Chapter Ten
The atmosphere is mellow and happy, the drinks are flowing freely, and the hosts are flitting around spreading their triumphant optimism to anyone they come across. It's a joyous occasion and nearly everyone that's showed up knows the long road it's taken to get to this point.
Neil turns to Noreen and Marta, beer in hand. "This place looks better than ever. I'm so excited for you."
Marta's smile is like sunshine as she gazes around proudly. "There were so many times I doubted we'd ever get here. "I thought it was hard the first time, but the last year has really taken the cake." She puts her arm around Noreen. "At least I had this one to keep me sane."
Noreen rolls her eyes at her wife, though her demeanor is anything but put out. "You talked me into this place and I wasn't going to let you back out." She turns to Neil. "I'm so glad you could make it. It wouldn't be right not having you here."
"I wouldn't have missed it," he assures her.
"Speaking of missing things," Marta says, "we're about to start the big presentation. Where are the ladies of the hour?"
Scanning the room, he spots Claire in conversation with Morgan at the bar. Next to them is Aaron and his wife ordering a round for themselves as Audrey moves out of the way with her drink. Shaun and Park are back at the hospital with Andrews covering so the rest of them could be here, though he figures neither of his former residents were particularly keen to return after the trauma of their previous visit.
"I think they're all starting without you," Neil chuckles, pointing at the bar.
Marta scoffs. "Well, we can't have that. Let's go, honey." She pulls Noreen toward the front of the room, stopping along the way to greet people in true Marta-style. Neil follows slowly, surrendering to a bit of introspection as he recalls this starting point for the wild chain reaction that became his new normal. He observes the scene across the room of his colleagues together like this after such a crazy year, especially enjoying an open view of Claire.
He takes a sip of his beer to hide the goofy smile he knows is plastered on his face just thinking about her.
The last year seems to have flown by in some ways. After the earthquake, it'd taken him a long time to get back to any sort of routine, professional or otherwise. There were endless medical appointments those first few months, a strict diet while his abdominal organs healed. Only light exercise had been permitted which drove him absolutely nuts given how much time he spent in the gym or on the track.
Sorting out his physical health had only been the first part of his three-month sabbatical. He'd spent the time decompressing, and it wasn't until he'd fully disengaged from hospital life that he realized how much he'd needed the time off. There were a lot of visits with Gabi and a trip to his parents to show them in person that he was ok. There was a lot of resting because the whole ordeal had completely kicked his ass, he wasn't too proud to admit. Everything took him a little bit longer to do – showering, walking, cooking, shopping. So many things he'd taken for granted.
Right at the point when he'd started to get too bored, he eased back into the hospital part-time. No surgeries yet – his stamina wasn't quite consistent enough for that. But he did conduct his share of consults and took on more of the department's administrative work. That meant a lot of meetings for hospital committees, with donors, and at conferences. He'd managed to do a fair amount of personal travel through that, which turned out to be kind of fun. It reminded him that he could be dedicated to his work without sacrificing museums in New York, or a baseball game in Chicago, or lying on a beach in Miami every once in a while.
After another couple of months on that light schedule, he was finally cleared to resume surgeries. When he got back in the OR, being in that room with all his familiar colleagues and surrounded by the sounds and smells of what had been the daily routine, well, it was like that first refreshing swallow of water after a long run. The surgery itself had been simple, but he savored it, almost floated out of the OR for how natural and good it felt to be back doing what he loves. He's been back at full time for a few months now after a stretch of alternating among surgery, the clinic, and his administrative duties. And nearly a year after his injury, it seems as if both everything and nothing has changed.
He has to admit, he doesn't really miss having residents. Not yet, anyway. They really are a lot of work.
