Disclaimer: I do not own Spirited Away or any of its characters.
Chapter Four: Say My Name
Unlike the last time Haku lead her through the little town of brightly colored cities, they did not race through at breakneck speed for the bathhouse. This time was just as thrilling, though, even if it was slower paced. Her heart raced in her chest as he carefully guided her by the hand, her other still holding into her umbrella that shielded her from the rain. She wondered briefly if he could feel her pulse through his hold on her cold fingers, or maybe even hear it with those keen ears of his. How good could spirits hear? She briefly mused to herself before he suddenly turned off the main road and down a little alleyway between buildings. He picked up his pace to a brisk jog, but he had grown so much taller than her that she had to pump her legs more quickly to keep up with his longer stride. If it bothered him that her rainboots smacked more loudly than she would have liked them too against the wet dirt ground beneath them he didn't show it.
Deeper and deeper into the net of buildings they went, turning down another alleyway every so often. Sometimes the buildings loomed high around them, blocking out any of the dim sunlight that managed to pierce through the grey clouds above, making it seem like nighttime. Chihiro expected to see the hazy forms of spirits manifesting themselves, but none ever appeared. The further in they went the shabbier the buildings around them looked, and the grimier their surroundings became. The air seemed thicker and more pungent, and not in a good way, either. She wrinkled her nose when harsh smells would enter as they passed certain buildings. It almost smelt like a wharf, for the odors smelt like rotting fish now and then. When she was tempted to ask how much further they were going to go, he eventually slowed his pace and paused. The grip on her hand tightened a bit, but never painfully. Chihiro swallowed hard, suddenly nervous. Haku leaned forwards at the intersection they stopped at, seemingly to check if the coast was clear by the way his head swept this way and that. He must have decided it was okay to continue because they moved on. They turned down a few more alleyways until they came to a dead end. An old door marked the entrance into a dilapidated looking warehouse of sorts. With a little wave of his hand the door opened. She thought she heard a lock open behind it, but it was hard to hear over the rain pelting down against the metal roofing. He let go of her hand at last and looked her way.
"Hurry, get inside." She nodded swiftly, unwilling to argue, and did as he asked. It was dark inside, and she couldn't see anything but some even darker figures against shadowy interior. Haku followed in after her hurriedly and shut the door, and total darkness surrounded them. A small wave of fear washed over her despite herself, but she held her composure. Her ten-year-old self would be quaking in her boots right about now. Now that they were inside, she closed her umbrella, not needing its shelter any longer, and slipped the dangling strap around her wrist. She felt his hand find her free once again and she silently praised herself for not jumping at the sudden touch.
"This way," he whispered close to her ear. A shiver ran down her spine at his warm breath against her skin. She felt his person step away from her and his hand on hers guided her through the dark. "Steps," he announced a moment later, "be careful." She nodded, guessing he could see just as will in the pitch-black darkness as he could during a bright day at noon. The stairs lead down, not up like she assumed. Gingerly she followed, one foot searching for the next step down. She remembered climbing down the old wooden stairs to the boiler room twelve years ago. Hopefully she wouldn't break through these stairs like she had then to barrel the rest of the way down and face-plant into a wall. The idea made her chuckle to herself, but the humor was short-lived as the placement of her foot was off and her wet boot slipped right off the edge of the step. Her breath caught in her throat and her heart and stomach lurched as she expected to slip all the way down and to a bruised bottom, but Haku's hold tightened and held her fast. She felt another hand slip beneath her arm to rest beneath her armpit, offering more support. Instinctively her other arm reached out to grab at him, umbrella swinging with the action, thwacking him in the back even though she couldn't see it.
"Careful," he repeated quietly. Chihiro's wide eyes shot up to see the barest hint of his glowing green eyes watching her intently.
"Sorry," she whispered nervously. He let go of her side, but his hand still held her own as he finished leading her down the stairs. Chihiro made an extra effort to be more fastidious and save her reminiscing for later. Once they descended what seemed a rather lengthy flight, Haku lead her for a minute longer before she heard a door slide open and then closed behind them, and then his hand let go of hers. Moments later light flooded the space, and Chihiro closed her eyes against the sudden brightness. She blinked furiously, trying to get accustomed. When her vision cleared, she realized it was a small lantern that wasn't even that bright, but it was illuminating enough to reveal the room they were currently in. A meager bed was off to one corner. A little desk and chair at another. Many books and papers were atop its surface with an old, but fancy looking fountain pen of sorts. Haku set the lantern down on it. The only other thing occupying the space aside from the two of them was a pair of sandals near the bed. Does he live here? Her eyes looked back to Haku to where he stood, almost statuette, by the bed. The dim lighting cast sharp shadows across his face, making his appearance even more fierce, his eyes watching her like a predator waiting to attack, or like an equation he long since could not solve and he searched her face for an answer like a mathematician their chalkboard. He broke that visual contact so he could move back to the little desk and pull out the chair, presenting it to her.
