Needless to say .. I dont actually own BNHA and I'm just a huge fan. Please have some patience with me as I try to sort this story out! Rated M for later chapter and security reasons. Enjoy ;D
01 Lonely nights
Hugging his legs into his chest Deku stared out into the night sky. Lately he'd taking to sitting on the dorms roof every evening and mulling over his thoughts. It was up here that he was able to let the fake happy smile slip from his face and just breathe. Everything was fine really. He had met All Might, his lifetime hero, been granted a quirk, gotten into UA, made friends and he actually felt like he might have a chance at really making a difference, at becoming a hero. Then why did it feel like the world was collapsing at the same time. All this wonderful things had happened to him in this short amount of time. So why did it feel like he was just pretending that this was his life now.
Letting out a frustrated breath Izuku let himself fall back and look up into the darkness. He should be happy. He was making progress in training lately too. He was starting to get a grip on his quirk, making it his own. Reaching out into the night he turned over his palm and looked at the scars running down his arms. I mean .. sure he was getting hurt a lot but it's not like he was trying to or like it wouldn't be worth it if in the end he was able to become a hero. If he was able to save just one life with this power that he was given.
Honestly though he just wished he had someone to really talk this over with. He couldn't tell his friends, that much was clear, and he felt like admitting his doubts to All Might felt ungrateful. He should be charging straight ahead, taking the chance he had been given and not thinking so much about the million things that could have been instead.
Thinking had always been his weak point. Damn, but maybe Kacchan was right. He had always made fun of him for thinking too much and getting lost in his own damn mind. ‚I'm my own worst enemy' – Deku thought and let the extended arm flop down to cover his eyes. He really wished he could talk to him about this like they used to. It's not like he didn't already know anyways. They used to do this too. When they were small he'd always run to Katsuki when he was feeling down or troubled. And Kacchan would always know when something was bothering him too. He'd tell him everything and keep on talking until the explosive blond would forcibly make him shut up. He'd call him stupid and a crybaby but he'd actually pet his head if he did cry. Kacchan wouldn't admit it, but Izuku knew he'd always went out of his way to listen to him back then and to make sure he'd smile and feel better too. He'd tell him something fun or give him some sweets to change the mood. Often they'd sneak out together as well. Walking around just talking or watching the stars together.
And at that moment it hit him. ‚I guess that is why I always come up here when I want to think'. The stars reminded him of his childhood. Of lying in the grass with Kacchan. Of laughing and being himself. They reminded him that a long time ago he had a best friend, that would tell him he was stupid when he worried too much. A best friend that now wouldn't even look at him or talk to him.
He missed him. So much.
Sitting up he remained outside in the cold for a few more minutes before getting a grip of himself and going back inside to his room. It was getting late anyways and he had class tomorrow.
„Hey Midoriya, where have you been last night."
Still scribbling down the notes from the board Midoriya looked up to see Kaminari leaning casually against his desk.
„I was trying to give back your notebook, but you weren't there when I knocked .. „the blond said.
„Yes, I was out a bit…." Izuku answered. He didn't really want to talk about it either so he hoped Kaminari would drop it at that.
„But duude .. it was like super late. You know we're not supposed to leave the dorm that late" Denki said with a twinkle in his eye .." I didn't know you had it in you to break the rules."
Laughing he padded Izukus should who just shrugged him off with a smile.
„I didn't leave the dorms, sorry. If you want a bad boy you have to find someone else" he said with a smirk and added „but I guess then you would have nobody to copy your homework from."
„Ye, probably. So what'd you do then?"
Sighing he looked up at Denki again to see him waiting curiously for an answer. ‚Why is he so interested in this' Izuku thought to himself.
„Just stuff?" he tried, unsure if he could get out of this. It's not like anyone ever asked where he spent his nights or anyone ever noticed he'd snuck out onto the roof at night. It's not like it was forbidden either, he just didn't like to share his alone time with anyone. Why couldn't Kaminari just drop it.
The blond just raised a brow at that and looked down at him.
„Whats up guys," Kirishima said and wrapped an arm around Denki „, you ready to get lunch bro? You wanna join us today Midoriya?"
„He doesn't wanna tell me what he did last night." Kaminari told him with a smile. He then went on to poke Izuku in the ribs and telling Kaminari that he hadn't been in his room last night.
„Oooooh .. so what'd you do?", the redhead asked, big toothy smile from ear to ear.
‚Damn but they really don't want to move on huh?' Izuku thought. „Just .. stargazing?" he finally answered when they wouldn't stop.
„Without leaving the dorm?" Denki asked. „On your own?" Kaminari added?
„Ye .. ," Izuku reluctantly admitted. „Alone .. on the roof. It's not like it is forbidden or anything."
