Hey guys, I already gave this spiel in my other fic Not Alone, but I'm gonna put it here for you all as well. So, with everything going on all creativity and motivation to write has pretty much gone out the window. I live in New Mexico so we've been under a shelter-in-place for a couple weeks now and I've been out of work for even longer. At first I thought I'd use the time to write like crazy since I don't have anything else to do, but quickly found that as soon as I sit down to write I just can't. Then I realized that it's because this isn't normal free time, or a vacation of any sort. This is a lockdown, where tension is high and I'm constantly worried for family members and friends world-wide at risk for getting the virus. I've had to come to terms during this time that I'm most likely going to lose a few family members by the time this rolls over and for me family is the most important thing so that hurts.

Knowing this, I finally decided that I'm not the only one suffering right now, and just like I've been reading fics to escape during this time you guys are probably doing the same. So, I've decided to update at least one of my fics every week, even if I drag my feet every moment. It probably won't be the same fic each week, but hopefully this'll help with whatever you're experiencing right now. At this point I'm writing for you guys. Those of you already effected deeply by this, I'm sorry for what you're going through. Everyone reading this from your homes, scared for what's to come, just remember to do your best. Even if that means just getting up today. This one's for all of you. Covid-19 will not beat us.

Disclaimer: The usual

[o]

Chapter 6

Persona's smirk stayed firmly on his face when Natsume left the room in a rush. It stayed while there was no movement in the room frequented only by him, Kokutan, and the boy still quivering on his back. It stayed when the girl snapped out of whatever reverie she had been in. And it slowly widened as horror grew on her face at the realization of what she'd just done and left the room, running after her mentee.

All was going according to plan.

…

"Hyuuga!" I burst out the door leading outside and looked either way, but he was already out of sight. I grit my teeth, forcing my frantic mind to concentrate for a moment. Where would he have gone after a possibly traumatic experience?

Well duh. I rushed down the path leading to the dorm building. Because the only person he had supporting him right now was Nogi.

As my walking pace gradually turned to a full out sprint I bit my lip. What had I done? My jaw clenched, and I had to consciously keep myself from breaking the skin clenched between my teeth. What had I done?

It was all Persona's fault, of course. He knew that my Alice is feared by everyone, no matter the strength of their own Alices. He just wanted to remind me that even though I wasn't under his control, he could still ruin my life.

The dorm building came into view and I slowed my pace, quickly scrambling for something I'd say to him. Apologize? For what? I hadn't done anything to him, I'd just scared him. Tell him he was being ridiculous? Well he wasn't. My Alice isn't a nice thing to witness.

I slowed to a stop. What was I even doing here? I had no reason to feel bad for obeying Persona. As I'd told Hyuuga before, it's best not to go against Persona's orders. It's not my fault he had wimped out when I scared Nakamura. Sympathy gets you nowhere, especially while in the clutches of the Academy.

But even as I thought that I could still hear the middle schooler's screams echoing in my ears. I could still see the image of a woman – possibly his mother – hanging in the rafters from a noose. A shudder made its way down my spine and I found my resolve. Even if I didn't have any reason to apologize, I may as well figure out what was wrong. Yeah, I'd just play the part of the concerned mentor.

Having made up my mind, I made my way to the second star's room. The few kids wandering the halls scampered away as soon as they saw me, but I hardly even noticed anymore. When I made it to the room labeled "Nogi Ruka" with two stars beneath it, I lifted my fist and knocked before I could talk myself out of it.

The silence went stagnant as soon as the sharp cracking ended, and I tried to wait patiently while those inside made up their mind on whether to ignore me or not. Not that I'd let them ignore me if they chose to. Apparently they realized that, too, because the door finally opened.

It wasn't Hyuuga, but his light-haired sidekick.

"Go away." I raised an eyebrow, my heart sinking quickly. Hyuuga must've already explained some of the gym incident to him.

"The feeling's mutual. Where's Hyuuga?"

"I'm serious Saito. Go away." Frustration crept up inside me.

"I'm sorry, did I catch you two while you were busy?" I strongly implied, but he didn't rise to the bait. His eyes didn't so much as narrow, and I realized that I wouldn't be able to take the concerned mentor approach because of the stupid, empty-headed, frustrating, blonde boy. So, keeping full eye contact with the meddlesome brat, I called out past him.

