I'm sorry this is late again, but it will probably always be late so I'm always sorry.
Chapter 8: Talks
"Come on, Lux," Alexis says firmly from outside the bathroom door.
"No!" Lux whines, from the other side of the door.
"It can't be that bad," Alexis counters just as firmly as before, but at the same time leans her head against the door as if out of defeat.
Kate appears from downstairs and walks over to the bathroom door, "Pick a dress yet?"
"Lux won't show me any of the ones she tries on," Alexis says without removing her forehead from the door.
"Oh, come on Lux," Kate says knocking her knuckles on the door.
"No!" Lux opens the door, making Alexis fall off balance a bit, and throws the dress she just tried on out of the door then closes the door again. Alexis picks the dress up, off the floor, and folds it over her arm.
Kate looks at the shiny hot pink dress and scrunches her nose, "That is an awful color."
Alexis laughs as she leans against the wall, "It really is."
"Anyways, I just came up to tell you guys that dinner is ready."
"She only has one more dress to try on," Alexis says.
"This one…" Lux says opening the door, "This one isn't bad."
When she steps out of the bathroom, she is wearing a V neck dress, with gems on tops of her shoulders and fabric that wraps around the mid section. Kate smiles and Alexis reflects the smile and huffs at Lux downplaying the dress, "Not bad?"
Alexis pulls Lux's hair over to the side, as if it were in a side pony that flops over the front of her shoulder. "Perfect," Alexis says, then turns Lux around to face Kate, "Beckett, what do you think?"
"It's perfect."
"Only thing is…" Lux says
"It's green," Kate laughs.
"Is that a problem," Alexis says confidently with just a hint of defeat.
"No, Alexis it's lovely, just if your father asks you chose it."
"Oh, I'll take credit," Alexis says smiling again at Lux.
"Am I done?" Lux asks.
"You're done," Alexis says as Lux turns and goes back into the bathroom.
"I should go back downstairs. I'll see you guys back down there in a bit," Kate says walking back towards the stairs.
Alexis smiles, "We'll be down in a minute." She decides to wait for Lux to come out so that she can hang up the dresses before dinner. Through the bathroom door she hears Lux's phone ding then after a moment she hears Lux make a low growl while muttering, "Son of a-"
She opens the door to see Alexis looking at her, partially curious and partially worried. "Sorry," Lux apologizes with a quick smile. Alexis has a persistent look on her face, so Lux explains, "It's just Bug…" Lux's phone dings again and when she looks at it, she murmurs, "Seriously," she glares at Alexis and adds, "and Tasha."
Castle calls from downstairs, "Has anyone seen Thing One and Thing Two."
"Coming," Alexis says, looking away from Lux.
As soon as Alexis breaks eye contact with Lux, she looks down at her phone, but by the time Alexis turns back, Lux is looking back up at her and holding out the dress. "Here," Alexis recenters her attention back to Lux, at the sound of her voice. Lux can tell that Alexis still wants more information from her so she breaks eye contact again and holds up her phone, "I should go charge this," then turns to walk to her room.
…
When Lux comes out of her bedroom, she is redressed in her skinny jeans, a shirt that reads this is my jam with a jar of jam on it, and a purple scarf. She looks around for Alexis upstairs and when she doesn't see her she assumes she already went downstairs and heads down there herself.
Lux comes down to the makeshift dining room in between the kitchen and the living room. There are six chairs placed around the wooden table, three of which are filled. No one is sitting on either end of the table, so Lux decides to sit next to Kate to even out the unbalance. She scoops out some pasta and salad as Kate, Castle, and Alexis carry out their conversation. She finishes dinner in almost complete silence. Every so often she would laugh for a short second to keep from raising suspicions, though Alexis still seems to notice her sour demeanor. Once dinner is done everyone gets up to put away their dishes. When Lux stands Alexis asks to take her plate for her. Lux smiles and hands the plate over to her, when she feels a tap on the shoulder and turns around to face Kate. She raises her eyebrows as if to ask what, because if she asks it out loud she knows it will come out in more of a growl than a question.
