Note: I wrote most of this chapter in one late-night sitting, and while I've since done a couple rounds of editing, part of me still cautions to hold off on posting - to sit on it for a week and come back to it with fresh eyes. It's probably good advice - thanks brain! But, I never listen to my brain. So... This is what we end up with.

Thanks for the follows and feedback thus far! Please feel free to leave any comments on what you do/don't like/whatever - it gives me something to look forward to when I open my email (cause otherwise it's all just overdue library book notifications and Groupon ads.)

If you're interested in a TROS fix-it fic, please check out my other stories for Not Fade Away. Also, if you're on Tumblr, come say hi to me at acowlorsomething :)

CONVERSATIONS

- CHAPTER 10 -

.

"This had better be good," Finn utters as they watch the stormtroopers lift Kylo Ren's body from the pit.

Rey offers a weak smile, her mind floundering as she searches for an explanation. "Have you heard of a Holocron?"

Finn shrugs. "Is it like the holonet?"

"Not at all." She's not sure where she's going with this, given Kylo never elaborated beyond asking her this same question. And her own memory is of a stiff old page within a dusty book that she didn't particularly stop to read.

So Rey takes a pot-shot at the first thing that comes to mind. Because it feels right. "They're ancient devices used by the Jedi. And the Sith. Kylo Ren has one."

"Uh-huh." Finn narrows his eyes, thunder rolling over his face as her words prove to be thus-far less than reassuring.

Biting her lip, Rey closes her eyes, wishing she'd had a chance to query Kylo on any of this beforehand. Desperate with the pressure of knowing Finn is waiting for her to elaborate, she reaches into the Force as if somehow she might unlock the details of that page...

The Force reaches back.

She feels it like a soft buzz reverberating through her body. Like that of the Bond opening. She feels rather than sees Kylo's presence. Inside her mind. As if he's projected a part of his conscience into her own. Understanding of the Holocron comes to her now in crystal clarity. As with everything else he was meaning to tell her of his plan.

"These Holocrons, they hold information." Her words come with confidence now. "The one Kylo has holds information vital to defeating a mutual enemy. A threat that's amassed an army deep within the Unknown Regions. He needs my help to use the device."

The words escape her in a rush and she snaps open her eyes. Hope for Finn's understanding fades when she sees his scowl has only darkened.

"So, you're on first-name basis with him now?"

"That's what you choose to focus on?" Incredulous, Rey feels her own anger rise. White-hot and seething. Or maybe the chagrin comes from Kylo Ren. Suddenly his presence within her head isn't so welcome.

Finn snorts. "So, who exactly is this threat? And why would Ren care to defeat someone who could become his ally?"

"Think about it, Finn." Rey pauses to allow him a moment to do just that. "An invasion from the Unknown Regions is as much a threat to the First Order as it is the Resistance. From that perspective, we're the allies."

"Right. Until we defeat this alleged threat - and then Ren is back to trying to eliminate us again." Finn steps closer, taking hold of Rey's shoulders with firm hands. "Rey, you weren't actually thinking of joining him, right?"

Rey bites her lip, looking from Finn to Kylo, who is now being carried to the Falcon by the old stormtroopers she mind-tricked earlier. "I'm not just contemplating it, Finn. I'm doing it. I'm going to find out what this threat is. This…" the name comes to her then, offered by sharp tendrils of Kylo's own conscience. "Palpatine."

"No, Rey. You're not. Kylo Ren is dead. There's nothing left to consider except returning to the base with us." Finn shifts himself so as to block her path to the old freighter. "We'll take the Falcon together, and bring his body. Broadcast it over the Holonet so the whole galaxy can know and celebrate our victory! It'll rally more to our side so that we can strike the First Order while they're still trying to sort out their sh -"

"No!" Sickened by her friend's vehemence, Rey sidesteps him. "I'm going to find the Holocron, figure out who this Palpatine is and -"

"Stop!"

Rey hisses between her teeth as Finn grabs her elbow, swinging her back around. His fingers press into her skin, his own teeth clenched as the threat of angry tears turn his eyes glossy. "I'm not letting you go, Rey. Don't you understand? There's no way I'm gonna let you leave -"

"Let me?" Rey thunders, yanking herself away. "You think I need to ask permission?"

