Usually up at dawn for his morning meditation, Zaheer had seen many sunrises and rarely found anything remarkable about them. This one was nothing short of spectacular - the sky glowed with dim red, then it was set aflame as the sun tore through it, bleeding out rich, vibrant orange, pink and yellow; the clouds burned, colours illuminating the grey sky. The day had come alive in front of his eyes.
P'Li would have enjoyed the show, perhaps, but Zaheer knew that he needed to be patient with her to not break her fragile, slowly building trust in him. Just her decicion to talk to him about something so personal was enough for now. Hopefully, she would turn out to be not as lost as Xai Bau grimly predicted.
Several months ago, he'd started guiding Zaheer towards harsher, more ruthless path in preparation for his first mission - seeking life devoid of human attachments, for their cause would involve casualties; forgetting his sympathy for individuals, because the bigger picture mattered the most. More and more often he brought up his own mistake that had cost him many precious people, so he'd hardened his heart to not let anyone in.
Many of those lessons were already close to what Zaheer had read in Air Nomad philosophy, so he had no problem following his teacher's example and taking those lessons for his own.
Now, against his better judgement, seeing a glimpse of P'Li's pain made compassion awaken inside him, his heart aching for the girl. He found her incredibly brave - she'd been hurt badly, but instead of giving up, she followed them into complete unknown; they couldn't even grant that it would be worth it. His teacher made it even more difficult for her, Zaheer couldn't deny that.
Sounds of footsteps interrupted his thoughts, and just as Zaheer expected, Xai Bau came to join him.
"Already done with your meditation?" his teacher asked, an uncharacteristic tension in his voice, gaze veiled with something unreadable. Zaheer had no clue what caused his mood - was he irked that Zaheer had not, in fact, spent his morning like he was supposed to?
"Just admiring the view," he answered, cautious - if that was really what bothered his teacher, lying would only make it worse. "It's been a while since I saw a sunrise so beautiful," he turned his head towards the horizon.
"How poetic. Why didn't your new friend stay?" the edge in Xai Bau's voice cut like a poisoned knife.
Zaheer should have expected it probably - his teacher rose before the sun and therefore he'd likely seen P'Li leave. Why did he act as if it was something wrong Zaheer would attempt to hide, though?
"She needed her rest," he replied simply - truthful, yet no revealing anything she had told him in confidence.
Sighing, Xai Bau rubbed his temples. When he spoke, exasperation seeped through his words, almost turning it into a lecture.
"I know you feel hopeful and proud, as if thanks to you, she's getting better. It can be motivating - you gain more enthusiasm to help the rest of the world, to make sure no one ends up like she did. But as soon as we're back, I expect you to catch up to your training and other duties."
"I think that much is obvious," Zaheer said, calm on the outside, yet irked by Xai Bau's choice of words - he'd completely disregarded P'Li as living, breathing human being, not a project to experiment on.
"I just wanted to remind you," his teacher continued. "Years ago, you wanted nothing more but to join me, even though you knew what kind of life you chose. So don't forget that, even in light of recent events," he somehow made it sound like an advice and a warning at the same time.
Zaheer took a deep breath, just barely holding back a sharp retort forming on his tongue. He reminded himself that he regarded this man as a pinnacle of wisdom - he could be callous, but surely there was more to his words.
"I have no issues whatsoever. But please refrain from bringing her into it in any way - she is not responsible and deserves your respect… and decency, if you can't manage kindness," he couldn't help let some of his indignation slip.
"I'm not a sadist," Xai Bau spat. "Inflicting more misery upon that child… that's what you think of me?" his grey eyes stabbed into his.
"You could stand to be a little warmer," Zaheer pointed out.
"And for what? You think that coddling her will help? In that case, you should have suggested another alternative and not drag her along."
Zaheer was appalled at his teacher's statement, bordering on downright cruel. Obviously, he had known from his own experience what kind of man Xai Bau was, but this went too far.
He must have noticed his conflicted state.
"Forgive me," he offered a brief smile, not reflected in his eyes.
"I just don't want you to be under any sort of illusion - it only leads to pain and disappointment," he finished with a bitter tone, his eyes darkening.