Kate glimpses over Lux's shoulder at Castle and Alexis, as she rubs her hands together nervously. When she looks back at Lux she sees a bit of irritation and inpatients in her body language. "You okay?" She asks.
For a brief second Lux considers lying but instead furrows her eyebrows and says, "Not really," with a little laugh at the end.
"Do you want to talk?"
"No," she whispers in a sarcastic tone, one that would be perfect with the accompaniment of an eye roll. When she involuntarily pulls away from Kate, she looks up at her to reassure her that everything is okay and without seeing that having worked she gives up and turns around to go upstairs.
Kate turns and picks up her plate from the table and brings it to the kitchen counter. Alexis slides Kate's plate across the counter and puts it in the sink, where she and Castle have been working on the dishes. Alexis asks trying not to pry, "Is she okay?"
"This time, I'm pretty sure that's a no," Kate says sitting down at the island. "I'll go check on her in an hour or so." Alexis taps Castle to turn around, when he does so he sees a rather defeated Kate in her chair. She looks up when she feels him watching her, "Yes Castle?"
"You're adorable."
"I can't tell if you're trying to cheer me up or if you're being condescending," Kate says at which Alexis scoffs a laugh.
"It's fun, that now you have a teenager to deal with."
"Not exactly new news, Castle, she's been living with us for three months," Kate points out.
"It's just- it's a new you."
…
Lux sits up a little straighter at the sound of a knock at her door. "Who is it?"
"Alexis?" She says wearily from the other side of the door.
"Come in," Lux says, a little out of pity at the sound of Alexis' voice, but mostly out of defeat.
"Hey," Alexis says quietly opening the door.
"What's up?"
"Just checking-"
"I'm fine," Lux says cutting her off and giving a fake smile to really sell her on the idea of leaving the room.
Alexis steps forward, putting on a little more confidence, "What about Tasha and Bug?"
"Bug and I broke up, okay?" Lux says matter of fact.
"That sucks, Lux, I'm so sorry."
Downstairs Kate and Castle are sitting on the couch. Her legs are swung over his and her head and upper body is resting against his chest. "You know what?"
Kate asks without looking up at him, "What's that?"
"We're going to be married in exactly six weeks."
She looks up at him with a closed mouth smile, "Yeah."
His smile fades, "What's wrong?"
"I should really go and check on Lux."
"Then why don't you?"
Kate pulls away a bit so she can see him a little better, "Because, Castle, she said she didn't want to talk."
"But you want to talk to her."
"Well, yeah… I still don't know very much about her."
There is a break of silence. When Kate leans back on his chest, Castle calmly says, "You should check on her."
"You think so?"
"When you say you don't want to talk what do you normally mean?"
"You know, I haven't said it in a long time." Castle glares at her to make his point. She smiles and slides her legs down. "Thanks, babe," she says before giving him a kiss and heading upstairs.
When she gets upstairs, she hears Alexis and Lux talking. She thinks about knocking on Lux's door, but decides to give them a moment to finish their conversation and sits just outside of it.
Alexis questions, "So is Natasha on Bug's side?"
"What?" Lux asks.
"Is that the problem you're having with Natasha?"
"No…no, Tasha's a whole other problem."
Alexis pushes, "Which is?"
Lux reluctantly huffs, "Tasha's in a real bad place at Sunnyvale. I barely ever get to talk to her and when I do get to talk to her… I can't do anything for her."
Kate slowly pushes off the wall she was leaning on and slowly and quietly walks downstairs. The downstairs is completely dark except for the bedroom light that is on and seeping minimal lighting into the darkness, so she slowly follows the light into the bedroom.
"That was quick," Castle says when she enters.
"She's talking to Alexis," Kate says kind of beaten.
"Ahh," Castle says. He knows that she really wanted to talk to Lux, but at the same time at least she's talking to someone. Then again Kate doesn't ever seem to back down. "Kate Beckett, are you afraid of a sixteen year old?"
