Hidden Track 1: A Sister's Horizon

"Ouch!" He recoiled, unable to escape from my grasp.

"Stop squirming already." I grunted.

"Would it hurt you to be more careful?"

"No pain, no gain, Big Brother."

"When did you overcome my level of cynicism!? It's too damn high! High as fuck! Are you some sort of prodigy in the art of smartassery!? Gah! How dare you turn my own words against me!?"

"Shut up." I just pressed the bandages harder.

"Ack! I give! I GIVE! UNCLE! UNCLE!"

Leo and Bismarck's gaze danced between myself and our Dumb Big Brother worryingly, and though Leo's mouth opened a few times, no words came from it.

As for me? I just don't like the sight of those creamy white bandages against our brother's charred skin. It looks wrong… Although I don't like his charred skin either, but that was the one thing that I had come to associate with him. I didn't know him any other way...

"You dummy."

My brother's smile faltered though he tried to keep it, as usual. He's not fooling anyone whatsoever, though knowing his thick skull, he must think he's getting away with it. He shrieked again when I straightened and tightened the cloth.

"Ugh…!" There it is, that miserable whimper. "Please, Azura, I'm fine."

"Really now?"

"ReallEOWCH! SON OF A-!"

"Yes, I don't believe you." I fixed it again… perhaps too strongly, and for a moment, I saw his dumb smile flinch, and for once, he silently understood, as did Leo and Bismarck.

An awkward silence filled the room as I continued my work in peace since our Dumb Big Brother was brought to the infirmary. Though he had been already been healed with a staff, I had seen through the rest of the treatment myself – I won't let those maids near my brother, I already took care of all of us well enough! Mother had helped me with learning to use our family's magic as well as teaching me how to treat cuts and magical injuries, and recently, Big Brother was often in here, covered in bandages. And knowing him, he won't be learning to use a staff himself any time soon.

…Hopefully, Mother's lessons prove true. She's told me again and again that pain is the best teacher… but Big Brother seems to have an obsession with being defiant. Either that or he just refuses to learn; he's dumb like that.

He makes me angry.

"What about the lessons?" He asked.

"They ended a while ago." Leo answered.

"And Camilla?"

"In her room." Bismarck followed softly. "Eldest Brother went after her."

"Did either say anyth-Fuck! Azura, please!" I kind of messed up there…

"Worry about yourself first." I saved face, just as Mother taught me. "You were hit all around your left shoulder, a bit over the right arm and the worst hit your dumb face."

"Huh. That explains why I'm missing half my field of view. Shit, can that heal?"

"What!?" All three of us shouted right away.

"I'm joking!" He cried desperately as all three of us piled up on him.

Thank the gods. He really was joking.

"You dummy…"

He got himself a stab at the shoulder for that.

"You really need to work on your defensive posture, Big Brother." Leo eventually supplied after we had gathered ourselves. Why must he be focused on that kind of dumb stuff as always? The following he muttered under his breath, but we all still heard it. "And your offense too…"

And he was right, for worse.

"Did I lose any limbs?" Big Brother retorted in that strange tone I hate, like he didn't really care what happened to him. Pain was his answer for it, courtesy of me. "OW!"

"Not yet, sadly." I answered bluntly… and I wasn't quite sure if I was serious or not. "You've got Thunder burns all over, but not any apparent permanent damage."

"So bottom-line: I got my ass kicked thoroughly and will live to receive another ass kicking. Lovely."

"Why did you agree to fight again, Big Brother?" Bismarck's voice became thin as a strand. "You're… you're not well… you… you haven't been well for a while…"

"And get myself drilled to death by Iago?" He retorted, bitterness coating his voice and unable to look at any of us in the eye. No one answered, and I finished wrapping him.

"You have to stop hesitating." I said. He couldn't let another one of these drills end like this again.

"Azura, I'm fine." He tried to reassure. My hands stopped, and I found my palms running through the length of his covered arm. I bit my lip down as my eyes fell.

I… I absolutely despised seeing my brother like this. Why must he be like this…? Why can't he be more careful?

Was I… was I trembling?

"Master Iago has always said that magic is a tool…" I heard Leo's voice.

"And any tool can be dangerous. I know." Big Brother cited like reading off a book. "We are to be more precise than any arrow, we are to be deadlier than any blade, we are to be even stronger than the storms that shake the earth, we can't allow room for error; we are to be those who manipulate the elements of nature to do the will of Nohr and scorch its enemies."

