Deserving Me
AU: What if Elena didn't forget her encounter with Damon 2x08? How would this change things, and will it give her a new perspective on him? Cannon universe until after the encounter.
Note: Just so that you all know, I plan on making this a slow burning fanfiction, similar to how it is in the actual show. The whole purpose of this fanfiction is to take the cannon series but add one small detail, and see how it changed everything.
Chapter 3: Blue
Dear Diary,
I woke up early the next morning, more determined than ever to leave and find Stefan. I got ready at record time, and I headed downstairs, however Bonnie and everyone else was already awake. Bonnie had casted a spell to keep me locked inside the house, and later Rick came to explain everything to me. I felt like a prisoner in my own home, and I was growing more and more anxious as the day went on. I stayed upstairs most of the day until Aunt Jenna called me down to move boxes, however Elijah was there too. He told me that he wouldn't take me to Klaus because he doesn't want the curse to be broken. He explained that he'd keep me and my friends safe and that he'd kill Klaus. I told him that I'd go along with the deal just as long as he freed Stefan from the tomb. I don't know whether or not to believe him, because he seems like an honorable man, however I don't know him. After he left it was evening in no time, and I had been sitting upstairs on my window seat for most of the time, that is until I saw Stefan's reflection in the window. I felt so relieved to see him and I explained everything that Elijah had planned. Today has been a wonderful day, and for the first time I feel hopeful. The only issue is that I haven't seen Damon at all today. I wonder what's wrong. Perhaps he's still mad at me for trying to give myself up to Klaus yesterday. I wouldn't blame him. I guess we'll see how things turn out tomorrow, until then.
Love,
Elena
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I'm currently in the boarding house looking for Stefan, and when he wasn't at the door, I invited myself in and went up into his room. "Stefan?" I ask as I walk inside. I take a couple more steps inside and look around. He's nowhere in sight. "Stefan?" I ask once more while glancing around in front of me. "You're standing right behind me, aren't you?" I ask, almost as if it's a statement.
"Yup." I hear him reply, I turn around and see him standing there, shirtless. I smile and kiss him tenderly. "Good morning." He says in a gleeful tone.
"I don't want us to be apart anymore...never." I say gazing into him eyes. It felt like torture when he was trapped in that tomb with Katherine. It makes me sick to my stomach.
"Me neither...but-"
"Don't ruin the moment." I add before kissing him once more.
Once we separate Stefan says, "Uhh…"
"You're about to ruin the moment, aren't you?"
"I'm totally ruining the moment, but I can't just pretend that everything's okay." He replies seriously.
"Katherine's locked away in a tomb." I say before walking over to his desk.
"I know, but we still have this… pressing little issue of you being Klaus's human sacrifice."
"Yes, but Elijah promised to keep me and everyone else safe as long as we played by his rules." I reply while grabbing a vile of vervain.
"Right, as long as you played by his rules." He adds while I pour the vile inside a glass.
"Please don't go after Isobel." I say, almost as if it's a fact that no one should go near her.
"Katherine said that Isobel could have some answers and I just… have a couple questions. That's all." He says as I pour some alcohol into the glass where I poured in the contents of the vile.
"Stefan, I made a deal with Elijah." I tell him as I drink the glass.
"Right, you made a deal with him… I didn't make one; you should keep your deal." He tells me and I put the glass down.
"Stefan, I don't want anyone else to get hurt." I add walking closer to him and staring him directly in the eye.
"When have I ever wanted somebody to get hurt?" He asks and I sigh, still staring at him in the eye. My eyes pleading with his, trying to convince him not to follow through with finding Isobel. I then sigh before picking up the glass of the vervain alcohol mixture.
"Vervain… I made it light but are you sure? Just because Katherine built up a tolerance-"
"Yes." He interrupts, abruptly taking the glass from me and adding, "Bottom's up." He then takes a small sip, closing his eyes tightly as he gulps it down. I can tell it's painful for him, but if it's what he wants, I won't stop him. "Oh." He coughs. He's nearly gagging on the floor and I place a hand on his back for some emotional support. "Oh." He coughs once more, almost as if he wasn't expecting it to burn this much.
"You okay?" I ask as he gets up.
"Yeah." He says, returning to his normal posture.
