Track 14: Supporting Me
Something eerie stirred me awake from my torpor. I willed my eyes open… and found that I couldn't do so; after a moment of struggling, I also found that my throat was being blocked somehow and my arms weren't responding to any commands, and as soon as I managed to make some sense of my body while still being covered under the combined blankets of the darkness of the night and my own closed eyelids, something glacial ran through my veins and bones. Not for a lack of trying, I managed to open my mouth just a little, but my throat didn't cooperate, as rather than words, my voice came in the form of a guttural moan. I hadn't rested at all, having been plagued by increasingly nonsensical and ensnaring thoughts that carried over into my dreamless sleep.
Something was speaking to me, but I couldn't make any sense of it, as my mind was bursting to the limit with combined, disjointed, overbearing thoughts – no, screams of all types. Screams about Xander, about Arete, about Camilla, about Anankos, about Garon, about the upcoming war, about Lorraine, about Azura, about myself – there was no order to anything whatsoever. The racing thoughts and ideas clashed one against another in a torrential stream that I could only struggle against… and fail. I didn't know if the voice was mine. I tried to make form of my surroundings, but there was nothing but darkness to greet me.
Something within those shadows took form. I couldn't quite place it, but just knowing it was there filled me with a sense of pure, unadulterated terror, and yet I had no voice, no strength, no arms nor will to face it head on. It was impossible to try and do so. The amorphous form stared with blinded eyes, and approached- no dragged itself in my direction … or was it that I was walking towards it? Within the ebony void, I couldn't tell.
Yet I tried to run.
I couldn't make any of this stop, as the voices grew louder and louder within this maelstrom of thoughts… and something else crawled within me in a cacophony of things coming together, mixing together yet not coming together, in a jumbled mess, burning into stillness, into an abyss of faces, of names, of smells, of sensations, ofimagesrecollectionshabitsideasreflexesexperiencesticsinstinctsthoughtsardorfeelings-
I couldn't make any of this stop. The amorphous blob drew closer.
Yet I tried to run.
Strife. Admiration. Depression. Warmth. Desire. Admonishment. Solitude.
I couldn't make any of these thoughts stop.
The silhouette kept coming closer.
I wasn't running fast enough.
Frustration. Disappointment. Shame. Anger.
Brother… No… Please don't look at me like that!
I couldn't run away from the unknown form.
So much anger.
Contempt. Pity. Shame. Apathy. Wrath.
Mother… who…?
MAKE THESE THOUGHTS STOP!
The bony hand grasped me, and pulled.
My eyes jolted open, though my body didn't react immediately, leaving me with a scrambled mind, a rushing heart and jagged breath. Due of the darkness of the room, the first thing that came to me was the acrid smell of sweat, which soon enough I linked to my hyperventilating self, though not for a lack of trying. Lo and behold, I was caked in it, and there was very little light to help me make sense of anything else. The candle had extinguished – surely a long time ago, the curtains were closed, and there was but a faint glow from the mockery of Nohr's moonlight to help me through, which might as well have not been present. I could barely make sense of where I was amidst the almost pitch-black room.
I ran my palm through my forehead and down my face, unsurprised by the thick sheet of sweat that painted it, alongside a hauntingly familiar back pain that often plagued me in the mornings after nights like these. I didn't feel rested, as this was the latest out of 3 or 4 times I had awoken during the course of my stay in the infirmary since last night.
Xander hadn't come, and I felt a combination of relief, anxiety, tension and soul crushing disappointment all at once. While I knew I had to do this, a part of me still hesitated; I knew I had already put a foot into the fire and I couldn't come back, and to make matters worse, I had also pulled Xander to the edge of it as well; as much as I'd like to deny so, I didn't really understand the scope of the fire either, and I would most likely be burned to death before I did so.