„Broooo why alone though ..," Eijirou asked. „Yee, that's kinda sad dude," the blond added and went to hug his friend.
Hugging him back and patting his back Izuku answered them „Is it? I don't think it's all that bad. It's quiet and gives me a chance to think. We all need that sometimes right?".
„Ye .." Kiri answered in thoughts.
„Suuuuure," Kaminari adds and seemingly happy with that answer starts dragging them both off „ so lets get lunch guys. I'm staaarving."
The 3 of them rush off to join their friends for lunch, already chatting about the new pro heroes quirk and the amazing rescue he did at the shopping mall last week. And soon the whole thing was forgotten, or maybe not.
„You see he said he just looks at the stars at the roof alone .." Kirishima said.
Giving him an annoyed look Bakugo turned and smacked him over the head with a book. „I thought you wanted to study not gossip .. shitty hair," he growled. „Like I even give a fuck what that stupid Deku does, he can jump off the roof for all I care .."
„Bro that's just mean .." Kiri said with a hurtful look on his face. Bakugo wasn't sure if he was referring to his comment or to the slap he just dished out so he just went back to studying. There was no use talking about this with him anyways.
„So we gonna study or you wanna leave, I don't have time for this shit." Bakugo said, turning over the page and trying to focus on the schoolwork they had to finish.
„Nah I'm sorry … let's study. I really need to pass this test." the redhead said quick to smile again and actually seeming to focus for a few minutes. „It just seemed off .." he added in quiet voice.
Ignoring him they studied for a while and it must be Bakugos teaching skills but Kirishima actually seemed to get the stuff he was thought and even managed to answer most oft he questions Katsuki wrote down for him. Seeming satisfied with his results the two oft hem decided to take a break to grab some food. Falling into light banter as they made their way down the hallway Eijiro picked the topic up again „but you know. You think something is going on with him ooorr ..," he said glancing sideways and giving Bakugo a worried look. „The nerds just fine." Katsuki spat out. „It's probably quiet and gives him a chance to think."
Kiri stopped at that answer. „That is what he said."
„He is stupid like that. Looking at the stars and talking to himself is just a thing that stupid nerd would do. It doens't take a scientist to find that out .. Stop bothering me with that shit" he added maybe a little to loud and walked off without waiting for Kiri to follow.
„So you DO think he needs someone to talk to?" the redhead asked, not ready to drop the topic and quickly hurrying after him.
„I DO think I don't care …" is all the blond answered before he gave him a look that meant he was done talking about this.
Grudgingly Kiri nodded and silently fell into step next to him. He sure hoped Midoriya was alright. Ever since they did that mission together he did have the feeling that something was off with him. He was working hard and trying even harder, but lately it just seemed as if his smile didn't reach his eyes anymore. Maybe he was just making it up too, after all Bakugo didn't seem worried and Kiri knew the blond did care, even if he would never admit it. Shrugging he went to grab some dinner and sat down with his fellow classmates.
Teasing and joking with Kaminari and Mina they spend an easy evening in the common room and later went to watch a movie with Sero and Kaminari. Laughing at a joke on the screen Kiri turned to share the joke with Bakugo but found the blond staring off into space with an odd look.
‚Looking at the stars alone huh .. whats that about stupid Deku.' Bakugo thinks to himself and smirks. He had some fond memories of that stupid face smiling up at the stars. He had answered honestly when Kiri asked him about it and he wasn't really worried or anything, but it didn't seem like Deku to sit on a roof alone. Sure he liked to keep his problems inside sometimes, but he had always told him. Back then he had. Now they of course weren't really in a relationship that allowed for fuzzy conversations and that shit anymore. ‚Why that damn nerd' he thought to himself and admitted he might be worried after all. But he really wasn't going to be all friendly and check on him or something he told himself, as he tried to focus back on the movie.
„The fuck are you up here," Bakugo shouted as he slammed the door behind him.
Startled Izuku sat up from his lying position and whipped his head around to see the blond teen stalking towards him aggressively.
Why was Kacchan up here?
Blinking up at his tall classmate, who was now standing right in front of him, Deku was at a loss for words. He just stared at him and Katsuki stared right back into his green eyes.
„I asked why you are up here," he finally mumbled, uncharacteristically lowering his head and speaking with a softer voice.
Again Izuku didn't answer him and just kept staring. The seconds ticked by with neither of the guys making a move.
„Whats wrong with you creep, stop staring and talk." he snapped back at his normal volume and dropped down on his haunches. „You forgot how to talk?"
Even though he used an aggressive tone there wasn't the usual tension between them. Katsuki didn't look at him like he was a piece of shit for once, but with a cool focus.
„Just looking at the stars," he answered turning back around to face the sky and dropping back down on his back.
