trigger warning: claustrophobia, panic attack
Zhi led him away from those two, her disbelief slowly growing. How could Xai Bau, paranoid and infuriatingly stubborn as he was, just lead an unknowing girl among them? She was supposed to just… what? Recover and be on her way? Having an outsider living with them even for a short period of time… it could compromise so much.
"Would you stop dragging me? I think we're far enough," he mumbled, his words carefully polite and missing their usual edge.
So he knows he's in deep shit.
"You're in no position to object," she spat and released him from her grip, crossing her arms. Her gaze stabbed into his. "Now speak."
"What do you need to know?" he asked, testing her patience.
"Shouldn't it be obvious by now?!" she snapped, already fed up with his stalling. "You must have hit your head pretty hard if this seems like a good idea to you!"
"I was completely against it! Zaheer set his mind on taking her with us. I only agreed to as much because she was hopeless and I didn't expect her to pull through."
Zhi furrowed her eyebrows, momentarily taken aback by such ruthlessness.
For the sake of that girl, I'm glad that estimating a character was never something Xai Bau excelled at.
Old hurt briefly stirred in her chest.
Not now.
"How do you even imagine it, Xai Bau?" she returned to the previous topic. "We can't give her what she needs and more importantly - the longer she stays, the more she will know about us!"
"I want to believe she wouldn't take her own enemy's side after experiencing such atrocious treatment from someone in power," Xai Bau thought out loud, but Zhi knew him enough to tell those were only half-hearted efforts to make her believe it.
"That doesn't mean she will become our sympathizer," she pointed out.
"Who knows? Maybe that possibility is not entirely lost yet."
Zhi breathed in deep, willing her irritation to subside.
"Do you even realize how much you're contradicting yourself? You thought she wouldn't make it, planned to make it into a merciless lesson for Zaheer and suddenly she has what it takes to join us? I admit, it wouldn't be the first instance of rotten judgement from your side-" she had agreed not to bring it up, but if Xai Bau's memory was really so short, his ego be damned.
"Don't," he pushed through clenched teeth, squeezing her forearm with force. His eyes darkened into storm about to be torn apart by lightning and spill out their crushing weight.
"I have every reason to be wary. Spirits, at least someone should be."
"You were the one who said the past was not to be mentioned again! But that only counts when it's convenient for you, right?" he spat, his gaze burning with animosity. Not that it intimidated her, just reminded that their wounds were far from healed - covered by a layer of jagged scar tissue, yet festering underneath. They could at least pretend and coexist for the sake of the Red Lotus.
"What else am I supposed to do?" she shouted, raising her fists. Heat built up in her abdomen.
"It was you who dismissed me back then. And you swore to not do it again. I don't want to nag you," pain seeped into her tone, showing her vulnerability, "but we can't be careless again."
His grip loosened. For a while, only their eyes continued the battle of wills. Zhi looked away, tired of this endless game of tug-and-war. What was it good for? He would always think the worst of her.
"Do you really think that mistake doesn't haunt me?" his voice was barely more than a whisper now. He looked exhausted and weighed down, shoulders slumped and his eyesight falling to the ground in silent defeat.
"I know you better than that," she quirked her lip up mirthlessly, an offering of reconcilliation of her own.
She meant it - that particular misstep had taught Xai Bau to be overly cautious, to the point of paranoia at times.
"Alright… let it stay dead," she said, then returned to the previous topic. "I want to hear a reasonable idea of what should be done."
"I am not sure about it myself," he admitted. "I will be busy training Zaheer and he already knows I won't tolerate any distractions. But someone should keep an eye on her."
"That won't be easy," she chuckled. "She doesn't seem to take kindly to attention."
"That's mildly put," Xai Bau sighed. "She's very bitter and unapproachable."
"With your callous self around? Doesn't surprise me one bit," she smirked. Xai Bau didn't reply.
"Let's head back. The sooner we get this over with, the better," she tilted her head in the direction of where they came from, back to those two waiting for them.
As Zhi looked at the young combustionbender again, she couldn't suppress her curiosity. How long did it take for her to obtain this ability? How well was she able to handle it? Could it be that she was one of those precious few born with an overdeveloped Ājñā?
Zhi immediately scolded herself for letting her excitement get out of hand - their traces through history had been almost completely lost. Even a powerful tyrant like Daigo would have trouble finding any living descendants. But it seemed that it didn't stop his efforts. How many children had he torn away from their families in hope of awakening their gift?
