Ch. 9: Afterburn
Present Day
Vic jerked awake feeling disoriented. It was an unpleasant feeling. Her heart was racing and she had no idea why. Maybe it was a dream. Or possibly a sound. Vic took a deep breath and looked around the room. It was quiet. Rubbing her face with one hand she, she realized she was alone in the bed. Fighting the temptation to just go back to sleep, Vic planted her feet on the floor and forced herself to get up. After using the bathroom and brushing her teeth, she pulled on jeans and a t-shirt. Pulling on socks, to keep her feet warm, she walked sleepily into the kitchen. Whatever sleep she had gotten was apparently restless and nowhere near enough.
Cady was bustling around the space. Hearing Vic behind her, she turned with a smile.
"Good morning."
Vic looked around.
"Morning."
Cady paused and watched her.
"Something wrong?"
Vic's eyes were still roaming around.
"Where's Walt?"
Cady shrugged, a slight frown playing across her face.
"Haven't seen him. I assumed he was still sleeping."
Vic shook her head.
"No, he's not."
Cady studied her for a minute.
"You're worried about him."
Vic blew out a breath, not wanting to get into it this early and not with Cady.
"Is there coffee?"
"Yes, just finished brewing."
Vic smiled gratefully as she pulled a cup from Cady's cabinets.
"Want some breakfast?"
Vic shook her head as she stirred milk and sugar into her coffee.
"Not hungry."
Turning, she found Cady watching her in a way that reminded her of Walt. Vic sipped her coffee.
"What?"
Cady's blue eyes stayed on her.
"How are you?"
Vic set her cup on the counter and leaned against the surface.
"Okay."
Cady gave her a half smile that told Vic she didn't believe her.
"Yeah right? Really, how are you?"
"Really, I don't know. Everything's a mess. In all honesty, I haven't had time to process it."
Cady took in her words.
"Things alright between you and dad?"
They were creeping into territory that Vic wasn't necessarily comfortable with. Being open with Walt was one thing. With Cady, there was a risk of over sharing. They were, after all, talking about her father.
"Fine."
Cady looked like there was more she wanted to say, but she let it drop. She grabbed something from the back of a chair and offered it to Vic.
"I washed last night. Couldn't sleep. Thought you might want this."
Vic took the offered item and realized it was her Flyers hoodie. She ran her hand over the soft material.
"Thank you."
Cady nodded in response.
"You're welcome. Is there anything you need?"
Vic shook her head.
"No."
Cady regarded her with a pensive expression.
"You're not much better than dad with your answers today, you know. Short and to the point. He's rubbing off on you."
Cady glanced at the clock on her wall.
"I have to go. I'll see you later, okay?"
Vic nodded as Cady gathered up her things and hurried out the door. Once the younger woman was gone, Vic pulled her cell phone from her back pocket and dialed Walt's number. By some small miracle, he had left his phone in her truck the day of the fire. The phone went straight to voice mail. Vic sighed and ended the call. There was little point to leaving him a message. If he bothered to turn on the phone, he would see her missed call.
Vic slid the phone back into her pocket and pulled her hoodie over her head. It smelled clean, the odor of smoke gone from it. It felt good and familiar. Safe somehow, even thought that really made no sense to her. Vic finished off her coffee and grabbed her jacket and truck keys.
Stepping outside, she was greeted by sunshine. The air was crisp and cold, but the sun on her face felt good. Vic inhaled the arctic air and lifted her face up towards the sky with closed eyes. Releasing her breath, she could see that the Bronco was gone. That was no surprise. She knew he wasn't at Cady's as soon as she realized he wasn't in bed.
Sliding behind the wheel of her truck, she started it and pulled out.
xxx
Vic could easily remember the first time she drove out to Walt's cabin. Ferg had called her that morning to tell her he was dropping off Walt's repaired Bronco and he needed a ride back into town. He gave Vic directions and she set off. Getting accustomed to the open spaces of Wyoming took some work. For an east coast city girl, the vast emptiness could be overwhelming. She had been in Durant for a little over six months and hated it. Everything about it. Except for her boss.
