Ch. 19: Kindling
There was a buzzing in Walt's head when he opened his eyes. For a handful of seconds, he thought everything might have been a dream. It felt that way. Surreal. Like something that happened to someone else. Then, he tried to move his arm and was greeted by a shot of pain. Shifting his head, he could see the stitches Doc Weston had put in the night before. Walt lay there with his eyes on the ceiling. Nothing felt real. But, it was all too real. It was a difficult frame of mind to reconcile. Unfortunately, not the first time he had been here in his life.
Finally, he pushed himself up to a sitting position and looked around. He was in Cady's guestroom. Alone. Walt sat in silence and took in his surroundings. He couldn't hear much beyond the closed door. Gingerly he got out of the bed. His muscles protested the movement, but he spurred himself on. Dressing slowly, he tried to block out the pain his encounter with Will Cain left him with.
He was getting too old for this. Or he already was.
The pain was a reminder that he wasn't dead. For that, he was grateful and willing to bear the aches and the pains in his body that he was currently experiencing.
Pulling open the bedroom door, he finally heard sounds of life. Movement in the kitchen. He trudged down the hall and paused in the doorway. His eyes fell on Vic who was sitting on the counter with her legs dangling off, looking like it was any ordinary morning. She was dressed in jeans, her Flyers hoodie, and thick socks with her hair already pulled back out of her face. Her attention was initially on her phone, but her eyes raised from the screen as though she sensed him there. She looked at him for a few seconds longer than he would have liked before he finally broke the silence between them.
"Morning."
Vic set her phone on the counter beside her. He noted the coffee cup sitting there as well, wisps of smoke rising up from it and disappearing into the air.
"Morning."
To his relief, she didn't sound particularly angry. She didn't seem overly pleased to see him either, but at least she didn't walk up and punch him. If she had, he wouldn't have blamed her one bit. In his mind, it would be a small price to pay for her to be sitting there intact and mostly unscathed.
Physically, anyway.
"Coffee's ready."
She indicated the mostly full pot with a tip of her chin. Walt slowly walked over and poured himself a cup. He turned, cup in hand, to find her eyes still on him. More silence passed between them before Vic spoke.
"Did you sleep okay?"
Walt shrugged as he brought the mug to his lips.
"Tired."
Her eyes still hadn't wavered from him. The conversation felt painfully mundane and completely out of place considering the events of the night before.
"You were restless. So…"
She left the thought unfinished as she slid from the counter, her sock clad feet mutely thumping on the floor. She dipped her face, breaking the eye contact between them. She waved one hand at the refrigerator.
"I was gonna make some breakfast but…Cady hasn't been shopping. We'll have to pick something up."
Walt nearly smiled at the comment. With everything happening, that was no surprise. Vic considered him as he stood in front of her.
"How's the arm?"
Walt reached out and rubbed his hand over his shirt sleeve at the mention of his injury.
"Hurts."
Vic's face gave nothing away as she nodded slowly and started to take small steps towards the kitchen entryway.
"Good. Maybe you'll remember that."
Tossing him a look he couldn't quite decipher, she paused in the doorway.
"Finish getting dressed and I'll drive you over to see Cady. She was pretty adamant about you coming in this morning."
Walt hesitated.
"I can drive myself."
One side of her mouth pulled up, like she anticipated the comment before he said it.
"You could. But, you're not going to."
Weston's warning about a possible concussion rang through his ears. Cain had gotten in a few blows, strong blows to his head.
Saying nothing else, she walked away from him. He could hear her feet padding down the hall towards the guest bedroom and bathroom. Walt sighed and sipped his coffee, not looking forward to the ride or the day that lay ahead of him. In all honesty, he expected her to unload on him. The calm manner in which she was acting made him even more apprehensive than he already felt. He would almost rather she blow up at him and get it over with. Maybe, it was still coming.
xxx
It was almost like nature knew the ordeal was over. The sun was out, shining brightly above them. The temperature had risen a few degrees. It still wasn't quite approaching comfortable, but it was better than it had been for quite some time. Maybe a promise that spring wasn't as distant as it once felt. Vic kept her eyes on the road behind her sunglasses as she drove the Bronco over to the department. It felt odd for Walt to sit in the passenger seat. It also gave him a sense of déjà vu that he didn't exactly welcome.