She smirks at him as she pulls her pony out of her hair, "Don't get me started on who's afraid of a sixteen year old?"
Castle laughs, "That doesn't answer the question."
"She needs someone to talk to and she's talking to Alexis," Kate shrugs off before she crawls into bed. "Castle, it's just that she is so much like me sometimes, it's painful."
She sits cross legged on the bed. He brushes her hair behind her ear so he can see her face even though she is looking down at her hands, twirling her thumbs in circles, "Another Beckett in the world is not a bad thing and hey she'll come around."
She is silent for a little bit before she looks up at him, her eyes full of water, "Will you?"
Castle makes a sternly confused face, "Kate?" She moves the water away from her eyes before it rules down her cheek. He can get so much information from that action, she is still trying to be strong and at the same time putting herself out there by something that has obviously been bothering her for a long time. He lowers his head trying to get her to look at him, "Kate, you need to talk to me."
"I want to adopt Lux."
Castle smiles, "I know."
Kate raises her eyebrows making the worry seem to slightly transition into amusement, "You know?"
He closes his eyes for a second, in a 'yes of course' kind of way, and smiles, "Yes, I actually think everyone knows, even Fern seemed to know."
"Why didn't you say anything?"
"I was waiting for you," Castle says, trying to rationalize his possibly bad call.
"Do you ever think that not waiting for me would work out better," she says getting a little more frustrated, before closing her eyes to calm herself down. "That's not the point. I want to adopt Lux, but I want to know if you want to adopt Lux?"
He has options: he could say yes and try to adopt Lux with Kate, He could say no and still try to make it work with her, he could say no and let everything fall apart, or he could even say not right now (in a more elegant manner of course.) He has been considering this question for the last seven weeks and though he hasn't really gotten to know Lux, he wants Beckett – all of Beckett – even the parts he still has no idea about. He knows that he wants to spend the rest of his life with her and Lux is part of her and she makes her more her, which he loves. His life has changed and Beckett's life has changed and he doesn't have any desire to go back in time and somehow stop Lux from entering the precinct three months ago. He has considered his options (which is better than what he can say for most decisions he has made in his life this far.) So putting aside all the doubt and the worry that comes with this answer he looks at the woman sitting in front of him and says, "Of course."
"Oh thank God!" She says as all the tension seems to flow out of her body. She wraps her arms underneath his; resting her chin on top of his shoulder, "Thank you, Castle."
"You don't need to thank me. Plus, you still need to talk to Lux," Castle says trying to break the stray tension still in the air, but he instantly regrets saying it as she pulls away from him.
"Umm," she says, now completely separated from their embrace.
Castle smiles, "I was joking." She lies down on the bed so Castle does the same, but when he turns to face her, her eyes are wide open starring at the ceiling. "Beckett, look don't worry about talking to Lux."
She turns to her side to face him, wanting to correct him that he's not what upset her, "Oh, no, that's not what's bothering me."
"So what's bothering you?"
"What Lux said to Alexis. She said that Tasha is in a bad spot and I can't help but-"
"Beckett I don't we should-" He stops her, seeing where this is going.
"Oh, God, no," Kate cuts him off, "No I was just thinking maybe we could call Fern and see if she can look into changing where Tasha is placed."
Castle kisses her forehead, "No harm in asking."
…
Kate wakes up much later than usual granted she doesn't have to go to work today, but still later than usual. When she sits up she can hear the shower running and assumes it must be Castle.
She goes out to the living room to grab her phone off the counter. Alexis is sitting down at the island, eating yogurt. When she hears Kate walking across the floor, she comments, without looking up from her book, in an amused tone, "You slept in."
"Yeah, you think so," Kate says still a little tired.
"I'll only be really worried, when you sleep in past Lux," Alexis says, as she glances up from her book only to do a double take.
"What's wrong?"
"You're still in your pajamas."
"Is something wrong with them," she asks, stopping in her tracks, as she pulls on her white cotton shorts and her slightly oversized gray long sleeved shirt.