"Hyuuga, why'd you run?" No answer.

"Don't tell me you're scared of something you couldn't even see." Because only Nakamura and I had been able to see the woman in the rafters. Still no answer.

"Missions will be a whole heck of a lot worse than that, so you'd best not get your panties in a twist." That got him and his teenage pride.

I could hear him as he stomped his way to the door, and my eyes met his boiling blood ones as we both ignored Nogi's protests, telling Hyuuga that he could handle it.

"I told you, Persona's not someone to cross," were my immediate words. I wouldn't admit that I was defending my actions. But what came out of his mouth next was not what I was expecting at all.

"Did you kill your parents?" He spat.

It felt like someone had given me a solid one in the gut. My eyes widened and I couldn't breathe. I opened my mouth only to snap it closed shortly after failing at speaking a few times, no doubt looking like a landed fish.

How I ended up in my dorm after that I'm not quite sure. I'm pretty sure I ran, but that would be saying I had run away from Hyuuga, and I don't run away from anything so that's not possible. And the tears glistening in my eyes? It was most definitely because I had walked quickly past someone cutting onions.

But mostly, it was just because he was right.

I had killed my parents, and it was both the best and worst day of my life.

…

I avoided Hyuuga and Nogi after that. I once again stopped attended any classes, and whenever I wasn't training I was on missions. Hyuuga's daily training was quiet, and neither of us spoke more than we had to. His progress began to slip, but I didn't mind. If Persona minded, it was his own fault. He should've known what it would do to show Hyuuga my Alice.

Any spare time was spent taking naps or in the infirmary, and whereas I had only recently been complaining to Persona about my large mission load, I now welcomed it. The other members of the Dangerous class were bewildered each time I asked for another extra mission, but they didn't mind. It meant they had more time off.

It was very early in the morning after a week of this behavior that it happened.

I had collapsed into bed, wondering if I'd worked myself hard enough today that I could sleep without nightmares, when my wondering stopped. Something was gripping my heart, and I stood up quickly; I was entirely sure that something was wrong.

My worries were confirmed as the grip around my heart tightened, and I could feel my chest constricting. I began gasping for air and was only able to draw breath painstakingly. Pain seared through me like I had been stabbed and I collapsed onto my knees. My eyes snapped over to the emergency telephone at the side of my bed, and I wondered why on earth it felt so far away.

Fluid began building at the back of my throat and I was forced to hack it up if I intended to keep breathing, but each cough stabbed my chest anew and by the end I was gritting my teeth past the pain, forcing each breath through my teeth.

If I had looked down at my hand I would've seen the crimson liquid staining it and realized that I was having another episode. But my chest was heaving and I knew I needed help, which would only come if I reached that phone.

I leaned down onto all fours, though I kept one hand firmly gripping the skin over my heart, and slowly inched my way over to the bedside table, somehow managing to get the number dialed as black crowded in on my vision.

"Hello? Saito?" Came the voice of my favorite nurse who had insisted I kept the telephone in here. I had vehemently protested at the time, but was now grateful.

I gripped the white plastic, hazily realizing past the lack of oxygen that I had turned parts of the telephone blood red. Like Hyuuga's eyes. But no words went past my lips. I could only wheeze weakly into the receiver and had to stop half-way through finding my voice to hack up more blood.

"Kokutan?" Her voice was worried. "Just hang in there. I'm sending help right now. Kokutan, you need to keep talking to me. Please Kokutan."

I didn't, though. With a pain-filled groan I'd slumped over, exhaustion, pain, and lack of oxygen sending me to the world of the unconscious.

At least I didn't have any dreams while there.

…

Natsume's POV

I fought vague worry as Saito once again failed to show up to class. Ruka and Tobita had long since taken residence in her seat, but that wasn't any comfort. Especially now. I had the distinct impression that something was wrong.

As had been the case for the last week she didn't show up at all that day, and I couldn't help but worry about when she was eating if she was constantly skipping lunch. Maybe Persona was punishing her again?

At the thought of Persona all my negative feelings towards her came back up, and I tried to make myself think that it was her own problem if she was eating or not. She wasn't my responsibility.