„That's sappy." Katsuki said with a teasing tone.
„Sure, I'm sappy, and a nerd, and a looser. Let me be Katsuki."
For a moment it was silent again. „Katsuki, huh" he finally said.
„What?" Izuku asked turning his head again to look at the blond crouching next to him.
„You heard me."
Dropping down on his butt Bakugo stretched out his legs in front of him and propped himself up on his arms to also stare at the sky. „It's sad you know."
„What is, Katsuki?"
„Sitting on the roof alone you damn nerd." The blond answered with a grimace. „Shitty hair was bothering me about it all day." He gave the green haired boy a condescending look, as if he was to blame for his friends overly dramatic behavior.
„Since when do you care?" Izuku asked, challenging green eyes looking up again to find the blonds red ones. Their eyes locking for a moment Katsuki pulled his hand through his hair before once again breaking the eye contact first.
„I didn't say I care." he said in his normal dismissive voice.
„Ye." Izuku answered quietly, wishing the answer could have been different for once. Of course Katsuki wouldn't care about him. He had probably just come up here to complain about Kirishima bothering him or something.
„So," the blond began again ,"whats so good about staring at the stars alone then."
„Whats up with the questions today, Katsuki. It's not all that weird looking at the stars, we even used to do it when we were kids." he answered and sighed.
„We used to do it together though, stupid nerd." He snipped back. „You are just sitting on a roof alone and muttering to yourself. So people like shitty hair are getting the wrong idea and go bother people like me about it. It's not like there is anything actually bothering you." He laughed but quickly went quiet again.
Staring out into the night sky Deku wasn't sure if there was a question somewhere in there but decided to just stay quiet.
„Is there?" Katsuki finally asked.
„Is there what?" Deku answered in a surprised voice.
Turning to face him and grabbing the shirt on the green haired teens chest Katsuki caught Izuku by surprise when he looked him into the eyes and asked „Is there something bothering you, nerd?"
His face seemed serious as he stared down into his eyes. When he wouldn't get an answer he'd tighten his grip and start tugging him up to repeat „I asked you something, Deku".
Slightly shocked the younger teen grabbed on to Bakugos shoulder and swiftly added: „I'm fine, really."
Looking into his eyes the blond tried to figure out whether that was the truth or not. After another mumbled „really" he let go of the smaller boy, letting him drop down again with an – oof.
„You're being weird today, Kacchan." Izuku mumbled leaning up on his elbows to watch the boy still sitting next to him. What was up with the explosive blond seeming to care about his well being all of a sudden.
The blond gave him a smirk, seeming happy for no reason. He WAS being really weird Izuku thought. He hadn't actually seen him smile for what felt like a very long time, so this was the closest he got in a long time.
„What," he asked confused?
„Kacchan?" the blond answered looking away again.
„Ye?" Midoriya answered even more confused.
„Calling me Katsuki, like you're all important and we're friends or whatever, doesn't suit you nerd."
„But we are friends Kacchan" Izuku assured him. „At least I am yours. And you don't like me calling you Kachan, and I don't feel like calling you Bakugo …" he said looking over at him. When he saw the blond turning and trying to interrupt he quickly added „.. or King Explosion Murder." with a laugh.
The blond surprised him by laughing out loud at that. „I never said you should."
„You just shouted at me yesterday for calling you that in class." he asked dumbfounded.
„Well ye .. „ Kacchan said smirking again, „don't call me that in class. I don't want the other idiots to get the wrong idea and start calling me that all friendly and shit. The fuck do they think they are"
„Whats that supposed to mean?" he asked sitting up.
„That means .. that we're not really friends and I don't really give a fuck about whatever midlife crisis you are going through right now stupid idiot, but " the blond got up from the floor „I also accepted that I'm just stuck with you. So if anyone should call me Kacchan I guess it would be you." Turning around he started walking away, leaving a confused Izuku behind on the roof.
‚The fuck did I go up there,' Katsuki thought to himself making his way down the stairs. Maybe Kaminari had gotten to him after all. He hadn't seemed to want to talk to him though. ‚Look at me , being all friendly and shit and the nerd doesn't want to talk huh.' Jumping down the last steps he got off on his floor and quickly went into his room. Flopping down on his bed he wondered if the idiot did that every night.
Sitting on the roof in the damn cold. Moonlight shining on his skin and eyes glittering with stars. And suddenly Kacchan remembered why he had stopped watching the stars with Izuku.
Turning around to face the wall he let out a ground. „Kacchan huh"
That night Katsuki fell into an uneasy sleep. When Denki asked him the next day why he looked like shit he told him to fuck off and pushed him away with more than his usual grumpy attitude, leaving his friends to wonder why he was in an even worse mood than usual.