I have experienced many injuries in my life. Being a knight and king, it's not unusual for me to get injured. I have many scars on my body, evidence of bandit attacks, mad sorcerers, Morgana and training accidents. However, no physical injury had caused this much pain. My side is bleeding heavily again. Every breath I take is excruciating. Despite running into Morgana, we had made it to the Lake of Avalon. However, the small, blue light, people, I don't remember what Merlin called them, said there was nothing that could be done. The piece of Mordred's sword is too near my heart. When we first arrived at the Lake of Avalon I was too weak to stand. I somehow ended up lying on the ground by the Lake, resting my head on Merlin's lap. Six years ago, I would have felt uncomfortable but our relationship had long gone beyond that point.
Finding out about Merlin's magic, fighting, near-death experiences, and learning about our soulmate bond and destiny, had made us closer than I would have thought possible.
"I'm sorry, I have failed you." Merlin's voice was heartbreaking to hear and he wasn't meeting my gaze.
"Don't be an idiot Merlin. You did no such thing. " He always puts too much blame upon himself. Though he's told me that I do that as well. I gently drop my mental shield and reach for my connection to Merlin.
"Arthur are you sure?" Merlin is finally making eye contact.
"Merlin, let me help you. " This is the best way to comfort him.
"Are you truly sure, Arthur? "
I know once our shields are down we won't be able to hide anything from one another. He will know my fears, pain, and worry and I'll hear the guilt that is no doubt consuming him.
"Yes," I drop the wall around my mind. Normally, we just lower our walls so we can hear each other's thoughts. By getting rid of my metal wall Merlin will have full access to my mind. Merlin gets rid of his wall as well and our minds connect. The first time this occurred, we didn't know what was happening or why. We kept seeing not only each other's thoughts but memories, past thoughts, and emotions. It was distracting and embarrassing. We both saw moments that we didn't need to see. Neither of us could get any work done because we were distracting each other. Gaius couldn't find any answers in his books. That night we went to the clearing and Merlin had called for Kilgharrah. I'll never forget that conversation.
"Kilgharrah we need your help." Merlin had run-up to the dragon as soon as he landed.
"I know why you have called me young warlock. I felt powerful magic when it occurred. Magic is once again legal in Camelot and you both have been rewarded"
"Rewarded" Merlin and I had both shouted in disbelief.
"How is this a reward? We have no privacy at all."Merlin had argued
"We also can't get any work done. My court advisers already are starting to question my judgment. Today did not help. I had to ask them to repeat themselves several times because I kept getting distracted, by whatever this is. " Merlin had been equally as frustrated.
"Please, Kilgharrah no riddles. Just tell us what this gift is and if there's a way to control it." Merlin pleaded. He had been tempted to order him but didn't want to abuse his power.
"Very well. As I'm sure you're aware, your soulmate bond has always..."
"Soulmate bond?" Merlin had asked the question we were both thinking.
"I did tell you about it, Merlin. Two sides of the same coin. "
"I just thought you meant that we would be close."
"You're souls complete each other. That's why you felt drawn to each other when you first met.
The Lady of Destiny and Balance decided to truly make that phrase true. The reason that your minds are connected is because you now have a piece of each other's soul merged with your own. Two bodies and two souls yet still one. To block each other from your mind you'll need to learn the art of mind blocking"
"How do we do that?" I had asked
"You must learn to build a shield around your mind. I would recommend seeking the druids for aid. They have been practicing this for many generations. Also, I must warn you. This bond has happened only once before and the bond wasn't as strong as yours. They could only travel a few miles away from each other before their souls could no longer sense each other. This caused them to feel the effect of missing a part of their soul. When you have time you should look into it "
Feeling Merlin's mind connects with mine, brings me back to the present. I can feel his anguish, self-directed anger, and the overwhelming feeling of failure. I should have done more Arthur.
You didn't fail me. There was nothing you could have done. You are not to blame. Mordred chose his path. My affection for him takes over as I feel my other half torture himself over something that's not his fault.
I get glimpses of Merlin poisoning Morgana and arguing with Mordred. They still chose their own path. If we must, let's share the blame.. I recall laughing at Morgana when she told me about her dreams, saying how dangerous magic is...
You're not to blame Arthur.
Neither are you. His guilt fades at my reassurance but his anguish increases.
What will I do without you? How can I live a full life with my destiny and part of my soul gone?
We both know what happens when we get too far away from each other.
Maybe when I die our souls will go to their original state so you won't have to suffer the separation effects.