"How can Elijah compel another vampire?" I ask, referring to when he told me that Elijah had compelled Katherine to stay in the tomb.
"He's an original. I don't really know what that means… I don't think anybody really knows what that means. Well… except maybe Isobel. I'll be sure to ask her." He replies and I'm about to reply, but he kisses me. I just stare at him as he exits the room. I stay with him as he gets ready to leave and I sit in his room for a little while after until I get curious about Damon. I begin to walk over to his room and stop at his doorway, listening to a bit of the conversation.
"How is it?" I hear Rose ask. I know she's referring to the werewolf bite, since Stfean told be about it before he left. There's silence for a little bit, presumably Damon looking over the wound.
"Uh… definitely.. B-better." He says, and by his voice I can tell he's lying. I convince myself to make my way inside. "Right, Elena?" He asks before I'm even visible to them. So he knew I was there the whole time. He then gestures his head for me to reply and Rose turns around. The wound looks awful. The skin looks as if it's almost molding and swollen and the indents of the bite is almost enough to make me light headed.
"Uhm… it's not bad." I say, trying to sound as convincing as possible.
"Where's Stefan?" He asks softly.
"He left." I reply while gesturing my hand to emphasize the fact. "I need you to talk with him. He's convinced that he needs to find, Isobel. I think that's gonna upset Elijah."
"No can do. I'm with Stefan on this one, but you can play nurse for a little while." He says walking closer and getting a couple of things from around the room.
Rose then turns back around while sipping some alcohol and says, "That's not necessary-"
"It is necessary. Elena's a do-gooder. It's in her nature, she just can't resist." Damon adds, walking out the door. I look at Rose for a second before following Damon out.
"Damon." I say, and he stops and turns around. "Is she gonna die?" I ask softly and he walks towards me.
"Probably." He says and I stare downward at the thought. Poor Rose. "The wolf bite caused some kind of infection; it's getting worse." He adds.
"Like poison?" I ask with my brows furrowed.
"I don't know, Elena. I'm not an expert in the field." He says, holding his arms outward and I feel sorrow fill my gut.
"I'm sorry-"
"Death happens. We come, we go. The sooner she dies, the better." He says and I furrow my brow at his statement. Did he honestly believe that? "It's gloomy down here." He adds in barely a whisper. I sigh as I watch him leave. I knew that he didn't actually mean what he said about Rose, but nonetheless it still has shaken me. Although, he told me to look after Rose, so that what I'm going to do. I help Rose for a bit, until she'd grown weaker and I transfer her to Damon's bed.
"Just get in bed." I say, while taking off her cardigan.
"We don't get sick, when we die it's fast and sudden and it's certainly not drawn out with an illness." Rose says before getting under the sheets. She sighs as she lays down and I feel like I have to give her something to hold onto.
"You're not gonna die." I say while tucking her inside the sheets.
"Such a human thing to say." Rose replies and I look at her. Her skin pale and she looks incredibly tired. I then for the first time look around in Damon's room. It's only then that I realize that I've never been here before, and I find myself looking at everything within it. I glance behind me and see a giant bathroom with a huge tub that even I'm tempted to get into. "You've never been in Damon's room before, have you?" She asks and I look up at the room once more. I picked up a book that was in one of the stacks next to his bed, 'Gone With the Wind,' the title says and I scoff, surprised that Damon above all people would read that book. "Not what you expected?" Rose questions once more and I shake my head, 'no'.
"It's just a room with a bed." I say before sitting on top of the bed. I feel the soft cotton fabric underneath my fingertips and furrow my brows. "Maybe I expected there to be silk sheets." I joke, honestly and even Rose smiles a bit.
"You're lucky you know… no one's ever loved me the way he loves you." Rose says softly and I feel my stomach flip at the words. It took me back to the confession and I bite my lip softly.
"I doubt it."
"Trevor was my best friend, nothing more. I spent all those years on the run from Elijah, I just never thought it was a good idea to set up roots." She tells me and I feel sympathy for her. "How having a lot of family is not exactly compatible, think about why." Rose adds and I take a deep breath before turning around and grabbing a cup filled with blood. "Why are you so eager to give up?" She asks.
"I'm not giving up on anything here." I reply before giving her the cup. He takes a drink of it, and I genuinely hope it helps her.