Brother hated that phrase. Whenever Master Iago made us recite that during the magic exams, and whenever he used his dumb tricks, Master Iago made us repeat that phrase over and over again. And recently I kind of understood why. I felt like it was asking us to do what Garon told us, that we didn't deserve to be happy... that we didn't deserve to have thoughts of our own.

"I know my shortcomings, Leo." Big Brother said forcefully, biting back at the evident frustration, bitterness and resignation that were all taking ahold of him. "I know I always think too much at every single step. That I always fail at the critical moment. Bernard gives me enough shit as is."

He sighed, looking at an empty spot on the ceiling.

"Stamina will only carry you so far." Leo said.

With spells as basic as Spark and Ember, we couldn't really kill each other so long we didn't fire at a vital area with the full chant or went for a barrage, but it was still risky, and though Big Brother could by all means draw fights out for long, he always faltered to deliver decisive blows. Elder Sister Camilla was simpler minded in that regard: She didn't hesitate and showed it.

"I know, Leo. Stop pestering me about things I already know." Big Brother sighed.

It made me angry.

"Don't vent this on him. This is your fault." I spat crossly.

"I know, Azura." He replied forcefully. "But I don't need you nagging on me; I got enough problems as is."

I poked him harder.

"OW!"

Leo flinched and Bismarck gasped.

"Don't you DARE push us aside." I growled. Since when… Why does this make me so angry? "What is going on, Big Brother? What are you dumb grown-ups doing?"

"Y-you…-" He stammered. "That's not your-"

"Why won't you trust me?" I felt sick to my stomach.

"Azura, I-"

He was interrupted… by Bismarck of everyone.

"Eldest Brother Xander, Elder Sister Camilla and you d-don't look at each other in the eye during breakfast, o-or studying, or breaks or d-dinner, and in training you fight like you really… that you really want to hurt each other. Y-you're s-skulking around the castle, in the middle of the night, w-w-with homework no one can… that no one read, a-a-and every morning you l-look like you've slept less e-each time." His voice faltered more at each word. "This… this has been going on for m-months now, Big Brother. What… w-what is g-going on?"

Big Brother Ignis couldn't dare to look at Bismarck in the eye. And when I turned towards him, I… I could see that Bismarck wasn't even sad or angry, he was just… tired.

He had the same expression that I had most of the time, even now.

"You… You knew…?"

Bismarck didn't dare reply, but I could see the truth in Leo's eyes. It was noticed by Big Brother too.

"It's hard not to notice when we're together all the time, Big Brother." The elder of the blond duo caved in.

"You don't give us enough credit, Dumb Big Brother Ignis." I followed, clenching at my training fatigues. "It has to do with Lorraine, doesn't it?"

Big Brother took a moment before answering. He breathed, slowly, and gave us a complicated expression.

"You kids will be the death of me, I swear. You're too damn perceptive." I could see him looking for courage. It took… way too long for him to keep talking. "It's no secret that Lorraine's in trouble… And we grown-ups are deliberating how to help her."

"But why are you even fighting? You're all worried about the same thing!" Leo pointed, with Bismarck nodding worriedly.

"…Because we want to help her each in our own ways." He chose his words carefully. "And those ways don't necessarily work together."

…What?

"…How so?" Leo asked warily.

"Let's just say that Xander wants to solve this with diplomacy, Camilla wants to use the… explosive option, and I want to use the… the backhanded way." He said slowly.

He's not telling the truth, or at least not all of it.

Big Brother then pushed his legs down, and immediately stumbled the moment he tried to set foot. A delicate push was enough to stop him from going anywhere further.

"B-Big Brother?" Bismarck's eyes widened almost comically as he rushed to his side, Leo close behind him.

"I need to see Xander. I absolutely cannot let today end without talking to him" He declared forcefully.

"What you need is to lie down and rest." I held my ground. Under other circumstances, perhaps he could have shrugged me off, but he was in no condition to do that now, and I had Leo and Bismarck to help me. He would not leave this bed tonight.

"Let me go." He ordered miserably.

"I'm sure it can wait." Leo pleaded. "You're in no condition to leave."

"It can't." He rebutted. "I made a promise with Xander."

All three of us eyed him incredulously.

"I'd give him three days, today is that third day." He hurried. "Guys, you need to let me go."

"Three days for what?" Leo queried suspiciously.

"I don't have time for 20 questions, goddammit! I need to go now!" He roared.

"No. That is not happening." I held firm. "You're not going."

"Oh, for the love of fuck!" He cursed. "Is today the national 'Bully Ignis Day' or something!? I wasn't asking for your permission!"

"Neither were we."

The other two nodded furiously.

"I don't think it'd do any good if you went in your current state, Big Brother." Bismarck spoke as if imitating Leo.