"Damn straight you need permission! You're a part of the Resistance, Rey. You can't just galavant across the galaxy by yourself on a whim. You're not a lone scavenger anymore - you need to stop acting like one."

Rey stares, not recognising the man who stands before her. "That's not fair."

Finn stops, breathing hard as if working to compose himself. "War isn't fair, Rey. The thing is, we have a job to do. As it is, General Organa had to send Snap to pick us up after you stranded us on Bardotta -"

"I told you I'd come back!"

"When exactly were you planning to do that? Before or after joining Kylo Ren on a mission to… to…" scrubbing a hand over his face, Finn groans into his palm. "This - this is ridiculous. I can't believe we're even having this conversation."

There is a part of Rey that feels sympathy for her friend. A part of her that can see from his perspective, how this looks. But there's a greater part that has Kylo's conscience threaded like a ribbon through her own. And it feels no empathy for the ex-stormtrooper. Only rage. And envy.

That last one surprises her.

"Finn," forcing herself to ignore her own inner-war, Rey steadies her voice, "has Leia ordered my return?"

"Well I'm sure she would," Finn deflects, "if she knew of your plan to desert the Resistance in favour of honeymooning across the galaxy with the corpse of the Supreme Leader of the First Order. Rey, you're not thinking straight. This is madness -"

Rey laughs before she can stop herself. "I promise, however it may look right now, I'm not turning to the dark side. Nor am I deserting the Resistance or... honeymooning with anyone. But I have to do this, Finn. And like it or not, you can't stop me."

To her surprise, Finn holds his tongue and simply stares. Rey sighs, wishing she could reach out and hug him as she once would have, without care or thought of propriety or the fact that she can feel Kylo's rage in her mind; separate from her own feelings, yet tangled amidst them so that she's not sure where hers start and his end.

Instead, she settles for clapping a hand to her friend's shoulder, squeezing it amicably before dropping back. "Give Leia a message for me?"

"Uh-huh." It's a grudging response uttered between clenched teeth. She can tell that Finn is still wrestling with the idea of letting her go, and probably considering ways in which to try and force her to stay.

"Tell her, I'm bringing him back."

Utter confusion furrows his brow then, unlocking his mouth at last. "Bringing who back?"

She feels Kylo startle at the implication like a sharp pinch along her nerves. Biting back a wince, she flashes a quick smile before turning away. "She'll know."

It's difficult, but not impossible, to fly a freighter without a co-pilot. Rey works through the process of firing up the craft with as much calm as she can grasp; given that Kylo's conscience is still tangled amidst her own and she desperately wants to get him out of her head now that the chance of her mind wandering into areas of thought she doesn't want him privy to, are on the table.

Still, there's a surprising - if somewhat disturbing - level of reassurance to having a direct line as her hands move to input the co-ordinates he subconsciously relays to her.

"Where are we going, Kylo?" she mutters, aware that he's directing them to a barren area of space where no planets exist. Not even the truly uninhabitable ones. But he can't reply. Not with words. Only with impressions, and even those are fading as she feels his mind recede to the very edge of her own.

Once the Falcon is safely in autopilot and hurtling through a hyperspace lane, Rey moves to fetch the medpac and enter the crew's quarters where the stormtroopers left him.

At a glance, it's easy to see why Finn assumed Kylo dead. The pallor of his skin is almost grey, though now there's a thin sheen of sweat on his face that indicates his body is fighting infection. Rey frowns, having expected him to be on the verge of waking by now.

Removing a fine pair of scissors from the medpac, she cuts away at the fabric surrounding his wound. It's nasty. The raptor that caught him with its talon was a large beast and she wonders at how he kept the injury to himself; continuing to fight despite the pain of the poison that eventually cast him in this state of in-between.

""Lucky for you I replenished the medical supplies." She begins cleaning away the blood that has dried at its edges. The injury has already begun to fester. The surrounding skin reddening with the heat of infection. "Though… This looks like it needs something stronger than an application of bacta spray."

