god i hate myself
'Sup guys? I was planning to upload this chapter sooner, but when I checked my email, I saw that I had, you guessed it, a flame. Actually, it really wasn't a flame, more like constructive criticism. But none of the less, here's what that person said:
Guest: You said there were feels, but honestly Kiki is such an unlikable character to me that it just seemed irrelevant to even care about her crying. But aside from that, I'll give a short, proper review. The story is very fast paced- almost too much so; it makes it veey difficult to really care or understand anything that's going on. I understand Hetalia episodes are short, but the 'episodes' here seem to be over after just a few words. And also, the whole bit about the period seemed very offensive to me- like it was exaggerated to the point where you actually wantes to offend anyone with a vagina.
I see what you're getting at. Actually, you kind of explained why this story has been my top priority lately; I kind of just wanted to get it over and done with. Don't get me wrong, I love this story (IT'S MAH PRIDE AND JOY), but it was just a thing that I wrote when I was bored almost a year ago. I kind of just wanted to continue it because I got some pretty positive reviews on it, and I came up with an entire plot in a short amount of time. I can see why Kiki's a pretty unlikable character, but I kind of designed her that way. She's supposed to be based of me in some way, because I'm a pretty unlikable person. I'm bisexual, atheist, perverted, and, well, so on. I'm disliked by many people, so... well, yeah. And I was afraid of the latest chapter offending someone. That's why I postponed it for a while. And when I decided not to be a pussy and post it, I put a warning at the beginning of the chapter stating that some topics in the chapter would be uncomfortable to some people. And the whole bit about Kiki's premenstrual syndrome wasn't really over-exaggerated. Sure, I might of added a couple things to please those with a different sense of humor, but premenstrual syndrome is actually a real thing women go through (Am I right, ladies?). And I wrote this story for humorous purposes. Not to offend people. And with the episodes beginning fast paced, it's pretty difficult for me to get every single event in the episode. With Hetalia, weird shit keeps coming one after another.
Well, with that out of the way, here's the next chapter.
WARNING: THIS CHAPTER MAY BE TRIGGERING FOR SOME PEOPLE. VIEWER DISCRETION ADVISED.
Reviewer Replies
writersoftheuniverse: I know, right? I wanted to make my story unique, not afraid to touch on uncomfortable topics, adding some humor to shove away the uncomfortable shit.
KimiCapucciny: WHOOP WHOOP. I know, right? (periods suck uGH) You got that right, poor Axis... XD Thanks so much!
Midnightsalem: THEY SURE ARE FUCKED. I'M JUST GLAD I'M NOT AROUND THE LIL BITCH. IT'S A MIRACLE oMFG. Well, happy, uh, whatever-age-you-are birthday! :D
Disclaimer: OMFG I DON'T OWN HETALIA WHY DO I NEED TO KEEP CLARIFYING THIS oh yeah i dont wanna get sued right
. . .
Japan let me stay with him that night. I told him he didn't have to do that, but he insisted.
After we got to his house, which I had been to numerous times over the past few months, he showed me to his spare room.
We didn't talk much after that.
After a while I started wandering around, being the nosy bitch I am, but I waited until Japan was asleep first. I'm not that stupid.
Turns out Japan is a heavy sleeper.
After wandering around for a bit I found Japan's study. What the hell, YOLO right? I walked in the study and decided to fuck some shit up. Well, not really. On the desk I saw a huge ass health book bookmarked at a chapter about menstruation. I raised an eyebrow. The fuck?
"Not even gonna question it..." I said.
I left the study, doing my best not to trip on something. I sighed, taking my hair out of my ponytail. I've been so stressed out lately; with this "mission," this Hetalia thing, just... fuck. Sometimes I wish this is all a bad dream.
I'll just come out and say it: I have trust issues. It takes a lot to earn my trust, and I'm extremely cruel to those I don't trust. You probably noticed that by now. Don't get me wrong, I love the Axis, but I feel like I can't completely trust them yet.
I kept walking around Japan's house, absentmindedly picking up random things. I eventually found a bookcase. I searched through it, looking for something to read. I took a book out, but one fell out just as I did. It hit the floor with a large bam, making my eyes widen.
"Shit!" I whisper-shouted. I picked up the book, about to put it back when I noticed something shoved to the back of the bookcase. I reached back and grabbed it, putting the book back in its place. The item was a worn, leather-bound book with a broken latch on it. I raised an eyebrow. Looks like a freakin' diary...
I opened it, looking in awe at the beautiful manuscript. Oh. It is a diary. I flipped through it, stopping at one of the most recent entries.
The Axis are at war with the Allies. Luckily, I'm prepared for another war. Germany contacted me yesterday, asking to ally with him and Italy. I reluctantly agreed. I could use the power, after all. Especially in a situation like this.
Ah, so its Japan's, I thought. I felt bad going through his private journal, but my curiosity got the better of me. I flipped to the next entry.