The moment should have perhaps served as an opening to break the chilled atmosphere, but instead, it froze completely. The ice snapped in half, carrying them both further away from each other.
"Don't worry. My eyes are wide open," Zaheer kept his reply short, laced with hidden meaning. Xai Bau refused to comment any further and let them both linger in leftover tension.
So he did pick up on it. I should have known better.
Zaheer had an unpleasant suspicion that something between them had changed.
P'Li felt her chest expand with gratitude when the image of eternal sea changed into a dark mass of land on the horizon. Thanks to Zaheer, the voyage didn't cause her so much discomfort anymore, but she still preferred the feeling of miles going by imprinted in her feet.
It turned out prolonged walking was no longer necessary - they replenished their supplies again in the harbor and then they'd reach a "meeting spot" - as Zaheer had scarcely described to her. He usually relished in explaining in deep details, so it obviously concerned "the rest of the group", as he referred to their mysterious organization. As she was still within the earshot, P'Li couldn't hope to know anything more.
Zaheer again barely talked to her, but if his frequent glances in her direction were anything to go by, Xai Bau was responsible. She disliked the old man more and more with each day that passed, spite fuelling her resolve to keep going no matter what - he would never see her break.
So far, she had been handling it better than expected. Every significant landscape or building drew her sight, automatically seeking potential sources of danger - the side effect of living through Daigo's merciless training. Despite the memories associated, focusing her mind elsewhere turned out to be a decent strategy for keeping her dark thoughts at bay. The world was full of so many novelties - under different circumstances, she would be nothing but eager to learn, but she couldn't stop wondering about what kind of fate would this land bring her. She had such concerns about Zaheer and Xai Bau as well, but she refused to delve into them too deeply - each time she did, her stomach curled in anxiety and P'Li was afraid that she'd made a terrible mistake.
She still recalled the words she'd overhead the first night after regaining her consciousness, as faint as that memory was - their group opposed the government and White Lotus fought against them. P'Li had never met a White Lotus member, even though after the war they had become a common sight; like every child, she had been taught that they had played a significant part in helping the Avatar restore peace. If such an honorable organization presented an enemy to the group she chose to associate with, just what was she getting herself into? How could she be sure that her companions were good people?
Zaheer might be trustworthy, but he was still a teenager, and for some reason, P'Li assumed he was among the youngest. If any of the elder members resembled Xai Bau and his attitude, she didn't look forward to living with them one bit. She couldn't stand the thought of relying on Zaheer, of him treating her like a child to be protected. But she probably didn't need to worry about that one - P'Li doubted that Xai Bau would allow the boy to spend a lot of time in her company. His own plans probably involved molding Zaheer to his vision without any distractions, if she were to guess.
No matter how P'Li looked at it, she wasn't in for the brightest of futures. The realization sat like lead in her stomach, heavy and sickening, but she reminded herself that there was nothing left for her to lose. Maybe this was her chance to gain something at least, even as she knew that the warmth and affection she'd been robbed of would never return. However, she was ready to withstand anything as long as no one abused her or forced her to use her powers again.
Her combustionbending was a matter she stubbornly pushed away at the back of her mind. Everything she'd suffered happened just because of that ability. Each time she started thinking about it, the urge to scrape the skin of her forehead bloody threatened to overwhelm her; itching and burning until she felt like she couldn't go any longer with the mark intact.
So far, a single memory had managed to stop her from going through with it. It was half-faded and dreamlike - the more she tried to grasp it and examine it closer, the more it eluded her. P'Li would almost believe it wasn't even real, but she knew that she'd never be able to conjure up such an image about her gentle, loving mother of all people.
Raw, distorted scar tissue, pink fading into bloodless white; talking in evasive riddles, and a humble confession of her crime watered down to a four-year-old's understanding. Now the pieces connected at last. Her mom had once possessed and used the ability to destroy as well.
People must have known… they always threw her name at me like an insult.
Despite being born a freak, Liu had found happiness and acceptance. P'Li would be foolish to hope for as much, but maybe if she hid her own tattoo from sight until she grew strong enough to get rid of it for good, she would one day regain normalcy, at least. It was more than she could ask for, anyway.