Still, I could clearly see her hurt look when I had asked about her parents whenever I shut my eyes. What had that look meant? Had it meant that she had in fact killed her parents?

The final bell snapped me awake and I realized with a start that I had slept right through the last class. No doubt because my training had been so late last night. As Saito's missions increased her schedule was becoming more and more inconvenient, which meant that I was left having sessions starting late at night and ending in the early morning. Thankfully last night's training hadn't been as long, as she'd been pressed to get to another mission.

I got up and waited for Ruka and Tobita to finish grabbing their books, still thinking about other things. No doubt Saito was on another mission right now, still working herself to the bone.

"Did you hear?" A girl whispered to another as they waited for a companion to grab her bag. "She's in the infirmary again. Must've picked a fight with someone, like usual." And without even hearing a name I knew who they were talking about from the disdain in their voices.

I turned around quickly, startling them.

"Who's in the infirmary?" I asked coldly and calmly, though I could feel a slight creeping of panic growing inside of me. Had someone finally bested her? Had they gotten past that awful Alice of hers? I pushed down the feeling the thought of her Alice brought up, and instead focused on the surprised girls in front of me.

"Oh, Natsume-kun. Saito's in the infirmary," one said, still clearly shocked.

"I thought you'd know, since you're her partner," said the other. I didn't bother saying anything else, and instead turned to Tobita.

"We're going to the infirmary." I'd had to turn to him, of course, since neither Ruka nor I knew where the infirmary was yet.

…

As with all hospitals and infirmaries, the building was large, stank of antiseptic and was teeming with nurses squeaking their shoes on the linoleum floors.

I hate hospitals.

"We're here to see Saito Kokutan," Tobita told the woman behind the desk. She looked at us skeptically.

"What are your connections?" I returned her gaze and was struck immediately by how large her nose was. Was that a nose hair hanging out of it?

I fought past my disgust as I pushed in front of Tobita.

"She's my mentor in the Dangerous Ability Class." Her eyebrows went up a fraction, but otherwise her face stayed impassive. We stared each other down for a second before she finally looked down and typed something into the computer in front of her.

"Name?" I only gave her mine, but she didn't ask for the others so they didn't speak up. Then she picked up a telephone and put it to her ear. She quickly exchanged words with the person on the other line, then put it back down.

"I've called Saito's nurse to come get you. You can take a seat while you wait." There was hardly a wait anyway.

The nurse that called for us and led the way to Saito's room had brown hair that glinted ginger in the fluorescent lights and tired eyes, as if she had seen too much suffering in her years at the Academy. Knowing some of the darker secrets the Academy kept, I knew that could easily be the case.

"You must be Saito's friends," she said as we walked down a hall. I gave her a look.

"No. She's my mentor." Her open face quickly darkened and I fought the urge to take a defensive stance.

"You're in the Dangerous Class?" I was surprised that she'd put it together so quickly, but nodded anyway. The dark look left her face and she just sighed like she knew an awful secret that was burning the life out of her. Though I guess she really did. She must see Dangerous Type kids a lot, if she already knew the consequences of being in the class. More precisely, she knew about the missions.

"If I can ask," ventured Tobita as we turned a corner. "What happened to Saito?" She sent him an apologetic look.

"It's not my place to tell you. You can ask Saito herself if she's awake, though." We stopped in front of a door which she knocked lightly on. There wasn't an answer, not that I expected one even if she was awake.

"We're coming in." Despite not answering, Saito was sitting up awake in her bed, shooting an accusing look at the nurse.

"I never told you to come in. Go away." She went silent as we filed in after the nurse, then sent a glare her way instead. The nurse sweat dropped and went to make her escape.

"Your friends are here to visit you. Now I'll just be on my way – "

" – They're not my friends. Now get rid of them." I narrowed my eyes at her and took up a spot next to her bed while the nurse continued her retreat.

"I'm going to go take care of another patient," she said hurriedly and slid the door shut behind her quickly.

"Go away. I don't want to talk to you guys." Upon closer inspection her skin was pale and clammy, and there were dark circles under eyes. The bandages that were multiplying each time I saw her were still there, as well as an additional one wrapped around her wrist. Other than that, she seemed the same as always, so I didn't know what was bad enough to send her to the infirmary.