She knew about his wife's death. It was obvious the man carried a great deal of pain inside that he kept carefully hidden. But, there was something about him that easily drew her in. With him, she found an easy camaraderie. He was good at his job. Very good. A clearly intelligent man that was much more of a thinker than a talker. But, when he did talk, it was normally something of value. The feelings hadn't been romantic then. She was married and she didn't know Walt Longmire all that well outside of work. But, she found him undeniably interesting, this well read cowboy whose horse was an old Bronco. So, seeing where he lived piqued her natural curiosity.
The ride out was breathtaking. As much as she simply wanted to go home, even she had to admit Wyoming was beautiful when you really took it in. Alone, in her truck, she did just that. The lone cabin sitting in the incredible landscape looked like something out of an old western. There was something about the whole setup that was so very much Walt.
Now, with all the time that passed between then and now, this was a familiar ride. It was one she made every day. Some days, she appreciated the view more than others. Today, was not one of those days. Of course, the land was still beautiful. It stretched out as far as she could see glistening with a thick covering of snow. But, instead of the rustic cabin meeting her eyes, there was only destruction.
She suspected she would find him here. She was right. The Bronco was easily recognizable parked close to where it would have been on any ordinary morning when he was at home. Vic pulled up beside his vehicle and parked. Walt was walking through the ruins of the cabin. Every few steps, he would squat down and sift through the mess as though he were looking at something. Or maybe for something. He was wearing an old hat of his that somehow wound up at Cady's at some unknown point in time.
Vic slid from her truck. It was still ridiculously cold, but warmer than it had been in days past. She flipped up the hood of her sweatshirt and adjusted the collar of her jacket around it, tucking loose wisps of hair inside. He either didn't notice her or just didn't acknowledge that he did. In his current frame of mind, anything was possible.
Vic carefully, picked her way through the charred remains of the house towards him. Walt's back was to her, but she could tell by the way he tilted his head in her direction that he heard her. Vic paused and looked around. It was still difficult to stomach.
"Why didn't you wait for me?"
She skipped any greetings and went right to the heart of the matter. Walt's shoulders had a sag to them that wasn't normal. He was clearly tired and stressed out.
"You were sleeping. No point in waking you."
Vic sniffled a bit in the cold wind, her hands tucked into her pockets. He turned then. He looked worn down. Probably even more than she felt. Her eyes ran over him, taking in everything from his expression to his posture.
"Did you get any sleep?"
His broad shoulders rose and fell in a shrug.
"Not much. You were restless."
She nodded at the observation.
"That must explain why the hell I'm so tired this morning. I woke up and you were gone."
He didn't offer an explanation or an apology. Not that she was looking for one. He merely looked around.
"Not much left. I picked up a few things. But…the fire was too far along before the fire department made it. Guess that's the disadvantage of living so far out of town."
He turned away from her and started his previous task of scanning the remains for anything of value that could be salvaged. Vic sighed and began the same thing. Pieces of splintered wood and broken glass crackled under her boots as she slowly made her way through what was left of their home. It was hard to imagine that merely forty-eight hours ago, it was whole and intact. Now, it was destroyed. Fractured in a way that seemed irreparable. In some ways, Vic felt the same way.
She paused and something caught her eye. Vic used her boot to scrape away some wet, charred wood. Bending down, she noticed the glossy surface of a picture behind the ruined glass of a frame. Carefully, she managed to work it free. The frame around it was broken and parts of the picture were charred. But, it was something. Her sudden interest in the spot seemed to have pulled Walt's attention to her. He came up on her left with a curious look.
"Find something?"
She turned with a nod and offered him the picture. It was his. An old shot of Cady with her mother. The two of them looked almost mid laugh with their matching smiles. Cady couldn't have been more than ten. It wasn't a picture Walt kept out, but Vic had seen it before. He took it and held the busted frame in both hands, his eyes dropping to the picture. For a long, eternal moment he said nothing. Finally, he spoke, his eyes still on the picture.
