If Sirius has been able to talk at birth, the healer who assisted Mrs Black in her birth would have been screamed at for screamed "it's a boy!" And at the celebrating family, so delighted at the thought of an heir.

They didn't deserve happiness at her expense.

She grew up quicker then most children, hands stroking silken gowns in his mother's room, before being hurried along to be dressed in formal robes, being reprimanded for fidgeting. She was 2. Her brother was an infant.

She knew killing curses before she could walk, her parents bigotry before she could form her own opinion. She was taught she was a man before she was even born. The cheering was a formality; they knew she had a dick whilst in the womb.

This was the reason for her confusion, how could she be a girl, her parents said she was a boy, her parents knew best. They told her what made a boy, he was strong, fearless. He had a penis. Sirius matched all three of these points. So why didn't she feel like a boy. Then she found out why

"Did you hear about Abigail Diggory?" One servant said to the other "She's delusional, wants to be a man, says to call her Amos. Even taking potions to give herself a dick. She says she's transgender. More like delusional."

There was the word. Little Sirius Orion Black, at 5 years old, finally stopped feeling alone. There were others like her

"Transgender, Transgender, Transgender," the word echoed around her head.

She'd squashed her feelings deep down, even now. She tried not to cry when her voice even slightly cracked, took her father's praise

"Your becoming a real man, Sirius."

Choked back a cry every time Kreacher, almost joyfully, called her Master Sirius. Because that was what was expected. Because of course the world couldn't give Sirius a break, she had an early puberty.

And at 11 years of age, Sirius was rushed into the Hogwarts Express after a warning that if she didn't get Slytherin, she "would be so battered that you won't be able to move for a year," whilst other parents hugged their children and whispered good luck, keeping their hopes about their children's future sortings to themselves, Sirius was on the train, all by herself. Alone. Feeling like age was four again, the only person trapped in their own body

"I am a girl, I am a girl, I am a girl," she chanted under her breathe, her long time coping mechanism. "I am a gi-,"

She was interrupted by a girl opening the door. It had a window, but Sirius was often invisible with the dark colours of her hair and clothes, even if her skin would almost glow in the dark with how pale it was.

"I'm Lily. Who are you?" The girl asked in a squeaky, shocked voice, but sounded like she was trying to not sound as shocked as she was

"Sirius." She spat out, trying not to sound rude. "what house are you aiming for?"

"From Hogwarts, a History, I feel like I'd fit in well in Ravenclaw, but I don't really know where I'd go. How about you."

"Slytherin," Sirius muttered, looking at the floor, not wanting to see the girl run. "It's where all Blacks go," she looked up, Lily, to her astonishment, was still there.

"You don't sound like you'd be happy there, Sirius," Sirius said nothing back, the air felt thick with tension, silence flooded the cabin.

"I… I like your hair," Lily stuttered out. Sirius flushed, she liked it too, it sat perfectly at her shoulders and so soft and floaty. From behind, people weren't tricked into calling her a boy. She ran her hands through it, feeling it's thick silkiness.

"I like yours too," she returned, not because she felt obligated too but because the dark auburn waves were almost as stunning as his, maybe on his level even.

"I love a boy in touch with his feminine side." Lily said it innocently enough but something broke inside Sirius.

"You see!" Said the voice "your not a girl, you'll never be a real girl,"

The voice .It was deep, deep inside her head. She'd been able to keep it quiet for a while, not giving it anything but now it was back for vengeance.

"A man, no, wait, not even that, a boy. A sickly, delusional boy. Nanny was right, you are delusional." Sirius wished she could plug her ears too keep the voice out but it wouldn't work. She wanted it gone!

"T-thanks," She choked out, trying to stop the tears from welling up in her eyes, trying to ignore the voice.

"Not even a manly man. Pathetic. Look at him crying like a baby,"

"Girl, girl, girl, girl, girl," her own thoughts replied. She appreciated the effort, but the voice just became louder.

"Pathetic. Little. Baby. BOY,"

Sirius felt a lone tear slide down his cheek.

"Boys don't cry,"

"Well, I'm not a boy,"

Lily, unaware of Sirius' inner struggle, didn't understand what was going on. She got up, Sirius knew she would leave, why would anyone stay with her and her voice. A complete person like Lily, who had it all together, didn't need a person made of puzzle pieces that didn't properly fit, taken from different boxes by a young child with no understanding of anything.

"But, to her amazement, Lily stayed, moving next to her, an almost equally pale hand brushed her tears, tears that had multiplied into oblivion. It was an almost impossible struggle, as tear after tear, they kept on coming.

Sirius Orion Black learned one thing that day (which is less than you would expect from going to school), Lily Evans would always be there for her, even though she had no understanding on what was going on inside your head.

James Potter swaggered in later, removed from the carriage he was originally in for annoying everyone there.

"Hello beautiful," he said. Sirius blushed slightly.

"He's clearly talking to Lily. After all, who could love a delusional ass like you?"

"Piss of, don't you see were in the middle of something," Lily glaired, Sirius just realising she was still crying, but not as heavy. It was faint tears, feminine tears. The voice was finally silent, it had nothing to add. She thoughts were cheering her on. The deep, loud voice was gone, even if it was temporary.

"Bit rude, I'm James Potter. Who are you?"

"Lily Evans," She grumbled "And that's Sirius. Sirius Black,"

James glared at Sirius.

"Black? Like the evil all Slytherin family?"

"The very same your mother came from, Potter?" She retorted, trying to sound stronger than she felt A Black is stronger than most. A Black stands his ground and hides his feelings," She could practically hear her father scream at her. James looked at her.

"She was one of the good ones. Wanted to escape."

"Who's to say I don't," she muttered, pulling on her sleeve. It was clear James heard him.

