"I don't think this idea is very daijobou," said Futoshi as he bit into his Pretty Patty from Sugar Factory.
Right now, Zorome and Futoshi were about to create a fake fursona account to troll the furry fandom and maybe roleplay. The original idea was to make a dating profile on FurryMet, but because Zorome didn't have any cash in his bank account left after the identity theft fraud and Futoshi refused to pay for anything outside of food and BTS merch, they had to use Twitter as a watered down Tinder (but for furries).
"Don't worry about it, bro! Nobody will even know it's us," Zorome reassured him nonchalantly as if all of his ideas didn't always end them up in near death situations, or nearly leave them with a criminal record.
Zorome received the "brilliant" idea to create a furry profile after he watched a video of a youtuber trolling furry discord servers. He watched shitty videos like that in his free time despite constantly dragging Hiro for his lack of a life and job. The hypocrisy jumped out.
He scrolled up through several tweets on his timeline, not even stopping to like them since Zorome only liked his own tweets from his empty accounts to make it seem like people cared about his tweets.
TheVirginKiller:
kinda want my pussy eaten right now... darling, i know you're reading this. [kiss_heart_emoji]
2:00 AM • 1/15/97 • Twitter for Ferrari
678 Retweets, 150 Likes
Reply from FakeVirginMary Kokoro ココロ:
oof, you said it :))
2:12 AM • 1/15/17 • Twitter for Nokia
0 Retweets, 3 Likes
[Scroll down for the rest of this thread]
JesusAllDay:
haha... hah? [sweatdrop_emoji]
2:04 AM • 1/15/19 • Twitter for LeapFrog Tablet
Reply from LILBTHEBASEDGOD (Verified Checkmark):
n*gga, what the fuck? leapfrog? LMAOOO
700 Retweets, 1.5k Likes
Reply from TupacIsAlive:
leapfrog man? [unsure_man_pursing_his_lips_out .gif]
Reply from H0miezforlyfe:
what did you search for that gif?
After clicking all of Twitter's buttons for 20 seconds, Zorome finally found the 'Log Out' option and selected 'Sign Up' from the homepage. Let the fun startó:
"Yoish! Let's start with a username first," said Zany with a smirk as he tried to use his (1) braincell to think of something epic but hilarious.
"How about JungkooksUncircumcisedCock?" Futoshi chipped in with his mouth full, squishing the obnoxiously artificially colored grease around in his mouth with each bite.
"No, man! That's too long and it has to be furry related! Uhh... How about..." The keyboards started clinkin, "thicc... Furboy."
[Username: thiccFurboy]
"Hmm, I guess that's fine too," Fatty said as he continued to munch, not actually caring about this "genius" idea Zorome had planned (in Zap's own words). He actually felt scammed since his best friend promised to hook him up with a hot babe again (like Zero Two), but instead he was being forced to interact with weirdos for Zorome's own intertainment.
"Cool! This is gonna be so dope, dude. Okay, now for your password–"
[Password: * * * * * * ]
"Chotto a minute. What did you put for my pass?" Futoshi questioned as he leaned over Zorome's seat, pressing the weight of his thickness against his best friend's flimsy and half-tattered Mickey Mousr chair that was meant for a little kid. The condiments from his McQuarterPound dripping onto Zorome's already questionably sticky keyboard like his Nasty Patty with Hiro's cock back in Chapter 3.
"gross, Dude! Watch where you're putting that thing," Zorome said in Disgust before he unrolled the toilet paper that was conviently always by his computer and quickly wiped down his keyboard. The year-old white stains on it didn't come up tho.
"Anyway, the password is ZoromesBDE," he said smugly as he tossed the soggy toilet paper onto the ground, joining the rest of the clutter on his messy floor since he never cleaned his room up and neither did Futoshi. It was fortunate that he never invited Miku up to their room, or else she might've said something along the lines of "Damn, bitch. You live like this?" like the Twitter meme.
"What is BDE?" asked Futoto.
"It stands for Big Dick Energy, duh! Do you even use twitter, man?"
"But I've seen your dick and it's as long as my pinkie-"
"ANYWAY– Let's find you an icon now," said Zorome next, coincidentally interrupting Futoshi just when he was about to humiliate him. Good thing they were having this conversation in person, or he would have to deactivate his normal account if Futoshi said that for everyone to read. He would instantly lose his 1K followers even though 98% of them were bots he used Futoshi's credit card to buy.