Rose then places the drink down before adding, "What do you call this whole deal with Elijah?" She asks.
"I call it my best option-"
"It's your easiest option." She interrupts and I simply just look at her.
"That's not fair." I reply. My other options involve endangering my life or my family's life.
"Do you really think that your witch friend destroyed the moonstone?"
"I spoke with Bonnie and I know that she had the help of another witch… I'm assuming it's Elijah's, so no, I don't." I reply honestly.
"You really are determined to die… aren't you?" She asks, staring up at me. "At least I ran my life trying." She adds before snuggling into the blankets. I take the glass off the bed and stand up, walking away. "No, stop, wait… tell them to prepare the horses." She says and I know that she's beginning to hallucinate.
"It's okay, Rose… just get some sleep, you'll feel better when you wake up-"
"Trever don't be so stupid… we're never gonna make it there before the Sun-" She then jolts up with a slight groan of pain. "Elena. Elena I need more blood." She said, her voice etched with pain and distress.
"Yeah, of course here." I say while moving to get the cup and handing it to her. She takes a large gulp before violently coughing blood all over the sheets. I move over to the bathroom to wet a towel, however when I enter the room, Rose is no longer on the bed. I furrow my brows and turn around only to see her standing directly behind me. She speeds me over and against the bedroom door hard and I scream.
"You Katarina, you did this." She spits angrily at me, her face contorted into it's vampire form.
"It's Elena Rose! Rose, I'm Elena. I'm not Katherine!" I yelled while she's yelling at me. She freezes and her vampire features leave her face. Her eyes widen and she lets go of me.
"Elena?" She asks, still in shock.I let out shorts panicked breath, trying to calm myself down a bit.
"It's me, it's Elena." I say quietly while still taking frantic breaths.
"Oh my god, Elena I'm so sorry. I don't know what's happening to me-"
"It's alright y-y-you're gonna be alright." I stutter.
"My mind… I'm…" Rose says, placing a hand on her forehead while I walk her over to the bed.
"It was just for a second-"
"I'm sorry, don't be scared of me-"
"I'm not… not, but… you need to rest." I say, while she gets back onto the bed and under the sheets.
"I'm scared." Rose says, and I feel awful about everything that she's going through. It must be awful to be sick and out of control with your mind and body.
"You're not alone… I'm right here." I tell her standing right next to her beside the bed.
"Yeah, where's here?" She asks, sitting up in bed, but I gently push her back down.
"Damon's bedroom, you're in Damon's bedroom." I say and she starts to breath heavily and tears start to brim her eyes.
"I want to go home." She says, with genuine sadness and fear in her eyes. I can't help but have my heart break at her words. No one deserved this, sure I didn't know Rose very well, but I knew enough about her to know that she didn't deserve to die the worst fate I've seen yet.
"Tell me about it." I say, trying to get her to think about something that made her happy. I see her relax slightly and her breathing become less frantic.
"30 kilometers south of London all fields and trees and horses." She says and I lean in closer to her to help support her.
"That sounds beautiful." I whisper softly.
"Well, when you live long enough, everything disappears. So much time wasted, I just wish I hadn't been so afraid." She says softly and my brows furrow at her statement. For the first time I felt truly inspired and impacted by what she just said. She was too afraid to do what made her happy. Soon she's back asleep, and I stay by her side a little longer just to make sure that she is okay. I end up spending more time taking care of her, and then I realize that she coughed up blood on the sheets earlier, and I decided that it was best to go change them out.
"I've brought some clean sheets." I say as I enter the room again and shut the door behind me. I pause when I see that Rose is no longer in bed once again, and I feel my heart rate accelerate. I walk over and look inside the bathroom. She's not in there. I place the sheets and the bed and turn back around, then exit the room. I turn the corner and walk inside the library to retrieve my phone from my bag. I dial Damon's number, and when he doesn't answer I send a voicemail. "It's Elena, I'm worried about, Rose. I think you should come home." I feel uneasy, not only because Rose is gone, but because it's stormy as well. "Rose?" I call out, hoping that she was just wandering the house. I turn off the phone and walk towards where I thought I heard a sound I walk over into a hallway and see a drained blood bag. I hear sounds coming from down in the cellar and see Rose surrounded by other drained blood bags, and she was currently in the middle of finishing one. When she sees me she pauses and drops the blood bag.