That's not what I mean, prat.
I know. I would be just as lost without you but at least you might not have to live with a piece of your soul gone. I need you to do something for me.
Anything Merlin truly means it.
Fulfill your oath. Rule alongside Gwen, protect our people, and never change.
I, Merlin Emry, First Adviser, and Court Sorcerer of Camelot so swear to do.
Thank you, Merlin. At least I'll get to finally meet my mother and see my father again. I still love my father even after everything he's done.
It's not wrong for a son to love his Father, Arthur. He had many faults and had a problem showing it but he did love you.
I know he did but I wish he hadn't allowed his anger to blind him.
"Sorry, to interpret but time is running out. " We both automatically put our shields back up and Merlin raises a hand towards the voice. Standing waist-deep into the water is a young brown-haired woman. "Freya" Merlin gasps. He lowers his hand. Merlin told me about the love of his life after I found out about his magic. He didn't tell me that I killed her until months later on the anniversary of her death. The only reason he did was because I asked if he didn't trust me when he wouldn't tell me what was wrong with him. I know that Merlin doesn't blame me for her death but I need to apologize to Freya
"Hello, Merlin. I'm here to help."
"Can you save him?" Merlin sounds hopeful.
"I wish I could but I cannot save him." She looks away from Merlin to me. "I'm sorry Sire. I cannot heal you but the Lady of Destiny and Balance have granted me the privilege of being your protector while you... sleeps in the Lake of Avalon. "
"What does that mean my lady?" If I'm dead why would I need a protector?
"You Arthur Pendragon are the Once and Future King of Albion. Your destiny has only begun. When Albion is on the edge of destruction you will come back to help save it." I'm not sure how to feel about that. What about Merlin and everyone?
"You mean he won't enter through the other side?" Merlin questions
"No. As you know only dark magic can bring a spirit back from the other side and then it's only a shade. Arthur will stay with me at the Gate of Avalon." I'm disappointed that I won't be seeing my parents again. " There are dark forces that don't wish for Arthur to return. I'll need to hide Arthur's soul from those who would want to destroy it."
The idea of someone or something destroying my soul makes my blood freeze. Merlin looks sick at the idea.
"I won't allow that to happen, Sire. " Freya promises seriously. I believe her.
"Thank you, my lady. I would like to apologize for..."
"I forgive you, King Arthur, though I never blamed you. You were protecting your people and I can't find fault in that. I should thank you for stopping me from killing another innocent."
"Thank you for your forgiveness."
"And thank you for stopping me." She smiles gently. I can see why Merlin loves her.
Merlin, I won't be seeing you again for a long time. Would you mind coming here? I can't leave the lake." Freya smiles wavers.
Merlin doesn't mind at all and rushes into the water. I can't hear what's being said but Merlin's face goes from adoration to horrified. Freya embraces him. Merlin returns the embrace and rests his chin on top of her head. I look away at the private moment. I hear Merlin returning to the land. His eyes flash gold and he's completely dry. He retakes his previous position by my side.
"How long will I be gone for?" I'm weary of Freya's answer.
"I don't know. The Powers of Avalon doesn't tell me everything, even if I am the Lady of the Lake. All I know is that Merlin will be waiting for you when you return. "
"So it will be in Merlin's lifetime?" That's a comforting thought.
"Yes," Freya smiles sadly at Merlin which reminds me.
"Will our souls return to their original state?" Apart of me wants the answer to be yes. I hate the idea of Merlin living an unknown length of time, with an incomplete soul. The selfish part of me doesn't want to come back and not have our amazing bond. We were friends for years without it but I can't imagine the bond being gone.
"No, your souls are permanently merged together. They're so intertwined that not even magic could separate them."
"I'm sorry you'll have to suffer because of me." My guilt is growing.
"I wouldn't get rid of our bond for anything Arthur." I relent because I feel the same way.
"I'll be coming back during your lifetime. You'll have to tell me everything I missed."Merlin looks saddened by my words.
"I'll make sure to give you a detailed report."
I feel my mind get cloudy and my breathing is getting shallow.
"Tell Gwen I love her."
