Oceans Fair
Cole awakened with a hacking cough that set his ribs on fire. His throat felt dry despite the fact that he was actively expelling fluids from his lungs.
After wiping his mouth with the back of his hand, he tried to open his eyes. He succeeded in the second try. Morning sunlight filtered through a window across from his cot. Am I in the Black Bounty? he wondered. Why would the Overlord bring me here?
"Good morning, Cole," Zane's gentle voice broke the silence. "How do you feel?"
Cole painfully turned his head and blinked at Zane, who sat in a chair beside the bed. "Fine," he said with a grimace. His throat was raw and sore. It was hard to breathe. "Just fine, Zane. Help me up."
"No," Zane said. "You have a lung infection and several broken ribs. Stay put."
Cole would not listen. He sat up stubbornly and swung his legs over the side of the bed. He took a deep breath and exhaled. That was better.
When Zane tried to push him back down, he slapped him away. "I don't need to be babied," he said angrily. "Let me go. I'm hungry."
"I'll get you some food," Zane said. "Please lay back down."
"Make me," Cole snarled. He wasn't sure why he was feeling so ornery, but his behavior felt...justified, somehow. "Who else is here?" he asked as he stood dizzily.
"The entire team," Zane answered hesitantly. "Kai, Jay, Lloyd, and...the women."
This made Cole pause. "What women?" He asked.
Zane didn't meet his gaze. "Nya, Varasach, and Besai."
He was afraid of something. Cole could see it in his wavering blue eyes. He knew in an instant what the problem was.
"Where's Hagar?" he whispered.
Zane stood and shook his head. "She's...still on the island."
Cole swooned. He gripped the doorframe for support as an intense migraine exploded in his skull. No...
"I'm...sorry," Zane said. "It was difficult to keep track of everyone since the battle was so chaotic. We told her to meet us by the Bounty, but..." The broken expression on Cole's face forced him to stop. "I...I don't know what to say. You were so close to death, and the Overlord was threatening us-"
"It's okay," Cole murmured, eyes fixed on his scarred wrists. "You did what you had to do. Please leave me alone."
"But-"
"Leave. Find Varasach and send her in here." Cole's voice was firm and forcefully steady. Zane left the room, and Cole gently shut the door.
Hagar... Chedva.
Cole slumped to the floor, the grinding in his ribs a mere whisper beside the screams in his heart and mind. He had no doubt that Overlord would make good on his promise to kill Hagar and her child. So...that meant...
Emotions overwhelmed him. Tears obstructed his vision, and he started to shiver. This...this wasn't right. They couldn't be gone.
...Gone? No, not gone. Dead.
Dead. The word bounced around inside of Cole's head. No...not them.
"Cole?" Varasach's voice filled the silence. "Zane said that you wanted me?"
Cole cleared his throat and moved so that he was no longer blocking the door. "Come in," he said hoarsely.
The door opened, and Varasach stepped through, wearing an ankle-length dress that probably belonged to Nya. "You're awake," she said, shutting the door.
"Lock it," Cole ordered. "The key is on my dresser."
She obeyed.
"Come and sit," Cole said.
She sat next to him and felt his forehead. "Your fever is almost gone," she said. "I'm glad you finally woke up. I was worried. How do you feel?"
Cole did not reply. He stared at the far wall, suppressing an avalanche of thoughts and emotions that wanted so desperately to come to the surface. To make him scream, weep, beat something- or someone.
Varasach sighed and took his cold hand in hers. "I'm sorry," she said. "I...know how much you loved her."
Cole allowed her to stroke his bloodless hand.
"I never did see the baby. What was its name?"
A hesitation. "Chedva," Cole said finally.
"Which means...happy?"
"Joyous."
"Close enough," Varasach shrugged. "It's a pretty name. So it was a girl?"
"Yes."
"I bet she was cute."
He hated how Varasach said 'was' instead of 'is.'
She let go of his hand and reached for his tangled hair. "Can I comb it?" she asked. "It might help you relax."
Cole grunted.
"Thank you." She ran her fingers through his hair. "Whose eyes did the baby have?"
"Hagar's," Cole said. What was she doing, talking to him like this?
Varasach sighed. "Oh...I wish I could have seen her."
It hurt so much. More than his damage from the poison. More than his lungs. More than his cracked ribs which shielded a fragile heart of porcelain. He could feel it cracking. Pieces of shattered glass fell into his hands- or was that tears?
It hurts at first, he remembered the voice of a recently widowed woman he'd spoken to after playing his violin at an inn maybe four years ago. She had held a squirming toddler in her arms. But it eventually fades. Makes you stronger.
Mother. Father. Viola. Hagar. Chedva. Why did this pain remain instead of becoming dull?
After Varasach was finished combing his hair, she kissed his cheek. "Don't you have anything to say?"
"Come closer."
Varasach crawled onto his lap and rested her head on his chest. Cole wrapped his arms around her body and held her there.
Overlord had intended to break Cole further by replacing Hagar with Varasach, but it had the opposite effect. Vara was his little sister, and they looked out for each other with all the love that he had felt with Via.
To Cole's surprise, Varasach began to hum. It was a sad, slow tune in a minor key. Via's first composition.
"I never taught you that one," Cole said. "How did you learn it?"
"I heard you singing it a while ago," Varasach admitted. "But I don't remember the whole thing. Can you...teach it to me?"
"No."
"Why not?"
"It was Via's song. You can't sing it." He coughed, bringing up a mouthful of sputum from his lungs. Varasach stood and gave him a rag to spit in. "Get me a bottle of wine," he said, holding the rag to his mouth. "I'm thirsty."
Varasach pulled a half empty bottle out from under the bed. "We've been trying to mix it with water and make you drink for days," she explained. "So the bottle just stayed in here."
Cole snatched it from her and pulled the cork free. He tipped the bottle up and drank several large gulps before Varasach snatched it from him.
"Slow down," she said with a frown. "If you're that thirsty, I will get you some water."
Cole wrestled the bottle from her. "I'll do as I please," he snapped. "It'll dull my pain."
"What pain?" Varasach asked, suddenly concerned. "Should I send for Kai? He could give you something to-"
"I can handle that pain," Cole said between swallows. "It's the stuff in my heart that makes me want to kill myself."
Varasach fell silent, eyes on her feet.
Cole finished the bottle, then fell into a wonderfully numb stupor that left him not caring quite so much about Hagar and Chedva.
Because he was a coward, and cowards always run from their problems.
His one consolation was the song that he hummed as Varasach began to cry softly at his side. Via's song.
Between the banks, the river weaves
Running to the oceans fair
The trees retire, lay bare their leaves,
Running to the oceans fair
Look, how the moon reflects so soft
Running to the oceans fair
O'er splashing water, off shining rocks
Running to the oceans fair
It was a low and haunting tune with a soothing quality that soon put him to sleep.
But even in slumber, the lyrics kept playing.
A boat of twigs she builds for me
Running to the oceans fair
T'will sail to places we can't see
Running to the oceans fair
Where is it now, where has it gone?
Running to the oceans fair
Off to find the Western sun
Running to the oceans fair