This is a story I'd been thinking about for a long time and finally made it! Pretty sad, I cried while writing it. Includes a graphic bad dream. Enjoy~

The Vinsmoke children were on a mission on an island they wanted to take over. It had good resources that would be helpful for them. They wouldn't live here, but they'd take it over as theirs to use and visit whenever they felt like it. And the kids were also being tested on their skills. They usually trained at home in the Germa kingdom, but now they were on a mission to take out everyone in that island's government so they could easily take over.

No one realized what was going on, just that there were multiple dead bodies around town belonging to the royal guards or any sort of police that would be troublesome for them. Judge was still on the ship, watching from a long distance. Ichiji was doing the best so far, killing the most out of the three.

Sanji, of course, was not included, still locked up in his cell, that little weakling. He wouldn't stand a chance out here, would probably die easily. Not that any of them would be upset about it, he was useless. Why were they even still keeping him there? It made no sense, since mother was dead, so it wasn't her wish that Sanji be kept and not thrown overboard or killed.

He was running down an alleyway before he stopped, finding it a dead end. He didn't destroy the wall in front of him because he wasn't supposed to make a scene. But behind him he heard young voices, pronouncing his name badly. He walked past them, not even looking, before one grabbed his red cape.

He swatted the kid away, who hit the nearby wall and fell in a heap. "Luffy!" one of the kids screamed, running to the boy who Ichiji had pushed away. He looked to the side and for some reason, he felt his face go cold.

He'd swiped away a toddler, who had a now broken neck. He was wearing a red blanket around his neck like a cape with a "1" sticker on it. A tiny pad of paper and broken pencil were resting next to him. He was dead. The other children started to scream and cry, and Ichiji backed away before he shook his head and ran off. He had to continue the mission.

-x-

Ichiji felt sick for the rest of the day, which was wrong. He wasn't supposed to feel sick. He was a superhuman who never got ill. So why did he feel so terrible? His face felt hot and his stomach hurt. His eyes stung in a strange way. He didn't like this feeling at all.

It also made him want to be alone. He wasn't even in the mood to take out his anger on Sanji. He just wanted to stay in his room, on his bed, and really do nothing. There was nothing to do to make himself feel better, and he couldn't tell anyone or they'd think he was weak. He'd just have to get over the sickness himself.

But it was obvious that something was wrong when he didn't eat any of his food at dinner. He picked at it on his plate, moving the expensive food around with no appetite. The others clearly noticed, and Niji was the one to ask, "What's your problem?"

Iciji shot a glare at him, and didn't respond. Judge looked at him strangely, but not in concern. He dropped it, and instead they talked about how well they pulled it off, how the island was now under their control.

Usually, the oldest son would be proud, smirking in satisfaction with himself. Now, all he could think about was just going to bed. But, he put on a mask of smugness. Though he wasn't fooling Reiju, who was looking at him intently. He didn't like that and glared at her. She didn't look away from that, but then went back to eating.

During the night, he still wasn't hungry. And he couldn't sleep, and didn't know why. He felt even sicker now, with nothing to do or distract him. And when he did fall asleep, it didn't last long.

"Ichi! Look!" a tiny child's voice shouted, and pulled on the Germa's cape with his little hands. In slow motion, Ichiji pushed him away, his head flying into the wall with a thud, separated from his small body. Other children screamed and cried, getting sick and having panic attacks.

"Why you kill me?" the dead boy asked, his body getting up to face Ichiji. "I didn't do anything wrong!"

Ichiji woke up and ran to the bathroom to throw up nothing into the toilet. Then he felt something wet on his face, and felt his eyes. He was crying. He'd never, ever cried before. The tears dripped into the toilet water, and he flushed it, rubbing furiously at his watering eyes. But the tears wouldn't stop.

He went back to his bed, and buried his face into the pillow, trying to keep the sniffles in, feeling so damn weak and ill. He didn't recognize this terrible feeling. It made him feel sick. He cried for a good hour, still not knowing why he was. Why he kept thinking of that kid he'd killed, who only wanted his autograph.

It was wrong for him to feel this way. Why would he feel sad for some kid? Why did he feel a feeling of wishing it hadn't happened, that he could change what he'd done, even if it had not been intentional. He was no stranger to killing, so why did this bother him?

Then he finally realized what he was feeling. Guilt and remorse. Regret that he'd done such a thing. And it was all wrong. He was not supposed to feel this way! Was not supposed to be weak like Sanji, and cry. Why? Why now, would he feel such an emotion?

