I dedicate this story to my fellow GinTae fans on FB GC and Twitter GC especially QuenAnana for the suggestion. This one is for you guys!
Disclaimer: I do not own Gintama
Two Broke Leaders
=WHACK= a familiar sound waved around the Kodokan dojo. It's part of Sakata's family routine to kick the former Shinsenggumi Commander Kondo Isao out of the house everytime he stalks Gintoki's wife, Shimura Tae. Ever since the War was over, Kondo returned to his stalking habit. When he found out that Gin and Tae was getting married, his heart sank. This made the new Commander Hijikata to think that it's one of the possible reasons Kondo retired from his post.
"Then why Toshi-san never arrest him anyway?", their oldest child Shoyou asked them while they're having a lunch which was interrupted just minutes ago by the gorilla stalker.
"Because it's his former boss that's why you can't trust on the police force nowadays. Besides your mother don't report him. I already mentioned it to your mother since their friends, he could just go to the front door," Shoyou's adult version, Gintoki replied his son's question while eating candy with rice.
"Why don't you mama?"
"Well Shoyou, I actually said that to Kondo-san. It's just his stalking actually became part of my daily routine and I kinda missed it. I just let him do what he wants and besides I can punch him everytime I want which is the best thing! Your father can relate to it!" Otae said smiling, with a hint of scary aura emitting from her as Shoyou sensed it. Otae was tying her daughter's hair. Emi's hair was now long that she could be her mother's mini-me.
"As much as I don't like to see that gorilla's face I can see her point. When your auntie Sachan stopped stalking me, I felt that void."
"Wait...Auntie Sachan was a stalker?!" Shoyou was bewildered on this new information. The couple both nodded in agreement.
"You know, Tae-chan dear there comes a time we want peace. I think it's time for him to move one," Gin said as he sat closer to his wife.
"And I thinkI have a solution for that," she said as she leaned towards her husband.
"Otae-san, does Gin knows our rendezvous?," Kondo asked while blushing beside Otae. They're walking in a familiar place that is famous being the red light disctrict in the middle of the night. The question earned him a jab in his guts though.
"Kondo-san don't forget that I'm already married. Do you want to punch you again? And Gin actually knows why we're here and it's not our date," Otae said. Then Kondo saw a familiar booth.
"Ohayo Otae-chan!"
"Ohayo Hinowa-san!"
Kondo remembered the Love Potion incident. 'Did Otae change her mind? Did she just lied that in in fact they're actually on a date?! Is she gonna drink the love potion so we could be together? Is that why we're here at Yoshiwara so we could do the couples do? Is my dream really coming true? I did not bring any preservatives though but I don't care,' he thought.
"Here's my friend Kondo-san," Otae introduced Kondo as he shook hands with Hinowa.
"We already met but...," Then Hinowa whispered to Otae, "Gomenasai Otae-chan He's far off from your husband!"
"Don't be rude Hinowa-san! He's a good guy."
"If he's a good guy then why don't you take him as your husband?"
"My my Hinowa-san. She already moved on but it seems you're the one not finding peace. I almost gave Kondo-san a chance. It never worked out."
Hinowa sighed in defeat. No one can really compete against the Four Devas Queen, "Fine but if something goes wrong, it's not my fault!"
Then Hinowa called someone. That someone appeared to be dazed as she was still sleeping.
"What are you doing here Otae?"
"Ohayo Tsuki!" Noticing who's behind her, the blonde asked, "What this gorilla want? Did he put love potion on you?"
"Nope but Gin talked to you 2 days ago right?," When she mentioned his name, a flashback came into her mind.
2 days ago...
"Ow It's you Gintoki!," she tried to restrain herself as she was visited by her unrequited love. Her heart beats so fast but she learned how to compose herself everytime he comes to visit. This visit was actually surprising since she did not send a request to the Yorozuya HQ.
The silver haired gazed at her, "I think you're the one who needs help."
Minutes later...
"You want to want me what?!," she suddenly stopped smoking as Gin mentioned something.
"I said I want you to date other guys. I don't know if you're gonna be offended since it's coming from me but I really think you have to date someone."
"What's the sudden rush Gontki? You're acting like a mother, more than Hinowa."
He cannot say the truth about his and Otae's plan of getting rid of the stalker, "Well like I said you're a beautful girl and any boy would fall for you."
'I wish you're that boy', she thought but she shrugged it off since she likes how Gin became happier when him and Otae got together. She trusts her and she knew Oyae was already in Gin's heart even before she met him.
Gin continued, "Besides, you might not be able to have kids. You're almost 35."
"I'm gonna be fine Gintoki. I love being the head of Hakkyu. I have Hinowa and Seita."
"Okay. How about this? As your trusty friend, I'll introduce a man to you. I don't need for you to rush. Just to get to know him that's enough."
Thinking deeply, he wishes that this plan works out although he opposed to the idea of Gorilla being with a pretty woman like Tsukuyo together but he also thinks of the everlasting marriage life for him and Otae if this plan works so he sticks to it anyway.
"Fine I'll take it. As long as he's not a perverted one like you!"
Back to present time
"What?! Otae! You can"t do that?!," She screamed as Kondo was speechless, doesn't have any clue what was going on.
"You could try."
"Then why don't you try him yourself! You're both gorillas!", Tsuki knew Otae can make huge wreckage but she doesn't care anymore. She really felt betrayed.
"I really don't like being compared to a gorilla. You know what might happen to your place. We already tried but it didn't work since I already have Gin in my heart," Otae said as dark aura suddenly appeared throughout the room. She wants to do a rampage but she's doing a favor here so she composed herself.