"We were at a town picnic. I think Ruby took this and gave it to me later. I'm not sure what they were laughing at. But…Cady always looks so much like her mother in this picture"
Vic accepted the information wordlessly and felt her heart break for him yet again. He had lost so much over the years. They both had in some ways. But, the loss of a spouse was a hard pill to swallow. She knew that. She knew how deep that pain had cut him once. Even now, at times the wound could open up and render him somber and silent. So much of his life was contained in this small space. So many of his memories.
He lifted his eyes.
"There's a box over there…things that we can take. Would you mind?"
Vic took the picture back from him and found the cardboard box sitting on the snow. It was sadly, depressingly empty with only a few items inside. A couple more damaged pictures. A few books with charred edges. A handful of other small items she couldn't identify without closer inspection. Vic carefully set the picture inside.
She heard Walt behind her.
"I think that's gonna be it."
Vic turned to see his face, somewhat shadowed by his back being to the sun. It seemed an unbearable reality.
"You looked over everything?"
He nodded
"Three times. Been here for a while."
Vic sighed and tucked her hands into her pockets.
"You could've waited for me."
Walt's expression didn't change.
"What good would it have done?"
Vic shrugged.
"Maybe…not having to do this by yourself."
His expression remained somewhat passive, lacking any real substance.
"You being here wouldn't have made a difference."
There was nothing angry in the words, yet they seemed unnecessary and unintentionally hurtful. Vic winced but Walt seemed oblivious. She wasn't sure exactly why the comment bothered her so much. Neither of them was overly clingy. But, it stung all the same. Almost like he was saying her presence here didn't matter.
In that moment, she had no idea how to respond. Vic dropped her eyes and looked away from him.
"You wanna go then?"
His eyes swept around the area again and he nodded slowly.
"Might as well. Nothing left here."
He lifted the box and the two of them walked to the Bronco. Walt set the box in the back and closed the door. Vic lingered off to the side.
"Want to get some breakfast?"
Walt met her eyes, but there seemed to be nothing connecting.
"Not hungry."
In truth, she wasn't either. But everything felt so off kilter, Vic found herself craving some level or normalcy. Something familiar and comfortable. Something to hold onto and feel steadier than she did right now. Normally Walt provided that. But right now, though only about two feet separated them, it felt like he was on the other side of an ocean.
"Back to Cady's then?"
"I might just go for a drive."
Vic bit her lip.
"Want some company?"
He looked off in the distance.
"You're not working today?"
Answering a question with a question. It drove her crazy when he did that. A tactic of avoidance she knew well.
"No, Cady told me to take some time off. God knows I have the vacation days saved up."
Another long silence floated into the space between them. Again, it felt like he was miles away. Whatever his eyes were fixated on in the distance seemed more interesting than she did.
"Weren't you going shopping?"
There it was again. He was making it painfully clear that he wanted to be alone. Since the fire, it seemed to be all he wanted. Vic looked down at her boots.
"We are going shopping. You need clothes, too. And, I'm not doing it for you."
The words came out with more frustration than she intended. But, Vic never was good at hiding her real feelings. Especially when it came to Walt. He must have heard something in her tone that actually perforated his brain. His eyes shifted to her. This time, he seemed to actually be looking at her.
"Are you mad about something?"
Mad wasn't the word she would use. But, give it time and she would most likely arrive there. Dealing with Walt when he was in a funk either took a great deal of patience or one good blow up that would rouse him out of it. This didn't seem to be the time for harshness, so she tried to force down what she really wanted to say. Again, that was something she wasn't very good at.
"No. I'm not mad. But…I'm not doing this by myself. We need too much stuff. I mean…Jesus…all of our clothes are gone."
"Clothes can be replaced."