"Say, Zaheer," she dared to speak when Xai Bau finally got far enough to not hear. "What should I expect when it comes to this group of yours?"
"Oh, you have no reason to worry," he smiled. "There aren't many people, so you will have your privacy. Ghazan is the only one in our age, except for Unalaq, but he comes from the Northern Water Tribe and I only occasionally talk to him in the Spirit World."
Her puzzlement must have shown on her face.
"It's a realm accessible to people who are able to detach themselves from their bodies. It takes time to learn - I only manage around half of the time - but if you'd like, I can explain how it works," he rubbed the back of his head in a self-conscious manner, not saying anything more. It seemed the previous topic of conversation had completely slipped his mind.
"We were talking about the rest of the group," she reminded him.
"Ah, sorry," he grinned sheepishly. "Right. Ghazan is a bit troublesome - snarky and arrogant, doesn't listen to anyone and likes to disappear without bothering to let anyone know. If he makes you uncomfortable, just stay away from him, he will leave you alone."
"Who else?" she needed to get ready for the worst.
"Some older members, too. You will see in a short while," he replied, distracted, his attention on his teacher in the front - he halted and gestured at them to hurry. Zaheer quickened his pace to reach him; P'Li had no trouble to keep up because of her long strides.
In the distance, they spotted something P'Li had only recognized from Zaheer's books - a Satomobile. From what he told her, Hiroshi Sato had made a fortune on them and some models had become more available for common people. Seeing it with her own eyes deepened the sense of irreversible change happening in her life.
The Satomobile reached them, the engine humming - P'Li couldn't make out the face of the driver, but those two apparently did.
"I can't believe Zhi underwent the ultimate sacrifice," Xai Bau commented dryly, an unusual smirk twisting his lips.
"No one else could, otherwise she wouldn't risk it," Zaheer added, his tone less teasing.
"Get in, we don't have all day," a deep, sulky voice answered in an irritated grumble.
"We would certainly have more time if you woke up earlier," Xai Bau went on. P'Li was surprised - up to this point, the old man displayed no signs of having any sense of humour whatsoever.
"Shut up or you'll walk the rest of the way by foot," she shot back.
Amused and curious, P'Li took a seat in the back with Zaheer while Xai Bau remained in the front next to the prickly woman.
"That's Zhi, one of our group. She hates motor vehicles - they make her sick, so right now I wouldn't talk at all," Zaheer explained quietly.
P'Li nodded, not planning on it anyway. She had a good view on the woman now. By her graying shoulder-length hair with a small top-knot on the crown of her head, P'Li assumed she was about Xai Bau's age. Her face was twisted in a surly grimace, which was probably the reason why it was so wrinkled. The air of hostility was practically hanging around her - it reminded P'Li distantly of Daigo. Familiar weight of anxiety sunk her deep into her seat.
Zaheer must have spotted her inner turmoil.
"It will be alright," he said, gently squeezing her hand once. Against her better judgement, P'Li let his words soothe her and returned the grip, her palm awfully clammy.
Zhi probably wanted to get over with the driving as quickly as possible - P'Li felt every bump and turn, her stomach growing quasy. Her initial fascination with Satomobiles vanished.
"Let me take over, you must be tired," Xai Bau pointed on the steering wheel, his voice showing no real concern.
"Unless you want to clean up after me, suck it up," she mumbled. "We're almost there anyway."
"Your perception of distance must be as bad as ever."
"You're the one to talk," she snickered. "Remember Omashu?"
"It happened six years ago, it's about time you let it go," Xai Bau sighed, sounding embarrassed.
"I have plenty more of your shining moments to choose from, so don't test me."
Xai Bau didn't continue with the conversation.
P'Li couldn't help but let her initial opinion about Zhi improve slightly after she put Xai Bau in his place. She thought he'd turn out to be some kind of untouchable authority among his peers, tactless and controlling as he was. If this woman wasn't scared to talk back to him, it meant P'Li was wrong… maybe Xai Bau's shadow of hostility wouldn't affect how the rest viewed her.
She glanced at Zaheer. He didn't seem fazed by their behaviour - from the look on his face, this was an everyday occurrence.
Who knows what living with them will be like?