"Oh! If I knew I would be betrayed I should copy Sachan on stealing your man!"
"You're already defeated if you copy Sachan. Besides I have the upperhand!," Otae said smiling as she turned to Kondo and said, "it's your lucky day Kondo-san! Good luck on your date with Tsuki!". Then she quickly left.
"Oi!," Kondo rushed outside but no certain brunette in sight.
Inside, Hinowa tapped Tsuki on the shoulder, "maybe you should try."
"Hinowa-san! You too?! Do you remember the popularity poll episode?! He just flipped his pixelized junk on screen?!"
"Well Gintoki already flashed his pixelized Junk during a virtual GF episode."
"We did not yet appear during that time!"
"Well I'm not present during the Poll episode but the way you explained I think he has no inhibition in showing his junk because he's well-endowed. Yoshiwara could use some of it."
"Oh! Enough Hinowa-san! That's disgusting! If Yoshiwara want a giant dick then I'll drag Kondo here if he could find a courtesan!," so she angrily dragged the helpless Kondo by his elbow along the road.
A couple of awkward dragging, Tsuki took a quick glance over the gorilla. Her heart crushed seeing his defeated face.
"Maybe Otae-san was having a hard time dealing wiht my stalking."
"What?! No wonder she dragged you here and she wants to match ypu with me?! Why are you still stalking her?!" Her pity was gone quickly.
"She said she missed our daily routine so I went for it!"
"You should decline it!"
"It seems there's a chance that she actually likes me that she was ok with my stalking."
"Oh my How can you be so dense! The fact that she's married it's time to move on!"
"I am moving on!"
"The way you do it's not moving on!"
Their argument came to finish. They looked away from each other.
"I have love potion if you want. Then I'll find some courtesan for you."
"No." Then he bowed his head like a fine gentleman, "Nice to meet you Tsukuyo-san". Then he walked away.
Tsuki glanced to him one more time, "Mendokuse...," she whispered as she took another drag from her pipe.
Tsukuyo walked the most tiring walk of her life. She couldn't believe one of her friends framed her in dating her stalker. And her unrequited love was also behind it. She was about to take another drag when she heard a loud rumble. Tsuki went to the next corner and found the gorilla stalker punching a drunkard out of the bar.
"I know she's a courtesan but it doesn't mean you have to insult her being!" He took another punch as the drunkard stood up and hurriedly left the place.
"Thank you customer!" The young courtesan hugged him as he lightly pat her head. The manager also thanked Kondo. As he turned around he saw the scarred woman smiling at him, "That was nice."
"I just punch a guy to let out my feelings I guess.I feel better now."
Minutes later, the duo found themselves walking side by side on the famour red light district.
"Sometimes I see Otae-san receiving a lot of insults from those drunkards but she was quite strong to punch them so there's no need for me to interfere. That young lady was helpless so I just did what's the right to do."
"No wonder Otae cried when you're about to execute. You're a good guy after all. And a good leader as well."
"Thanks. How did you find out about that incident?"
"Gin told me. That time he was really jealous of you so he went here to drink. Later on he just blurted everyting out to me. That moment I knew I don't have any strenght to compete with Otae. Since the love potion incident I knew my love was one-sided but that time when Gin visited it took me hard to realize it that it was true."
"Maybe that's why that two matched us for this date. We're both have one-sided love affair." Kindo said as they both chuckeld about their situation.
"Do you think we could be a good pair?"
"I dont know. For my standard you're way off with Gintoki. No offense but you're a good guy and a good leader but the Hero of Yoshiwara already bestowed to Gin so sorry about that."
"Well...Do you mind to date a guy with hairy ass and all?"
Tsukuyo showed her poker face upon hearing that question but she still managed to answer him while taking a drag from her pipe, "I really dont mind at all. Hairy-ass and all."
Kondo sudden blushed. He suddenly remembers that moment with Otae. Does it mean Tsuki would think of him that way if he pursues? If he was able to almost snatch Otae's heart, it might work on Tsuki. Maybe Otae was right. 'What if I try?' he thought. They're totally opposite and for him Opposites Attract.
"I could be your second in command in Hyakka."
She glanced at him smiling with his suggestion. She took another drag as she blew the smoke straaight into Kondo's face. Kondo coughed so loud that he actually looks like a real gorilla with his facial expression. Tsuki laughed so hard because of it. She suddenly remembers that she did the same thing with Gintoki. Although doing it with the Shiroyasha makes her happy and that's enough for her, thIs time she actually likes to see it again. She blew another one to Kondo as he hardly coughed and tried to snatch her pipe.
"This could be a beginning of a beautful friendship"*
The end!
Hope you like this one-shot! :)
*The last quote was from the 1941 Hollywood film Casablanca starring Ingrid Bergman and Humphrey Bogart.
The word Mendokuse was popularized by Shikamaru fro Naruto
The episodes mentioned is true. Can't remember the episode number though.
One of the reason I don't like KonTae was even though Otae has a gorilla strength, she is a delicate woman. Seeing her with Kondo doesn't make any sense. He's a police so he knows that stalking is against the rule (I know that they did that for comedy purposes but insisting that kind of behavior to a certain female character especially when she's 18 and he's like 29/32 is ridiculous. I don't find any legit logic there.) Plus he always show his dick. The way he flipped it during the poll arc would forever etched on my mind even though I don't like to remember it. Then there this Apology episode where he actually show his whole 'privateness'. He's a good leader as Tsuki mentioned but I don't know how someone could ship KonTae with this kind of behavior.