Twice, he tried to broach the subject. Twice, she shut him down before he really got started with a simple shake of her head. For reasons she wasn't sharing, Vic clearly didn't want to talk about it just yet. Walt slumped against the seat, not sure where they were or what she was thinking. Normally, Vic was easy to read. Hiding her feelings was not something she did. Not in all the time he had known her. When she was mad, it was usually quite clear. But, her mood seemed muddled this morning with no particular emotion appearing dominant. With his head still swimming a bit from the hits he received from Cain, it was proving a hard thing for him to sort out.
Vic pulled up in front of the Sheriff's Department and stopped. She left the engine running. Walt turned to her in clear confusion.
"You're not coming in?"
Vic shook her head.
"No. Got a couple of things to do."
He challenged her for the first time all morning.
"What?"
He fully expected Vic to bristle like she so frequently did when he pressed his luck with questions. But, her eyes stayed neutral and her temper seemed even. Vic tilted her head slightly like she was wondering how to answer his question or if she planned to.
"For one, I'm going over to the towing place so my truck can be picked up for new tires."
Their eyes stayed connected.
"You said a couple, which is more than one."
Vic huffed out a laugh. But, there was no real humor behind it.
"You're asking me for an itinerary? Now? That's cute. Go up and talk to Cady. Give your statement and answer her questions. I'll be back in an hour or so."
Walt relented that she wasn't going to share all of what was on her mind. Maybe that was for the best right now. Hell, maybe she didn't know how she felt. He couldn't exactly fault her if she was genuinely mad at him.
He had, after all, locked her in a jail cell and gone after Cain on his own.
He closed the door and took the steps up to the office. Cady was standing at Ferg's desk when he walked in. Her eyes shifted to him and then to the empty doorway behind him.
"Vic didn't come?"
Walt shook his head, not wanting to get into his personal life with his daughter. Certainly not in front of Ferg.
"No."
Cady paused before she gestured for him to follow her into her office. Ferg offered him a smile, the first of the day that seemed real. So, he returned it as best he could, even though he didn't feel like smiling.
Cady closed the door behind them and took a seat behind the desk that once was his. It didn't feel like his anymore. For a while after his retirement, it had. This place had. But, those days seemed to have slipped by without his notice until that second. Suddenly, he felt like a stranger here.
A visitor.
It was an odd feeling that he hadn't anticipated.
"Dad?"
He blinked back to the present. Cady was clearly concerned.
"Yeah?"
"You okay?"
"Yeah."
She didn't seem convinced.
"The doctor said you took some hits to the head. Do…you want to wait another day or so to give your statement?"
Time wasn't going to make this feel any better. He knew that from experience.
"No. Let's get it over with."
Cady seemed to hesitate, but she nodded. It seemed like too much of this was happening lately. Questions and statements. Pain and injury. It should have ended with his retirement. Now, he wondered if it ever would.
Maybe it was foolish to think he would ever be safe from the past. His past. There might always be someone waiting on the sidelines for a go at him. The thought made him feel impossibly tired. Cady passed him a pen and paper and gave him an encouraging smile.
"Okay. Let's get started."
xxx
True to her word, Vic was back in less than an hour. Her boots echoed up the steps as she took them quickly. Ferg looked up as she came through the door and smiled like he was on repeat.
"Morning."
Vic returned the smile.
"Good morning. Walt still in with Cady?"
Ferg nodded. Vic sat down at her desk and leaned back in her chair. Ferg's attention settled firmly on her.
"How is everything?"
Vic shrugged. It was a loaded question and not one she was aching to answer.
"We're all alive."
He huffed.
"That's always a good thing."
He tried his best to sound positive.
She laughed a little as Cady's door swung open and she heard the familiar sound of Walt's tread over the floor. It was a little slower today than normal, but still recognizable. Vic turned her chair in the direction of the office door. Walt stopped when he saw her sitting and looking almost relaxed. Vic's eyes flicked between him and Cady.
"You done?"
He nodded.
"Yeah."
Vic pushed up out of her chair, mindful of her injured leg. Cady came around Walt and smiled at Vic.
"Hey."
Vic tucked her hand into her jacket pockets.
"Hey. I'll be back at work tomorrow."
Cady's smile widened.
"Good. We've missed you."