"Why does my password have to be related to you also?" Futoshi asked the real question, but Zorome ignored him as if he was suddenly deaf.
"Ho-Holy crap! This photo is perfect," Zoom said while wheezing in his squeaky Minnie Mouseú seat. On his vintage Windows XP monitor, he had a picture pulled up of a random guy's fursona cosplay. It seemed to be a side-by-side photo of a blue and grey wolf, or dog, with a fedora on.
There was fake edgy text on the photo that said "i can be your angle, or yuor devil," with the furry having ClipArt angels wings on the left and two horns and a tail on the right. It was something that you would see on a Cringey Emo Compilation on FranxxTube. Zorome was laughing his flat ass off over the photo, but Futoshi was unamused and had a straight face the entire time.
Anywho, Zit set the icon and finished his profile. Now all they had to do was make a quick bio and follow some single lookin furries.
"What should I put for your bio?" he asked, but before Futoshi could even open his mouth to include his own opinion, Zorome was already typing bullshit in for him:
"I've been listening to Korean music for close to 20 years. The stuff people call K-pop is Superior to western music in almost every way, but Korean music as a whole has more Talent, ability and skill than most all other music from all other countries combined. #furrylivesmatter #kpoplivesmatter #btslivesmatter"
"silence," futoshi said.
He had been typing this bio so furiously that he was making keyboard ASMR which made Futoshi a lil uncomfy. The keyboard keys were clack clack clacking as Zorom made the final touches, "fixing" his spelling when in reality he just added 5 more spelling mistakes and unnecessary accents and emoji to make it "quirky".
"Perfectō!" shouted Zorome in a yeehaw voice, despite the fact that it was impossible for Futoshi to be a furry slash BTS stan for 20 years since he was only 22. Zorome clicked the 'save' button on his profile with finality once all his changes were completed. The display name next to the thiccFurboy handle read Futon with a bread emoji and then a tongue emoji and horny face emoji.
"Ne, Zorome, are you sure this is gonna work?" asked Futoshi, raising his thick cashew lookin eyebrows skeptically. This acc looked awfully like those fake parody accounts or cringe bots that followed Fatoshi's 10k follower kpop aesthetic tumblr blog just to DM him spam and phishing links. "idk if this will be very convincing..."
"Like I said, these furry Virgins will accept us immediately! Theyre so desperate for sexy RPs, after all!" said Zebra reassuringly, clapping his friend's back.
"Wow Zorome, you sure know a lot about the Furry mindset!" gasped Futoshi genuinely in wonder, a derpy smile on his face.
"Hahah thanks! I did a lot of research on it for my college thesis, so that's how i knew!" Zorome turned his face toward the camera and looked into it like he was on The Office. He really couldnt believe his BFF actually bought that. In actuality, what Zorome had just said was just what he did on the daily. Secretly, he used the Google Chrom Incognito Mode every night to roleplay smut on furry forum boards such as Fur Affinity, so he actually knew a lot about this stuff.
"Anyway" Zorome said to change the subject, "let's try and get some mutuals. What could go wrong?"
NARRTOR: as they would both soon find out, everything would go wrong.
"We just gotta do a quick search thru the tags to find the furry RP verse," Zorome explained, sliding his hot pink Barbie mouse over his Anime Girl with DDD-sized tits mousepad and clicking on the Tweeter search bar.
As soon as he clicked it, Ziggy's twitter search history popped up in the Suggestions section just below the bar.
#GRANNY
#BIGASS
#HOTMILF
#UNCENSORED
#PORNGIF
#BDSM
#TORTUREPORN
#HENTAI
"ITA ITA ITA ITA!" shrieked Zrome in a LOUD, stereotypically racist Japanese voice. He attempted to cover the screen but his body was too small and thin to hide anything. "CH-CHOTTO, DON'T LOOK—"
But the damage had already been done. Futoshi would have to bleach his eyeballs later.
"UMM, THAT WASNT FROM ME, HIRO JUST ASKED TO USE TWITTER WHEN HE CAME OVER LAST AND IT WAS ALREADY LOGGED IN," zorome said, quickly clicking the 'X' button to clear the history. His kokoro was pounding so fast that Futoshi could feel his heartbeat vibrations shaking the desktop. He was afraid Zorome might go into cardiac arrest soon, since he had also just drank a hole 3 gallon bottle of Mountain Dew earlier right before booting up his Windows '98 block computer.
