It's mad at the moment, with everyone worried about who the spy is."

"Dumbledore isn't any closer to figuring it out?" Lily asked, her eyebrows furrowing.

"Dunno – Dumbledore doesn't exact give a lot away, does he?" Sirius looked up from the mirror and then back down again. "I'm going to have to go, but I'll see you all soon, alright? Harry had better be flying rings around us all by the time I visit!"

"I'm sure he will be," Lily replied. "Bye, Sirius. Take care of yourself."

"Come visit soon, okay?" James added. "Harry's growing up fast, and you don't want to miss any of it."

"Wouldn't miss it for the world, mate. I'll see you all soon."

Sirius' face in the mirror faded away, until they were left looking at their own reflections. Harry's reaching hand fell back down and he looked up at his parents.

"Pafoot?" he said again.

"Soon, baby," Lily said softly. "We'll see him soon."

James leant over and picked Harry up. "Come on, little guy. There's fun still to be had, even if it's just the four of us. Let's make this a birthday to remember."