Astraea Velzquez: Lol, your review made me laugh XD thanks for the enthusiasm
Cinammon (Guest): Thank you, I really appreciate the support. My brother just told the rest of my family that he's positive, and that he's recovering well.
Hey guys. It's finally happened! I've caught up with the original story so from here on out you'll be getting new material, now from an 11-year-old perspective instead of their original canon compliant age of 8. What a relief. Also, as warned, I will be taking down the original story after posting this . I'm so excited to start on the next chapter and finally continue the story!
Disclaimer: I don't own anything you recognize. It's terrible, I know.
[o]
Chapter 8
Natsume's POV
I woke up to bright light shining through the window straight into my eyes. I shifted to the side to avoid it, then observed the room I was in, which was certainly not anywhere I expected to wake up. It didn't take long at all to identify the white walls, bathroom attached to the small room, and crisp white sheets, at which point an indescribable feeling of resignation and annoyance filled me; I was in the hospital.
After identifying my surroundings my gaze was quickly drawn to the person sleeping on the chair beside the bed and it was with surprise I saw Saito slumped over on it, asleep. Rather than waking her I let my eyes roam over her to really study my mentor for the first time since arriving at the Academy. I knew already that she was a bit tall for her age though I greatly looked forward to the day I was taller than her, if for no other reason than to be able to look down at her. Her long black hair reached the middle of her back, still mussed from the mission and her night spent in the chair. Someone must have removed her mask at some point during the night, though the edges of her face near her hairline were red in slight agitation where I now knew electric shocks were produced every time she used her Alice or passed the barriers over the war, however minor they were since receiving permission to do both. Some baby fat clung stubbornly to her cheeks though already it was taking on a more angular look that would continue to develop as she grew older. And although her eyes were closed presently, I knew when they opened it would be to a striking violet color that at times shone with mirth or in contrast were shadowed with a haunting darkness.
At the moment her head was bent forward in her sleep, slight shoulders curled forward in a slump that appeared very uncomfortable with her arms crossed loosely on her stomach. Her jaw was slightly slack where it rested on her chest and no stress or anger was lining her face, which was probably the biggest change simply because I'd never expected that bit to change. It was almost shocking how much less obnoxious she looked while asleep. Other than that I noticed that her clothes were covered in blood, and I put two and two together. She must've carried me back to the Academy after I collapsed. Red burned my cheeks slightly and I knew she wouldn't ever let me forget it. She shifted slightly and I didn't want to take the chance of being caught observing her, so I took the opportunity to wake her.
"Oi," I called. She shifted slightly again, so I continued. "Saito." Her eyes snapped up and over to me quickly, relaxing slightly when recognition set in. "Go shut the blinds." She narrowed her eyes but got up, muttering something about ungrateful brats. Once the blinds were shut I relaxed back into the pillow and realized just how much everything ached. It was awful. An IV was dripping something into my system for the pain, yet despite it I could feel a distant burning coming from my side.
I lifted the sheet to find myself in a hospital gown, which was even worse than the aching. I hate hospital clothes almost as much as I hate hospital food. Underneath the thin gown I could feel stiff bandages around my middle, and I remembered the agonizing pain I'd been in the previous night. A shudder ran through me and I put the blanket back down.
Turning my mind from my own discomfort I looked back over at Saito who had settled back into her seat.
She looked just as banged up as she had after fighting last night, and I was going to question why she hadn't gotten anything cleaned yet when I noticed that her eyes were narrowed at me. I sighed. Time for another lecture.
"Do you have any idea how completely and utterly stupid that was?" I didn't say anything because yes, it was stupid. "You could've died. Persona and Nogi would've been taking turns killing me if you died. And for who? Watanabe, who's almost as worthy of someone's sacrifice as an earthworm." I raised my eyebrow slightly, but she wasn't done yet. "If you do anything like that ever again, I will personally torture you until you're begging to die, then leave you in a dark basement to rot in your own filth and misery. Got it?" I blinked at her as she finished.