"...Right." Futoshi would choose to ignore this 'incident' for the sake of getting this furry dating nonsense over with, despite the fact that if it was HIM, zorome wouldnt hesitate to clown him. The things he did for friendship. After all, this was a Judgement Free Zone, much like Planet Fitness's slogan which he canceled his membership for 3 days after he made his New Years Resolution to lose some weight.
Anyway, this time Furoshi took control of the mouse while picking up his second Pretty Patty (the purple one) and biting off half of it. "Oi, Zorome-kun, what tags do we type in? Youre the one who watched all those videos."
"O-oH, um.. chotto matte, let me think, por favor..." Zork was momentarily distraught over exposing himself but quickly thought back to the furry YT playlist he had played at an annoyingly loud volume earlier last night since he had lost his bootleg AirPods during their ghosthunting adventure back in chapter 6. "try... #furryrp, #lewdrp, and #nsfw first, that should narrow it down"
" alright :) " said futoshi innocently, blissfully unaware of what kind of rabbit hole he was about to go down.
Zorome gulped while they waited for the dial up corded internet (they couldn't afford wifi in this part of the ghetto) to load the most popular search results, the buffering symbol nearly burning into the monitor screen. He really hoped some hot anthropomorphic p*rn wouldn't show up immediately because he really didn't need to get a boner after that prior embarrassment. Usually he liked being shamed and degraded but for some reason his peepee just didn't like it today! "Please, just let it be some ugly aesthetic promo posts for now..."
Luckily, just that happened.
" * WHEW* " breathed Zorome in horny relief. His eyes that were as radioactively purple as Futoshi's Pretty Patty stared at the first tweet, which was typed out in whack ass font from weirdfontgeneratorDotNet. This furry girl's icon also had an unnecessarily thick white border around the photo, which had the dimensions of a Penny. The computer running internet explorer was so out of date like most Android phones these days that 99% of the letters typed in crazy fonts showed up as squares.
:sparkle_emoji: beth rainbowfur :sparkle_emoji: sluttyfeline2269
.*'. new roleplay account
thirty years exp. '*. —
#MVRP #LEWDRP #FURRYRP
OC, do not repost *
graphics by me
'. scripted by beth uwu
6:29 PM • 7/7/2010 • Twitter for Blackberry
125 Retweets, 54 Likes
Included in the tweet was a slightly scandalous looking picture of the RPer's Fursona, complete with an obnoxious amount of filters put on it in the PicsArt app. They were both getting a headache looking at all the saturation effects.
"Oooo let's pick her" Futotoro said, who was...blushing a little?! Maybe this relationship would end up better than his and Kokoro's and he wouldnt have any child support to pay!
"What? No way dude this is just the first post!" yelled Zorome, suspiciously defensive. There was blood running down his nose. "W-We gotta look through the rest—"
"Dude! We started this dating accoutn to find me new hot babes without children!" Yeah, she was probably sexy under that fursuit.
"Yeah, but that doesn't mean I cant get any action—!"
Zorome lunged for the mouse but Futoshi used his chunkiness to BLOCK his reach. Unfortunately, in all the commotion they had accidentally sent a Tweet mentioning Beth Rainbowfur. The keysmash had been autocorrected with Microsoft Word 1999.
Futon :bread_emoji: :tongue_emoji: :horny_face_emoji: thiccFurboy
sluttyfeline2269 hey there babay wanna Smash
3:04 AM • 1/11/92 • Twitter for SouljaWatch
1 Like
"SH*T! I ACCIDENTALLY SENT A TWEET TO HER AND SHE FAVORITED IT!" yelled Futatertot in panic, broathing heavily like a horny pervert.
"ITA... ita, HÁH? WHAT DO YOU MEAN ACCIDENTALLY?" Zorome slapped Futoshi's pot belly stomach to the side, trying to get a good view of the shitty square-shaped monitor! Futoshi's Mortal Kombat Attack (called the 'Belly Block') had enough force to knock Zorome to the floor and smash his skull causing 0.20% more brain damage and knocked down his HP severely.