He hated it, thought he was broken now. If anyone found out about this, he would be an utter disappointment, maybe end up like Sanji. Maybe he'd be the new weak one of the siblings, be the one to never be seen as important.

But, he was convinced the feeling would go away if he got some sleep. But his nightmare (the first he'd ever had) stuck in his mind, and he didn't sleep for the rest of the night. And when he got up, he locked the bedroom door and did not go down for breakfast.

When he went to his private bathroom, he saw what a mess he was. He had dark circles under his eyes, and dried tears on his eyelashes. He glared at himself, and stormed out of the room, slamming the door closed. Instead of going down to breakfast like he usually would, he left the main castle through his balcony window, jumping down gracefully.

He hurried off to the training grounds to take out his frustration and guilt against some clones he could fight. But the moment he was about to punch one of the clones, suddenly he was the little dead boy, and he couldn't help but stop the punch before it hit. But then the dead boy disappeared. He left immediately after that, face red and feeling shame and embarrassment. The only thing he could think to do was to go back to town. To do something, he wasn't sure. He just had to get rid of this feeling, as soon as possible.

He jumped into the water and swam to shore, finding the alleyway where it had happened. There was only a little blood, and the body was gone. He was glad, and didn't have to see what he'd done, even if it was an accident. He'd still killed that kid. All he'd wanted was Ichiji to sign his name, and he'd murdered him.

Never really thinking himself as a murderer until now, he wondered just how many people he'd killed who left family behind. He punched his face to try and get his mind off of a new emotion he couldn't tell. But then it hit him, when Sanji would cry about a mouse dying, when he didn't even know how it thought or anything.

Empathy, another terribly weak and useless emotion. He felt bad for killing innocent people. They didn't do anything. This was not how he was supposed to be! He should not feel this way! What the hell was wrong with him, what was happening?! He searched the island for the cemetary, and found a service going on.

He hid behind a tree and saw the kids from yesterday who'd been with the dead boy, Luffy. They were sobbing, as were the adults. He'd never felt how those people felt. He didn't feel bad when his mother died. But he couldn't help the tears that dripped down his face while he watched these people mourn because of a mistake he'd made.

It was a mistake, an accident. Unintentional, but it didn't make him any less guilty. Any less regretful, or feeling shame. It didn't make him any less sorry for what he'd done, or feel any less anger and even hatred at himself.

He waited for the service to end and the others to leave before he approached the newly dug grave. The grave that held that boy. He was so young. Maybe it was because he was so young that he felt this way. Maybe it was because he had been a fan. He didn't much care about fans, never had. But he'd also never felt guilt for taking another's life.

He stood to the side, not wanting to stand on the freshly churned dirt. He looked down at the little grave. He had only been three. Ichiji stared at the headstone for a long time, before he got down on his knees, making sure no one was around, and bowed in front of the grave.

"I'm sorry," he whispered in a broken voice. His lower lip wobbled again, and he never wanted to cry again. He wanted to move on, maybe this would make him. His tears dripped onto the dirt in front of him, and he only looked up when he heard footsteps in front of him.

He scowled when he saw his sister, looking down at him with a sad look. She walked around the grave and saw what it said. That it had been a young boy. Reiju got down on her knees and bowed as well. Ichiji went to storm off, wiping his tears, before she grabbed his hand, and pulled him into a hug. He didn't do anything at first, but then he broke into sobs and hugged her back.

"I'm sorry," he whispered brokenly. She rubbed his back, but didn't say a word. There was nothing to say, nothing to tell him what he did was fine. It wasn't fine. He didn't like this, but was glad it seemed Reiju would say nothing about this incident.

She finally said, "There's nothing you can do to take it back or change the past. Just remember that boy, and vow to never do such a thing again." Her voice was kind, and he nodded, pulling away and wiping his tears. "I won't tell anyone else. But, if you ever need someone to talk to, I'm here. Okay?"

Ichiji nodded, and thanked her. She hadn't said anything about how it was wrong or unnatural for him to act like this. He was glad, since he already knew it was wrong. No one else found out and Reiju kept his secret.

After that, he felt the guilt, but it faded. It never left permanently. And we couldn't help it but be gentle with kids after that. He never hit one again, ever. He even shielded one or two. His father and brothers didn't notice, which he was glad of. He wanted to atone for the mistake he'd made in any way possible, even if it was to do something he was not meant or supposed to do.

He would never forget Luffy. But he did move on, just a little less heartless than before.