Author's Note: Phew, this multi-chapter story took me a few weeks to hammer out (a whopping 65 pages and counting). I'm excited to share. I think it's okay to spoil a little that there will be no Neil dying in this. But there's still a lot of angst and emotions and stuff. The story's done, and I just do one final edit before posting, so I'll upload as I get through each one.

I wanted to play around with the sequence of lines and scenes, so it took a bit of time to make sure the continuity all made sense (although I'm sure there are still some mistakes in there for which I apologize). Also, I did a bit of research, but I'm not even close to being a medical professional so apologies for all of the things I know I got wrong or took a lot of creative license with.

I think it's kind of a sweet story that I enjoyed writing, so I hope you like it too!

Chapter One

Keep it professional, Claire. Focus. This is what she repeats to herself in the back of the ambulance speeding towards the Bold Statement Brewery.

She remains silent on the way to her H.U.R.T. team's assigned triage site, feigning calm and focus yet close to unraveling. Even as she secures her hazard gear and gathers her medical kit, she remains intent on being prepared for anything, reigning in her urge to run inside and confirm for herself that Neil is okay. The last thing she needs right now is for panic to set in and draw attention to her lovesick feelings for her Attending.

Even with such resolve, Claire feels outwardly exposed and vulnerable, though she's only admitted her forbidden attraction to herself and her therapist. Her turbulent emotions make her seem a stranger to herself. It's hard not see the situation as a personal failing, a weakness for acting as if she's so desperate for the attention that she falls for the first person in a long time to treat her as if she matters. Just a few words of gratitude from him has her pining away. His warm smile or a soft glance unwittingly encourages her to let loose the affection she's let bloom into desire. It's unleashed a longing for him, a temptation that sparked the moment he'd told her, without reservation, that she makes him a better person.

No, that's not quite right. It's been building for a while. She simply failed to notice, so distracted by the subtle descent of falling for him piece by piece.

It's not a crush; it's far worse. After years of running away from men, she's let her guard down and started to crave this thing between them that she wants to convince herself is real. Given that their friendship started with him offering to run by her side, there's some kind of irony in thinking of Neil this way.

No, not 'Neil' anymore. Melendez. She has to distance herself, keep it professional, or she'll ruin everything.

Her therapist has been patient with helping her process the situation. When she'd explained about what happened in Melendez's office that night of her confession, her therapist had validated Claire's confusion about what he'd been trying to say to her. Maybe it's innocent, maybe not, but the signals were mixed, her therapist had said. That it triggered these questions in Claire's mind was perfectly normal. Claire had continued to contextualize it, speaking of their runs as a welcome opportunity for mentorship and their time spent together as friendly support. She'd condemned her co-residents' suggestions that she got special treatment as sour grapes over her rapport with their Attending.

As they'd talked things through that night, she began to see her and Neil's interactions from a different growing intimacy, the comfort of his company and warmth of his attention, the steady signs that he returned her regard and sought her out as much as, if not more, than she did him? None of it mattered in the end, because he'll never act on it. His moral compass will never allow him to be anything more than a boss and friend to her.

So, Claire's kept her revelation to herself, knowing it serves no one to give voice to it. She retreats from her romance with Dash, which they'd both thought for the best anyway after talking it over. That had actually been the biggest upside, the easing of that relationship into a comfortable friendship again.

Yet, there's a pain there, and she'll need to figure out soon whether her and Neil's friendship can continue as it has while this ache eats away at her.

Now prepared to focus on the emergency in front of her, Claire passes Shaun and Glassman, barely registering their conversation. She's happy Glassman is fine too, but submits to her need to get inside and to Neil. Walking into the building – if you could still even call it that in this state of destruction – her anxiety flares again at the disaster that greets her. The room is destroyed, heavy beams collapsed into the once open space and too many people looking dazed or worse lying about as the EMTs and first responders secure the area.

Then she spots him across the room, looking dusty and agitated but alive and alert. The usually impeccably attired Melendez is dirty and scraped up. Claire can already see what looks to be a nasty cut on his head and wonders what other injuries he'll try to hide.

She calls his name. Wants to say more. But he's immediately about business, rattling off his assessment on the woman he's been anxiously pacing in front of – the owner who he's told her is a former patient. He doesn't ask how she is. Doesn't give any indication that he'd spared her a thought after such a life-threatening event. She doubts herself and her feelings all the more.

It doesn't matter right now that he doesn't love her back.

And no matter what she has to tell herself to get through this, she won't deny that she loves him and can't go another second without making sure he'll weather this immediate emergency. Cutting him off, she reaches for him, asks if he's alright.