He had a slight concussion, but all he had to do was knock his head around like a coconut for his marbles to go back in place. Now Zorome can read the embarrassing tweet Futoshi butt-dialed the sexy furry babe that indeed had (1) like on it from sluttyfeline2269 herself!
"HOLY NUTS! SHE TOTALLY WANTS TO HOOK UP WITH YOU, BRO!" Zorome yelled.
"Wh-What do you we now? Né, Zorome?" Futoshi asked, already getting excited from the thoughts of getting to hook up with the hot babe underneath that furry suit later. He was emitting horny fumes from his nostrils and his cheeks were red and flustered like an alcoholic.
So was Zorome's who was getting all hot and horny like a fucking virgin!
Suddenly, the loud ass Twitter notifications went off, making both Futoshi and Zorome look back at the thick computer monitor.
Reply from sluttyfeline2269 :sparkle_emoji: beth rainbowfur :sparkle_emoji:
haha DM me big boy ;)
3:06 AM • 1/11/19 • Twitter for Wii U
"OH SHIT! SHE'S DEFINITELY IN LOVE WITH YOU DUDE! WE GOTEM!" Zorome was shaking Futoshi by the shoulders like an earthquake. Then he moved the mouse and clicked the heart button under her reply. "We can't miss this opportunity when we have her so close! Think of something cool to say!"
"U-Um..." F*ck! The last time he had talked to a girl like this was when he about to sex up Kokoro again until she told him she'd gotten preganant from the last time they banged! He * shivered *. "W-What about-"
AGAIN Zuggles butted in, hitting Futoshi with his bony pointy elbow as he slouched over the computer to type. Just as his fingers went down to click on the faded, bulky keys, the ancient IBM 5000 computer CRASHED due to the hi-tech, horny strain they were putting on it. Smoke as thick as hentai cum start spewing out of the monitor, and then out of the computer itself! Even the floppy disk drive was poppin in and out as fast as Sonic.
"WTF! ARE YOU SRS?" yelled Zorome with King Kong-like rage in his voice. His teeth were pointy like shark teeth in that angery anime way. "G*DDAMMIT! RIGHT WHEN IT WAS GETTING GOOD!" [boner popping up SFX]. He started hitting the top of the computer , but all that did was cause even more sparks to come out of it. Zorome got electroshocked as if Pikachu had struck him with Thunder Bolt, and now he had a white lighting streak going up his hair like Frankenstein.
"What do we do now?" asked Futoshi in nervous. He was sweating buckets and it was really starting to smell! But he really didn't want to miss this chance to hook up with a potentially smokin hot Furry chick! Especially when she was actually interested in him! "Does Twitter work on your phone?"
"No dude I have an Android HTC Thunderbolt (A/N a shitty phone with a misleading cool name) remember! It's not advanced enough to download Tweeter!" He held up his ""new"" fone which he had already managed to crack the plastic screen of. Mayhaps he should've stuck with his iPhone 3! "Fuck! What else can we use?!"
Both of them looked around their gh*tto ass house, which looked similar to Franklin's crackhouse in GTAV. The Jeopardy theme song began to play in the background as precious seconds passed. They were losing time! By now Beth Rainbowfur had probably moved on to another thick wolf-kin boy in her mentions that had an even more aesthetic layout than they did (like the thot she was!).
Suddenly they both had a jimmy neutron BRAIN BLAST.
Finally their eyes landed on...the kitchen.
Since Futoshi only used his ~mysterious idol ca-ching~ on bills Zorome wouldn't pay, idol merch, and food, they had a shitty house but the kitchen looked like it belonged in a rich person mansion. So, one of the most expensive items they owned was the super elite Samsung Smart Fridge 30000.
"Yosh! We can use the refrigerador!" Futoshi as he snapped his fingers. But really, he was getting kind of hungry again after finishing the entire rainbow of Pretty Patties he had bought from In-N-Out. His tummy was starting to growl as loud as an ear-rape video on youtube. Those Mortal Kombat moves had wasted a lot of SP after all!
"Greatō idea! I didn't know this fridge had Twt on it though!" Zorome said as he scrolled thru the apps on the touchscreen that was located on the fridge door. "Wow! The wonders of modern technology!" As he was typing in the login info and looking through the tl, Footoshi was opening the other fridge door and rummaging around LOUDLY, making Zorome scowl at how not-serious he was being even though it was Zorome who forced him to participating in these dumbass schemes.