No doubt he used many shortcuts to quicken the long and difficult process of opening the chakra. Zhi didn't even want to think about how he must have bastardized a ceremony of tattooing - once sacred, comparable with airbenders receiving blue arrows as symbols of their mastery.
They got close enough for her to take a closer look at the girl. She was slouching, unconsciously shielding her body from any potential source of harm, but her eyes were burning with undisputable defiance. By the way she kept her tattoo covered - once worn with pride by those who possessed it - Zhi saw that hatred for her own abilities had already settled deep within.
What a curious mix of contradictions. Despite everything, her spirit is far from broken.
"Time to go," Zhi spoke, once again stern, not letting her thoughts show.
"We've wasted enough time already. Xai Bau, take the Satomobile to the hiding spot. Zaheer, go ahead and let the rest know we're here. You," she looked at the girl, deliberately keeping her voice strict just so she'd know not to expect any sort of special treatment, "come with me."
She did, though unwillingly, scowl not leaving her face.
"I suggest you keep that face to yourself," Zhi admonished. "I am not one to be enemies with."
"Daigo used to say the same. Now he's dead," she retorted, not even sparing Zhi a glance.
Zhi kept silent after that, assessing the situation. The girl already considered her a foe and anything Zhi said would only set her off. She didn't so much as flinch at Zhi's approach, instead challenged it. Under the outer layer of pain and fear, powerful will was hidden.
"I didn't catch your name," Zhi tried again.
"What does it matter to you? Such trivial things are of no use for killing machines," she spat.
Zhi suspected the girl had used words of her dead captor.
"I hardly see one here - only a girl who went through horrid abuse."
The combustionbender stared at her incredulously, as if trying to read her deepest thoughts and spot dishonesty. Zhi gave her a mocking smirk. Pleasantries were useless when the girl expected ulterior motives behind it.
"Somehow I doubt that you'd prefer to be addressed as 'hey, you'," Zhi sneered. The girl's expression opened in brief indignation.
"My name is P'Li… but you will never order me around by it," she snarled and quickened her pace, her long strides carrying her away from Zhi. Instead of trying to catch up, she looked on with amusement, contemplating all she had managed to gather about this strange girl - P'Li , she supplied in her mind.
Unlike Xai Bau's grim predictions, to Zhi it was obvious that she would overcome her past. She was a bright flame just about to ignite, momentarily suppressed by all the pain she'd endured. Once she realized the full extent of her power, anyone who dared to harm her further would pay for it. Whether she would help the Red Lotus, or eradicate what little was left of them, that remained to be answered.
Zhi needed to establish many rules with her without making them restrictive and forceful. Someone like Xai Bau, so set on severing the threads connecting him to his compassion, could never pull it off. On the other hand, Zhi was aware of the first impression she probably left with her own intimidating nature, at times the only thing keeping Xai Bau in check. P'Li could easily mistake it for cruelty.
No use pondering over it. As powerful as she was, the girl would need someone to guide her. She would likely benefit from tight schedule and new stimulation so that her mind wouldn't be constantly recalling the horrors of her past. And then... only time could tell. Later, perhaps Zhi could manage to show her the truth and undo some of the warped perception of combustionbending Daigo had likely instilled in her.
Better not look too far ahead, she pulled herself out of her musings. Right now, ensuring the security of us all is more important than speculations.
Zaheer inspected the inconspicuous wall of dry stone, looking for the hidden entrance. He found no delight in living like a badgermole, preferring the solitude of mountain peaks and the insurmountable depth of night sky, but it was for the best. They needed to stay out of sight as often as their location would allow.
He finally found the secret door, to his shock already yawning wide. An earthbender was supposed to stand guard and let them in. Who would be so careless to leave it unattended like that?
"Already back?" Ghazan's voice called. Before Zaheer turned around, he already pictured him - a lazy smirk on his face, relaxed posture, not even slightly bothered about their safety.
"You were the one to leave this open just like that?" Zaheer gestured with his hand to the gaping hole.
"Before you get your knickers in a twist," Ghazan replied, "I was nearby practicing a new move. I would've sensed someone coming."
"It's good to know your seismic sense has improved that much during those three weeks," Zaheer couldn't resist the jab, knowing how much Ghazan had struggled with the ability.