"Did you not hear me, baka? I said go away."

"Not until you tell us what happened." I was surprised that Ruka had spoken up. He had been opposed to visiting her at all, and I'm sure he still worried at night that she'd come and kill one of us in our sleep, especially since I told him what happened with Nakamura. But he had eventually caved in, and I appreciated the support he was showing now. I sent him a minute grateful look and turned back to Saito, whose eyes were now narrowed at Tobita.

"I know why these two baka are here, but what happened to bring you here?"

"I did," I answered for him on the matter, but didn't allow her change in subject to wander any further. Plus, Tobita looked like he would pee himself at any moment, so I did him a favor and got her attention back on me. She leveled her gaze on me, then looked away with her nose pointed slightly upwards.

"I overworked myself. Nothing serious." Then she looked back at me sharply. "So stop being a nanny and go away." There's no way she would've given it up that easily. She lied.

"Maybe when you tell the truth." She narrowed her eyes at me, then raised an eyebrow.

"You do know I could just call security. They'd get you out."

"But you haven't," I reminded her. It's true. If she was going to call security she would've the moment we walked in. That didn't mean she was going to let it go so easily, though.

"Why do you even care?" she snapped. That brought me to reality. Why did I care? Neither of us had been on good terms since the gym incident. I looked at her now and wondered just why that was. Because her Alice is intimidating? Baka, your own Alice is intimidating.

I thought back to how she had chased after me when I had left. How she said she wouldn't have liked using her Alice on me.

"And besides," I remembered her saying to Persona. "Who would I use it on? You? It's not an Alice people like training with."

She knew what her Alice was, and what it did to people. And then it dawned on me that she didn't even like her Alice. I could see it in the way she talked about it, and in the way she had avoided using it in her first duel with Nakamura. She hadn't wanted to use it against him.

"Ruka," I called behind me. "I'd like to talk to Saito alone. Why don't you have Tobita take you back to the dorms?" Tobita was all for the idea, but despite Ruka's obvious mutual want to get away from her, he protested anyway.

"Natsume, you shouldn't be in here alone." I raised an eyebrow at him but understood his worries. Surprisingly, it was Saito who refuted him.

"Don't worry. I have all sorts of restraints on right now. Even if I were to use my Alice on anyone, it would probably affect me worse than it would the other person." She indicated the many earrings and bracelets she was sporting. Then she raised an eyebrow at him as well. "Besides, Hyuuga's the one who mentioned it. Overbearing partners are stifling; I thought I'd already told you." A vein popped on his forehead and he turned around without further ado.

"I'll be in my room," he said, then shut the door behind him and a relieved looking Tobita. I stared after him for a moment, then turned back to Saito who was lifting herself into a more upright position.

"Well, you wanted to talk to me?" I didn't answer immediately, debating on whether I wanted to say it or not.

"I overreacted." And there it was.

It was humiliating.

She didn't react, and almost looked like she hadn't heard me at all. Then she blinked at me, slowly raised an eyebrow, and full out smirked. My eyes narrowed in response.

"You don't say!"

"Well what was I supposed to do?" I snapped. Her smirk only grew, though. Then it abruptly fell, almost giving me whiplash with her mood change.

"It's not a nice Alice to see." She looked away. "I probably would've run, too, so I can't blame you."

I shifted forward on the seat next to her bed, but she ignored the movement and continued to look the other away.

"What I said," I started. "About your parents." Her arm flexed for a second, but she still didn't turn. I waited a moment, then finished. "You don't have to tell me if you don't want to." At this she turned to me, her eyes widened in surprise.

"What?" I leveled her with a look, refusing to repeat myself. She didn't really need me to, anyway. "You're serious." I didn't answer, because of course I was serious. I'm not the type to joke. Then there was silence.

Neither of us spoke for a minute. I had just figured we were done talking and was about to get up and leave when she spoke again.

"Just like with all Alices, I didn't have very good control of mine at first." I looked at her in surprise, only to find that she was looking at me directly.

"In fact, it was out of hand; I couldn't control it at all." She blinked at me and looked away for a fraction of a second. "Actually, for a long time I didn't even know I had an Alice. I just figured I naturally made everyone around me unhappy." My eyes widened when I realized what she was doing.