Vic's mouth opened slightly. That wasn't necessarily true. She did own things that were from a moment in time, a good memory, that couldn't be repurchased. He probably did as well.
"Right. So…you want to go now or wait until later. We can't keep putting it off."
"I'm not putting anything off. This seemed…more important."
"Yeah, it was more important. But…you can't disappear for the rest of the day and expect me to take care of getting everything we need."
He stared at her for a moment before he blinked.
"Let's go then. We can drop the box off at Cady's and go."
Vic eyed him.
"Thought you wanted to be alone."
"I never said that."
Vic turned towards her truck.
"You didn't have to. Believe me. I'll meet you at Cady's."
Without turning back, she got into her truck and drove off.
xxx
She would rather him be argumentative or even upset about something as opposed to the quiet state he maintained all afternoon. Silence with Walt wasn't always a bad thing. Frequently, it just meant they were relaxing and comfortable in each other's presence. It wasn't uncommon for him to sit and read while she leaned into him or even laid on him and did her own thing. In those moments, the silence didn't matter because there were other ways to communicate. His hand in her hair, idly sifting through the strands or his fingers trailing up and down her back. Her own hand stroking across his stomach or his leg with no real thought. Nothing verbal would pass between them, but they were connecting all the same. Touch was a powerful conductor of feelings and communication.
But, this was like being tortured slowly. It felt like some unseen hand hit the rewind button and reduced him to the person he was some time ago. When she first came into his life. Shut down and closed off. The version of Walt who pushed her away and held her at arm's length. She didn't miss those days and she wasn't at all happy that he seemed to be having a relapse. He moved through the local clothing store grabbing necessities with barely more than a glance at the size. Any comment or question posed either went unanswered completely or earned her a grunt. It wasn't that he was normally all that chatty, but at least he would smile at her or allow a look to pass between them.
By the time they got back to Cady's, it was Vic who wanted to take a drive by herself. Almost anything to be out of his presence in this current condition. Vic glanced at the time. It was well past two. By the time everything was sorted through, it was close to three. Again, with little to no real communication. Instead, only the same heavy silence.
Vic milled around the bedroom.
"Let's go grab an early dinner."
Walt looked her way.
"I'm…"
Vic cut in, her patience eroding.
"I know you're not hungry. But, you gotta eat. We both do. We skipped breakfast and lunch. So…come on."
The last part came out sounding very much like an order. But, he grabbed his hat and trailed her outside.
"Bronco or truck?"
Walt reached into his pocket for his keys and pulled them loose.
"Here. Bronco. You can drive."
He dropped the keys into her hand. For a moment, all she could do was stare at them. Walt usually wanted to drive. Especially when they were in his vehicle. But, he was already getting in on the passenger side. Vic got behind the wheel and pulled out of Cady's driveway. She opted for the Red Pony since the Busy Bee was likely closed after the lunch rush.
The parking lot was nearly empty with only a few cars scattered around. Walt followed her inside without a word. They took a seat at the empty bar. Tom's eyes landed on them and his face was sober.
"Hey, you guys, sorry to hear about your place."
Walt nodded.
"Thanks."
"Here for a bite?"
Vic offered him a smile.
"Yes."
He returned her smile.
"Okay, I'll give you a few minutes. Beers?"
"Sure."
Walt was already glancing over the dinner offerings. He set the two beers in front of them. Walt took a long swallow of his, no doubt emptying half the can. Vic glanced at him.
"What are you getting?"
It was merely an attempt at minor conversation. Sometimes, when forced with the brick wall that could be Walt's silence, it was best to start small.
"Burger."
Vic's head bobbed as she tapped her fingers restlessly on the bar. Tom returned to take their order in his usual easy going manner. They both ordered the same and were alone again. Vic turned her bottle around and around on the surface of the bar. Walt glanced her way twice before he said anything.
"Something on your mind?"
Vic looked his way.
"What?"
He gestured at her.
"You're restless. You get that way when there's something you want to say."