"Are you done?" She let out an exasperated sigh.
"I'm serious. Don't do it again. Watanabe isn't worth it, and neither is anyone else. At the Academy you need to look out for yourself, because no one else will." Just then a nurse walked into the room with a bundle of clothes in her hands.
"Hyuuga-kun, you're awake." I didn't say anything to that, because I already knew I was awake. She didn't expect an answer anyway and instead turned slightly to Saito. "While I check over Hyuuga-kun you go wash up," she said to Saito, giving her some clothes from the bundle she was holding before making her way over to my bed and setting down the rest of it. Saito grumbled something but took the clothes and went into the attached restroom, but not before shooting me a scathing look.
"Don't make me repeat myself, Natsume. Or next time you could be dead." She then closed the door behind her and a moment later there was the sound of the shower turning on. The nurse let out a relieved sigh at the sound and I turned to her in question.
"She hasn't left your side since she brought you in last night. Not even to clean up or let me dress her wounds. For her sake more than anything I'm glad you woke up so soon." I looked back at the bathroom door in surprise, and it was about then that I realized she had addressed me by my first name. Since when had we gotten so chummy?
But I was shocked, so I didn't say anything as the nurse checked my injuries and changed the bandages. She seemed satisfied with what she found and marked a few things on her clipboard.
"Well Hyuuga-kun, you should be good to go. None of your wounds show any signs of infection, so as long as you keep changing the bandages they'll be gone in no time. I'll go grab some things for you, then once I've checked Saito-san she'll take you back to your room. In the meantime you can change into these." She indicated to the folded clothes at the foot of the bed before instructing me on a few other things to do with the bullet wound – rest a lot, drink water, and don't do any strenuous activities - then left, during which time I changed graciously into a plain white Tshirt and standard shorts. I wondered briefly if this was standard procedure with injured Dangerous Class students and if these would have to be returned, when I was distracted by the nurse returning with a little brown bag that she told me had bandages and pain pills to take every six hours.
The nurse left the room for a "quick moment", after which the sound of running water shut off and not long after Saito came out, towel drying her hair with her old clothes draped over one arm and now wearing the same white Tshirt and a skirt instead of shorts, still at her usual above-knee length. Now that she wasn't covered in blood and grime I could see the brunt of her injuries. There wasn't anything too worrisome, though the black handprint decorating one of her arms was a bit alarming.
Saito saw me eyeing her injured arm and slung the damp towel over the back of the unoccupied chair before dumping her filthy clothes on the same chair and taking a seat on the other.
"Frostbite," she explained while running her fingers through her long, tangled hair. "Nothing serious." I narrowed my eyes at her, because for someone who had reacted so badly to my injury she sure was taking her own lightly. She matched my narrowed gaze.
"Don't give me that look. I'm your mentor, that makes you my responsibility." I bit back a retort since she wasn't finished. "Anyhow, you were shot and lost a lot of blood. Next to that frostbite is child's play."
The nurse walked in and gave Saito the same look I had, except this time Saito sighed.
"I told you, there's hardly anything this time." The nurse's look only became more exasperated. "This is literally the worst of it."
"What happened?" She explained how the person she was up against had some sort of freezing Alice and got ahold of her. She didn't say anything else about the mission.
"I don't have anything that helps with frostbite so long after it's happened." Cue accusing glare. "So it's a good thing I haven't used my Alice today." What? I watched as the nurse put her hands on the wound, making Saito flinch in pain, before beginning to chant something under her breath.
"Her Alice is a healing one, but she has an Intermittent Shape, so that means she has to wait a while before being able to use it after she's healed someone." There was pain in her voice and I wondered how the Alice worked. I'd never seen a healing Alice before.