P'Li had lost track of time, finally able to relax a little bit. It could have been an hour when the Satomobile stopped. She stepped out to get some needed fresh air, looking around. Sun poured out hot, sticky heat over a mostly dry, desert-like area covered with ochre shades of sandstone, giving rise to sharp, steep hills. Except for grass peeking out in yellowed patches, nothing seemed to grow here.
"Perfect for earthbending," Zaheer commented when he got out and noticed her dissatisfaction.
"Do you really want to tell me this is where your group lives?" she didn't expect much, but she failed to imagine how surviving here for a long time could be even remotely possible.
"Not really. We move from place to place often and usually only stay a few weeks. This looks abandoned and inhospitable, so no one usually wanders here. That is convenient for us," he spoke in low voice, so only she heard him.
"Cut the secrecy, Zaheer," Zhi called, walking around the Satomobile to get closer to them. "I assume you must be a new member," she raised one eyebrow, looking at P'Li with expectation.
"Wait, she isn't a-" Zaheer started, but Xai Bau interrupted him.
"I should've informed you sooner. This," he pointed to P'Li, "is just a child we rescued from Daigo's clutches."
"My memory is working just fine. That was the whole point of you two going there," she huffed, more irritated than before.
"End the fucker and save any poor souls he got his filthy hands on. Why did you decide that she should come along, though?" Zhi's eyes held her gaze - a muted coppery brown shade, yet lacking any real warmth. She estimated her with clinical detachment, as if judging her worth.
For a woman more than a head shorter than her, Zhi radiated unadulterated intimidation - P'Li felt her chest constrict in anticipation of bad news. Xai Bau might be an insensitive jerk, but he'd let her stay after all. What if Zhi decided she wanted her gone?
"We couldn't afford to let her fall into the hands of our enemies," Xai Bau explained in a rush.
Strange. After all those displays of disapproval, he suddenly advocates for me?
"And why would they take interest in her?" her tone demanded an explanation without excuses.
"Because of her rare power. You know what I'm talking about."
"You mean…?" her gaze halted on her forehead, as if seeing what was now hidden from the world by her bandanna.
"Take it off," Zaheer nudged her softly.
P'Li loosened the knot keeping two ends of the fabric together. She felt bare and exposed, as if she were a piece on display, and despised every second of it.
Another one who will only try to use me.
Zhi seemed to have a concerning number of parallels with Daigo. P'Li was thoroughly infuriated, resolute to fight back and never reveal any weaknesses to the woman.
"Are you done yet? Or should I wait until your eyes fall out?" P'Li spat, not able to stand any more of Zhi's wordless inspection. The woman's expression immediately changed from fascinated to resentful, as if she didn't expect her object of interest to speak up.
"Cover it up for all care," she shrugged as if unbothered, yet her whole demeanor hinted at suppressed irritation.
P'Li returned Zhi's glare with all contempt she could gather as she tied the bandanna again.
"Her gift was abused in the worst conditions you can imagine. You need to understand her reaction," Xai Bau supplied, speaking as if P'Li wasn't even there.
"That's not a surprise," Zhi spoke in agreement, her tone still brusque. "I don't want to know what she's been through. But what's her reason for staying with us?"
"Safety," Xai Bau didn't give P'Li an opportunity to speak for herself - as if she really wasn't anything more than a thing to stand still and be quiet when her own life was at stake. "And time to heal."
"I see," Zhi didn't comment anything more. "Well then. I need to discuss some matters with you in private," she grabbed his forearm and rushed behind the sandstone boulders nearby, Xai Bau with no option to protest.
As soon as they disappeared, Zaheer spoke in hushed, concerned voice.
"I'm really sorry, P'Li. It must have been awfully uncomfortable for you."
"No kidding," she pointedly avoided looking at him. Her insides were boiling with rage. "But she managed the impossible, to make me actually dislike her more than Xai Bau."
"I understand," Zaheer replied, the unspoken but hanging in the air. "She isn't that bad, actually," he must have concluded it was time for him to excuse other people's actions again.
How dare you defend them and try to convince me how I should feel about them?
"No. Stop right there," she raised her finger close to his face to silence him. "I don't want to hear how she… saw too much and lost too many people or whatever. You don't get to dictate what my response and opinion of her should be."