A thin strand of worry threads its way into her mind as she applies the spray. Kylo's mind is still silent within her own. Too silent. She can feel his presence, but only barely. As if he's holding on by the tips of subconscious fingers, and his grip is failing.

"It's a mild toxin, Ben. Despite what I said earlier, plenty have survived it and you of all people should be one of them."

Laying a hand to his brow, Rey sweeps away a damp, tangled lock of hair and traces her fingers in a pattern across his forehead. A gesture she imagines to be soothing, though she can't remember why.

But he remains oblivious. His chest moves. His heart beats. But his mind is as still and fathomless as a pond without a ripple.

"You almost look innocent when you're sleeping. Perhaps we should keep you comatose," she jokes aloud, resting a hand against his chest so that she can feel the beat of his heart through her palm. "Though, I imagine our conversations would get dull pretty fast."

There is a measure of bravado to Rey's tone that she doesn't feel. A little kernel of worry in her mind suggests that the wound could have been deeper than she realised. Could have punctured an organ. Could have him bleeding out internally as she sits here making one-sided small talk.

"If you're faking this just to get me to be nice to you…" She pauses then, eyes narrowing as she scrutinises his face for so much as the twitch of an eye beneath its lid. "Well, it's working."

Nothing. Not a flicker.

A coil of fear wrenches within her. She forces it back, tilting her chin in defiance of the tears that threaten.

"I don't want to be alone," she whispers finally, feeling a hollowness open within her at the thought of how many more notches she might etch upon a wall before her time is up. "Please, Ben. I need you to be with me."

There is still comfort to be found in seeing his chest move. But the movement is slight. And though she wouldn't dare to time it, she knows the seconds between each intake grow longer. It makes no sense. No sense at all that the might Kylo Ren could strike down the likes of Snoke, only to be taken out by the talon of a stupid ripper-raptor.

Leaning in, she touches her lips to his forehead. His hairline. The shell of his ear. "Be with me. Be with me..."

His breath ghosts across her cheek. Too slow. Too shallow.

Sitting back, she returns her hand to his chest. To the comfort of his heart's rhythmic thump. "I don't know what to do." The words quaver and she bites the inside of her cheek to hold herself steady. "I don't know… I need you to help me. I need you to teach me what to do. I need a teacher."

Closing her eyes, she breathes deep, centering herself as she focuses on the Force. Feeling it ebb and flow around her. Through her. Envisioning it as a part of all things. Good and bad. Alive and dead. The tangible. The intangible…

Heat collects within the pit of Rey's stomach and moves up through her chest. Into the cavity she felt to be so empty. Gathering and gathering until her body feels as if it might explode if she doesn't release it.

Beneath her fingertips, Kylo's chest continues to rise and fall. His heart continues its slow beat. His breath remains even. But shallow. So shallow.

Brows furrowed in concentration, she coaxes the energy within her to move, to channel down her arm. Through her fingers. Heat flows from her palm like a dam exploding. Rolling from her in torrents until finally, the surge ebbs. Leaving her palm tingling as if shocked.

Beneath her fingertips, Kylo's chest continues to rise and fall. His heart continues its beat. Faster now. Stronger.

She opens her eyes.

And meets Kylo's own. Wide and staring and bright.

"Hey," she says softly, relief causing her shoulders to sag.

"Hey," he returns, his gaze sweeping her with a measure of awe and confusion. Slowly, cautiously, he sits. Watching her with wary eyes as if afraid she might bolt if he spooks her. "Are you okay?"

Wordless, Rey nods, her head dropping to his shoulder as exhaustion overcomes relief. Overcomes all else.

"Thank you," he murmurs, and she feels his arms slide around her back. To cradle her carefully to him as if he's unsure how to hold something so fragile. And as her conscience drifts away into sleep, she wonders what that fragile thing can be. Her? No. She's as strong as...

But the thought goes unfinished. Her mind, body and spirit now needing its own time to recover from giving away a part of herself that, whether she likes it or not, will remain intangibly fused to this man forever.