Italy and Germany came over today to sign the contract. I was hesitant to allow Italy to sign, due to his nature, but Germany reassured me, saying he was a good ally.
I snickered. Why the fuck you lying, Germany? I kept reading.
They also brought a female girl with them.
I blinked, feeling nervous because he was talking about me.
When I first saw her, I was confused. What was she doing here? I wondered. I asked her who she was, making her look at me with wide eyes, like she had seen me from somewhere. She replied in Japanese that she was with Germany and Italy. I was quite surprised that she knew fluent Japanese. It took me a bit, but it wasn't hard to see that she had some Asian origins, along with something I couldn't put my finger on.
I narrowed my eyes in confusion. What? I'm not Asian, though...
But, what was most shocking about her, is that she reminded me of Amaya...
Amaya? I read over that line again in confusion, wondering who this "Amaya" person was. I read through a couple more entries, until the most recent one made my blood run cold.
I decided to take her in. I don't know what came over me when I did it. I can't just pity her, and it can't be because she made me think of Amaya. I felt some sort of... sympathy towards her. I've been in her shoes before. She had no one; neither did I.
I felt my eyes water when I read the next line.
WHY DID SHE HAVE TO LEAVE ME?!
Stains littered the page, which I could tell were from water, most likely from tears. I closed the journal, since I couldn't bring myself to read anymore. I put the journal back on the shelf, wiping away my tears.
I... I don't understand...
"...Aphrodite-san...?"
. . .
I turned around, seeing the man that made me want to cry all over again. He looked at me with sadness and shock in his eyes.
"What were you reading?" he asked.
I held back my already-forming tears and handed him the journal. His eyes widened, taking it. I lowered my gaze to the floor, unable to look him in the eye.
"I know about Amaya," I muttered loud enough for him to hear.
He stayed silent for a moment, before sighing. I looked up at him.
"Come," he said.
. . .
Japan led me to the living room, while he left, saying he was going to make some tea. I sat at the kotatsu, staring at my lap. Japan came back a few minutes later with tea. He handed me a cup. I muttered a "thank you" as he took his tea, sitting across from me.
We sipped our tea in silence for a few moments before he suddenly said, "I guess I owe you an expranation."
I stared at him with wide eyes for a moment. "You don't have to do that..."
"Īe, it's quite arright," he paused for a moment.
"You are aware that countries have past rifes, correct?" he asked.
I nodded.
"My past rife was in an early dynasty of Japan," he started. "I was born into a wearthy famiry. I was quite handsome as a young man, and I was desired my many women. My famiry constantry harassed me to find a wife and get married. I decrined every woman who asked for my hand in marriage. I was not interested in a rerationship rike that. Until one day."
He put his tea down, hesitating for a moment. I could tell he was trying to keep himself together.
"I met a person who was very speciarl to me. Her name was Amaya."
...Oh.
"She was a virrager, and came from a poor famiry. But I didn't care. She was beautifurl, and I roved everything about her," he lowered his head, his bangs covering his eyes. "We had an affair, and kept it a secret from our famiries. She even gave her virginity to me..."
My eyes widened. In Japan, most people are taught that the most pure part of a woman was her virginity. If a woman gave a man her virginity, it meant she trusted and put her faith in him, and it was the greatest achievement for a man to take a woman's virginity.
"We herld the affair for a while," he sniffled. I didn't notice that he was crying. "Until my famiry found out about it."
Oh shit...
"They were furious. Both of us were sentenced to death," he wiped his tears away with the palm of his hand. "I am sorry..."
"It's fine," I replied. "You don't have to continue if you don't―"
"No," he interrupted, which was unlike him. "It's arright."
He took a deep breath, and exhaled. "They made me watch the woman I rove be kirrled right in front of me..." He paused. "Then they kirrled me too."
I was frozen in my seat, my blood boiling. Why would you kill a person just because of love?!
"That is the truth, I suppose..." he said quietly.
I put my tea down, which I was holding this entire time. "I'm sorry, Japan."
He lifted his head, and gave me a confused look.
"This is my fault. If I hadn't read your journal, you wouldn't have been pressured to tell me your past life. And I could tell you didn't want to remember it at all," I said.
"It's arrigh―"
"NO, IT'S NOT!" I shouted, surprising him. My vision was blurry, and I was on the verge of crying. "Stop saying that, Japan! I can tell this bothers you! AND I KNOW BECAUSE I'VE BEEN IN A SITUATION LIKE THIS!"
He stared at me, eyes wide. I calmed myself and took a deep breath. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have shouted like that."
Before he could say anything, I said, "Don't apologize. This is my fault."
We sat in silence for a few moments.
"I guess I owe you a story, too," I said.
"What do you mean?" he asked.
"You told me something that most people would keep secret, so I owe you a secret, too." I took a deep breath, ready for what awaited me.
. . .
Two years ago
I walked into my classroom, keeping my head down to avoid the curious and judgemental stares.
"We have a new student joining us, class," the teacher announced.