Her hand stilled. He was correct. She did have a lot of restless tics when she was thinking or when there was something she needed to get out. At home and at work. At work, it generally took the form of handling her hockey puck in some way. Passing it from hand to hand or simply holding it. At home, it generally manifested in being fidgety or even pacing. Stillness wasn't something she did. Walt sometimes joked that she even moved a lot in her sleep.
"There's a lot I want to say. But, not here."
He proceeded to stare at her in that way he did. The way he always had. Since the beginning. Finally, he spoke.
"Okay."
That unto itself was unusual. Walt, despite his quiet tendencies, wasn't one to shy away when they needed to have a personal conversation. That was something that surprised Vic about him after they became intimate. Or even in the weeks and months leading up to that twist. When he seemed to have realized he needed to face the reality of his feelings for her. For all the evasiveness he tossed her way for so long, once he committed to something, he changed. It was Walt who provided the steady hand when they first started this relationship. She never would've imagined it. And he didn't push or cajole. It was a very gentle Walt-like prodding that eased her beyond what she felt comfortable with. Almost guiding in a way. He opened up to her candidly and she gave him the same in return. There was too much pain and loss in them both to not be as honest as possible. Maybe that was why they worked. They understood each other's baggage and pain. They spent the formative years of getting to know each other trying to help the other navigate the landmines they found littering their paths. The effect was a forging of something between them. Something that went deeper than any physical intimacy.
Their food was brought out and they ate in silence. Again, it wasn't a comfortable silence. But a thick one that hung heavy like humidity in the air. It felt suffocating. When the meal was complete, Walt paid and they walked out to the Bronco. Again, he made no move to drive. Vic started the engine and looked across the seat at him.
"Let's…take a drive."
He looked at her across the seat.
"Where were you going earlier?"
"Nowhere special."
Vic gave him a long look before looking out the windshield.
"I don't believe you. You had something in mind."
He looked at her again, his hat shading his eyes. She momentarily cursed the old hat he found in Cady's hall closet. In this moment, she wanted to see his eyes. Vic reached out and removed his hat, laying it on his lap. Walt gave her an odd look. He didn't offer up a response.
"Fine. We'll just drive then."
Vic pulled out and drove the familiar roads, leaving the area near town and driving more in the direction of the cabin, but not really. Walt's eyes alternated between her and the window beside him.
"What's going on in your head?"
The question pulled his eyes to her.
"What do you mean?"
Vic sighed, her eyes on the road.
"You've been quiet for two days now. You're quiet like that when you're thinking about something. Or planning. So…tell me."
His gaze shifted back out the window.
"I'm not planning anything."
Vic pulled off the quiet, rural road they were on and cut the engine. Unbuckling her seatbelt, she turned to face him completely.
"Don't lie to me."
The gentle tone she had been using with him since the fire dissipated. He faced her now.
"I'm not lying to you."
"Walt, I know you way too well to believe that. You're…holding back everything and if you don't let some of it out, you're gonna blow a fuse. We both know it."
For the first time, something in his eyes sparked. In that moment, Vic didn't care if he was mad. At least that would be an emotion.
"What is it that you want me to say?"
"I don't want you to say anything that isn't true. You've…you've been walking around like a damn zombie. You…you're rude and actually kind of mean sometimes. And that's not like you. It's gotta stop."
She half expected an argument. Instead, he stared at her like he had no idea what she was talking about. Seconds ticked by as they sat in their silent standoff. She could see him shutting himself off again. Or trying to. But something she said seemed to have affected him. Walt blinked a couple of times. When he spoke, his voice was different.
"When I know…I'll tell you."
It was vague. Incredibly, stupidly vague. But, she understood what it was he was trying to get across. He was acknowledging that she was right. But, for whatever reason, he wasn't ready to share just yet. She could either continue to push or attempt to exercise patience. Vic looked away and turned the key.
"You better."