I lied in the bed for an unknown amount of time. It could have been minutes or hours for all I knew as I continued to be assaulted by increasingly erratic thoughts. Parts of my nightmares were still present in my head, as my imagination was mainly assaulted by the image of that something that had been chasing me. Though I had managed to yank myself awake, I had learned throughout the course of my time here that good sleep was one of the luxuries I did not have, that I did not deserve. Add to that the current situation and it's a wonder I haven't snapped yet… or perhaps I did already and haven't noticed? The only thing I know for real is that it's been… years ever since I had a night's rest.
No time to dwell on that, though. My body was still heavy, and my muscles and bones protested from the healing from yesterday, but I managed to pull myself up somehow, otherwise I would lie awake in the dark, trapped within a maze of my own making. Like a puppet with cut strings, I stood up… and immediately fell to the ground, because my legs gave up on me. I cursed to the void and grabbed onto the bed to slowly stand up using it as support, because my body just did not listen to me.
"Xander… I need to see Xander…"
My knees protested the most once I managed to prop myself on them and after that it was a matter of forcing my weight upon one leg… then the other… My left shoulder gave the loudest complaints once I started stressing it, being that I had impacted on it when I fell. To lessen the burden if only a bit, I decided to loosen Azura's bandages to give me some circulation.
Bad idea, the exposed skin stung. I had no shirt, so my arms and chest immediately protested when the cloth left me.
And yet, I moved forward. With heavy steps, I rose from the ground, and with equally heavy breaths, I managed to prop myself at a wall. I had to lie against it for a few minutes too.
After perhaps too long, I decided to move. I clenched my right hand into a fist, then extended my fingers again as I ran magical power through it.
"T-torch." I willed a wisp of ghastly fire to come to life, only to flicker and die immediately afterward, as I didn't have enough energy or the calm to manage even that. I tried once more, yet I never managed to make it remain, leaving me with shrouded in the dark. Fighting against the frustration and lack of results, I decided to move even without light, propped against the wall for support all the while.
"Brother, please…"
Everything felt- no, WAS wrong.
I lurched a bit when reaching for the handle of the door. I still needed the wall to keep myself standing, and in just the instant I stopped leaning on it to open the door, I felt absolutely sick.
I don't know how I managed after that; I only remember crawling along darkened corridors and skulking in the shadows as I made way through a place that by all means should have been familiar in some measure, yet felt like an endless maze. Turns, returns, intersections, doors and more flew past as my legs carried me.
The wind was the only thing that I could trust, though it wasn't much help either… I remember that even though I couldn't see worth a damn, the sound of the wind rattling against the glass windows, as well the gusts blowing throughout the castle's interior were the only things that let me know I was advancing… and even then, I was still rattled, for my ears rang at every single step. Like a thousand insects screeching alongside the night, static filled the wind and dizzied me at every step.
As before, I don't know how much time had passed. One door, two doors, ten doors, one hallways, any hallways, everything looked the same to my hands, and I couldn't make a single thing in my blindness so I relied on the feeling of stone and carpet under my bare feet and the stone of the walls and wood of the doors in my hands to guide me. I… I didn't even really know if I was going in the correct direction. I was lost, lost and wandering, but I refused to give up. Coming across a hallway was hell, as leaving me with only my feet to guide me wasn't exactly pleasant, which is probably why I kept going in circles.
Yet eventually, something broke the already chaotic dissonance even further.
"Ufufu…"
A chilling, mocking laugh reached my ears, the one other thing I could still rely on… though I couldn't say the same about my voice, which never left my throat. I propped my back fully against the wall I was leaning in in an effort to protect myself. I was so dazed I couldn't really make sense of where the eerie laugh came from, nor did I have the state of mind to analyze it.
"What a sorry state you're in, Burning Prince."
The voice was distorted, so distorted and full of mocking mirth that I would have surely lashed out in any other circumstance. My heart sank when I felt whoever… or whatever was stalking me make rounds in my vicinity. My senses, though dulled, screamed at the danger this presence meant, and in my hysteria, my mind became full with something of my previous nightmares.