Something flashed across Vic's face and was gone. Her eyes moved to Walt.
"Ready?"
He nodded and pulled on his coat with a noticeable wince. Saying goodbye, they left the office and walked outside towards the Bronco. Walt slid back into the passenger seat. He noticed a bag on the seat between them. Vic pulled her seatbelt across. Turning, she grabbed the bag and opened it. The smell of food greeted them both immediately. Walt's stomach rumbled, reminding him that he had yet to eat.
Vic pulled a wrapped object out and the paper rustled as she offered it to him.
"Breakfast?"
He took it and unwrapped the breakfast sandwich. Vic pulled one out for herself and started the Bronco. They ate in silence as Vic drove. Walt didn't ask where they were going. He knew fairly quickly which direction she was heading.
Their sandwiches were gone by the time they pulled onto his land. Vic parked in the same familiar spot and got out. Walking around, she opened the cargo area and sat down. Walt walked slowly around the vehicle and stood in front of her with questions on his face.
"What're we doing here?"
Vic shrugged like she wasn't even sure of that herself.
"We need to talk."
The quiet way she said it told him that she meant business. There wasn't much more to be said about it. Walt braced himself for whatever she had been holding back all morning, but he agreed with the statement.
"Yeah."
Vic looked up at him.
"You wanna go first?"
Walt shifted on his feet.
"I'm sorry."
Vic shook her head, cutting him off instantly.
"Don't…do that. Don't say things that you don't mean."
He sighed.
"I haven't said anything to you that I don't mean."
Her expression was skeptical.
"Really?"
Walt met her eyes.
"Yes, really. I am sorry."
Vic looked away from him and out at the snow-covered landscape.
"About which part? The part where you lied to me? The part where you locked me in a jail cell? Or maybe the part where you almost got killed. Again."
He could finally hear some of the frustration she had been holding back since he woke up and found her in the kitchen. It felt like navigating an obstacle course blindfolded. He studied her while she wasn't looking and decided to change his approach. This one wasn't going to work. Not with Vic's ability to see through him. To know when he was being sincere.
"I'm sorry if I hurt you. But…I won't apologize for trying to keep you safe."
He said it with clarity and conviction.
That brought her eyes back to his.
"Thank you for not insulting my intelligence."
Walt moved to sit down beside her. He heard her sniffle a little in the cold air.
"I know I told you that I wouldn't do anything stupid. But…protecting you from someone who was after me didn't seem stupid. It seemed like the right thing to do. The only thing that I could do. I am sorry if I scared you."
Her face dipped down.
"You did. You scared the shit out of me. I thought I was going to find you dead."
Her voice was quiet now, her anger seemingly gone and replaced by something much deeper, but constrained.
"I didn't sleep at all last night. Thinking about this. About what happened. What you did. I was…pissed."
Walt knew that was an understatement. She inhaled and looked away again.
"I checked on you a few times to make sure you were okay. But, all I could think about was driving over there and wondering…."
Her voice broke and Walt felt a part of his own heart crack at the sound.
God, I was so mad at you. The longer I thought about it, the madder I got. And, then I realized I was being a hypocrite."
Walt turned his face to hers. He hadn't been expecting that.
"What?"
Vic sighed. She clearly didn't like what she was about to admit to him.
"I…did the same thing after you sent me off the Chance Gilbert case. I…tricked Travis and left him. I…kind of stole his car."
Vic reached up and brushed some hair out of her face.
"It wasn't exactly my best moment. Last night wasn't yours."
In an odd twist, Walt felt the urge to defend her from herself.
"That was different. You and Travis weren't married."
She nodded, her eyes still cast down.
"No, I know that. But…the base feeling was the same. I…felt like I would never have any peace as long as he was loose. I knew that you would go after him. I wanted him dead. Just like you wanted Cain dead."
It wasn't an easy thing to admit. He knew that. Wanting another human to die wasn't an easy burden to bear. It was like they were expected to be above it. To take the more noble road and do the honorable thing. That was the kind of thing that happened in books and movies. Not real life. Not with real feelings. Real feelings were so much more complex and unsettling. Real life was never wrapped up neatly with a bow. Closure wasn't always a real thing. It was rare, at best. Sometimes, it was simply learning how to live with what happened.
She lifted her face.
"It's…not fair for me to hold you to standards that I can't meet myself."