With that she pulled back onto the road, dust and small rocks being tossed up in their wake.
xxx
Walt came into the bedroom from the guest bath, toweling his hair. Vic lay on the bed on her side facing him with her hand propping up her head. He was shirtless and wearing pajama pants. Vic watched him continue to rub the towel over his hair.
"Did you talk to Cady?"
He shook his head.
"No. She wants us to come to the office tomorrow."
"Mmm…keeping it legit. Can't say I blame her."
Walt tossed the towel into the corner. Vic's eyes followed it as it crumpled on the floor.
"You're not a very good house guest."
She offered the comment up with a smile. Those had been few and far between. Walt glanced at the towel and then sat on the bed. The addition of his weight dipped the mattress a little.
"I'll pick it up in the morning."
He paused like he was thinking about something before he spoke again.
"We need to talk."
"Yes, we do. What do you want to talk about?"
He inhaled deeply and sighed as the breath left him.
"We need to find a place."
Vic sat up and drew her legs up, wrapping her arms around them.
"Yeah. Are you…planning to rebuild the cabin?"
He was still sitting on the side of the bed, his back partially to her. He cast a look over his shoulder at her.
"What do you want to do?"
"Well…I can't imagine you living in town. I just assumed you would want to build a new one."
He sucked on his bottom lip thoughtfully.
"I…haven't thought much about it."
Vic's brow crinkled with confusion.
"Really. As quiet as you've been? I thought that would be the first thing that you would think of."
His face darkened.
"It's not."
Vic sighed.
"Besides getting back at Cain."
He turned then, pulling one leg up on the bed.
"Get back at him? You make it sound like grade school."
She could hear the unhappiness in his voice.
"I didn't mean it like that. But…since you refuse to tell me anything…I have to draw my own conclusion. I don't see you letting this go."
Walt lay back on the bed and slid his legs under the sheets.
"It's the case Cady wants to talk to us about."
"Figured."
Vic stretched out beside him.
"If she arrests him, then we can move on, right?"
Walt tilted his head towards her.
"Move on?"
"From all of this."
His expression was still dark.
"What do you mean move on?"
"Move forward. Like you said…find somewhere to live, rebuild, get our lives back. This…limbo we've been in…even before the fire…it's…we can't go on like this. I can't…go back to that place…where you obsess like you've been doing."
"Obsess."
Vic frowned.
"Don't…act like you don't understand. How much of your life did you devote to Barlow Connally and Malachi Strand. You couldn't let that go. And, you won't let this go. Not until it's resolved. I know you, Walt. You couldn't…function like a normal person. You couldn't…have normal relationships. You can't go back to that place. We can't."
His eyes were dark, stormy.
"Like you with Chance Gilbert."
Vic shifted beside him. It almost felt like he was baiting her. But, Vic was willing to concede his point.
"That too. I'm not saying it's just you. But, that shit…it paralyzes everything. And, we've been doing so good lately."
She pushed herself up a little. Walt watched her.
"When are you going back to work?"
Vic shrugged.
"It's only been a couple of days."
"Aren't you the one who just said we needed to move on?"
There was that tone again. Vic's jaw flexed.
"In steps, yeah."
Vic sighed.
"Maybe Cady will have good news tomorrow."
She didn't sound convinced. Walt didn't look it. She opted to change the subject.
"So…any idea of where to look for a place?"
A thoughtful look crossed his face.
"We could rent something for a while. Give us time to find something permanent."
"Walt, you keep talking like you're not sure about that. I know you built the cabin. And, I know what it meant to you. But, we can build a new one. It'll be…different…but we can make new memories."
For a long stretch, he was quiet.
"It was the last place Martha and I lived. We planned to retire there."
It felt like someone reached into her gut, grabbed her intestines, and twisted.
"I'm sorry."
The words came out just above a whisper. Vic cleared her throat and turned her face so that her mouth pressed against his arm. She kissed him lightly before shifting up so that her face was close to his.
"We don't have to talk about this right now."
She pressed a kiss to his ear.
"We don't have to talk at all."