"Truce. Will last until you get sorted into the snake house. Even my mother didn't escape that fate," he held out a hand. She took it.

"Who's to say I will be a Slytherin," she wondered in her head, ignoring her father's warning. She was tired of pretending for him

Hello Miss Black

Hello Mr Hat

A polite Black? Never seen one of them?

I'm not a normal Black

Indeed Miss Black, never seen one of you, a Gryffindor Black

Wait…. what….

GRYFFINDOR!

Her father sent her a howler the very next day. She was lucky he didn't come to collect her. She was safe in the Gryffindor tower.

"Hey Sirius," said James, plonking himself on her bed, Sirius quickly closing her book, not wanting the boy to see her romance novel slotted between the pages of the random book.

"Potter." She scowled. Doesn't he know how shit she felt? In the boys dormitory that faintly smelled of cologne and sweat. He clearly doesn't! No one else knows anything. She couldn't tell what voice it was.

"Common Sirius, lets be mates." Silence.

"What are you reading?" he said, changing the subject. Silence. James looked at the fake cover.

"How to prank? You like pranks? Me too!" Sirius did, her mother got her into pranks with pranking the house elves.

"Yeah…"

"Me too!" said James, excitedly, clearly happy to finally have a reaction from the child he was bugging and couldn't learn to leave. "Who do you prank? I wouldn't think the House of Black would be into pranking,'

"My mother pranks the house elves. She's killed a few of them."

"Have you killed one?" Silence. James was able to recognise the awkwardness and changed the subject.

"Would you like to prank someone?" Silence. But she did smile and nodded.

A life long friendship began as the pair sniggered watching a random Slytherin get soaked by a water bucket.

"I think we're going to be great friends, James."

Sirius was back to her book, silver eyes skimming down the words. Liliannia and Thomas had just kissed. She was happy; their relationship had been a rocky one, what with Liliannia's rocky parent relationship when a new boy walked into the dorm. He was tall, way taller than her tiny frame (being 4 ft 11 sucked!) and he looked 5ft 5 with tousled brown hair and scars along his arm. Most were jagged but some were straight, deliberate. He didn't seem to have noticed Sirius.

"Blacks blend in until they want to be seen. That's why we're Blacks,"

"Cough, cough," she shouted, not even bothering to make it sound like she was actually sneezing. The boy jumped, turning to see Sirius, unbrushed curly hair held back with a green headband (definitely not stolen from Lily), a slight scowl and a wand pointed right at him, her arm shaking slightly, wobbling as she stood on the mattress. They stood in silence for a moment

"Hi,' said the boy, breaking the awkward silence. Sirius didn't respond with a greeting but instead stepped (no, she did not jump!) of the bed and marched towards him, wand held out in front of her until she had it at his chin.

"Who are you and why are you in my dormitory,' She spat out, slanting delicate eyebrows in an almost threatening way. He put his arms up in surrender.

"I.. I'm Remus. Remus Lupin. I was sick during the sorting. Who are you? Please put your wand in your pocket." Sirius lowered her wand but didn't pocket it.

"Sirius," she grunted, hostile.

"Like the star?' Silence.

Sirius, now not overcome with both fear and anger, saw the boy. His scars weren't restricted to his arms, but the ones on his face appeared to be scars caused by an actual injury caused by someone else. A slash, deep, an irritated red, jutted through like cracks in the soil after a drought. But if you followed the scars, you would reach his eyes, golden, glistening, gleaming.

"Hey, Sirius. Earth to the dog star?' said Reus, clicking his fingers in her face.

"Ye..yeah, like the star,"

"Sirius who…"

"Black," she spat.

"Not a fan of the family?"

"You don't know the half of it, Remus"

The two lions sat down on Sirius' bed.

"My dad's a dick too. I know it's not the same as you but I know how you feel."

"Dickhead family handshake?" she asked, holding her pale hand out.

She had so many baby name books now, kept hidden, shrunk to keyring size, folded between clothes, illusioned to school books. A name wasn't the most pressing issue she had right now, but she wanted one, needed one, craved one.

But every name was wrong.

Repeats of the same name over and over and over. Sarah. Ava. Eleanor, Rose.

But she was a Black, most ancient and noble. She was not a Muggle. And did not want a Muggle name.

She snapped the book shut, shrunk it, and chucked it in the fire.

She didn't need a name. Not yet.

Remus was gone again. He was gone every month. Like clockwork, like James 'forgetting to give Sirius …' every time she hung out with Lily. Like the moon phasing through cycles.

He always returned with more scratches, brused, cuts.

He always had a different excuse. Mum was sick. Important family gatherings that he couldn't miss. Dad was sick. Uncle was sick. Someone was sick. At some point he would probably leave because 'snowball the goldfish at the local aquarium has a mild cold'.

If asked about his injuries, he "was clumsy," Despite Sirius, putting her Black superpowers to good use, stalking for three weekends and she never saw him trip once- it was almost like he was floating over the ground.

It didn't take a truth potion to figure out he was lying. But why?

Sirius Black sat on the train. Everyone else had left but she was willing the train to move anywhere,Hogwarts, Diagon Alley, Azkaban, anywhere. Sighing in defeat, she stood up, grabbed her trunk and went to see her parents.

There they stood, among the sea of happy parents, siblings, grandparents, with a false neutral expression, mother tapping her foot in irritation. Fathers eyebrows slanted slightly. Reggy looked like everyone else, wide smile the second he spotted her, practically vibrating in excitement. If mother wasn't holding him back, Sirius was sure he'd be running over to hug her.

Merlin, she loved her brother!

He wouldn't love you if he knew what a freak you are.

She shuddered, hugging Reggie harder.