Chapter Five

Claire's feet are killing her. And her back. Her eyes aren't doing so hot either.

Lim ordered her to rest for a couple of hours, and even after a quick nap in the on-call room, she feels no more refreshed. She'd grabbed a banana and some yogurt before heading back to the ER to pick up the overflow. At least Park and Shaun have returned so they aren't as short-handed as before. The both of them telling her about their respective patients at the brewery, and them hearing about Melendez, helped pass the time as they stitched and patched the steady flow of patients that came in.

Now that she has a little down time, she pops her head in on Neil to find him sleeping. His color is still off, and he looks rather terrible. But he's alive and on the mend as far as everyone's told her. She checks his chart anyway and monitors his vitals herself for a moment before leaving him to his slumber. She doesn't want to risk waking him since rest is the best thing for him.

Instead Claire heads to the recovery section to visit another patient.

Morgan is lying in bed, her hands now freshly wrapped, and she's trying desperately to work the remote control without any free digits to hit the buttons. Claire giggles. It's exactly the kind of distraction she needs right now.

"About time you showed up. Are you going to help or just stand there and laugh at me?" Morgan grouses, although Claire spots a small smile to go with it.

Claire walks over and plops down on the stool beside her bed. Grabbing the remote, she turns the TV on and lowers the volume. Then she opens the drawer next to the bed to retrieve a pen which should help Morgan more easily navigate the buttons without throwing a tantrum.

"How are you holding up?" Claire asks.

Morgan sighs dramatically, flopping her head back against the pillow. "So bored. And ready to get out of here. I can't believe all the action happening out there, and I can't get in on any more of it."

"Trust me, you're not missing much. It's mostly cuts and bruises at this point, which is good given how busy the OR got early on. You really got the brunt of it. Shaun and Park are back and Glassman's gone home to rest. I haven't seen Andrews in a while, so I don't know."

"He's still around," Morgan reports. "We had a good talk. He was really pissed Glassman let me help in the ER. Maybe I did want to prove something to him, that I'm not some selfish egomaniac that lied to him about my condition. I couldn't just sit here with everything going on."

Claire smiles at Morgan. "I know. I would have felt the same way. We all would have, and Andrews knows that. Are things okay with him?"

Morgan shrugs. "I think so? And he says I should heal okay. My stitches are a little sad but intact. I'll just need to be careful."

"Do you need anything? I can bring you a smoothie from downstairs. That should be easy enough to hold."

"Oh my god, yes!" Morgan gushes. "Now that things are back on track with Andrews, I'm going to have to work on the nurses. They are seriously mad at me."

Claire laughs at that. "I heard! Since you gave them permission to call you a bitch at will, they are loving it."

Morgan seems unbothered. "Hey, I gave them a good villain to distract them from their stress."

Shaking her head, Claire continues to chuckle. "I cannot believe you, Morgan. You could have really messed up your hands. I'm glad things worked out, though." She rolls her eyes. "Between you, Melendez, and Shaun it's a shock we didn't lose someone tonight. It's so reckless." She tries to drop that lightly, but she can't quite hide the bitterness over the evening's stress. Her weariness and short fuse are definitely showing.

Morgan scrutinizes her, and it makes Claire nervous. No one would accuse Morgan of being an expert in emotional intelligence, but she's observant and smart. And Claire is too tired to play games with her tonight.

"I heard Park and Shaun are back in the ER, but how's Melendez?" Morgan asks. No snark. No innuendo. Just a simple question. It surprises Claire. Morgan's inquiry seems sincere, yet Claire's not so exhausted that she doesn't spot a potential setup.

"He's recovering. Andrews said it was a close call." She scoffs. "And it's a total fluke too. Without the proof of that scan, there's no way he would have gone back to the hospital to get checked out and would have probably died in the middle of all this," she rants. "Such a hard-headed idiot."

Thinking back on how everything went down and with Neil in recovery, Claire's frustration has nowhere left to go. Maybe it's knowing that he'll be okay that allows her to unleash such anger over how flippantly he'd treated his injuries and what could have happened if they hadn't discovered something serious completely through dumb luck. Did he not fully grasp that there were people in his life that care what happens to him? Or did he just not care?

It's that latter question that echoes in her mind, has lingered ever since she'd admitted to herself that she's falling for Neil.

Claire's irritation seems to amuse Morgan. "Tell me how you really feel." She senses Morgan's eyes on her, probably logging every reaction. Claire feels more exposed than she's comfortable with, but Morgan doesn't press her.