"Katerina." She says with a snarl.
"No." I say before running upstairs and blocking the way with an old door. When I make it back up I try to open a door, but Rose follows shortly after. I hold my hand out and say, "Rose stop, it's Elena." She stops and I also stop. "I'm not, Katherine… you're hallucinating. I'm not Katherine." I say and her face returns to normal, only to immediately contort back and she snarls, pouncing towards me. She lands on top of me and I scream. I then desperately reach for the curtain and when it's in my hands I yanked it hard enough that it opens. She screams in pain, scattering over to a corner to evade the light. I then sprint out of the room and to the front door. Rose grabs me from behind, so I dig my fingernails into her bite wound and she collapses in pain before I run once more. I ran into a room upstairs, close the door, lock it, and block it with a dresser. I then open the curtains and go onto the balcony. No one's here yet, so I ran back into the room. I broke a chair and make a stake out of the broken leg of the chair. The doorknob rattles and I gasp in surprise.
"Elena. I know that's you and not, Katherine." I hear Rose say on the other side before coughing violently. "Elena, please I need your help." She says, and I'm just looking around. I can't trust that. I stay inside the room sitting with the stake, waiting for Damon to show up. I think everything over for a couple of seconds before I slowly approach the door with stake in hand and hesitantly move the dresser out of the way. I then unlock the door and open the door. I walk downstairs and throughout the house slowly and carefully, not wanting to get attacked by Rose. I notice that the front door is open and that it's currently night. This is not good. I hear a noise behind me and abruptly turned around only to see Damon standing there, and relief floods through me upon seeing him.
"Are you okay?" He asks, and then he notices that I'm holding a stake and looks around me before adding, "Where's Rose?" I run my fingers through my hair and shake my head.
"I don't know." Is all I can say, and his gaze turns more worried.
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By then, we've practically searched the whole town, and I was checking if there were any recent attacks on my phone as I stood in the middle of town square. I couldn't stop my mind from going back to Stefan though because I didn't exactly trust Isobel all that much. I turn and see Damon and approach him. "Hey, have you heard from him. Do you know what he's up to?" I ask worriedly.
"Baby brother's not exactly my priority right now. Take this." He says before handing me a stake. "Come on." He adds before taking my arm and leading me away from the crowd. That's when we hear screaming and Damon and I head over to see Rose tearing some poor girls neck out. "Rose, stop!" Damon yells. She comes after Damon but he is her. He's able to because she's weak from the bite and he adds, "Rose. Rose! It's me. It's Damon." He says and her face returns to normal. "It's Damon." He repeats softly and Rose looks over to see the girl that she just killed.
"Did I do this? No, I didn't mean to hurt anyone. I never wanted to hurt anybody." She cries before turning to me. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry." She cries and once again I feel my heart break. Rose is just a broken girl who needs help.
"Okay, imma get you home." Damon says before picking her up.
"No, I don't have a home. I haven't had one for a long time." Rose cries, refusing to get up. "Oh, make it stop, please make it stop." She cries before Damn picks her up. He takes us both back to the boarding house, making sure to keep an eye on Rose. When we get back Damon takes Rose to his room and I only hear a bit of their conversation before I enter. "I'm sorry, Elena." Rose says, once she sees me and Damon turns towards me. "I don't like taking human life, I have never have." She adds.
"You shouldn't be here." Damon tells me, almost coldly and I swallow hard at the tone. He then walks away from the bed and I approach Rose.
"Damon's a lot like me. He wants to care, but when he does he runs away from it." She tells me and I look downwards at the statement. I can't think much into it before she's yelping in pain once more.
"What do we do?" I ask nervously towards Damon.
"Go." He tells me before getting onto the bed with her head on his lap. She still thrashing in pain.
"Damon-"
"Just go. I've got this." He interrupts and I leave. I had to go all the way to the living room to escape her cries of pain and I sit on the couch. Holding my legs to my body while breathing heavily. I feel myself beginning to cry, and I let out all of the emotions i've kept inside all day. Greif, fear, pain, frustration, sadness… everything is all hitting me at once and I feel myself breaking. When I hear footsteps coming my way I compose myself and stand up. I see Damon enter the room, his expression blank.