The nurse then removed her hands to show fresh, healthy skin where it had been black before, then went on to clean the rest of Saito's scratches normally, and I was surprised when she didn't protest at all like I thought she would. In fact, I've never seen anyone treat Saito like the nurse was now. I tried to figure out what was different and watched the nurse plop a bandage on a scratch taking up one of Saito's cheeks, causing her nose to wrinkle in slight disgust. Then it hit me: this nurse treated Saito like she would any other patient. She didn't treat her with fear.
The revelation shocked me because I knew it was true. Looking back on the past six months I've been here I recognized now the fear aimed at her by the students and even a few of the sensei. It was with this new realization that I watched the nurse leave soon after excusing us, taking the discarded towel and clothes with a promise both sets would be returned by the nanny-bot when it was sent to collect our borrowed clothes.
Soon after that we were out of the antiseptic reeking prison and on our way back to the dorms, me with a bag of pain killers in my hand and an awfully cheery Saito next to me.
"What's got you so happy?" She looked at me from the corner of her eye and raised an eyebrow. Then she gave a careless shrug and looked forward again.
"I've never willingly spent that long in the infirmary before. Makes being out again all the more sweet." It was my turn to lift an eyebrow, but I didn't comment as I instead continued to mull over my thoughts.
…
Kokutan's POV
It was a rough start, but thankfully the missions following weren't as bad as Hyuuga's first. Time passed. My birthday came and went, leaving me a year older than before. Not that age really mattered in this hole very similar to hell. I wouldn't be set free until I was old enough to "graduate" and I doubt I would live that long anyway. But still time passed, and Hyuuga's missions got progressively more challenging. He was a natural; he would make a good replacement for me someday.
Why the morbid thoughts? The answer would be one Imai Suburu, who had come to evaluate my health at Persona's request.
"Let's just get this over with," I sighed before lowering myself onto my back on my ridiculously large bed. Imai didn't answer but simply followed me. True, check-ups are routinely done in the infirmary. But between my episode and refilling my pain pill prescriptions, topped by Hyuuga getting shot, I'd spent entirely too long in the chemically reeking dungeon. In other words, if Persona wanted me checked up, fine. It just had to be on my terms.
Besides, this little appointment isn't routine. My routine check-up is in another month. No doubt Persona simply wants a better estimation on how long Hyuuga has to train before being expected to replace me. Gotta feel the love.
Imai hovered his hands over the length of my body; not healing, simply searching for anything out of the ordinary. He repeated this a number of times (I almost fell asleep more than once) before stopping and making notes on an official looking piece of paper.
"Alright Saito-san, we're finished." I sat up and faced him, waiting for the results; would I die in two years or three? Maybe even this year?
His glasses flashed as he looked down at the clipboard in his hand, reflecting the dim light of the rising sun.
"Overall, you're doing fine," he said. I leaned back on the squishy bed and waited for the catch. "But not as well as you could be." There it is. Now his recommendations. "You need to keep the usage of your Alice as low as you can. Not only that, but by using your Alice so often you're straining your body. Which means you need to rest often as well, especially after using your Alice." Imai doesn't know very much about the missions, of course, since he wasn't in the Dangerous Class, so I let my eyes drift to the side a bit as he continued. Ugh, I'm so bored. And tired. Unfortunately, that's what happens when you're forced to sleep outside in the cold all night.
"…are you even listening to me, Saito-san?" I blinked at the older boy's unimpressed tone and nodded dutifully.
"Every word." He gave me a deadpan look, then proceeded to grab his bag.
"Saito, others with the life-shortening Alice don't have episodes as often as you do for another few years at least. I'm not sure what exactly you're doing to expend yourself so quickly, but you need to begin using your Alice more wisely." I shot him a look as I slid off the bed, pulling my arms above me in a stretch and yawning widely. Guh. It should be illegal to be this exhausted. He shot me a look of his own and turned to the door as I dropped my arms back to my sides.