Neil waves her off, of course, though he submits to her when she gently cradles his face and checks for signs of a head injury. He downplays any harm to himself, even as he smiles gently at her and assures her that he's fine. Thankful that he doesn't argue when she insists on assessing the bruise on his side, he instead makes a joke and agrees to getting checked out after he's transported the patient to the hospital. If they leave now, he should be there in ten minutes and that's a fair tradeoff. She has no doubt he'll try to wiggle out if it and makes a mental note to call ahead to make sure Andrews or the nurse in charge knows to insist.

Shaun appears out of nowhere as they begin the process of moving their patient, Marta, to a stretcher and announces that she's even worse off than they thought. It's an amazing and lucky intervention, though his disappearing act afterward to find Lea sparks a bit of aggravation. She's worried about the person she loves, too. That doesn't mean she can abandon her responsibilities – and she knows Melendez would be pissed if she did.

But she can't say that to Shaun or anyone, her dirty little secret.

This new development with the patient is an annoying hurdle to getting Melendez checked out. When he calls for the battery-powered x-ray, she tenses in frustration, pushes her feelings into the deepest parts of her, and complies with his request.

"Try it again." Neil's terse order to the EMT with the portable x-ray machine causes Claire to glance up from the darkened screen he's holding, concerned.

"Sorry, Doctor. This happens from time to time. Just give it a second to re-buffer and send the image over."

Neil's frown deepens, which is a look Claire is very familiar with. It says, I'm biting my tongue so I don't bite your head off. An idea forms about how to distract him, although she hopes it doesn't backfire on her.

She walks over to the EMT and looks over his shoulder at the blinking screen. "Maybe we need to try testing it on an actual person rather than waiting for all the startup icons to switch over. Dr. Melendez?" Neil looks at her, questioning. "You'll be getting scanned anyway at the hospital so why don't we get an image of your abdomen to make sure this is working before scanning the patient."

Instead of reacting angrily or as if he's irritated, an amused smirk replaces his previous frown. "Guinea pig, huh? You're being annoyingly tenacious about me getting checked out." Again, his words tell one story, but the clear affection and familiarity in his voice makes her stomach flutter against her will.

"You're the one that said doctors make the worst patients." Although he tries to appear put out at the reminder, she can tell he thinks her response is funny. Claire has the EMT walk over. She considers easing the awkwardness of the situation by making a joke about how she keeps trying to get his shirt off; she thinks better of it.

Instead, she waits for Neil to lift up his shirt and reaches over to hold the x-ray machine in place while it clicks and buzzes. After casually tucking his shirt back in, Neil checks the image on his screen and finds it lit up with an image blinking into view. But then the screen goes dark, appears to reboot, and flashes that it's ready to go. The EMT confirms all the icons have populated on his end too.

Neil grins. "Well, what do you know. Looks like you were right, Dr. Browne"

"I'll never get tired of hearing you say that," she jokes, and his smile widens. Their eyes meet for a few seconds and they share a light moment before he turns to nod at the tech to proceed with the scan of Marta's spine.

As the image populates, the EMT packs up the machine and speaks softly into his radio. "They need a scan out in front. You good? The image looks clean and fully downloaded. I have an extra tablet, but just run this back to me when you're done. The test scan is probably stuck in the buffer, but I'll save it if when it comes through. It might not happen until we connect it to the main server, though."

"I'm fine, so don't worry about it. We'll take it from here and return the tablet in a few minutes." Claire flashes him a sideways glance, which Neil picks up on. "I am fine. Stop worrying. I think I know my symptoms better than you do."

Claire scoffs and mutters so only he can hear her, "maybe the doctor without the head injury should make the call."

This time, he does appear annoyed with her. "What's that, Dr. Browne?"

"Nothing," she replies, quickly, not wanting to escalate things with him, especially in front of the patient. Everyone is on edge because of the emergency, so she knows she needs to tread carefully. "I'll return the tablet myself after we assess the patient."

Neil sends her another glance of displeasure, but turns his attention to the now fully downloaded image and the very real complication in front of them. Claire remains silent, but stands at his side to continue their consult.

Shaun was right, and the news worsens the situation for Marta. When Claire suggests they can operate on-site there, Neil turns his gaze to her considering, accepting, and then understanding her full apprehension at offering this solution for the sake of the patient.

They did this more often now, communicating with each other through glances and gestures, not having to say a word to know what the other is thinking. He sees the worry in her expression warring with her determination to do her job and fix their patient. It's familiar to him, so much like his own drive. Their synergy that she knows can never go the direction she wants it to is haunting her.

Instead of getting distracted again, she listens as Neil explains the situation to Marta and her wife, Noreen. And then he again utters the words that lately fill her with pride, friendship, trust, and longing in equal parts.

"Dr. Browne is right."

Neil's evaluation, her chaotic feelings, all of the distractions will have to wait. They need to operate right here, right now.

TBC