"Sit," he offered. It sounded like he was trying not to be abrasive but despite himself his words sounded more like an order whenever he spoke to her, same as when he first asked her to come with him earlier. Even though it still irked her, Chihiro was still too excited and confused to refuse him. She took the chair and settled down as best she could, but the line of her back was still straight. She held her still wet umbrella in her lap. Her eyes tracked his movements as he went over to stand by the bed once more. He did not sit but remained standing and looked down at her. The sight was imposing, and she had to keep reminding herself that this was Haku. He was her friend, and so far, he hadn't harmed her.
"Here," he started again, reaching into the pocket of his charcoal colored coat for something and then presenting it out towards her, palm upturned. The warm glow of the lantern shone upon a small piece of what looked like candy. "Eat this, otherwise you will disappear, Human." Chihiro, knowing full well how right he was, did not hesitate to reach out to take the piece of food from him. As she did, she noted that her skin was still opaque and solid. She wondered if that first piece of food he forced into her mouth twelve years ago would still work but didn't want to wait and find out. So, into her mouth the piece of candy went. It was very sweet, almost sickeningly so, but she bit down on it until it cracked open and chewed until she could swallow it. All the while, she noted Haku watching her with that intense gaze. He looked a little perplexed, as well. She could guess as to why.
"You are extremely trusting, Human," he commented. Chihiro blinked, then sat a bit straighter in her chair, indignation showing in her eyes. His own narrowed a bit in return.
"I have a name," she said a little more coolly than she meant to. But she was sick of him calling her Human. Sick of the fact that he couldn't seem to remember her. Sick of not knowing whether that was his fault or not. Have you really forgotten? She did not continue speaking right away, a small part of her hoping he would say it. But it was obvious he still didn't. Slowly, he rose a brow at her hesitance. Chihiro felt herself slouch a little in her chair at her disappointment and willed the burning of her nose to stop.
"My apologies... What do you call yourself?"
"Chihiro... My name is Chihiro." She held his gaze expectantly, but it seemed to trigger nothing of his memories about her. Pursing her lips, she fought the urge to sigh and laugh and cry all at the same time.
"Chihiro," he repeated slowly like it was a wine he was tasting, his eyes growing a little unfocused. Maybe he was searching his mind, waiting for it to trigger something, and she got a little hopeful. But his gaze refocused on her again, no look of recollection there. If my name isn't triggering anything, then maybe his own will? That was something she had been considering since she realized his memories were not as they should be. Had Yubaba taken his name again?
"You... you don't remember, do you?" she breathed out, her brows furrowing a bit in her sorrow. "You don't remember me at all?" His mouth parted a bit, eyes faltering from hers for a moment, perhaps unable to bare that pain and hurt their grey depths bore. He shook his head a bit.
"No... I don't. I don't even remember my own name." That intensity ebbed away for a moment and his own face displayed his inner grief and turmoil again. He lowered himself down to sit on the edge of the bed. It compelled Chihiro to set down her umbrella onto the floor and slowly stand to her feet. He noted this and looked up at her again. She took a step towards him, stopping when she noted that edge of warning return in his gaze. And then, that hope broke through again moments after.
"But you say you know me?" That lapse in composure called her closer, and Chihiro stepped forwards, nodding her head at him.
"I do...It's been twelve years, but yes... I know you." Her voice was but a whisper. She felt on the verge of tears but refrained from crying. "I know you... Haku..." His eyes danced between hers, but he still looked confused at the name. She couldn't help but laugh softly. "Well, that's what everyone called you at the bathhouse."
"'The bathhouse'?" he whispered. Chihiro drew closer, head nodding.
"Yes... But your name. Your true name... It's Kohaku... Nigihayami Kohakunushi." She spoke that name with such warmth and longing and hope that it felt like a little piece of her soul escaped from her lips when she said it. She then held her breath and her ground, but arms distance from him now, watching him expectantly for that proverbial lightbulb to click. But those green eyes only continued to look up at her, confusion still marking his face.
"Nigihayami Kohakunushi..." the spirit repeated. Yet still, nothing happened. She let out the breath, once again feeling defeated and even more sad for him. "I'm a River Spirit?" The urge to cry grew exponentially and Chihiro bit the inside of her cheek, hoping the pain would curb the desire.
"Yes, for many long years I imagine. Until the river was dammed, and apartments were built over it... then, you had no place to return home to..." The confusion and sorrow and wonder on his face at learning his name slowly left as she said that. His stoic façade returned, and he looked up at her, seemingly angry now. Chihiro caught her breath once more at the sudden change in moods. Haku rose back up to his full height, towering over her again, making her take a step back.