The boy just rolled his eyes and smirked, as if Zaheer was some annoying fly pestering him.
"You, though? Impressive progress with petty insults. Following your master's footsteps?" Ghazan raised one eyebrow, his tone not light enough to pass for his usual teasing. The reproach in his hazel gaze made something in Zaheer's chest stir.
We used to get on much better than this.
After Xai Bau's constant reminders to keep an eye on the younger boy, Ghazan's unfortunate bad habits became harder for Zaheer to ignore, driving a wedge between them. At times, he couldn't help but regret the distance, as much as he had to admit his teacher's words were not to be ignored.
"Suspiciously many control freaks among people striving for freedom, don't you think?" he shrugged with feigned nonchalance. Then, he was on his way Spirits knew where.
Shaking his head in disapproval, Zaheer waited for the rest to catch up. P'Li reached him first, pointedly silent.
Zhi caught up moments later, her face unreadable.
"Don't just stand there, get inside," the old woman grumbled as she disappeared into the hideout.
Zaheer gestured for P'Li to come in. She didn't look happy to delve somewhere away from sunlight, but didn't say a anything. Zaheer followed her, familiar enough with the layout that he didn't need to wait until his vision adjusted to darkness.
The inside of the cavern carried obvious signs of earthbending if one knew what to look for. A central room with high ceiling divided into narrow, dark passages leading to several smaller spaces. Sometimes, they used fire for light, but it spent too much oxygen and blackened walls would reveal long-term inhabitation. Temporary electric light sources produced by Future Industries were a preferable alternative, though they had to be frugal with those - they only lasted a certain amount of time.
Finding possible hiding spots and changing the natural architecture to make them more inhabitable was a specialty of another one of their members. Kwan, an earthbender in his late twenties, had an exceptional seismic sense; out of known users, perhaps only Toph Beifong would outperform him.
Zaheer spotted him in his usual position - squatted down in a corner, dust all over his clothes and his shoulder-length brown hair in dire need of a wash, making him look worn and prematurely aged. Kwan never talked much, always lost in matters of his own. Zaheer didn't know what to quite make of him - sometimes, the man seemed as easy-going as Ghazan, other days he barely moved, staring into space, his eyes unfocused and hazed over.
For some reason, Xai Bau barely could stand his presence, but what he could do, Kwan did with reliability and precision - estimating the stability of potential hiding spots, careful with his bending when rearranging a place, and when they stayed closer to villages or cities, he could sense people approaching.
Times weren't always like this - the Red Lotus vanished from plain eyesight, hiding like pests. Sixteen years had passed since Xai Bau abandoned the ideals of White Lotus, with a small number of his closest allies supporting him. Their ideology had attracted many suffering under oppression - skilled benders or regular people not strong enough to fight, but eager to offer them anything needed - food supplies, shelter, means of transport, information. It had been only a matter of time until the White Lotus stepped in to suffocate the revolution in its seeds. They had spread false information to discourage potential allies and hunted down Red Lotus members, but the greatest loss that pushed them to the brink of undignified end had been a traitor from their own lines.
Remaining members scattered through the world to escape prison, with the only means of communication through the Spirit World. While the Red Lotus struggled to recover from their weakened state, their efforts didn't result in significant changes, as Xai Bau had initially hoped for. In the span of several years, they had managed to assassinate a few figures not important enough to cause too much of a stir.
"Hey," P'Li sounded impatient at his lack of attention. She had lit a small flame to see, which now allowed Zaheer to see her face frowned in discomfort.
"Yes?" he turned to her.
"I need to talk to you. In private," she shot a glance at Zhi's back.
"I have a room here, sort of. Maybe that will suffice," he offered, then gently took her hand and led the way through the passage. Unfortunately, the ceiling was much, much lower than in the main room. Both of them had to hunch, though P'Li definitely had more trouble. Zaheer sometimes forgot she was almost a head taller than him - it seemed unfitting with her youth and vulnerability.
"This place just keeps getting better, doesn't it?" he heard her murmur.
Finally, the space loosened around them. Zaheer's room couldn't be bigger than her former cell, and not much more comfortable, either. Several blankets were spread out on an uneven floor, serving as his sleeping spot. Unlit candles and a heap of books and scrolls were scattered through the place.
