I wanted to give you guys an extra chapter, just a cute one, for the holidays. Unfortunately, I got sick and couldn't finish it in time, so here it is now. Hope you enjoy.

Chapter 18: Love the Holidays

Castle stares into Kate's amber eyes; trying to read her mind, decipher even the slightest amount of what her thoughts might be. He hasn't had the best reputation of knowing what is on her mind, but he could usually at least predict her next move. He doesn't know what's changed in the last month, but she just seems… less… calculated. She smiles, "What're you thinking?"

"Honestly?" He solemnly asks.

Her eyes get a little bigger as her smile fades away. "Yes, honestly."

"You," he says softly, "I was thinking about you."

"What about me?"

"Ever since the trial, I can't tell how you're feeling."

She lies her head back down on the pillow. She looks up, as she says, "It's hard to explain."

"Try," Castle softly encourages.

She rubs her face in her pillow, before propping her head up with her hand. "You remember when Alexis went missing and you told me not to tell you I could find her, unless I could, because you would never forgive me-"

"Right," he says.

"But you also said-"

"I wouldn't be able to forgive myself," he says softer now knowing where she's going with this.

"It's that feeling, mixed with…" He looks at her as if to ask 'with what,' but he doesn't say anything. Instead he just waits for her to continue. Kate sits upright so he does the same. It's not until they are eye to eye again, that she continues, "But she's fine, even a little better since the trial, so I kind of feel a bit relieved- for her."

It sounds harsh, but he gets it. Lux has seemed a little comfortable the last month. She had finally been able to put some trust into them, without it back firing on her and in the end allowed everyone to put their guards down for a second. It was a baby step in the right direction. If only Lux's rise in confidence hadn't caused a teeter totter effect on Kate's own. "So between those two feelings and all the other stuff, I don't know how I feel."

He can't help, but give her a smile, not a coy smile, or a joyful one, it was kind and gentle, and oh so genuine. She gives him an irritated glare, as she sounds a tad bit stuffy, "What?"

"What you just described. That guilt, the happiness, the chaos, that's kind of how being a parent feels."

She rolls her eyes at herself, "It only took me a year."

"To be fair, that's roughly the amount of time it takes most people. And you kind of got thrown into the deep end."

She looks back up at him, "It sucks."

He scoots over to sit next to her and pulls her into his arms. He can't help, but let out a bit of a laugh as he says, "I know."

…

Living up to her name, Lux, was sitting on the floor untangling lights, while everyone else tried to uncover every ornament in their possession. Alexis and Kate had already tag teamed the two boxes from the upstairs hall closet and were now unpacking them to see what was in them. Castle had just reentered the living room, from getting one last Christmas box from their bedroom closet, when Kate asks, "So Alexis, how's school going?"

"Okay, the classes are hard."

"Well, if you ever need any help I can try," she lets out a huff entangled in a laugh, "Or I can have my dad help."

Before Alexis can thank her for the offer, Lux jumps in. "With law school homework?" She says it in a joking tone, the kind of sardonic tone that teenagers are famous for.

Castle sets down the last box on the floor next to Kate. "You know Beckett- Kate went to law school, right?" He asks Lux.

"Really?" Lux asks, "I mean, I knew you went to college."

Kate sits back on her heels, distancing herself from her efforts to pull the tape off of one of the boxes. "Stanford, actually, but only for two years."

"Why?" Lux asks.

It had the potential to be a loaded question, which Castle expected a complicated answer to accompany it, but Kate just slightly scrunches her face and confidently answers, "I needed a change."

"I shouldn't have complained," Alexis quietly comments.

There is almost an expectation for Kate to respond with an 'it wasn't that bad' but with a quick reflection it seems that almost everyone can feel how that was an unfair expectation. Castle quickly deflects by asking Lux, "So what about you? Have you thought about what you want to do after school?"

"I don't really know. I probably won't go to college," Lux shrugs.

"You have to go to college," Kate and Castle calmly say in unison.

"Why?" Lux asks, looking up from the knot she is trying to work out.

Castle and Kate look at each other, they both went to college (to some extent at least), but technically neither of them had to, which is probably why Alexis takes the lead, "You should, because you can and it can help in the future, but honestly it depends on what you want to do."

"I don't know what I want to do," Lux tries to persuade.

As she pulls a stocking out of its box, Kate calmly assures, "That's okay. You have time."

Lux relaxes as she pulls apart the last knot. "I'm not good at school anyways," she mutters. The comment causes Kate to look back up at her, but Lux shakes the conversation off easily, holds up the string of lights and announces, "The lights are done."

…

Christmas Eve has finally come and mostly gone. In fact, Alexis was already in her pajamas, as she sits on the back of the couch. She swings her feet rapidly as her heels bang against the back of the couch. Lux glares at her from the kitchen. "Jesus, Alexis! What?"

She jumps off the couch, walks over to the dining room table, and leans over the counter. "Oh come on, Lux, it's Christmas Eve."

"I'm doing homework."

"Which isn't due until after break," Alexis notes. Kate comes out of the bedroom and just stares at them, listening to their banter.

Lux shrugs, "I don't have anything better to do."

Alexis leans against the table and playfully whines, "But it's Christmas Eve."

Kate grins as she asks, "Did you guys switch or something?"