But he's still in their orbit now that Morgan, Park, Shaun, and Claire have settled into their routine with Andrews. What surprised him, though, was how much Andrews seemed to need this new role as well. Andrews had never been one to relish the teaching part of his job. It's something that came with the territory, more an obligation than a calling. Yet something about Neil's motley crew of residents wormed its way into Andrews' good graces. Once Neil returned to a regular OR schedule, he enjoyed the few occasions when one of his former residents would scrub in with him, making it feel like old times. But it's also different because he appreciates it so much more after almost having it taken from him. He can truly accept that the changes in his life have done him good.
Neil suspects, however, that it's Claire, his constant through everything, who kept him sane.
To say they'd taken their relationship slow is an understatement. Given the romantic in him, the glacial pace they'd moved things along should have been a major frustration. However, this deep attraction that had snuck up on them needed nurturing and care. After all, they'd come together during an incredibly difficult time in both their lives. When they'd finally allowed their feelings room to grow, he'd still been healing physically and she emotionally. The love was there, so plainly accessible on the surface of them. But they wanted to get things right.
So, it'd started with dinner that first night after their walk. He'd still been on a no-solids diet so he'd made them both smoothies, and they'd sat curled into each other on his couch having those first tentative conversations about their hopes and fears and also making each other laugh. After that, she'd come over after her shift as her schedule allowed, or he'd linger at her place after a shared meal out or the walks and then runs together they still very much enjoyed.
She'd brought him a puzzle when he'd complained a little too often about being bored. That gift had been particularly meaningful because Gabi loves puzzles, and it's something they'd do together when he'd visit with her. At first Claire, thought she'd made a mistake to get it for him, but he'd quickly assured her that her instincts are perfect. Now, picking away at a puzzle is a regular thing for them to do on a quiet weeknight when they're too tired to do anything productive but also too wired to sleep.
Gabi herself took a little longer to warm up to Claire. His sister could sense the change in Neil and the depth of his affection for this new person, and it made her a bit jealous. But Claire kept at it, and like most everyone else she encounters, she'd eventually won Gabi over through many puzzles and stories and shared jokes at Neil's expense. Now he teases that Gabi is more excited to see Claire than him on the occasions she tags along for one of his visits.
Those first months gave them both time to adjust to their new circumstances; to get comfortable being an 'us' in a way that feels uncompromising and true to what they want. Before long, they settled into a routine. At times it felt like the only thing to ground him in the rapidly shifting chaos of his life.
And it wasn't all sunshine and rainbows. Their relationship had its hiccups as they became accustomed to the consequences of their choices. Frustrated that he couldn't just return to his old professional life, he could be overbearing when hearing about her work day, grilling her about diagnoses or surgical approaches. She'd had to tell him on more than one occasion that although she'd always welcome his guidance as a friend and colleague, he needed to remember that he's her lover, not her Attending.
Likewise, being in a serious relationship was new to Claire, and it took work for her to understand the little courtesies of building this shared life – the calling when she'll be late, thinking about him before making plans, actually talking to him if she gets skittish or doesn't know how to respond to something he's done. Once he'd gone back to work, that had been a whole new situation to navigate as they learned the balance of discretion.
They do pretty okay, though, overall, and their days and nights are filled with a peacefulness neither has experienced before.
Looking back on those early days, it strikes Neil as rather shocking how long they kept things so chaste. They'd hold hands during a walk or cuddle together in front of the TV, her head on his shoulder or him nestled into her along the couch. There were plenty of kisses in welcome and goodnight, lots of petting, and maybe some shameless groping at times. He'd learned of her love of lingerie, which tortured his thoughts on a daily basis. More often than not, he'd wonder what she had on underneath her demure, feminine work attire. His first glimpse of this violet satin number quickly became his favorite.
He desired her badly, of course, but the sex didn't seem as important as the intimacy of simply being together and getting to know each other at their own pace. Besides, in the beginning, he'd been in no shape to take things too far and not eager to compromise. For Claire, sex didn't mean love, and she seemed content to simply be in love with him.
They got there eventually. The long period of yearning and emotional foreplay made their exploration of each other pretty satisfying. And the sex was hot as hell.