She moved over him then and pressed a kiss to his mouth. She felt him respond and then she felt his hands on her arms, pulling her back slightly.
"Vic…not here…not with Cady down the hall."
Vic sat up with a disgruntled expression.
"She's not gonna hear anything, Walt."
Walt sat up as well.
"I'm not comfortable with it."
Vic bit her bottom lip so hard it nearly broke the skin.
"Jesus. I thought we were beyond all of this shit."
She forced the words out.
"All of what?"
"This…this…bullshit, Walt. Where you push me away and shut me out."
"I…that's not what I'm doing."
"Yeah, it is. You've been doing it since the fire. You won't…talk to me half the time. You…you say things that are…hurtful…"
He was staring at her.
"What did I say?"
Vic took a deep breath in an attempt to steady her nerves.
"Forget it. Let's just go to sleep."
Walt tilted his head at her. For a second, she thought he was going to push her. To ask for more. Normally, he would have. He didn't like to leave things unresolved. But, the man that was sitting in front of her felt like someone she didn't know all that well. Or someone she knew once.
"Okay."
And that was it. He lay back on the bed and started to shift around trying to find a comfortable position. Vic lay beside him and turned onto her side so that her back was to him. Reaching up she swiped at her eyes. They were burning now and she refused to let the tears fall.
They lay in the quiet darkness as the seconds ticked into minutes. Vic felt him move twice and could tell that he was awake. But he was quiet. And, not touching her. The silence between them felt louder than it ever had before, almost unbearably so. It created a cacophony inside her head. Without words or warning, Vic tossed back the covers and stood up. She shed the pajama pants she wore and pulled her jeans back on, along with her Flyers hoodie over her tank top.
Walt sat up at the flurry of activity, his eyes on her in the dark.
"What are you doing?"
Vic sat down and pulled on her boots.
"I…need some air."
Walt frowned and switched on the lamp beside him.
"Vic, it's after eleven. Where are you going?"
Vic shrugged as she snatched her jacket on.
"Doesn't matter. It's not like my being here makes a difference. That's pretty clear. Maybe you'll actually get some sleep."
She tossed the words out them with little regard for how it sounded and left the room, pulling the door closed behind her.
xxx
In truth, she had no idea where she was going. In Durant, at this time of night, her options were severely limited. To begin with, she just drove around. The past two days kept running through her mind on an endless loop. She knew she shouldn't have lost her temper with Walt. She already regretted it. She nearly turned around and went back to Cady's, but reasoned a change of scenery might be good for her.
She didn't even realize she was headed in a specific direction until she pulled into the Red Pony. Pushing through the doors, she looked around. It wasn't a weekend, so the bar wasn't overly busy. She found a seat at the bar and removed her jacket.
Tom appeared before her and smiled.
"Deputy, what brings you in here this time of the evening?"
Vic leaned her elbows on the bar.
"Do you ever go home?"
His smile widened.
"Nope. Want a beer?"
Vic shook her head.
"No…whiskey."
His smile faded a bit.
"Everything alright?"
Another shake of her head.
"Nope."
Tom set a glass in front of her and poured.
"Want to talk about it?"
"Nope."
She downed the shot in one gulp and the alcohol burned on its way down. She slid the glass towards him.
"More. Please."
He poured her another shot and then moved off to wait on another customer. Vic drank the second shot and turned the glass around in her hand. She was on the edge now. Another one and driving wouldn't be a good idea. She could still just go back to Cady's and go back to bed.
But, she didn't want to.
"Another?"
She looked up to see Tom watching her like he could see her internal battle. Vic held the glass up and looked at it before nodding.
"Yeah, why the hell not."
He poured her another shot and slid the bottle to his side.
"Want to talk about it now, Deputy?"
Vic eyed him as she drank the third glass.
"Why do you always call me Deputy?"
A half smile appeared on his face.
"It's what you are?"
She returned his smile.
"Yeah, but it's not my name."
"Would you prefer I call you Vic?"
Vic shrugged.