Walt smiled softly.
"Well…life isn't fair."
Vic smiled a little.
"You're telling me."
Quiet stretched out between them. There were things that felt unsaid between them still. Vic tapped one hand on her leg.
"You asked me not too long ago…if I thought you loved me more than I loved you. I've been thinking about that a lot. God knows why. Maybe it was all this shit with Cain. Maybe it was getting married."
"It's not a competition."
She smiled again.
"I know. But…I do think…that by necessity…people do love each other more at different times. That maybe it's got to be that way for us to make it through certain things. When…when we got together…I do think I loved you more. I think I had to in order to stick this out. But…as easy as it would be to call you selfish for going after Cain on your own…I understand why you did it."
She paused and Walt stayed quiet.
"That doesn't mean I like it. But, I do understand."
Walt spoke up, wanting to give her clarification into his mindset and feelings.
"I wasn't being selfish, Vic."
"I know. You told me all along that you would do anything to keep me safe. You were telling me the truth the whole time. Your truth. And…I think that's all I can really ask you for. You're the same person you were when I met you. That's never changed. And, I know that about you. I always have."
He heard and felt her sigh deeply beside him. He could see her look down and twist her wedding ring like she was thinking.
"I guess what I'm trying to say is…I'm sorry, too. For not hearing you earlier. And, asking you for things that went against who you are."
Walt reached over and placed his hand on her leg. It was the first physical contact between them all morning and it felt good. He could feel the body heat emanating from her under his hand and through her jeans. He gave her thigh a light squeeze.
"I think we should just call it even and move on from here. No more apologies. Not over this."
She smiled at him. A real smile before she grew somewhat serious looking again.
"Okay. But…I gotta tell you something. In the interest of being completely honest."
Walt dipped his chin a little.
"Okay."
She looked him directly in the eyes.
"If you ever lock me up like that again…I will kick your ass."
Walt laughed, feeling lighter than he had in weeks. Vic smiled again and it was a smile that lit up her entire face. After the moment passed, Vic turned her eyes to where the cabin once stood and cleared her throat.
"So…when do you think you'll be able to get started on the new place?"
Walt stubbed the toe of his boot at the thick layer of snow on the ground.
"Soon as the ground thaws."
Vic nodded, a smile still on her face.
"Sounds good. The weather looks like it's finally turning. Guess it's not the only thing."
She stood up slowly and ambled around the Bronco. Walt stood up and closed the cargo area before trailing after her. She stopped and looked at the empty space. It seemed like it was ready. Waiting. Vic shoved her hands into her pockets and lowered her chin into the top of her jacket.
"Are you okay with all this. Really?"
Walt inhaled a lungful of cold air. Despite the chill, it felt good. He was grateful for this day. He was thankful for the ability to breathe in the air and smell the world around him. To feel the sleeve of Vic's jacket brush against him when she moved. For all of his senses really. It was something he came close to losing.
Being here. With her.
"It's hard. But, I guess the only thing that really stays the same is that everything changes over time whether we want it to or not. Like you've said before, all change isn't bad."
He lifted his hand and the sun glinted off the shiny metal band on his finger.
"Like this."
She half smiled as he let his arm fall back to his side.
"When Martha died, that was the hardest part. The change. Everything was different. I was alone. The cabin felt…empty. Cady was sad all the time and trying to mother me. The world felt like it turned upside down."
He felt her hand on his arm.
"That's how these past few weeks have felt. Like everything was all wrong. Fucked up. Upside down. Ever since we lost the cabin."
Walt turned to face her, his eyes finding hers. There was little he could offer her except for himself.
"It's over now. He's gone."
She tilted her head until it rested on his chest. Walt's hands came up to her shoulders and rested there as several minutes ticked by around them. Finally, Vic lifted her face to his.
"Let's go. It's cold as hell out here."
Walt smiled.
"Hell isn't cold."
xxx
8 Months Later
"You've have got to be kidding."
Walt shook his head and held up a bandanna. The Bronco sat on the side of the road, idling.
"C'mon, Vic."
His voice was teasing. With a deep sigh, she rolled her eyes and turned her head so that he could blindfold her and tie a secure knot at the back of her head. Once he seemed satisfied that she couldn't see, he pulled back onto the road and continued to drive.
"This is dramatic."