"Xai Bau always wonders how I'm able to make such a mess when I own so little," he chuckled in a weak attempt to ease the atmosphere. P'Li didn't react.
Now that he was able to face her properly again, he noticed she was deadly pale, eyes wide and body starting to tremble.
"I can't live like this. Not again," she mumbled almost incomprehensibly.
"I know this isn't much," Zaheer spoke in a patient tone, hoping to show her the silver lining. "It isn't forever, though. We hardly occupy the same spot longer than two months. It's already been five weeks, soon we'll move out again."
"If every place is like this-" she kept glancing at the rough walls; Zaheer realised she had the image of them covered in glistening water ingrained in sight.
"I'm not fond of this one myself," he admitted. "But we'll move out to some forest area. I'm not sure when, but it's bound to be soon," he wanted to soothe her, but couldn't bring himself to promise something he wouldn't be able to fulfill.
"Why would anyone in their right mind want to live here of all places? What horrible things have you people done?" her voice was frantic, her breaths short and violent. She looked around like a caged animal, as if the walls were pressing on her.
"P'Li, it's okay. You're safe," he stepped closer to her, but she curled in on herself more, a whimper escaping her throat.
"Let me out. Get me away from here," she pleaded silently, shivering all over. Her tiny flame had died down. His heart seized at the sight.
"Lien-Hua… I want my sister," a sob shook through her. Her breathing got even louder and more shallow.
"It's okay, P'Li, you're free now," he tried again, desperation rising.
"Let's go outside. Just… take my hand and we can go," he offered her his palm.
She shut her eyes and shook her head - in that moment, she resembled a frightened child more than ever.
"I can't go through there again. Just leave me alone," she stammered through her hitched breaths.
He gripped her hands - wet with cold sweat - determined to not let her slip further into her panic.
"Just… breathe with me, okay?" he spoke softly, vaguely recalling some exercises recommended for meditation.
"One… in, and two… hold it," he murmured instructions, gripping her hands tight. With great difficulty, she followed, her breathing interrupted by quiet sobs.
Then, she stopped shaking at once and opened her eyes.
Did it work?
"P'Li?" she didn't respond, though. Her gaze was fixed on the wall behind him. "Uh, what are you-"
"Step back. Get down," she answered in a low voice.
"Wait, you can't-" his protests were futile, though - she straightened her back and pulled the bandanna from her forehead in a swift motion, scratching her skin with her nails. One deep inspiration - unlike her ragged breathing from just a minute before - and Zaheer was temporarily stunned by a tearing blast. Sunlight and dust stung his eyes, but he recognized her silhouette stepping into the hole and sprinting away.
"No! Wait!" he leaped from the ground, trailing after her. She wasn't planning to run away, was she? Where else would she go?!
Once he got out into the light, he noticed her immediately - not like she could hide with her outstanding height. She wasn't nearly as far as he assumed after seeing her run fast, hunched over, one palm pressed into her forehead, her breathing finally a little bit steadier.
She tilted his head to look at him. "I'm not leaving. Calm down."
"Well, you could stand to give me a warning!" he couldn't help his frustration. She couldn't even speak properly a moment ago and he was the one who should calm down?
"You scared me half to death! You could have killed us!"
She winced at that. Zaheer cursed himself for his choice of words.
" I couldn't... I-I needed to..." she stumbled through her words.
"I'm sorry, P'Li… I shouldn't have said that," he once again tried to get closer to her to comfort her, but she moved away, taking several hesitant steps further away from him.
"Where are you going?" he tried his best to keep his voice level and patient, difficult as it was in that particular moment.
"I need some fresh air," she answered, her tone flat and distant.
Reminding himself to respect her choice, Zaheer gave up and returned to his room, now with an extra view. After a while, he realized how unfair it was to blame P'Li for having a natural, perfectly preventable response for a situation he failed to expect and prepare for. And then, he misstepped even more with his outburst of frustration. Could he blame her for needing her space away from him?
Maybe I should leave her alone unless she seeks me out first. All I managed right now was to make it worse for her.
Sighing, he decided to seek out Kwan and ask him to do his best to repair the damage to their hideout. If Zhi or Xai Bau noticed, it would no doubt be accompanied by yelling and lectures, but at least with the younger man, Zaheer could hope for his crooked, sympathetic smile and an unspoken promise to never mention it again.