She leaned down to reach my level. "What's your name, dear?"
"A-Aphrodite Johnson..." I stuttered.
A couple of students snickered. I wasn't sure if it was because of my name, or my obvious nervousness.
"Be sure to be nice to Aphrodite, everyone," the teacher said, getting up to face the class. She pointed to a desk in the corner. "You can sit over there, Aphrodite."
I walked over to the desk, avoiding the gaze of the students. I sat down, and the teacher began her lesson. I just fiddled with the Danganronpa keychain on my bag.
. . .
"Your name is Aphrodite, right?"
I turned around and saw a girl with shoulder-length black hair and brown eyes staring back at me.
"Um... y-yes..." I said.
She waved. "Hi! I'm Makoto Mei, but you can call me Mei, Aphrodite-san!"
I blinked at her enthusiasm. "Okay..."
"Do you want to sit with me and my friends at lunch, Aphrodite-san?"
I smiled. I finally made a friend... "Sure."
"Yay!"
. . .
Mei and I became fast friends. We did almost everything together. We mostly talked about pointless things. She tended to talk about boys a lot, which I had no interest in at the time.
"Dai is SO cute!" she gushed. She and I were laying on her bed. She turned to me. "Aphrodite-san, do you like anyone?"
I shook my head.
"Why?" she asked.
"I don't think I'd be desired by anyone. There are tons of pretty girls in our class, and I'm definitely not one of them. I'm insecure about everything, especially my weight."
Mei made a 'hmm' noise, and smiled in understanding. "It's okay, Aphrodite-san. I understand. But don't worry, I'm sure you'll find someone cute one day!"
I smiled. I felt like I could trust Mei with anything.
I was wrong.
. . .
I walked to my locker, keeping my gaze on the ground, because I was socially awkward. (Quick A/N: #relatable) When I reached my locker, I looked up, my eyes widening at what I saw.
There were multiple words written on my locker in black permanent marker.
FAT
UGLY
COW
PIG
HORSE FACE
TRASH
I heard laughing behind me. I turned around to see a huge crowd of people surrounding me, with Mei in the middle of it.
"Mei...?" I whispered.
Mei laughed and pointed at me. "Aw look, she's crying!"
The crowd sent more hurtful words my way, while I cowered in front of my locker.
. . .
"Honey, do you want something to eat?" Mom asked me as I walked through the door.
"No, I'm fine," I answered, walking upstairs to my room.
I was going to be accepted.
. . .
I held my head above the towel bowl, vomiting once again, the sound of running water from the sink in the background.
I was going to be accepted.
. . .
I held my head down as they sent more curses my way. It didn't even bother me anymore.
Suddenly, it felt as if my body gave out, and my vision went black.
The yell of a girl was the last thing I heard.
"HEY LEAVE HER ALONE!"
. . .
I woke up a few hours later with an IV in my arm and a girl sitting next to me.
"Where am I?" I asked. My voice was hoarse.
"You're at the hospital," the girl answered. I recognized her voice as the yell I heard before I past out. "You almost went into cardiac arrest. Luckily, I was able to get a teacher before that could happen."
"...T-thank you..." I said.
"Don't mention it," she said with a smile. "By the way, what's your name?"
"Aphrodite Johnson," I answered.
"Pretty," she said. "I'm Fujito Sakaë."
. . .
Japan stared at me, shock written all over his face. I suddenly felt self-conscious.
"...You were anorexic...?" he asked.
I nodded.
"That is awfurl," he said. "Mei shourldn't have done that to you. None of that is true, Aphrodite-san. You are beautiful," he said. His eyes widened, realizing what he said, a light blush staining his features.
"Oh. Um, thanks," I said, blushing lightly.
"Actually, I was wondering," I said, catching his attention. "What part of me reminded you of Amaya?"
"You rook a rot rike her," he answered, blushing again. "And your personarity reminds me of her, too. She was rude and harsh when we first met, but she grew fond of me, and you are the kind of person who can't find trust in someone easiry."
Damn. He's right.
"Well," I said, "I guess you learn something new everyday, huh?"
He smiled. "Yes, you do."
. . .
AW FUCK *clutches heart* RIGHT IN THE FEELS
Welp. Looks like I better get prepared to die. sorrynotsorry
That's actually the most I've written in a while. Jesus.
10 points if you get the "horse face" reference.
After this chapter, I'm picking up where I left off on in the episodes. Don't worry, guys.
Damn, this fic is approaching its one-year anniversary! *le gasp* Kinda sad I only have nine chapters out...
I was thinking, maybe I can make an omake chapter around the time of the anniversary? Or a contest? I'll probably so the omake chapter, but maybe the contest if you guys want it?
Send me some questions if you want for the omake chapter. You can either PM me, or leave it in a review. It doesn't have to be just for me! (heh that rhymed) Send me some for the Axis, Kiki, and even the other OCs! (Sorry Allies fans. ;~;)
And if you want a contest, I'll start a poll on my profile.
Anyway, peace!