The next time Terlin went to the Yeerk Pool, I expected Mr. Tidwell to want to talk to me again, especially since he was a few people ahead of me in line. To my surprise, though, while he did acknowledge me with a polite smile, he didn't wave me to join him at one of the tables.
Okay. Maybe, I'd misinterpreted things. Could be that he was just trying to make conversation three days ago, find out more about me. Especially since I was Jake's brother, and he'd as much as told me that Jake wasn't doing great in his class.
I wasn't annoyed or hurt or anything like that. Just a little confused. I always thought I was good at reading people. While I couldn't exactly fault myself for misreading Alison-well, her Yeerk-which had gotten me infested by Terlin in the first place...and now Jake was seemingly going through his "I hate everyone including my big brother who I used to look up to" phase...
Maybe, I wasn't as good as figuring people out as I thought.
I zoned out in front of the TV, immersed in an episode of The Simpsons, then Family Guy, then Full House, and finally, That 70's Show. As the final credits rolled, I heard my name being called, and rose from my place on the couch. I stretched, then crossed over to the door before looking back, just for a second. No Mr. Tidwell. Well, he'd been ahead of me in the line, so he had probably headed back already.
He was waiting in line, in front of three involuntary humans who were being restrained (and probably injured) by a Hork-Bajir guard on each side. One man was over six feet tall and at least two hundred pounds of pure muscle. He was fighting and screaming at their set of guards, who were as unmoved (physically and emotionally) as though he were a small child. Another was a middle aged woman who looked like she'd given up, but they were dragging her forward regardless, and I could see cuts forming on her wrists. What broke my heart, though, was this one small girl who couldn't have been more than seven or eight. She had long brown hair in two braids down her back, which seemed to jerk from side to side as "her" guards moved her forward. There movements were so quick, so callous, that she nearly fell several times. She was sobbing, pleading with them to let her go, but they ignored her, just continued to frog march her along.
This was how it was in the Yeerk empire. If you were involuntary, it wasn't just your Yeerk who mistreated you. I could walk more or less at my own pace because the guards knew that I was voluntary. So what if I held up the line for a few seconds? At worst, I'd get a poke on my shoulder by a Hork-Bajir arm, and they'd be careful not to touch me with a blade. If they did...well, Terlin could probably get them in real trouble. I was valuable as a voluntary host, not because they cared about me as a person, but because my cooperation made me so. A host who didn't fight their Yeerk, who consented to infestation without being beaten down, was the whole point of The Sharing.
Sure, they'd infest someone who refused to cooperate as easily as someone who did. But if you were to place a value on people like me? I'd bet we were easily worth at least three involuntary humans to the empire.
Until now, or until recently, I'd managed to deal with it. Compartmentalize it, probably. After all, I had no real say in the matter, and Terlin was decent to me, and he'd promised to keep my family as safe as he could for as long as he could. Moreover, if being a host to him was a choice I could make, I would probably make it. Maybe not as often as I was his host, but at least half the time.
Now, though? It seemed like there might be a better way. There was a group of Yeerks who were trying to fight the empire, who believed that, at least, involuntary infestation was wrong. Aftran had died for this.
I didn't try to resist when the guards positioned my head under the water. I was looking forward to seeing Terlin again, and besides, what would be the point? Still. He'd see that my mind wasn't as relaxed or at ease as it usually was. He'd know what I'd been thinking about.
I waited as he pushed his way inside my ear, felt the momentary sting and then, just pressure and the loss of control. For the first time since my initial infestation, though, I also felt this overwhelming sense of hopelessness and powerlessness.
Not just because my body was being taken away from me.
If I'd been able to, I might have started to cry.
(Tom? What's wrong?) he asked, once he'd finished connecting to my brain, and was moving my body upright.
I didn't answer, or not in words. Terlin immediately saw what I'd been thinking about, and my experience waiting in line.
It wasn't like I hadn't seen kids being infested before. The Yeerk empire didn't reject good host bodies, regardless of age. Oh sure, they wouldn't infest babies, but probably, once a kid reached the age of three or four, they were ripe for the picking.
Terlin hugged me, or tried to. I stopped him. Not physically, or rather, mentally. But with my thoughts.
(Stop. Not now,) I told him.
I felt his hurt, but he released me from the hug. (All right, Tom,) he answered, gently. (I won't.)
(Look. Just leave me alone for awhile, okay?) I added, a little harsher than I intended.
Terlin simply gave me a mental nod. (Okay.)
He walked my body over to the stairs, out of the cavern. Wordlessly, he released control to me. Knowing that I still wanted my body back.
Maybe, more than I ever had before.
