Buck lay on his side letting the raindrops pelt his face; he had called for help until he no longer had a voice, his throat was raw and scratchy, and his head still pounded heavily from the concussion. He had not wanted to admit it but he had given up, the sun had faded hours ago and no one knew he was there. He looked over to Madison who lay pale and almost motionless beside him. He snaked his arm out from under him and reached for her, her hand was ice, most likely from the blood flow. He had tried everything he could, but he wasn't going to be able to save her. She had fallen asleep almost immediately after she asked him to say goodbye to Annie; he had pleaded for her to wake up, but it fell on deaf ears.
"I'm sorry," he mouthed, tears falling down his cheek as he squeezed her hand. His fingers rest on her wrist, he could feel a fading pulse, she was still alive but not for long. This was his fault wasn't it? He had been the one that made them both falls, he didn't try to get back up and find help, instead he just prolonged her from dying. He had failed her and a lot of others. His team, he failed them at loyalty and trust, he would kick himself for that until his dying breath. Bobby the father figure. Hen the mother hen, chimney a loyal and caring friend and then Eddie, his rival turned best friend. All of them, he had failed all of them but those weren't who he regretted the most… he regretted letting down Maddie. She had cared for him since birth, through two injuries and the depression he felt everyday when he was told he couldn't come back. He didn't tell her how much she meant to him, how much she inspired him and how she was the only family he could count on. He cringed at the thought of her worry and how when they did find him how it would destroy her.
He looked towards the sky only to have his vision cut off by the rain, it hadn't let up and he worried that a mudslide would sweep Madison and him away and no one would ever find them. He could feel himself fading out, he was freezing, his body trembled from the exposer to the rain drops, each one like a pin needle to his skin. His vision swirled and his head throbbing as well as his ribs. Should he just close his eyes here, there was no one coming now, it was far too bad for a rescue crew. A crack of thunder rumbled through the sky followed by a jagged bolt of lightning that light up the sky for a second, a trigger.
He was back in the water, he couldn't breath and he couldn't find Christopher. He was being whipped around in a whirlpool as he struggled to break to the surface, finally getting through he saw Chris. He tried to swim over but no matter how far he got, Christopher was getting farther away. He tried to call out to him, but nothing came out, it didn't stop him from hearing Christopher's cries for help. Buck threw his hand out trying to grab him, but a fire truck blew between them and when it cleared Christopher was gone. Another crack of thunder sent a chill through his spine as he was back to reality, laying on that ledge. He held Madison's had tightly, his fingers pressing harder into her wrist so that he had the reassurance of the very faint thump of her pulse.
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Maddie had prepared herself for a fight when they arrived at the Ranger station, after two hours sitting in a car, she had thought of everything to say to convince them to begin a search. She was surprised when they arrived, a Ranger waited for them just outside the car pass station. He told them he had two rangers out searching, despite what their boss said they were just as determined to find Buck and this other missing hiker. So now after splitting into groups, Maddie stood with Howie, Eddie and a ranger named Louis calling out to Buck hoping for an answer back. She shone her flashlight around into the dark, she felt hopeless with each passing moment, but she didn't let this stop her.
"Buck," She called, echoed by the voices of Howie, Eddie and Louis. She was cold and soaked through to the bone despite the poncho that they were given. She spit out the rainwater that filled her mouth every time she called out, wiping a few strands of hair that were plastered to her face.
"BUCK," each time she called seemed more despite than the last and it was just that way. She needed to hear him call back, needed to hear his voice and feel the relief. She had worried the whole ride over, a million scenarios running through her head on how they would find him or not find him. They made her feel sick, she wouldn't be surprised if by the end of this all she had an ulcer. She yanked her foot upward freeing it from the mud that was suctioning them all down, each step was like walking through molasses.
In the distance she heard Eddie call out again, he sounded as discouraged as her, his voice pleaded his friend to say something. She had started to think of what she was going to say to Buck when they found him, for sure she would give him he was a jerk, her worry about him almost always turned into a stern lecture. She imagined that some point in there she would soften up and probably cry if she had any tears left and tell him that she was worried sick and that if he ever did this again, she would kill him herself. She didn't think about the other possibility though it was weighing heavily in the way back of her mind threatening to pop up any moment. She shook the thoughts away and continued shining her flashlight over every inch in front of her. All she was hitting were trees and mud.
"Evan!" She didn't call him this often actually she hadn't called him that since he was in the hospital after getting his ankle crushed. She had been alone with him; Ali had left for a moment and it gave her a little alone time. She had told him while he was in his pain killer induced sleep that she loved him and that he was the only family she had and that she was so terrified when she saw him under that fire truck. She had told him that he was going to be okay and that there would be a long recovery, but he would be okay because she was going to be there every step of the way.
That was then this was now, she had tried so hard to be there, even when he had pushed her away. She had told herself that he was only pushing her away in frustration and that he needed this half tough love half supportive regiment. Then things got worse and she could see the depression sink its claws into him and that's when she kicked it up a notch, trying to get him up and about but the darkness was overpowering them both and she didn't know how to get him over it. She felt like an utter failure right at this moment, maybe she would have tried harder or maybe she shouldn't have suffocated him so much. She felt guilty for that but also for being so angry at him right now. He had run off and not told a soul where he was going, he just disappeared after making a decision that was obviously soul crushing to him. She was mad that it was almost 1:30 in the morning and she was calling for him and he wasn't answering. A crack of thundered roared angrily through the sky followed by clash of lightning that light up their surroundings with a great light. She used that moment to search around but all she saw were Eddie, and Howie doing the same.
"Evan," she cried in frustration, but her voice was drowned out by another clap of thunder.
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Buck clung to that pulse, he felt himself losing the battle to stay awake despite the constant rainfall nearly drowning him from its thick sheet. He wasn't in pain, or rather his body was too numb from the cold to feel it anymore. His eye lids were heavy, weighing too much to keep open for very much longer. As another streak of lightning light up the sky he felt almost a peace. He knew that he wasn't going to last much longer, and unlike earlier, he was now thinking about the impact he hoped he would leave with each and every one of his friends and his sister. He was remembering ever good moment, erasing the past few months from his mind.
He focused on the good; like Hen cracking jokes and her infectious laugh, Bobby trying to teach him how to cook and patient nature, Chimney and Maddie butchering karaoke classics and Eddie demolishing him at darts during a night out at the bar. He hoped they all stayed that happy, he hoped they never lost that sense of humor, patients, love and caring nature that he loved. He hoped that they didn't blame themselves for this because honestly it wasn't anyone's fault. This was a freak accident, all he wanted was to clear his head. All he wanted to do was get out for a little before explaining why he did what he did. He didn't expect to cross paths with Madison and he definitely didn't intend to die next to her in the middle of a downpour but here he was.
His eyes grew heavier letting him know that he couldn't fight it anymore. He pulled himself closer to Madison, finally letting go of her hand and instead wrapping her in his arms. He wanted her to feel that she wasn't alone in her final moments, and maybe he wanted to feel the same thing. Everything seemed to fade out around him; the feeling in his body, the patter of the rain and finally as his eyelids closed the world around him. He began to fade out but just before he could swear he hard from a distance the voice of his sister call for him.