"Oh no," Alexis says apologetically, "It's just I don't think I've ever seen you so… informal."
"Huh." Kate huffs as she continues walking towards the kitchen to make coffee. "So Lux isn't up yet."
"I haven't seen her."
"Can I ask you something?"
At the slight change in Kate's voice, Alexis slowly closes her book and turns her full attention on her, "Of course. Is it about Lux?"
Kate worries, "What's wrong with Lux?"
"Nothing, it's just that she's been living here for three months and she's going to be in the wedding and she's your daughter, but yet there still seems to be this small elephant in the room, that possibly one day some random person may want her and take her away. And no one talks about changing that. But I know you Beckett." At the end Alexis cocks her head to the side and Kate smiles at her shyly with her hair in front of her face. "So no Beckett I don't mind if you adopt Lux."
"And your dad?" Kate asks, biting into an apple.
"What about him?"Alexis asks shrugging off her speech. The stress floods back into Kate's face, which makes Alexis smile in a way that suggests a suppressed laugh, "Beckett I'm kidding." Kate relaxes again and looks back at the coffee pot. Alexis perks up, "So what's next?"
"I need to talk to Lux."
…
The next day Kate hangs up her phone just before Alexis walks in the door. When she turns to see both Castle and Beckett in the kitchen area, she walks over to stand next to where Castle is seated.
"So I had to turn in my textbook for my physics class today, but when I was looking through the back of it I found out something interesting."
"What's that?" Castle asks.
"Well in the back it tells you how to convert units of light, and one of the units was lux," Alexis obviously excited about this new information.
"So, it's a measurement of light?" Kate asks.
"What's a measurement of light?" Lux asks from the bottom of the stairs, surprising everyone.
"Lux," Alexis says with a satisfied shrug.
"I kind of knew that…" Lux says walking over to the kitchen. "One day I had a checkup and a nurse came up to me and told me she named me when I was born. She chose it because my mom had brown hair and brown eyes yet I had blonde hair and blue eyes."
"I like it," Castle says very satisfied with the story. He had thought for a second about asking Kate what she would have named Lux, but he also thought it may be intrusive, plus knowing Kate, she tried to do the right thing by Lux sixteen years ago, so she probably didn't even let herself think about it.
Lux smiles and takes the seat next to him. "Thanks…?" She says unsure about how to respond.
…
At the knock at the door, Lux rushes to the stairs. She stops halfway down, when she sees Castle is already there. When he hears her, he turns around and mouths, 'I got it,' in a joking way, at which she rolls her eyes and goes back up the stairs. He looks over at Kate, who is sitting on the couch, and mouths, 'Wow.'
Kate makes a pretend worried face, as Castle opens the door. He gestures with his arm to invite the women at the door in, "Hi Fern."
"Hello, Mr. Castle," Fern says returning the greeting and smile, "And you Ms. Beckett."
"I'm glad you were able to make it," Kate says.
"It's nice to see that you changed this to your official address, though I'm not really sure why I'm here… About Lux, I assume?"
"Actually, no," Kate says as they all sit down on the couch.
"So what is this about?"
Castle continues, "We actually wanted to know if you could tell us anything about Tasha."
"Natasha Siviac?"
He turns back to Kate to verify, "Yes," she answers.
"What about her?"
"Lux seems to be really worried about her."
Fern smiles a weary smile, "Natasha is…troubled. She had a rough childhood which makes her a little hard to handle sometimes, which doesn't make her a good candidate to be placed. She was being fostered but the family couldn't handle her so currently Natasha is in a girls' home."
"Lux says she's miserable there," Kate pushes.
"Natasha has a rough time there. Look, the group homes, they are not always that great, especially for teenagers like Natasha, who are… more rebellious."
"Is there any way we can help, maybe we could…"
"Actually," Fern pauses for a moment to take a look at both of their faces, to judge where they are. "Now that I think about it there a thing called independent living."
Castle asks, "Didn't she and Lux already try that?"
"Yeah, that's how we got Lux," Kate answers for Fern.