Walt smiled.
"I would use the word fun."
Vic shook her head and turned her face in his general direction.
"Says the person who can see."
Walt knew that her grumbling was good natured. Mostly.
He parked in front of the cabin and got out. Hearing Vic pulled her door open, he hurried around to take her arm and guide her out. He kept one hand on her and pushed the door closed with his free hand.
"Come on."
Placing his hands on her shoulders, he steered her towards the cabin steps.
"Step up."
Vic did, feeling with her feet as she took one step at a time.
Walt accosted her as soon as she walked in the door from work, telling her that he had a surprise. She knew it was about the cabin. That he was almost done with it. They were preparing to move in that weekend, barring any unforeseen holdups. He gave her time to change, before grabbing her hand and pulling her towards the door.
"Watch your step."
Vic nearly tripped, her Converse catching on the top step. Walt's hands on her shoulders kept her steady and upright. They tightened a bit at her misstep.
"Ow…shit."
He was glad she was blindfolded and couldn't see the smile on his face. It would undoubtedly piss her off. Walt pushed on her shoulders.
"Stay here. Don't move."
Vic sighed loudly and overdramatically as he walked off and left her standing alone.
"Like I have a choice."
From behind the dark colored bandanna he had tied over her eyes, she heard the shuffle of his boots and the creak of a door opening. Vic shifted her face towards the sound, feeling out of sorts with her eyes covered.
"It's not like I haven't seen it. I've been here the whole time."
Walt ignored the comment. It was mostly true. Mostly.
She had seen the progress on the new cabin regularly. She even helped him when she could. The process wasn't without it's hitches. There were so many decisions to be made and neither of them were decorators. Vic tended to get tired of being asked about colors and textures. But, he was determined to make this place just as much hers as it was his. He wanted to maintain the same feel as the old cabin, but he also wanted this to feel like the new start that it was. It seemed to be symbolic of so many things that were happening in all of their lives. Not just his and Vic's.
Despite everything, life went on.
Ferg and Meg were married with Meg expecting their first child. When Vic told him the baby news, she tried to sound nothing but happy. And, he knew that she was. Without a doubt. But, he could also detect the hint of sadness that almost seemed like an afterthought. Of course, it would remind her of her own pregnancy. One that was created in less than ideal circumstances. One that ended with a broken heart that would never completely heal. Walt knew the feeling. Thinking of Martha, though easier over time, still brought a pang to his own heart.
Healed, but scarred. It was the best description he could come up with.
But, Vic learned the same lessons he did over time. Moving forward wasn't the same as moving on. You didn't forget. You got better at living with the pain. You found other things that made you happy. Being happy wasn't a disservice to lost loved ones. It was a way to honor them by carrying on. It was possible to be happy for Ferg and still mourn her own loss. The two weren't mutually exclusive.
Just like it was possible for him to still love Martha and treasure her memory, but also love Vic and treasure the present that they were living.
That's what they were doing. Living. All of them.
Cady was still single. But, as the days passed, she seemed more comfortable in her own skin and in her job. She enjoyed going out with her friends and having dinner with Walt and Vic once a week, at least. For a while, it seemed like she might get back together with Zach. The two of them seemed to dance around the idea for several weeks. But, in the end, they decided that they were better suited as friends.
Vic knew she was dating. They talked over drinks fairly frequently. Walt would ask about Cady's social life, but Vic would only tell him bits and pieces. She knew it frustrated him, but she maintained her insistence that Cady's personal life was her business and Walt needed to trust her to make the right decisions.
That was easier said than done. But, he was trying.
With the warmer weather came an uptick in crimes and reports to the department. As the snow and ice thawed, the weather became more bearable. As much as they all looked forward to spring, it did bring about the inevitable. More people on the streets meant more work for them. It was a cycle that repeated year in and year out.
So, Vic's assessment was partially correct. She was present for a good portion of the construction and she was hands on in the decision making process. However, work kept her away more and more as the cabin inched towards completion. So, she hadn't seen the final stages where everything was coming together. She hadn't been there since he and Henry moved the new furniture in.
So, why not make it fun?
Vic could feel Walt move behind her again. His warm hands landed on her shoulders and he started to steer her forward. Vic took one uncertain step after another, only able to trust that he wouldn't let her fall flat on her face.