"I will. I'll miss you, my King." I feel Merlin's tears land on my cheek
"And I you, my Adviser. "
My vision goes black and what feels like a second, there is nothing. Suddenly, I'm aware of the hole in my soul. My soul aches. It's not quite painful but it's uncomfortable. The feeling of emptiness in my soul is indescribable. I tried explaining it to Gwen once and failed. I'm glad that Merlin isn't the only one who is affected by our separation. Speaking of separation, where am I? I realize I am still laying on the ground and my eyes are shut. I open them quickly. My curiosity distracts me from the emptiness. I'm in a forest similar to the one I left but there are some major differences. Merlin is of course nowhere to be seen, Freya isn't here either, the trees are pure white with golden leaves, the Lake looks even bluer, there's no boat floating close to the shore and there is a large gate standing a few feet away. There are no other structures, just the large wooden gate.
I start to push myself off the ground but stop. I stare at my hand in disbelief.
"What!" I leap off the forest floor and rush over to the Lake. My reflection is normal. I'm not transparent or a ball of energy like other spirits I've seen. My clothes are even clean and I don't feel any pain in my chest and side. The pain in my soul must have distracted me from noticing the absence of physical pain when I first woke. I take off my chainmail. It's hard to do alone but I manage. I then take off my shirt. There's no wound, not even a trace of an injury. I scan my skin for scars. There are none.
"You won't find anything. Your skin is without blemish. "Freya comes to stand next to me.
I jump and quickly put my shirt back on. Heat rushes to my face.
"Forgive me, I just needed to see." "I understand. I did the same thing." Freya reassures me.
"Is he okay?
"Are you?" Fair question
"Not really." I would be lying to say otherwise.
"You can see him one last time if you like." She points at the Lake.
I look into the water and see Merlin on the shore. He looks terrible. I can't use our bond but I know how hard this is for him. My body is in the boat. My arms are crossed and my eyes are closed. It's weird seeing myself like that. He mutters something and the boat starts to move.
"Can he hear me?"
"No, the Lake only shows what is happening near its shores and important events. No one from the other side can see or hear us."
Merlin raises his hand at the boat. The boat now has flames covering it.
"Goodbye Arthur." He looks so broken. My face is wet. Who knew that the dead could cry?
"Goodbye, Merlin." The Lake returns to normal as soon as I finish speaking.
"It's time for you to go to sleep now."
"How will sleep protect me?"
"It's a magical sleep-like state that will inactivate your consciousness and hide your soul. The dead are only supposed to say here long enough for me to guide them to the other side. The only reason I'm different is because Merlin accidentally tied my spirit here when I died. The Powers of Avalon granted me my place here as the Lake's protector and as one of Avalon gatekeepers. Since you're not a gatekeeper or protector of the Lake you're technically not supposed to be here but because of your destiny allowances were made.
"Destiny seems to make a lot of exceptions for Merlin and me." It's not a complaint, just an observation.
"The world has and will be changed by your joined destiny. The Lady of Destiny and Balance needs both of you to balance out the darkness. There are powers that have no concept of balance and would see the world into chaos. I understand why the Lady made you both unique. Fray suddenly looks serious. "We should hurry. The sooner you're asleep the safer you'll be"
"What do you need me to do?"
"Follow me, Sire." She heads into the forest.
I can't help but feel uncomfortable with how silent the forest is. There's no wind rustling the leaves, no birds, or any other signs of life. It's just our quiet footsteps. It must have shown because Freya smiles reassuringly. "It's not much further."
"How large is this side of the Lake?"
"Not large. It's just the Lake and a small forest. Once you go past a certain point you'll find yourself where you started. It happens no matter what direction you walk in."
"Do you get bored or lonely? " That sounds like an isolated life.
"Not really. I was alone for most of my life. Dealing with the dead keeps me busy and from feeling alone. I never knew my parents and the only person I have who is dear to me is Merlin. Being the Lady of the Lake is my destiny and it gives me a purpose." I ponder on her answer as we turn and head eastward.
I know what it's like growing up without a mother. Uther wasn't the best father but he did care about me. I can't imagine what it would be like growing up with no parents at all. The trees lessen and we walk into a clearing where a small hut is situated. Freya opens the door and waits for me to enter. The hut only has a small cot.
"I wouldn't want to take your bed." I learned that lesson from Gwen years ago.
"I don't need sleep, Sire. This was built for you. Please lay down."
I do as she says. The cot is surprisingly comfortable but I can't possibly relax with everything that is occurring.
"Thank you, Freya" I do close my eyes.
"My pleasure, Sire."
"Arthur, please."
Freya touches my forehead with her fingers and speaks a spell. I feel myself getting very drowsy like I've taken one of Gaius's sleeping droughts.
"Sleep well, Arthur." For the second time, I fall into darkness.