My voice cracked, and a pitiful moan not unlike a dying beast left my lips, but there were no words to it, just a deplorable cry of anguish and fear.
"A…Aaaaa…."
A familiar instinct, that of fight or flight, kicked in once more, but being the disgraceful scum of the earth that I was, the coward that I truly was, I remained frozen. No amount of training, no amount of alertness or preparedness meant squat in this situation, not to me, the most useless of the Nohrian siblings.
And then… the voice spoke again, right next to my ear: "Scared?"
Seconds stretched to infinity. I felt the air ready to rip. The one thing I noticed was the stench of blood on this person or thing that was next to me. Even if I couldn't identify who or what this was, I could practically feel the blood on them. My senses were in disarray, yet, I know with every fiber of my being, that this was someone who absolutely wanted and could hurt me.
"You should be."
I scurried against the door I had been sliding towards, opened it, and ran. Without direction, without care, I just wanted get the fuck out of there. I sought the light, and I didn't care what I had to do to leave this blasted blindness away. I tripped who knows how many times against obstacles I couldn't see, and each time, without fail, with an energy I didn't know I had within my already exhausted self, I ran with everything I had and more. I crashed against walls, I tripped against walls, I opened doors without a care, and just kept moving onward.
To this day, I don't know if I ran for minutes or hours. And the worst part is that I refused to lose consciousness, though even my adrenaline rush was starting to wear off. I ran, ran and ran, still like a headless, blind chicken, still without destination, still with neither quarter nor a place to hide.
But like everything in life, even that came to an end. My senses were finally washed by the familiar dense and cold air from the castle's exterior that invaded my lungs. I tripped against what I supposed was a short flight of stairs, and fell down to whatever outside part of Krakenburg I was in, and after that, I couldn't rise anymore, for my left knee cried in protest and wouldn't rise anymore, it wouldn't respond anymore, and no matter how hard I tried to move it, it ached with mind-numbing pain.
So I dragged myself on the ground, crying, defeated and miserable.
"My oh my…" The same distorted voice reached me once more eventually. In other circumstances, I would have realized that the voice was exasperated and no longer completely calm like before, but at that moment, I didn't care about anything other than my own survival. I knew that I was about to die.
"I'll give you this, brat." The voice said irritably. "You've been a cunning one, very much so, a thorn in the side for many years for my lady and her noble goals. Consider this your first and last warning: Stop all your cute little plans, and you won't have to die, and neither will any of your 'brothers' and 'sisters'." It said the last words with particular distaste.
A silver flash released me from the darkness alongside a sharp pain. The world went still for a second once my eyes finally saw the dark skies of Krakenburg slowly give way to our mockery of sunrise. The first thing I saw were the smoggy dark clouds of the night sky, product of the furnaces that littered Krakenburg and Windmire to keep ourselves warm, and behind those dense smokes, I could see a pale gold light attempting to pierce through. There were rarely any stars in Krakenburgs's sky; the Windmire and Castle were constructed in a crater of sorts, and any and all light we had, if ever, was minimal.
My eyes then slowly went to the gleaming silver right next to me, which I eventually identified as a silver dagger embedded rather harshly in the ground, mere inches away from having taken my head, and instead, my cheek was grazed and bleeding from it. The next thing I did was veer down, and right at the broken door I had blasted through, was a figure smiling cruelly under their cloak.
With a leap I hadn't known was possible, the figure leaped easily towards my direction, and soon enough, it was over me. The figure hunched over, covering me like a shadow, and I heard him or her giggle. My heart ran cold when the figure extended its arm towards me, rubbing their thumb on my cheek, then grabbing the dagger next to me.
"You and I meeting once more is within your own hands, Burning Prince." The figure said, and though the voice wasn't distorted anymore, it wasn't anyone I recognized.
Then, whoever that bastard was, gave me a mighty backslap, and I passed away.
