Chapter 9 : Dirty Little Secret
Author notes : here's the first peek of last letter which is written by Chloe to Beca. So I want to clarify that why Chloe wrote this.
1. She wanted to inform about her about her feelings beforehand. Because she knows how Beca could react if something shocking throw into her face on the spot.( yeah she runs away)
2. She definitely don't have guts to tell her in face.
And now the reason why I publish this early because I really want you guys to bear with this story. Please please let me know how you feel this far. For now I want to warn you there will be lots of drama coming up soon. But in this chapter only dedicated for Chloe's feeling.
Dear Beca,
You know I usually rants about my days goes , how I'm doing, wishing you best in your life in the end, informing you current news from all Bellas and all. I don't even remember how my letters goes for more than one page. But not this time maybe. This is letter which holds my feelings for you that I didn't tell you. So here it goes.
When I first saw you in activity fair I knew something was special happened. Means all the thousands of peoples in that activity fair my eyes only laid for you. I know this sounds clinché but believe me something was telling me to asked you, to stop you, to know you. So against the Aubrey's will I stopped you, asked you. But you just brush that off. I couldn't get you out of my mind and believes me still I couldn't.
After that I cannot forget our shower moment. I'll skip this our moment because if I told this you think I'm pervert or something. But believe me Beca you are beautiful from inside as well from outside. Then I can't stop myself from falling for you. Then I realized how much I cared about you, how much you meant to me, how much I love you but I was too late because you already chose Jesse. Don't get me wrong but I was jealous. I wanted to tell you SO bad that I love you but for God's sake you are straight. I know it's just... I can't help it. I don't want to keep away these feelings from you because you know I am a terrible liar. But I don't want to ruin our relations because of my stupid feeling. Just let you know one thing though it's fucking hurt. It's always hurt to see you in others arms, to see you kissing other guy. I always tried to look inside you, to try see if you feel same about me or not. But you know becs, you are great in hiding stuff. You always gave me mixed feelings at one point I can see in your eyes love for me but in next moment you push me away. I just want you to know I loved you becs and I loved you forever. You are my first love that I cannot forget.
I know you probably don't feel the same way for me but I have to clean to you some day. I can't bottled up my feelings. I wanted to tell you one more thing becs even if you don't feel same I will always be there for you in a platonic way. I will always there for you no matter what happens. I Mean I proved myself before I've been there for you for four years without getting my feelings mixed up. I will whatever you want me to your friend, your best friend, your support, your shoulder for cry... Whatever you want but just don't push me away. Please..
I am coming for your answer soon...just whatever your decision will. Don't run away from me. See you soon...
Yours miserable friend Chloe.
After writing letter Chloe titles it " My Dirty Little Secret". Sighs and prays.