Her body temperature rose rapidly.
"Do you know what that's like, to be treated like you're just a weapon meant to be kept in top condition, regulated by someone else?"
All those hurtful things she'd half-believed in secret resurfaced again.
"And when you get out, even though it was supposed to be over - people regard you the same way, even mull over if you're worth the trouble, confirming everything he'd ever told you?" her voice barely rose above her normal level, but her pent-up anger from being insulted for too long made Zaheer's eyes widen with fear for a split second.
She had much more to say, but an insistent pulsing pain in the familiar spot in the center of her forehead cut her off; as if her fury threatened to spill through the most devastating of means.
She breathed in and out, willing the tension to dissipate. A wave of dizziness made her stumble. Zaheer jumped to her side, ready to catch her if she lost her balance.
"'m fine," she panted. After a while, her heartbeat decreased to normal. He searched her face with concern.
He may be unfortunate with his choice of words at times, but he cares about me.
"I'm sick of it, Zaheer," she sighed, her fire extinguished, leaving behind resignation and the dull ache of loneliness.
"I don't care about anyone's reasons… it just hurts, don't you see?" she mumbled, her voice numb.
"I know it does," he squeezed her hand briefly. "You never deserved to suffer this way."
"I wish I didn't have to live a second longer being marked like this," she didn't bother to explain what she meant, Zaheer knew anyway.
Contradictory beliefs clashed inside her. On one hand, the absolute acceptance from her family, her own natural conviction that everyone was granted basic respect and not to have their humanity violated, with her newfound refusal to let anyone do her any more wrong.
On the other, Daigo's everyday brainwashing, burning hatred for what she was, and the ever-present guilt for being the reason why her family was gone - if she didn't possess the ability, Daigo would leave them all alone. Mentions of the only widely known combustionbender came to her mind - an assassin sent to kill the Avatar, and who knew how many others? How could anyone blame the society for despising such people? Destruction was in their very nature.
"You know," Zaheer started patiently, which let her know another detailed explanation was around the corner, "that's exactly why I chose this path. Who says, for example, that bloodbending should be illegal? Those who have the power to do so, deciding according to their experience and opinion. No one cared that waterbenders were exposed to inhuman conditions during their incarceration by Fire Nation - the first bloodbender still was sentenced to life in prison. World leaders present an obstacle to freedom and true equality. Power imbalances are enabled to flourish. A victim, such as you, is judged more harshly than a man who believed that Fire Nation is destined to rule over all, trampling over numerous lives to achieve it. All of them need to be stripped from their power, through any means necessary."
Zaheer's eyes were set alight with something almost fanatical and P'Li doubted he was aware of how much his tongue slipped compared to his previous attempts to keep quiet about his group's business. Theoretically speaking, his ideals were hard to disagree with, but looking at him now, P'Li realized he wouldn't stop for anything if he deemed someone worthy of Daigo's fate.
A blink of an eye and it was gone. Was her disturbance too obvious?
"Your first impression of her might not be the best," he continued in his normal tone, "but Zhi studies a lot, firebending and its subforms are her specialty. She might know a bit more about the history of combustionbending and how it came to this point, if you wanted to find out more about it. Seeing someone capable of it in the flesh must have been a dream come true to her. No wonder she couldn't take her eyes off you."
Her stare made him try to reword his statement. "Ah, forgive me. I'm not trying to condone it."
"I know," her lips moved in the barest hint of a smile, too tired to engage in the exact same argument again.
"But Zhi really is different than she looks like at first - strict and harsh, but always fair."
"I'll see about that on my own, if you don't mind," she replied, barely able to suppress the edge. P'Li hoped Zaheer understood the hint - she was done with this topic and if he continued to push, he'd upset her again.
Zaheer thankfully didn't say anything, staring somewhere behind her back. P'Li turned to see that Xai Bau and Zhi were drawing closer. Their own discussion must have been over, then. P'Li braced herself for whatever was about to come. Everything she had once known was gone and now she struggled to keep her head above the maelstrom of changes threatening to drown her. The only option left was to fight back. P'Li would no longer let other people try to control her or deny her humanity. If Zhi or anyone else dared to step over the line, they'd face the consequences.