Unaware that they were being observed, they both perk up at the sound of her voice. "It's Christmas Eve," Alexis defends, again.

"That's fair," Castle butts in, from the kitchen.

Kate smirks, but still looks at him in a way that closely resembles an eye roll. In response, he turns to Alexis, "Alexis you want to help me frost?"

She springs out of her chair and quickly joins Castle in the kitchen.

Kate smiles, as she watches the two of them for a second. She walks over to Lux and taking a seat across from her.

"They really like the holidays," Lux observes, watching Castle and Alexis spread thick frosting onto gingerbread cookies.

"Did you just figure that out?" She jokes, referring to the unfaltering Castle family enthusiasm for all holidays, from Halloween to New Years.

"I may have picked up on it earlier," Lux notes, before looking back down at her science packet.

Before she can fully dive back into it, Kate asks, "Can I ask, why you're doing homework?"

"I wanted to get it done," Lux answers without looking up.

"Sure, but Alexis is right. It's not due for about another week."

"So?" Lux asks obviously becoming more impatient with Kate. She gives Lux a stern glare, until Lux looks up.

"Okay," Lux says giving in. "Look, every Christmas, wherever I was, they would decorate a little, we would get some impersonal handed down presents, and that was it. But for the last nine years I could always count on having Tasha."

"But this year, you don't."

"Right,"

Kate scrunches her face trying hard to think of a solution. After a moment Lux asks, "What?"

"I have an idea of somewhere we could go."

…

In all of Castle's years of living in New York he had never been here, not on Christmas Eve at least. He once took Alexis when she was seven or so and even then it was for ice skating, not the tree. He didn't know why he hadn't gone since, but he knows well enough why he hasn't taken Kate.

The first time he spent Christmas with Kate, he had to practically guilt trip her into staying away from the precinct. After she had become fascinated with all the loft's decorations, he asked her what she normally did on Christmas. She told him she normally worked the Christmas shift and her father normally went up to their cabin. She then told him what her family used to do, when they still celebrated Christmas, when it was whole. And this was part of it. She and her parents would go to the tree at Rockefeller Center every Christmas Eve.

Now, the four of them just stare at the tree, as city tourists and families hustle and bustle around them. On his right is Alexis, standing there awestruck. For a second he wishes she saw this as a little girl. His baby girl would have loved to see this up close. But that little girl was so easy to impress, and his now twenty-one year old wasn't, making her mesmerized expression worth the wait. When he turns to his left he sees Kate and Lux finally making their way up to the perfect spot Alexis has maneuvered them into. Kate, having just guided Lux through the crowds, has her hands on Lux's shoulders as she stands in front of her. Once they are steady Castle watches to see their reaction. He half expects Lux to ask a question somewhere along the lines of why are we here, but instead she just tilts her head back looking all the way to the top, where the tree seems to vanish into the night sky. Her lips slowly part before they quickly welcome a smile. She almost laughs at how over taken she is by it and in exchange looks to Kate.

Kate is beaming. The kind of peaceful smile, he's only ever seen her have a handful of times. In her mindlessness, she wraps her arms around Lux's shoulders. Lux almost looks concerned for a second and tries to get a glimpse at Kate, but can't without offsetting her. As if she can feel the peace soak into her as well. Castle finds it comforting that even though she doesn't know the reason they're there; she still somehow knows that Kate just wants to share this with her, with her own family.

He starts to wonder how many times Kate has thought about this. What she would be doing on Christmas; if she wasn't working, or if her father didn't go up to his cabin every winter, or if she wouldn't have given Lux up for adoption, or, of course, what if her mother didn't die. By the look on her face he can tell that they have all crossed her mind more than he could probably ever imagine.

He tries to avoid that, rethinking their entire history, analyzing every moment to see when she was lying or keeping herself guarded. He tries not to think like that because it never comes down to being afraid and, well, he can't begin to imagine how lonely that must've been. Castle can feel his smile fade away, when he reaches this conclusion. Not because he is sad, but because he realizes he could never be mad at her for that kind of thing. "Kate," he softly says, trying to grab her attention.

She turns at the sound of her name. She stares at him a moment, leaning a little more onto Lux than she was before. When she registers his face, she pulls away, letting her arms gently fall off of Lux's shoulders. She takes a step closer to Castle to keep the girls in their happy bubble.

"What's wrong?" She asks.

"Nothing, I just-" he stops himself. "I made a mistake yesterday."

"What do you mean?"

"Yesterday, I said that you've been a mom for the last year, but that was wrong. You were Lux's mom sixteen years ago when you made the decision to try to give her the best you could." Her eyes are big, watching him so intently hanging off of every word. He gives her time to respond, but she doesn't. She remains completely silent. For a second he is worried, because, again, he can't read her emotions. Suddenly Kate lets a smile slowly spread across her face. He huffs a laugh, "You scared me."

"You scared me," she says back, her smile now becoming mischievously crooked. Smiling he leans into kiss her forehead. And just as he's about to pull away she grabs his face and pulls him in to press her lips to his. He wraps his arms around her so when she pulls away she easily curls into him, letting her cuddle into him.

They both return to looking at the Christmas tree and after a minute or two of blissful silence, Castle adds, "I'm really glad you brought us here."

I know there was not really any story progression or anything, but I hope you guys liked it. Happy Holiday!