"Let me handle these spicy DMs for now," said Zorome in a fake suave voice. "i know ALL the best pick-up lines.' Futoshi knew this was unlikely since Zorome had never had a single gf in all his life, but he let him type while he looked for more food.
DM with sluttyfeline2269 :sparkle_emoji: beth rainbowfur :sparkle_emoji:
[Futon :bread_emoji: :tongue_emoji: :horny_face_emoji: is typing...]
Futon :bread_emoji: :tongue_emoji: :horny_face_emoji: : send nudes • Twitter for Samsung Smart Fridge
:sparkle_emoji: beth rainbowfur :sparkle_emoji: is typing...]
:sparkle_emoji: beth rainbowfur :sparkle_emoji: : woah their hot stuff ;) • Twitter for PSP
:sparkle_emoji: beth rainbowfur :sparkle_emoji: : alright...,... but make sure you send urs too • Twitter for PSP
:sparkle_emoji: beth rainbowfur :sparkle_emoji: sent a link]
:sparkle_emoji: beth rainbowfur :sparkle_emoji: : wwwDotphishingDot8jG73h9Kk5rT6j8iO087yfRDotNet
"SWEET! Time to see some P-U-S-S-Y!" That was something Zooroome had never seen in his short, pathetic incel life. He moved closer to the screen with his bloody nose sniffling pervertedly and a creepy sex offender smile widening on his lips.
"Häh? Some what?" Sticking his head out of the fridge, Futoshi looked at the DMs on screen. He closed the door and was holding a package of Oreos but the middle row was replaced with salsa. He was dipping the cookies inside and eating them which made Zorome want to instantly barf as he watched him. Futoshi truly had the weird cravings of a pregnant woman.
Futoshi's eyes scanned the screen when suddenly they went wide as everything clicked. His cheeks were as rojo as Bob the Tomato in the Christian show VeggieTales. "EHH? Are those really her n00dz?!" This was too good to be true, wasn't it?
"Hai! We really scored tonite bro!" They both high-fived each other but unfortunately for Zorome there was leftover salsa and Oreo cream now on his hand. "Alright... time for the holy treasure..."
None of them questioned that this link was suspiciously long and no thumbnail showed up like how Twitter DMs normally do. It was clearly a virus and/or phishing link for deep web hackers like in the movie Unfriended: Dark Web and could potentially lead to their deaths or bank accounts being emptied like Zorome's usual ideas.
BUT they were so hornhorn for some p * * * * that Zorome tapped the link a little too fast to not seem desperate.
Immediately, the screen glitched out and went static-y as various pop-ups came up on the fridge's touchscreen. Ruh roh! Since the fridge was Samsung(TM) brand, this meant it was running on Android (the worst operating system) and so the malware protection was kaka. It was as if Killer Queen had already touched this refrigerator because bars started going up and down the screen, as well as flashing colors like an acid trip. It even started BURNING due to all the viruses, making the whole kitchen all hot n stinky!
"NE?! WHAT THE MCH*CK-" screeched Zorome in his shota voice, quickly grabbing a big ass bottle of Coke and spilling it onto the fire, preventing the whole house from going K-BOOM. However, the computer in the fridge was still glitching out as if it was having a seizure. It really couldnt handle of the STDs that phishing link had given it.
" :( " said Futoshi, who just felt betrayed by his furry possible soon-to-be-gf. But none of them could connect the dots that Beth Rainbowfur was just a catfishing, scammer hacker who probably had their IP address and credit card info. She was a much better scammer than Zorome and Futoshi were.
"Well shit... Now we have to fix the computer AND the fridge!"
"We've gotta get it done for cheap too, since i'm saving up for the BTS concert next month :) " added Foodtoshi derpily as he ate a whole row of salsa-dipped Oreos that smelled rotten. Apparently it only took .8 seconds for him to get over this ""break up"".
SUDDENLY the fridge started buzzing and spasming again, and then it was making weird electrical sounds like sparks coming from broken wires.
The touchscreen D.
Or at least, they thought it did.
In reality it had caused a time warp.
Right back to Akihabara, July 28, 2010.
「TO BE CONTINUED」