"What happened? Is everything okay?" I ask him with my brows furrowed.
"Elena. I don't want to talk right now, so could you please just leave." Damon says and I feel my heart drop at his words.
"Does that mean that Rose is-"
"Yes, she's gone, now please, Elena. Just go." Damon replies urgently.
"Damon-"
"Leave!" He yells and I flinch slightly. I can tell that he's upset, but I understand that he doesn't want me here right now, so I leave the boarding house. When I arrive back home I run upstairs to Jeremy's room and sigh when I see that he's safe.
"Elena, is something wrong?" He asks and I just sigh.
"No, I just got worried since a lot happened throughout the day. I'm just glad to see you here." I tell him with a soft smile, and then my thoughts go back to Damon and how he's probably feeling about Rose. Even though he said that he didn't want me there, I feel obligated to make sure that he's okay. "Imma go real quick. Okay, Jer'?" I ask and his eyebrows furrow at the statement.
"But you just got here. Why are you leaving again?"
"I have to make sure that a friends okay, you understand, right?" I ask him and he nods.
"Goodnight, Elena." He tells me.
"Night." I reply before exiting his room. I also said goodbye to Jenna who is on the couch with Rick watching some movies. I then make my way back to the boarding house, and to my surprise, Damon isn't there. He must've left to go to talk Stefan or something along those lines. Nonetheless, I still stay there and wait for Damon to arrive back home.
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I'm sitting on the couch when I hear the door open and I stand abruptly. "You were supposed to leave." Damon says walking towards me.
"I did." I say before picking up a drink with alcohol and adding, "But then I came back to make sure that you were okay." I add holding up the glass for him.
He takes the glass from me and says, "I appreciate the gesture, I'm just glad it's over." Before taking a gulp of the alcohol. His voice sounded so tense and stressed that I felt even more obliged to help him through this.
"You know I don't believe that." I say referring to him saying that he's glad that it's over. I knew that he cared about Rose, otherwise he wouldn't be this tense.
"Go home, Elena. Get some rest. It's a whole new day tomorrow." He tells me, his voice getting more upset. I can't just let me avoid these issues anymore though.
"Damon I'm your friend-"
"I'm well aware of that." He interrupts and I feel bad for using that word. It must hurt him because he loves me, so I take a ragged breath before continuing.
"All I'm saying is that I know that you're hurting." I say with a sympathetic gaze.
"What do you want to hear? That I cared about Rose? That I'm upset? Well I didn't and I'm not." He replies, but his voice and eyes betray his words completely.
"There you go, pretending to turn it off, pretending not to feel." I say and he turns towards me with a pained expression. "Damon, your so close, don't give up."
"I feel, Elena, okay? And it sucks… what sucks even more that it was supposed to be me. Jules was coming after me." He says and I finally realize why he so upset. Not just because he lost a friend, but he feels as if it's entirely his fault.
"You feel guilty." I say softly and he walks closer to me.
"That would be human of me, wouldn't it, Elena, and I am not human. You're the one to talk about giving up. It's all you've done is give up." He says frustratedly and I tilt my head slightly to the side. "Go home." He adds pointing towards the door. "There's been enough doom, gloom, and personal growth for one night." He finished and I nod. He gestures his head for me to leave and I grab my bag.
"Okay, I will." I reply, softly. I then look at him and see him cracking slightly which causes me to pause before wrapping my arms around him tightly. I hold onto him for awhile allowing him to relax, and hope that I console him slightly. I close my eyes and take in the feelings although a faint voice in my head plays in my head the confession again. 'I love you, Elena.' I hear softly and I feel tears come down as I hold him tighter. It's only then that I realized that this hug isn't just for Damon, but it's also for me. When I pull back I fell more tears start to swell up in my eyes and I softly kissed his cheek. It was a 'thank you', and a, 'I'm here for you,' type action. He leaned into me slightly when I did it and when I pulled back I said softly, "Goodnight, Damon."
I'm about to leave when I hear Damon say, "I was scared, you know?"
I turn around, confused and say, "What?"
"When I figured out that you knew… I was scared." He says and I feel my breathing stop. He can't possibly be talking about the confession! Can he?
"W-what are you talking about?" I ask, more confused than ever.