Still, I stewed for awhile. I left the mall, found my car, and just drove around for awhile. Not recklessly or anything, since I didn't want to be pulled over by a cop. Who would, as likely as not, be a Controller. I just focused on the road, taking the familiar routes so I was driving around in circles, not leaving my town. After a half an hour of this, I felt a little better. Enough to be able to talk to Terlin without wanting to scream at him.
(Sorry,) I began, a little shortly, and maybe even huffily. (Look, I know this isn't your fault.)
Well, not directly.
(You have every right to be angry, Tom,) Terlin replied, in that gentle way of his. (I'd be furious, too, if I saw that child being treated like that.)
I rolled my eyes. (Because she was a kid, or because of the way the guards were handling her? You know she wasn't voluntary, Terlin.)
He sighed. (Both. That being said, if she'd been my host, I would have treated her much better than her current Yeerk does. Well, likely does. I don't know either.)
I had to admit that was true. I still remembered my first infestation, vividly. Terlin had returned my body to me minutes after taking it over. He hadn't been what I considered to be a cruel empire Yeerk. Not by a long shot.
(We're still part of the problem,) I pointed out.
You couldn't not participate. Sure, the two people we'd recruited from my school ended up voluntary, but it could have gone the other way. Anyway, we couldn't not recruit, even halfheartedly, and not get reprimanded. At the very least, we needed to be friendly at Sharing meetings with potential full members. Act like The Sharing had saved our lives and all that.
(I know,) Terlin sighed.
(You talk to Illim? When you fed?) I pressed.
(I did,) Terlin confirmed. (He asked me to join the Peace Movement.)
(Mr. Tidwell barely acknowledged me today,) I admitted.
(It's easier for Yeerks to communicate in the pool than humans in the voluntary area,) Terlin explained. (There are spies everywhere, but two hosts-humans-communicating who are not relatives and differing ages...)
(Yeah, I get it. It's suspicious, if it keeps going on,) I acknowledged. (Okay. So, are we gonna do it?)
Terlin hesitated. (I'm not sure.)
(Terlin!) I practically shouted. (Did you not just see what happened at the pool? What happens every day, possibly every hour? How can you just sit by and let that go on?)
He was silent. To be fair, he could have called me a hypocrite. Told me that he hadn't seen me especially bothered by this until now.
(Look,) I added, softening my voice, (it's not like you have to do anything huge. I mean, sure, they're against involuntary infestation. In case you haven't noticed,) I gestured towards my body with my left hand, (I'm already voluntary. You don't have to let me go, or anything like that.)
(I realize this.) Terlin's tone sounded almost amused. (I know that you would let me continue to live inside your head, given a real choice in the matter.)
(Right. And, what else do we have to do? Attend some meetings in the pool? Maybe, try to talk to other Yeerks who complain about their host yelling at them? Over time, tell them that they should actually be decent to their hosts? Because, that seemed to be what happened to Illim,) I pressed. (Terlin, it's not like we're going to be blowing up the pool or planning to murder Visser Three when he feeds.)
At least, not yet.
(Illim told me that his host was initially involuntary,) Terlin told me, reflectively. (He called your teacher his slave. But that, over time, he became aware that the screams from his host were because of him, and gradually, he came to the realization that he did not want to live inside another sentient creature if it meant causing him pain.)
I had several snarky comebacks to make at this. Like the fact that Illim had to be a slow learner, if it took that long to realize that Mr. Tidwell's agony was because of him.
On the other hand, he'd just lost his wife. A Yeerk could probably live in enough denial to believe that their host's pain had little to do with their Yeerk. At least, in that scenario.
(So, he joined the Peace Movement and offered Mr. Tidwell some control over his body?) I asked.
Terlin shook his head, inside my mind. (He offered your teacher his freedom. To leave his body and never return. Mr. Tidwell could have fled the state or the country. Instead, he chose to let Illim remain in his body. Once he realized that Illim was serious, had a change of heart-as you humans call it-he had his own. Moreover, he believed that the two could do more for the Peace Movement than one Yeerk. Especially if that Yeerk had to go into hiding, like Aftran. Afterwards, the two became friends. They share control, too.)
It was a pretty powerful story. I didn't think Illim would lie about this. Why would he? If it got out, he could be killed.
(Like I said. I think we would join up. Sure, it would be risky, but it would be right. Anyway, Terlin, you'd be risking a lot less than Illim,) I added, hoping to appeal to Yeerk pride.
He sighed. (Give me until my next feeding to make up my mind, all right, Tom?)
Okay. I could do that.
(Okay, Terlin.)
A/N: Things are getting interesting-and the next chapter will be a big one as far as this goes. Let's just say that this is the chapter before the Big Reveal.
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