"You can barely walk as is." Leo supplied. "You show clear signs of sleep deprivation and subsequent exhaustion; it would be counterproductive for you to leave in your current state."

"Spare me the dictionary, Leo." He growled irritably. "Lorraine is-"

"Safe in her room."

Gods, why couldn't he understand that? He… he looked almost hurt when I said that.

"Azura." He pleaded. "I don't trust anyone in this castle– not the guards, not the teachers, not the doctors, not the maids, not even the freaking chefs – I trust none of them."

"Do you not trust us? Because it looks that way." I spat back, perhaps too much like those bad women in the castle Big Brother and Mother hated so much.

His hand slapped itself against his forehead at that inadvertently, and after a moment he just pinched the bridge of his nose.

"If it is really important, Eldest Brother will come to you." Bismarck reasoned.

"None of you will let me through, will you?" Big Brother puffed. "Alright, alright. Let's just do something while we wait, at least."

I didn't know I had been holding a sigh, as had Bismarck. Leo also smiled brightly, and quickly hopped to his satchel, and took the deck of cards.

"Pass me the threes and the fives." Leo said after what seemed to be an eternity.

"Don't do it, Brother Leo." Bismarck pleaded.

His response was a knowing grin.

"Too late."

I wordlessly passed him both triplets while giving him the stink eye, which Leo took in stride as he made his move. He took the 3 and 5 of Spades from their respective spreads, replacing each with his own 3 of Diamonds and 5 of Hearts, then using the separated ones to make his straight flush going all the way from the 2 up to the 6, all in Spades.

"Goddammit." Big Brother cursed, and followed with a sigh, which Bismarck also imitated.

"Language, Big Brother."

"Nyeh." He pulled his tongue out.

"Done." Leo pointed out haughtily.

"Pass." Bismarck blew at the bangs covering the right half of his face, and drew. His resigned look at his new addition didn't inspire confidence.

"No Jokers yet?" I asked aloud, and was answered with a wave of collective 'Nahs'. I focused between my hand and the playing field. Doesn't look too good.

So far there were a bunch of low-numbered sequences and a handful of three-of-a-kinds. We all had already covered the opening plays (set to a low-ish 15 to get into the mix-and-matching quickly, which was honestly our favorite part in Rummikub). Our main problem at the moment was that we were missing a bunch of middle numbers, and if my suspicions were right, we all had dead cards in the form of Jacks, Queens and Kings.

"Come on, I swear you're holding onto them." Big Brother says half-accusing, half-joking.

At least he looks better now.

"Rather than worrying about my hand, worry about your dead draws first, Brother. " Leo disarmed him with cold facts and logic. "Or do I need to remind you that there are no nines on play yet?"

"Hey shut it, anyone can confuse a six and a nine!" He defended gracelessly.

"Yeah, suuuuuure." Leo rubbed the salt further.

"Sheesh, let me think in peace." I butted in, trying to fit this card of mine along the spreads in play.

"We're still missing some sixes and there are no eights yet, Big Sister Azura." Bismarck pointed out quietly. "That seven of yours is not coming down anytime soon."

Humph! I ignored him.

"Come on, pass already, Azura. It's clear you got nothing." Big Brother poked without honor.

I sighed in defeat. "Might as well just drop this rather than drawing I guess."

I broke off Leo's flush in half, adding a 4 of Spades of my own to create two smaller ones in place, going from 2 up to 4, and a 4 up to 6 respectively.

"That's all from me."

"Keep burning the sixes for me, will you? Pass." Big Brother complained again. That 9 of Spades will be the end of him, I swear. His last addition wasn't good at all either, I just know.

"Urk." Leo grunted, and nervously scanned the field. In the end, he sighed, and dropped a 7 of Spades on the flush.

"Oh, you cheeky jerk." Big Brother laughed. Of course Leo would do something like that to avoid drawing.

"Don't you dare play that eight, Bismarck." Leo warned. Bismarck gave him a blank, unamused look and played it anyway, further extending the flush. "Why you!"

"Thank you." I took the opportunity to play my own nine of Spades.

"SON OF A WYVERN!" Big Brother tossed his cards onto the table, earning a laugh out of all of us. Leo laughed heartily, while Bismarck tried to save face by covering his mouth with his hand. "Dang, Azura, what an evil look! You really are Arete's daughter! I swear I'll get you next time! Mark my words! My vengeance will be terrible!"

He drew with copious amounts of indignation.

"Not as terrible as your luck." Bismarck whispered under his breath, which only furthered Leo's laughter and caused my grin to widen even further.

