I never thought I see the day where I just want to die, to disappear, god why life got to be so hard.
Why life can never let me breathe, just once I want to breathe and know that everything going to be okay.
Oh, how I wish things could have been different, why can't I catch a dam breath?
Who to say life would have been better if I had someone to love me, take care of me?
Oh god, I wish I could believe things will get better but somehow, I doubt it.
Oh, how I wish for the life of someone else, but then who to say it will be better than what I have now.
Sometimes I wish I was saying goodbye and instead of waking up every morning, wondering if this is my last day.
If the day will come when I no longer feel my breath touch my lips.
Oh god if you hear, please give me the strength to get through another day, to see the light through the tunnel.
Because all I see is darkness and despair.
I feel as if no one can save me, oh god
What is happening to me, why does this life have so much pain and hurt?
Why do I lose people I love and keep people who do not mean a thing to me?
I hate this life; I want to be happy but what is there to be happy about.
What is the purpose of this life, what is my purpose of being here?
I don't know, I need help, oh how I need the presence of my oh mighty god, I know its not my times but how I wish it was, oh how I wish, I could feel the warmth of your holy sprits
Oh, please save me from myself, oh these negative thoughts how they kill me, oh how they destroy me.
Someone once told me life was meant to be live and I could think was how badly I wanted this life to end!
God, why am I here, why put me through trauma and love and lost only to bring me up to put me right back down,
The only thing you do is make me hate the way of the world, the way of these hurtful and hateful people.
Why give someone to me only for you to take them away
I do not understand, your purpose for myself. I do not see the point of living when I will never have a happy ending.
No matter if it will the love of my life a or someone I care deeply for,
The life you gave made it so, I do not trust, that I do not go out in the dark, you made where my life Is full of fear and wondering what was the purpose of this.
I can't say if or give because I don't, I can't ill love because I probably won't and to ask myself will I ever trust, that hell no
Like I said I never thought I say I want to die, I thought I got over this shit but I guess I was just pushing it away, hoping that it will not come back to haunt me.
You know I was strong but sometimes I get tired of being strong and saying nothing will ever touch me.
I loved and lost, I had a life I could have loved and I had the life I hated with a passion that I try to bury myself and not come up,
I can say I'm sorry for the problem I cause my family and friends, but at what point do I stop saying sorry and just move on.
I wonder if you will ever know the real me if you will ever see I am more than what you see. I am more than what you see.
There are things In this life I can never unsee and there are thing I wish to god, I have never seen, I needed the space to breathe, I need air as I needed to breathe, I felt as if this life was suffocating me as if I no longer had a reason for living.
That the hardest part about this, I will never know what could have been,
The wondering of what if, I can't sleep, I can't eat and I can't breathe it feel as if I have a heart attack, my chest is tight and feels as if someone is stabbing me.
You know I hope someone happy; I hope someone will understand I was never meant for this life, I was never meant to be born. God made a mistake, he made a mistake to have me born, I feel it in my soul. I want to go back in time and make it, so I was not created.
Then there be one less person here to worry about me and feel as if they need to protect me from myself.
Oh, the sweetest delights of wishing I could be unalive.
Honestly who going to miss me when It's my time, I know I go with a smile on my face and joy in my heart that I finally no longer have to live this life, that I no longer have to wonder when my time is coming. I'll say goodbye the only way I know how I'll see you on the other side.
Remember, I came into this life a happy child and left it knowing I got what I came for.
Love Bella