"Stop."
Walt pulled on her and Vic stilled. His hands left her shoulders and began to untie the blindfold.
"Ready?"
Vic sighed impatiently.
"Yes."
He let the bandanna drop away from her face and stuffed it into the back pocket of his jeans. For at least a full minute, Vic stood without reaction. Walt watched a series of emotions and thoughts play across her face. Things she never hid well. He appreciated that about her. Her lack of a verbal reaction created a small stir of worry in his gut. It wasn't like Vic to be quiet.
"So?"
He prodded her carefully. Cautiously. Vic's eyes were still roaming the space. Leaving his side, she started to walk through the cabin. It still smelled of fresh wood and paint. Walt trailed along behind her, giving her room to go where she wanted and look at what she preferred. She walked into the bedroom, taking in the new bed and bedding. Then, her path led her to the new, slightly larger bathroom.
"This one's finished."
She smiled when she said it and all he could do was laugh at himself. The prolonged state of his previous bathroom was well known amongst those who knew him best.
He watched as she turned around and let her eyes wander. A few times, she ran her fingers lightly over a spot here or there.
They wound up in the kitchen. The layout was similar to the old one. The table in the center was bigger by a bit, having been made by Walt as well. The appliances were newer, adding a little modernity to the rustic look of the cabin. Vic inhaled and exhaled, turning around looking over the space. Finally, her eyes came to rest on Walt.
"When did you have time to get all the furniture moved in?"
He smiled sheepishly. That part was a surprise and he had recruited extra bodies for it while Vic was at work. Mainly Henry.
"Last couple of days."
He took her hand and tugged, feeling a twinge of excitement himself.
"Come out to the back."
She let him pull her to the back door. Walt pulled it open and gave Vic the space to go out first.
The word breathtaking didn't quite do the scenery justice. True to his word, Walt added a back porch that was big enough to house a table and two chairs. Vic leaned on the railing and looked out around them.
"It's…amazing."
Walt smiled, feeling some of the nerves lift from him.
"Is it what you wanted?"
She turned to face him.
"It's perfect."
Wrapping her arms around his neck, she pulled him down and kissed him hard. Walt's hands slid down her back, stopping just at her hips. When she pulled away, she looked up into his face.
"You missed your calling. Should've been a carpenter."
Walt shook his head.
"I wouldn't want to earn money this way. Then, you have to meet deadlines and schedules. I like it because I can make what I want when I want."
Vic nodded.
"Still…this might be the coolest thing anyone has ever done."
That earned another smile.
"I've never been called cool before. I'll take it."
Vic laughed and pressed her head into his chest before she released him and stepped away. She looked around the room again before turning back to him.
"I know we weren't planning to move in until the weekend. But, let's…stay here tonight."
Walt regarded her with an amused look.
"We didn't bring any clothes."
Vic shrugged and tilted her head at him in a way that had the potential to melt him on the spot.
"Who needs clothes?"
xxx
"Did I tell you that Ferg and Meg are having a boy?"
Walt shifted his chin so that it rested on her bare shoulder.
"No."
His breath was warm on her ear. The arm that wasn't underneath her was draped over her side, his hand spreading over her stomach.
"He brought the ultrasound picture in today. He was excited."
Walt tipped his face slightly towards her.
"How was that?"
Her shoulder moved under him.
"Not too bad."
"He doesn't know, does he?"
Vic was quiet for a few seconds before answering.
"No. I never told anyone at work. Couldn't stomach the thought of everyone walking on eggshells around me. You know. My family knows."
"And Henry."
She shook with a short laugh.
"And Henry. Anyway, I'm happy for them. That's all he's talked about since they got married. Being a father. He doesn't even seem scared."
Walt smiled.
"He is."
Vic turned her head slightly in his direction.
"How do you know?"
"Because all men are scared when they find out they are going to be a father. And, he was talking to me about it a couple of weeks ago."
Vic elbowed him and he pressed his mouth to her skin. He grew serious again.
"You know that door didn't have to be closed, Vic. We could have talked about it."
Despite the vagueness of his words, she knew what he was implying. Vic rolled onto her back, breaking the partial embrace they were in. Walt propped his head into his hand and looked down at her.
"I know. But…"
Her eyes drifted to the ceiling. He could see her thinking, searching for the right words to express herself.