"I swear this is National bully Ignis day!"

The rest of the turns passed on quickly. As soon as the three of us got that 9 in place, the game picked up tremendously. It wouldn't be long until curfew, and we had managed 3 full games, with the scoreboard showing a single win for Bismarck and two for Leo. Neither Big Brother nor I had won any games yet, but I had at least blocked him a few times from doing big plays.

The infirmary would have been mildly dark if not for the candles Bismarck had so graciously lighted for us, and we had a much better atmosphere in this otherwise somber room filled with odd smells from the bottles of ointments and medicines. For the better, we had left the conversation from earlier alone, though we had wordlessly agreed that we'd keep near Big Brother until either we were fetched and forced back to our rooms, or Eldest Brother Xander came to talk with him. Otherwise Big Brother would be spending the night here.

Eventually, the maids came to fetch us, calling for dinner, and Big Brother finally managed to shoo me away, but not before he promised that he'd wait for me to come back with his dinner later. As we gathered our belongings, Big Brother quickly gathered the scattered cards and merged them together into one single deck.

He didn't order them carefully as he usually did… he just made a messy stack and placed it on the nightstand.

Big Brother is not okay. And yet… and yet I can't do anything about it. I know Big Brother is… different, from Xander, from me… surely from everyone else in this castle. Bismarck was right about everything, and I hate it.

I didn't catch up with my little brothers immediately, because I stayed behind for a few moments, spying, or "eavesdropping" on my Dumb Big Brother Ignis from the other side of the door, just like he usually did when he was being nosy. I didn't like that about him, but he wasn't wrong that people usually don't lie when they think they're alone.

I had to wait for a bit too long, but I eventually heard it. I heard Big Brother whimpering.

Something… something hurt, the kind that I haven't felt since… since that time, back when everything was fine… at home, my real home, back when we were happy. I don't like Nohr, I don't like Krakenburg. I miss the springs, the foggy skies, those green flying islands… I miss my friends, my cousins, my uncles and aunts… Not everything was good, but compared to this dark place, Valla was better, much better. It still feels like a dream, and I don't like thinking about it, I just get sad and something clogs my throat.

I know I can't go back. There is no place for Mother and me to return to. Everything was destroyed by Anankos, and now we can't even speak of it, because we'll turn into water if we do. Mother was honest too, she said that Nohr would be difficult, that she didn't know how long we'd have to stay, that I would need to be strong in this place, that she couldn't protect me at all times…

That I should be ready to move on my own at any time. Alone.

I hate this place. I hate Nohr, I hate the King, I hate those bad women who are always giving me scary looks… I hate that my "siblings" are so scary too. I try to be brave, like Mother told me, to hide how scared I am, and though it's hard, I think I've managed to do good, but I still don't like it.

Bismarck, Leo and Big Brother Ignis are an exception though. They play with me all the time, and even though I know I'm mean sometimes, Big Brother Ignis lets me say what is on my mind, and even if Leo is a big time bookworm (Big Brother says 'nerd', whatever that means) and Bismarck cries too much, I… I really like being around them, so much so that I don't think I'd like being separated from them. The rest of our big brothers and sisters… Well… it's a bit harder. I like Big Sis Lorraine, she's very smart, but not like Leo, she's smarter with people than with books, I guess…? Even though I know she doesn't like me much, I still think it's horrible what happened to her.

I thought Elder Sister Camilla might become a bit nicer now that Lorraine was hurt, but that doesn't seem likely even now. Big Brother Ignis is hurt because of her, after all. I thought she had been honestly sad when Lorraine was hurt, I thought that maybe, Elder Sister Camilla wasn't that much different from Big Brother in the end, but… was I wrong?

At the end… we're not really family? What am I even doing here?

My hands hurt from clenching so hard.

I don't care what her problem is, I don't like when she hurts Dumb Big Brother, even if he deserves it most of the time. I don't like how Big Brother keeps following Eldest Brother Xander around either.

'Debating' how to help Big Sister Lorraine? What does that even mean?

I've learned that I do not truly know anything. Even back home, mother always kept secrets from me, from everyone. We watched the castle fall as we left our home, and even now, I don't truly know everything.

Will anything change if I were to ask mother about it? Would she even tell me? Sometimes I feel that even though he says otherwise… that at the end of the day, Big Brother doesn't really trust us. And yet, I feel bad too, because I can't tell him either.

Though I was called by a maid to stop dallying, these thoughts remained with me, even as I left my brother's side. Big Brother often said that sometimes the best thing we can do in a bad situation is to just don't think about it and move on.

Yet, why does it feel so wrong now?