"Yes, but the biggest problem for both of them was that they had no adults to supervise them as required," Fern finishes.
"So, we could help Natasha the same way that we helped Lux?" Castle asks not really liking the word helped.
"Lux is acting closer to a foster child of Ms. Beckett. In this case, Natasha would be would be living independently from your home, by herself, and she would be given money to live off of by the state, but the two of you would be legally responsible for her."
"We could do that," Castle says, making Kate whip her head to face him. So much for just asking, Kate understands, she wants to help Tasha too, but something about his quick answer surprised her in a way she didn't particularly like.
"Well I would like you guys to at least sleep on it," Fern says with a smile, "You will also need to find somewhere for her to live, but you can worry about that if you decide to take her in."
Kate and Castle both smile at her. She smiles, then it fades, "Since I did think you called me down here about Lux may I ask how she's doing?"
"She's warming up," Kate says, "She's still a little rough around the edges, but she's coming around."
"She's a good kid," Castle adds.
"Good," Fern says as she stands, which Kate and Castle follow in her lead, "It's been very nice talking to you but I do have another appointment to go to but you can call me in the next couple of days to tell me your decision."
Castle goes over to the door and opens it for her, "Thanks again for coming."
"Yes, thank you," Kate adds.
"Have a good night," Fern say before exiting.
As soon as Castle closes the door, Lux's voice carries in the momentary silence. It is the tone that makes you do a double take, thinking that the adults just became the children, but this time it's slightly hushed making it completely obvious that Lux is in fact the child, "Your decision on what?" They both look up to where she is standing at the center of the stairs. Anyone that just took a quick glance at her would say that the expression on her face is an 'I told you so' type of expression, Kate knows from having the same mindset in the past that the face Lux is making is worry, fear. Kate squeezes Castle's hand before going up the stairs.
Castle thinks about going to his office but when he passes the stairs he sees Kate and Lux haven't gone upstairs they are sitting down at the top of the stairs, so he turns around and grabs his laptop off of the kitchen counter and takes it in the bedroom to give them space and hopefully get some of a new chapter written.
Lux has her back leaning against the railings, angling herself so she doesn't have to turn to look at Kate, plus giving herself about a foot of distance between them. Kate almost wants to ask her what is going through her mind but her better judgment warns her not to. "We were trying to work with Fern to help Tasha."
Lux loosens a little but the tension is then replaced with some defense. "How is she going to help Tasha?" She asks, very skeptical.
"Well we agreed that Tasha wasn't doing well in girl's home," Kate says trying to validate Fern's affection.
"Oh and how did that work out?" Lux says in a tone that shows Fern wasn't validated at all.
"We're going to help her with independent living so she can live on her own."
Lux gets a huge smile than it flickers as if she is trying to make sure not to show too much of herself, "You're serious?"
"Mhmm," Kate says mirroring Lux's smile.
Lux wraps her arms around her tightly. It startles Kate, a good kind of startle, but she doesn't think she has ever hugged her. "You don't know how much this means to me." Suddenly she pulls away and goes back to spacing her away from Kate, "We're. You said we're… you and Castle?"
"Yes," Kate says unsure of what Lux is getting at. Lux's smile seems to falter a bit. Kate leans closer to her, "Is something wrong?"
"No…no, I'm just thinking about something."
"Would you like to share?" Kate says trying not to sound nosy.
"Me and Bug broke up that's all."
Kate suspected this from what she overheard a couple of night ago and is almost sure this isn't what is bothering her but if she doesn't want to talk about it she's not going to force her to, "Oh, I'm sorry Lux."
Lux squints her eyes and cracks the smallest of a smile, "Are you really?"
"Truly," Kate says with an apologetic smile.
Lux's smile fades, "Thanks." After a moment of silence Lux continues, "I should go to bed." Then stands and takes the couple of steps to the upmost platform. She turns around before walking away and says, "Seriously Kate thanks."
As soon as Lux walks away Kate leans her head against the railing, completely defeated.