"Oh, c'mon, Elena. You know what I'm talking about." He replies and my heart rate accelerates.
"What? H-how-"
"After that comment you made about my promise not to be selfish with you really grew my suspicions, not to mention how weird you were acting and how your heart went crazy everytime you were near me after the confession." He says and sign and close my eyes. When I open them, Damon is standing right in front of me and I gasped softly.
"I-I don't k-know what to say." I admit softly, gazing up at him and he just stared at me. His expression unreadable.
"Then don't talk." He whispers back, placing one of my hands on my waist and leaning forward slightly.
"Damon.. No." I say, but he stops, just resting his forehead against mine.
"How did you feel?" He asks me softly.
"W-what?" I stutter, my cheeks reddening at his close proximity.
"How did you feel when you hear my… confession?" he asks, opening his eyes, to where the only thing I can see is ocean blue eyes.
"I…" I start but then I stop, and look down, he then lifts my chin up, so I'm looking at him in the eye again. "Damon." I sigh, not knowing what else to say.
"Just be honest. How did you feel?" He asks closing his eyes and I could feel my head come back to me.
"At first I was sad. I was sad that you thought so lowly of yourself, I felt as if you deserve more than to just surrender to an unhappy life just watching Stefan and I. Then, I was angry. Angry that you'd try and take that away from me, and I was also angry at myself-"
"Why were you angry at yourself?" He asks and I sigh once more.
"I was angry for not seeing how incredible you were. I didn't truly open my mind to you until then, and I was angry at myself for being so small minded." I reply and he hums softly.
"What did you feel after the anger?" He asks and I feel my breathing hitch.
"Damon… I can't." I say, but he opens his eyes once more, draining all of my thoughts and just indulging in the only thing that existed, which was blue. Only blue. "I was happy." I say softly and I see his eyes widen.
"You were happy?" He asks, his brows furrowed.
"Yes." I push out closing my eyes shut tightly, trying to focus on anything else.
"Why?" I hear him ask and I opened my eyes once more. My eyes begging him not to make me answer this, but his eyes are pleading with mine as well. Seeking answers… looking for hope.
I take a deep breath before saying, "I was happy because you were by my side, and I knew that you truly cared… and a part of me-" I then stopped talking abruptly and bite my lip, stopping myself from continuing.
"A part of you what, Elena?" He asks and I just shake my head, keeping my eyes shut. "Look at me." He says softly and I let out a pained breath. Sooner or later I'd have to, but I knew that everytime I looked into his eyes, everything that I've kept inside, the best and worst parts of me. Everything wanted to come out, and I didn't want to feel that helpless just yet. "Please." I hear him beg softly and, reluctantly, I opened my eyes. Blue. Everything is blue.
blue….
blue….
Blue….
"A part of me wanted to give you everything back. All of the care and affection, all of the kindness and selflessness. A part of me wanted to love you." I whisper and I could hear Damon's breathing stop. His eyes trail downwards an I realize what they're looking at… my lips. He leans forward and I nearly choked. "No.. Damon… Stop… We can't" I say softly.
"Why not?" He asks me, looking at me directly in the eye. His eyes are hypnotizing me. Why shouldn't we? I ask myself before my conscious regains control. Because it's wrong!
"It's not right." I let out, barely a whisper, but he heard it and he pauses.
"It's right." He says and I feel my eyes widen. Is he about to… "Just not right now." He adds before backing away and I let out a breath I didn't realize that I was holding in. "Goodnight, Elena." He says before moving away, and I just stand there thinking. What just happened? Did I seriously almost kiss Damon? What was I thinking? Why am I so conflicted right now? Too many questions for that I don't have the answers to flood my mind, and to spare my sanity, I just leave as soon as possible. I rest my head on the driving wheel. This is all just too much. More than a thousand thoughts flood my mind all at once but the same thought stays in my subconscious. Never Changing. Everlasting. The only thing in the world that I am certain is 100% true in life. The only thing that can get me to be relaxed and stressed at the same time. The only thing that can truly make me reveal who I am.
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Blue.
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A/N: How did you all enjoy this chapter. I love writing the extra scenes, however it was hard to find all the dialogue, so bear with me. Please share your feedback over this chapter in the reviews and I'll be sure to look at them. Thank you all for the support and I can't wait to post another update! XOXO