"My river was destroyed by you humans?" he accused, stepping forwards once more, Chihiro taking another step back to distance herself from his vehemence. "You're the reason I can't remember who I am?" His voice grew louder and dangerous, his eyes flashing brighter. Chihiro's legs bumped against the chair when she took another hasty step away from him and the thing fell over, causing her to jump a little in shock. But her eyes never left his, too afraid to take her gaze off him. Unsure of what he might do.
He's my friend. He's my friend.
"Y-yes... Humans did it many years ago. I-I was only a child still," she explained. "My parents and I used to swim in your river all the time. We loved going. We never want it to get filled in. I was so heartbroken when I found out."
"How do I know you're not lying to me, Human?" he asked, his voice now low, almost back to a whisper, as he came a little closer. It was more frightening than him yelling at her, his words dripping with ice and suspicion and subdued rage. "How did you, a mortal girl, come to find this realm twelve years ago? How could you survive? And why were you so adamant to return? The spirit world is no place for humans and their obtuse, destructive nature. There are spirits and demons here who would not think twice about killing you." Was he talking about himself, she wondered momentarily?
If he meant these things, he would have already killed me by now.
"I know," she breathed out. Drawing on every ounce of courage she could muster, Chihiro tried to make herself brave before him and unaffected by his malice. She didn't think he'd take kindly to a pitiful, crying mess of a human as he currently was. Some resolve shone in her eyes as she took a deep breath. "I know," she repeated more clearly. "That was an accident. I didn't come here on purpose back then even if yes, I did come here purposefully today. I know very intimately how dangerous this world is. Your world is. But last time, when I came here, it was you who rescued me. I know you can't remember, but it's the truth." Some of that resolve deflated from her, and she suddenly felt fatigued. She noticed Haku also made himself appear less threatening, his anger slowly returning to his guarded interest of her. "If you don't believe me, then whatever," she sighed out, exasperation edging on her voice, though she was still clearly cautious of him. "Either kill me or allow me to return back to my own world."
His brow twitched at her worlds and he looked taken aback by her change in demeanor. He probably expected her to keep cowering before him like she previously was, but Chihiro had faced scarier things than him during her previous visit to the spirit world. She wasn't going to let him intimidate her thusly when he clearly wasn't going to harm her. He needed her help. She knew Haku realized this, otherwise, why whisk her away to this secretive location, leading her further into their world? Why not kill her on the spot or send her back across the river? Haku frowned deeper and then made a noise in the back of his throat almost like a soft growl. Or maybe it was a snort? Did he find her humorous, a lone mortal girl standing up to a spirit in their own world where he had the advantage? She couldn't tell, but she waited for a response.
"Humans are such tiring creatures," he mumbled before looking back down at her. "Fine. I'll admit that you are knowledgeable about this world for a mere human, and that yes, you and I have met before." A flutter of joy bubbled up in Chihiro, but she tried not to let it show on her face. Still, her eyes shone a bit brighter in anticipation, something he'd notice no doubt. "I begrudgingly admit that yes, my memories are not what they once were and no, I haven't been able to figure out why. Perhaps, though, you are the key to solving this riddle." He sighed deeply, eyes looking down to the floor. Despite his youthful appearance a vast age reflected in those eyes, those of someone who had lived many long lifetimes. To not remember such long years must be exceedingly difficult and frustrating. It was no wonder why he was reflecting his anger out at her, a human, an easy target. Like a wild animal lashing out at someone who simply wanted to help release it from a trap, to cure it of its pain. But the beast didn't know any better. Could not realize that their rescuer meant no harm. More of her anger at his sudden accusations and attempts to frighten her drained out of the girl until all she could see before her was not a temperamental, volatile man, but a wounded soul looking for help and not knowing how to ask for it.
"I need to know more about you previous time spent here in this world. Maybe then some light will be shed on my dilemma." He looked back at her face and Chihiro nodded a little bit at that request. Haku stepped around her, slowly as to not scare her again, to pick the chair up and sit it back down in its correct position. He waved his hand at it, gesturing her to sit, while he returned to the bed and sat down. Chihiro sat down once more, and locked eyes with him again.
"Tell me, Chihiro, what happened twelve years ago..."
Author's Notes: Hey guys! I'm so sorry it's been three years since I update this story! I'm admittedly more vested in my Naruto ff Turgid, and thus Sanguineous was put on the back-burner. I couldn't think of how to progress the plot, but recently inspiration hit! yay! :) my summer will give me a lot more free time to work on both stories! But please be patient!
Hope you enjoyed the chapter. Hope it was worth waiting three years ^_^;;;