"Well, it'll be interesting to see what happens after all this. I think Park is going to leave, or at least that's what he seemed to be considering when he dropped by earlier. Losing that patient really did a number on him. I've never seen him like this."

"I know what you mean," Claire agrees, happy to move the conversation away from her emotional turmoil over Neil. "I don't know if he'll leave. I mean we have only two years left and it would be so much harder on him to try and transfer now."

"That's true, but he's not thinking about all that right now. I think it would be a mistake, but I get it."

"Yeah. And apparently now Shaun and Lea are together. That makes me very nervous. It wasn't even a week ago that they were being truly awful to each other."

Morgan rolls her eyes. "You know how I feel about that. But Shaun is a grown man, and if he wants to make poor choices about who he dates, let him. What I want to know is how things are going to go with Carly. He kind of screwed her over."

"Well, she's a grown-up too. I do feel bad, because she's really a sweet person, and she was good to Shaun. I hope it works out with Lea to make all the drama worth it. And I'd hate to see Shaun get his heart broken again."

Chuckling, Morgan wrestles with her blanket until finally, Claire leans over and pulls it up for her. "I don't want to see that side of Shaun again either. He's kind of an asshole in that state." Claire has to agree, but keeps quiet on the point. "You know it's true," Morgan goads her, grinning.

"Let's just hope it doesn't come to that," Claire smirks.

"This is why it's not a good idea to date the people you work with. Now it's going to be awkward with Carly."

Claire shrugs. "Lim and Melendez seemed to do okay with it."

"Yeah, they're fine now, but they were so annoying when they fought."

"You should have seen it when he'd fight with Jessica Preston before they broke off their engagement. Beyond awkward. Melendez and Lim had their moments, but they've mostly been pretty professional."

Claire hadn't paid much attention to Lim and Neil when they'd been together. She'd thought their relationship cute, and they had a long history so it made sense. Seeing the hopeless romantic side to Neil mostly amused her. She honestly hadn't really noticed when they'd started having problems so consumed by her own. She and Neil talked about it a little during their runs, though not in detail. In that sense, they'd been a comfort to each other these past months as they mourned their individual complicated relationships.

Morgan seems to consider her argument. "I wonder if they'll get back together. You know how it goes: near death experience reminds people of their mistakes and their opportunities for a second chance, et cetera and so on."

Claire stiffens. She hasn't considered that. But Morgan is right. She thinks back on how worried Lim had been and the exchange between the two before Neil was ordered back to the hospital. No matter what had happened over the past few months, a situation like this makes people reevaluate things.

She tries to be casual in her response, despite this new dread invading her already taxed emotional state. "Yeah, maybe. You never know."

Claire's therapist had been firm about her treading carefully with her feelings for Neil given her recent traumas. Yet she'd also acknowledged the likelihood that Neil is struggling with his own emotions toward her.

Hearing Morgan put things into this context has her second-guessing that.

What can she possibly be to Neil in comparison? What makes more sense, going back to a relationship with someone you've known for years, loved deeply, and had imagined a future together if you could have navigated your professional boundaries? Or a fleeting sexual curiosity with someone off limits who can ruin your career? Someone who people have already started gossiping about in disapproval?

He'd said to her that if she'd found the right guy in Dash, she shouldn't wait for the right time to deepen their relationship. If he truly believed that notion and had any romantic feelings for her, surely, he wouldn't have been pushing her toward someone else. And maybe it's just the mantra he'll need to reignite things with Lim.

Claire slumps even deeper on the stool. She's so tired of all this. The plan had been to shove down her feelings for Neil so as not to make things complicated, do what she could to maintain their friendship. She doesn't want to be the one to make things awkward. Or maybe she should just be honest with him about what she's struggling with and then back off to let him distance himself and move on.

Rubbing at the crown of her head, she feels a headache coming on. She glances up and sees Morgan again scrutinizing her, and it's unnerving.

"Uh, I'm going to go get that smoothie before someone pages me and then you're on your own with the nurses."

Morgan groans. She picks up the pen with her damaged hands and starts poking at the remote dials. "I'll be here. Nothing better to do." She stabs at a couple of buttons and brightens when the channel changes. The sight brings some welcome amusement to Claire.

"Be back in a few."

Claire gets up and wanders out of the room to walk aimlessly down to the café. Checking her phone, she's relieved to see no pages, but knows she should get back to the ER sooner rather than later.

And maybe that'll give her the time to figure out what's she's going to say to Neil when he wakes up.

TBC