"That is my name."
"To my understanding, your name is actually Victoria."
Vic grimaced.
"No one calls me that, except my mother."
"Why? It's…a nice name."
Vic held out her glass and he poured her more.
"I've always been Vic. Since I was a kid. Everyone calls me Vic."
Her words were beginning to slur a bit. Tom studied her.
"Even Walt."
She frowned.
"Why did you bring him up?"
Tom shrugged.
"He's why you're here, isn't he? I almost never see you in here without him unless you're working. Now, you're here alone. Getting drunk. He's the reason. Am I right?"
"Partly."
"I'm a good listener."
Vic looked down at her empty glass.
"It's…personal."
"I hear all kinds of personal stuff. I give pretty good advice."
"I don't need advice."
He gave her a long look.
"I'm not sure you need more to drink either."
Reaching out, he slid the glass from her fingers and set it aside.
"Need me to call someone for you?"
"N…no."
He glanced around.
"You want to go in back? To the office."
"No…no thanks."
Vic stood up from the stool, stumbling a bit over her own feet. Tom gave her a wary look. Turning, she heard him call to someone who appeared out of the kitchen. After a quick word, Tom came around the bar, coat in hand. He placed one hand on her shoulder.
"Let me take you home."
Vic closed her eyes and opened them slowly, willing her mind to feel less muddled.
"I don't have one."
In that moment, it seemed like the truth. Her home was gone. Burned to ashes.
"Vic."
He said her name quietly and seriously. He pulled his hand from her shoulder.
"Come on."
With little choice, she followed him into the parking lot. He led her to a beat up looking sedan she couldn't identify. Vic pulled the door open and got in, pulling the seatbelt across her. She looked out the window while Tom walked around and slid behind the wheel.
"Where are you staying?"
Vic kept her eyes averted.
"At Cady's."
He tapped his hand on the wheel waiting. Vic sighed and mumbled the address. Starting the car, he pulled out. Vic let her head fall against the cold window as the little car rattled along.
"Do you want to talk now?"
Vic lifted her head with some effort and looked his way.
"Everything's fucked up."
He glanced her way and then back to the road.
"How so?"
She just shook her head.
"It's…personal."
He shrugged.
"Try me. I told you I'm a good listener."
Vic bit the inside of her cheek.
"I'm…from Philadelphia."
"Okay."
She could hear him urging her on with his tone.
"For a long time, I felt like I didn't belong here. Then I did. Feel like I belonged. Now…I don't know anymore. Maybe I never really did."
She had no idea if he understood what she was saying, but he was clearly listening.
"You and Walt having problems?"
Vic turned to the window again.
"I don't even know."
"I don't know you all that well. Either of you. But…I know that he cares for you, Vic. Anyone with eyes can see that. You've both…been through something. But, it won't last. Try to have some patience."
She laughed then as he turned onto Cady's street.
"You're right. You don't know me."
Tom parked and got out, walking around to Vic's side. Before she was out of the car good, Walt had the front door open and was coming down the sidewalk fully dressed. Tom lifted his hand in a wave.
"Evening, Walt."
"Tom."
Tom nodded at Vic.
"She's had a little too much to drink."
Vic felt Walt's hand close around her wrist.
"Thanks for getting her here safely."
Tom smiled.
"No problem. Goodnight."
Getting back into his car, he drove off as Walt led Vic up the sidewalk. She stumbled twice and he steadied her. Once inside, she shrugged out of her jacket and tossed it over the back of the couch on her way to the bedroom. She could hear Walt behind her. He was quiet. No surprise there. Vic sat on the bed with a flop and bent over to pull her boots off. She had one off and was pulling the other free when she heard the bedroom door close.
Hard.
Dropping her second boot on the floor, Vic looked up to see Walt standing there looking at her. Even in her state, she could see the anger etched into his features. Tilting her head, Vic started to say something when he closed the distance between them and placed his hands on his hips.
"What in the hell were you thinking?"