The next time I awakened, I was groggy like I had been put against a team-vs-1 featuring Xander, Norbert, Gunther, Bernard and Camilla, in which I was a 1-man stand. I was completely thrashed, tired, beaten and miserable, and though I didn't register it immediately, I was numb as well. Like one of those really bad Monday mornings, my body protested when I attempted to move.
"Don't move." A familiar voice said. I managed to open a single left eye, as the right half of my face was covered in bandages.
I saw Azura once more. She looked completely thrashed as well. She was pale, her long locks of hair were in disarray, with dark bags under her eyes, and she looked like she hadn't slept or eaten in days. I stirred a bit even though she told me not to, and my body protested once more.
God, I'm being beaten around like a ragdoll these days too much, on and off training. The pain subsided eventually, and soon after I scanned my surroundings once more. I identified the room I was in as Azura's.
"W-Water…" I pleaded. Azura's eyes lit up immediately, and I heard a crash soon after. Though it hurt to even turn my head, it didn't take too long to see that Azura's room was a complete and utter mess. Bedsheets, clothes and more lied all over, as did staves and more infirmary stuff I would expect to see in the infirmary. Upon inspecting the farther ends of the room, I found that the door was barricaded chaotically with furniture including her desk, chair and… her closet!?
The small girl frantically sought something in the room, which I couldn't really make sense off. She muttered curses under her breath as she turned and upturned all manner of things from dresses to bandages to empty flasks. She eventually stopped, and for a couple seconds lied completely still. Soon after she muttered something to herself and harshly kicked something metallic back under her bed.
With a focus I rarely saw on her face, she took a single empty glass bottle and placed it on the night still. She stared at the flask so hard she almost broke it, but eventually steeled herself for something. Azura then breathed harshly and extended her palms over the glass, keeping them close together, and I felt the air shift. Clear water came to life from somewhere I did not know, and it poured onto the glass sloppily, though it eventually overflowed, causing her to break focus in a mild panic. She didn't miss a beat and offered it to me.
"What the…?"
"Just drink it." She said abashedly. I did down it in one go, for it was a minuscule amount of water.
"What is going on…?" I managed to ask. "Are we locked in your room?"
She didn't bother answering, so I instead tried to move, and found that my left leg ached immensely.
"D-don't move I said!" Azura whimpered. "Your knee was broken!"
Say what.
Azura then fidgeted, nervously looking from one place to another.
"What do I do? What do I do?" She repeated frantically.
"Azura, what's going on?" I asked slowly.
"Oh Gods. Oh Gods. I need to tell mother… but I can't just-"
"Azura, look at me!" I yanked her by the arm, perhaps a bit too forcefully, though it did serve to make her react.
Tears finally welled in her eyes, and she broke like a dam. She threw herself on me, embracing me with all her strength.
"Brother! Big Brother!" She sobbed again and again as she clung for dear life. She tried to talk, but between cries and clear snot, I couldn't make any sense of what she was saying. But I could sense the distress in her voice. Amidst her crying, I could repeatedly make out 'Norbert', 'Camilla' and 'gone'.
"Azura, you're worrying me! What's going on!?" I took her by the shoulders and pulled her away from me. Despair like none I've seen before colored her from up to down.
"B-B-Buh-B-Buh-" She kept babbling, her head erratically turned up and down, and with a terrified look, she finally faced me.
"B-B-Big Sis Camilla… she…" Her voice faltered, and my heart sank. "S-s-she killed Norbert's mother!"
...What!?
Author's note: Not quite dead yet. Shoutouts to the fellas at the Book of Naga, SI Smackdown 2019 and Fictendo Treehouse Discord servers! Seeing them do great work and knowing that I still get some follows at this crapsack work keeps me motivated, though I know that consistency is like, not in my curriculum whatsoever. Special shoutouts to DestructionDragon360 for helping out with the sidechapter!
I usually hang around at the FT, so feel free to drop by: / 9XG3U7a