"Saito, I said you didn't need to – "

" – I know what you said, and thank you. But that's exactly why I want to tell you." Determination glinted in her violet eyes so I leaned back in my chair, waiting for her to continue.

"Since I lived with them, my parents were affected the most. Each day they got worse, and I never understood why until Persona appeared for the first time." My eyes narrowed at his name, but she continued. "He said I had been hard to detect since my Alice isn't quite so, well, noticeable as most. As in people weren't reporting a kid randomly starting fires." She gave me a mischievous look, but it disappeared as soon as it came.

"When I was six Persona cornered me on my way home from school. It had already been a bad day, and I got scared, more scared than I normally would. So I ran from him, and when I lost him I hid. I hid for days, because I was scared of him, of going home, of the people at school. Everyone was always so angry and scared around me, and Persona had already explained to me about Alices." She clenched her jaw, and I could almost see the scared girl she was describing.

"It was my fault. All of it. So I thought that maybe it would be better for everyone if I just left; disappeared. I couldn't go on like that, of course, and after a few days I went home." She closed her eyes, but still continued.

"I had been affecting my parents with my Alice since I was born, and while I was gone my mom realized it. She told my father, but he hadn't quite shaken it off yet." She opened her eyes again and looked away, out the window at the blooming cherry blossoms.

"He killed her. Then when he realized what he had done, he killed himself, too. That's what I found when I came home. Persona took me to the Academy, then. He told me that at the Academy they'd help me control my abilities so none of that would ever happen again." She stopped, but she didn't have to continue. I knew the rest of the story. Persona lied and took advantage of her.

"The rumors are right, though. I did kill my parents. If I'd never been born, they'd both still be alive. Or at least, they wouldn't have gone that way."

"But you didn't murder them?" My question visibly surprised her, and her answer was quick.

"Of course not!" So I had been right; she wasn't a murderer. She gave me an odd look, but became impassive after a moment.

"There's something else I need to tell you." I raised an eyebrow slightly in question. "The reason I'm in here," she elaborated. Without waiting for me to say anything she began her explanation.

"There are four primary Alice shapes. The first is the Childhood shape, where the person only has their Alice during childhood, and then loses it when they become an adult. The next is the Intermittent shape, when the person can only use their Alice for a short amount of time, but at high power. Each time they use their Alice, however, their Alice life shortens until it runs out and they no longer have an Alice. There's also the Diffuse shape, where the Alice is always there but at a low power level. Finally, there's the Life-shortening shape. With this shape the Alice has a high-power level and can be used as long and whenever the person wants. However, the more the Alice is used the more it causes the person's body to degrade, until they either stop using it or die." Here she frowned.

"I have the life shortening Alice, and we think you do too."

So that means…

"If we're right about this, you may very well be the person laying in the hospital bed someday." I felt dread pooling inside me but kept my face impassive. If that was true, then I'd die sooner rather than later. What would happen to Ruka and Aoi?

"By 'we' you mean…" she nodded after I trailed off.

"Me and Persona, as well as a few of the other sensei. Persona hasn't come right out and said it yet, but by this point he doesn't have to. It's apparent in our training that you're powerful, and the others have gotten wind of that." That explained a few of the new rumors that had begun circling about me.

"If your Alice is killing you, why do you use it?" At this she gave a humorless chuckle.

"I'm usually more careful. But I've been careless this past week, and you can see the result." I lifted an eyebrow at her in slight disbelief.

"You're not telling me that just because I didn't like your Alice you decided to kill yourself." Surprisingly, she didn't rise to the bait like I expected. She didn't even seem to acknowledge the joke.

"Don't flatter yourself. I was hurt, though. You're certainly not the first person to run from my Alice. But you are the first person I wanted to accept it."

With that information on my mind the nurse came in and told me that Saito needed her rest so I needed to leave. Saito didn't speak anymore, so I went ahead and left, going immediately to Ruka's dorm to tell him what Saito had just told me. Though I wasn't sure how he'd take it (I did know he wouldn't react well) I did know that I'd want Ruka to tell me about the new development if our roles were reversed.

[o]

Just a heads up that I'll be taking down the original version of this story in the next week or two. Hopefully by then I'll be caught up to that one and continue writing here where I left off.