It had started with wandering hands as they'd relax together on his patio or on her couch. Or she'd come up behind him in the kitchen as they'd make dinner or brunch together and run her hands along his chest and back. He'd burned a whole pan of onions as a result of one evening's friskiness. Then the casual caresses turned into bold groping, a lingering hand along her waist dipping lower than usual to grip her backside or the slow unbuttoning of his shirt at the end of a workday to help him get more comfortable.
Then the sleepover's started – no sex at first, just closeness and comfort. But their unspoken distance hadn't lasted long, and it only took a few nights before he'd found her hand playing at the waistband of his pants or his own fingers sneaking up her thigh under the covers. In the quiet of their bedrooms, they whispered their playful desires, their teasing. Then there'd be hot open-mouthed kisses, leading to the shedding of clothes, and the slow exploration of each other's bodies.
Not yet ready for an extended exertion, he'd insisted on discovering everything he could about what turned her on. She'd been his delicious experiment and that had been incredibly fun for him. But when she'd insisted on returning the favor to ease him back in the saddle, that had been sweet torture. She called it revenge for all of ways he'd made her lose control. Yet, what she could do with her hands and mouth made him shiver just thinking about it. How could a woman be so sweet yet so in control of all his most intense fantasies?
And when they fully consummated their relationship, well, he hadn't experienced true satisfaction until he had Claire Browne in his bed writhing underneath him or grinding over him, urging him on with her sounds of pleasure and a body totally given over to him. Eventually they'd replicated their success in the living room and the bathroom and even in the kitchen – though thankfully not while in the middle of dinner anymore.
He couldn't remember being so happy. So utterly content in a world that made complete sense as long as he got to spend the night with his arms around her.
Yet his favorite moments weren't those passion-filled days and nights, though those were definitely one of the highlights of any week. He treasured the mundane times when they laid bare who they truly were with someone who loved what they saw before them.
Making breakfast together after a run became their favorite thing to do. And they liked going to the farmers market together. She'd gone suit shopping with him once and it'd turned into this fun, grand adventure. He'd come to accept her slight messiness, and often found it endearing, though he'd never admit it to her. There were times when he'd smile coming upon her jewelry left at the side of the sink or a coffee mug discarded on the counter when she leaves before him. And she learned to be sensitive to his OCD-level cleanliness by keeping those touches to a minimum.
He thought of those nights when he'd be reviewing something for work or reading a book, maybe just talking idly with her as he cooked or they sat discussing their day. She'd take out her guitar and strum some melodies in the background. The sweet sound of her humming would grow a few words until a song streamed from her lips – an old torch ballad, a soulful R&B slow jam, an upbeat rock song or funny pop cover. And she'd pull from a pretty wide catalogue of artists, from Stevie Nicks to Stevie Wonder, Johnny Cash to John Legend. Often, he'd stop whatever he was doing to just lean back and listen, let her be free to unwind and improvise, not caring that he's there to bear witness. It's not something she shares with many people, but she did so with him, and he expressed his gratitude by enjoying it without comment other than a lingering kiss when she'd finish. Eventually, she'd even take his requests, allowing him to hold her as she serenades him.
They've even talked about fostering rescue dogs. One tiny step toward a more permanent life together.
That night of the earthquake, he had laid in bed wondering if he would die, thinking about regrets and missed opportunities. And now he spends every day with someone he loves more than he thought himself capable.
He gets to stand in this room that changed everything for him and have the body and breath to savor his friend and colleague, his lover. His Claire.
Almost to the bar, Claire finally sees his approach and sends a curious look his way, probably because he's staring at her. It doesn't bother him that others may notice; he doesn't care who knows how he feels about her or who sees his adoration and his open love for this woman. He winks at her, and she rolls her eyes before returning to her conversation.
They both deserve to be happy, and he sees no reason to hide it ever again.
TBC