"…it just didn't seem to fit. Not after everything. Once I made…some kind of peace with it…it was a little easier to…let go of it. It's not something I ever gave much thought to before."
She grew quiet. Walt's eyes stayed on her until her eyes reconnected with his.
"Now, I like our life. Maybe it's not so…traditional or what I thought my life would be like. But, it's ours and I think it's pretty damn good."
Walt smiled.
"It is good. You're right about that."
"Until the next crazy psycho shows up at least."
Walt frowned.
"Should I be expecting someone?"
Vic rolled her eyes.
"No. But, that seems to be the cycle, doesn't it? God forbid we get comfortable."
Walt shook his head.
"Hopefully, we're done with that particular pattern."
Vic shrugged.
"It'll just be something else, then."
"You seem awfully sure of that."
She smiled wryly.
"There's no such things as happy endings. I would've thought you would know that at this point in your life."
"You don't believe in happy endings? At all?"
Vic shook her head.
"Nope. Don't look at me like that. You don't believe in that shit either."
He couldn't tell if she was serious or not.
"Why?"
Vic raised an eyebrow at him.
"Seriously?"
Walt shrugged.
"Explain it to me."
She sighed and sat up, leaning her back against the headboard.
"For there to be a happy ending, things have to end. Endings, by their very nature, are sad. So…there's no such thing."
"That…is true."
Her expression grew somber.
"One day, I will have to live without you. Or…maybe even you without me. It's just the way things are. And, I'm still not sure I can do it. It's the kind of thing you don't consider when you're young. But, the older you get and the more you lose…or have to lose, the more you think about it. Don't tell me you've never thought about it."
He smiled at her, trying to break some of the sadness in her tone.
"You know I don't believe in fairy tales. So…what do you believe?"
Vic inhaled.
"That we can be happy now. That we can do our best to sustain that happiness for as long we have it in our lives. Once it's gone, I guess we have to rely on our memories."
Walt swallowed.
"When I first lost Martha, it was hard to think of her. Painful, even. But, you're right. Over time, it gets easier to think about. Now, the memories don't make me sad like they once did. Now, it's easier to remember her and smile. I know…there will always be times that it's hard. But, there are also times that it's good."
Vic held his eyes.
"It's against human nature to be happy all the time."
With the comment out, she lay back down and tugged the sheets up over her again. Walt watched her as she shifted around trying to find a position she liked.
"You know, when I am gone, I don't want you to be sad about it."
Vic cut her eyes at him.
"That's a dumb thing to say and impossible to ask."
"I know. But, I want you to think back on this moment. When you need to."
Their eyes stayed connected for another few seconds before Vic broke the eye contact.
"This is depressing."
He smiled.
"I know. But, what I just said is important."
Dipping his face, he kissed her.
"But, in the meantime, I don't plan on going anywhere anytime soon. So…you're stuck with me for twenty or thirty more years. Maybe longer if I eat my oatmeal like Weston tells me to."
Vic smiled against his mouth and slid her hands into his hair.
"Good. Because I'm attached to you."
She laughed and shoved at his chest. Walt settled back in at her side and let his hand rest on her hip. Vic rolled to face him.
"Thank you for this."
Walt gave her a questioning look.
"For what?"
She lifted one hand and waved it around.
"All of this. It'll be nice to back out here. In our own place."
Walt studied her.
"You've changed."
She narrowed her eyes.
"How so?"
He smiled lazily at her.
"It's subtle, but you've changed. Small things."
Vic inhaled.
"You have, too. You know that right."
Walt accepted her words. She could see it on his face.
"All change isn't bad."
She nearly laughed.
"See? That comment alone shows how much you've changed since I moved here."
He shrugged.
"Fair enough."
Vic reached out and ran her hand over his arm.
"All the kids are growing up. Ferg, Cady."
Walt smiled.
"You're not that much older than she is."
Vic did laugh then.
"Experience over age, baby. Us old married people will have to show them how it's done."
She pushed herself back up and slid over him, straddling him. Walt looked up into her face.
"Really?"
Planting one hand on either side of his head, she nodded.
"Yep. They're amateurs. They don't realize how much life is going to kick their asses."
Walt looked up at her, his body stirring.
"So…what do you plan to show them?"
She grinned.
"How to come out on top."
End