"I'll have to report your condition to Persona so he will monitor your Alice use more closely. However, if you value your life at all you'll listen to what I've said." With that the bespectacled Highschooler left my room. I gazed at the door long after it had closed, as if watching his retreating back, then let out a sigh and looked down. If it was up to me, I would listen to his warnings. I wouldn't ever use my Alice and live a long life where I got to do what I wanted to do. But it's not up to me, so I can't value my life.
My muscles ached from my most recent episode – it wasn't anything major – which was lingering longer than usual. The symptoms usually would've cleared up by now, but my mouth still tasted like blood and my heart seemed to jump irregularly every now and again. But I'd survive. I always do.
I changed into my workout clothes and grabbed a bottle before heading to my favorite workout room. Hyuuga's training was getting more difficult by the day, and he was visibly getting stronger. Actually, he was all but training on his own by now, so the two of us simply did our training together. I continued to tell myself that this was only because training at the same time as him made things more convenient, but I knew deep down that I was dreading the day he didn't need me anymore. Any time now he wouldn't need a mentor and I'd be released, leaving us to go on our own missions and train on our own time, and before then he wouldn't need a partner in class anymore either. Honestly, I'm surprised Narumi-sensei hasn't relieved me and Tobita from our partners yet in the first place.
Something gnawed away at my insides that I was beginning to recognize better as loneliness, but I shoved it down as I always do, entering the gym where the boy was already warming up. His eyes scanned me briefly, taking in my clammy skin and the faint bags under my exhausted eyes. But he didn't say anything about them, which led me to believe he had already received word of my most recent episode.
Since he didn't ask, I didn't tell, and instead joined him in his warmup before separating into my own routine, observing as he trained on his own. He was good at recognizing his areas of weakness and instead of steering clear of the harder things chose to drill them until there was noticeable improvement. At times he seemed lost as to what to do, in which case I joined him for a moment and gave him a few new drills to run through, which he picked up quickly and continued on his own.
I discreetly observed the boy while running through my own drills, assessing his techniques, areas that still needed improvement, and how he reacted to each flaw in his movements. I had done my job well; he didn't need me anymore.
"Hyuuga," I called, stopping my movements and waiting for him to follow. He slid his gaze back over to me and waited for me to continue.
"During your next mission I'm only going to observe. You'll be acting completely on your own." He nodded once, not asking for any explanation as to why, and simply waited another moment in case I wasn't finished before continuing where he left off.
He's healed very well from his first mission and the bullet wound was nothing but a scar now. Of course if he was a normal person he'd probably still be recovering (rather than currently training), but he's an Alice user, and as such he's stronger than normal humans. Not only in recovery, but in stamina, strength, and a whole slew of other things as well. Which really comes in handy for those of us in the Dangerous Class.
I glanced over at the clock adorning one of the walls and decided it was time to call quits. Persona had assigned me a special mission today that I couldn't be late for. And of course by special I actually mean especially dangerous.
I grabbed my bottle and sent a small goodbye wave Hyuuga's way, not wanting to disturb him, and left towards my dorm quickly. I'd need to change before grabbing my weapons and mask. Normally I wouldn't care so much about being prompt, but Persona has been rather irritable towards me lately, punishing me for the slightest things done incorrectly, or even for looking at him, and I quote, "wrong".
Not more than a dozen minutes later I walked past the Highschool to get to the North-Eastern gates, where a car would be waiting for me. Only it wasn't a car that was waiting for me.
"What do you want?" I muttered at the black-clad figure leaning delicately on the bricks surrounding the gate. My aching back reminded me of my night spent on the hard dirt and I couldn't help but narrow my eyes in defiance at the man. I'd love so much to go up and punch that mask right off his face…
"Rough night?" I didn't grace him with an answer as I was still waiting for him to answer my own question, but my jaw tightened slightly nonetheless.
He smirked at my lack of response, the kind of smirk he gives before deciding on some sort of punishment for me. But instead of informing me of a new punishment waiting after I returned he simply stood straight, no longer leaning on the wall.
"I simply wanted to wish you good luck on this coming mission. It would truly be a shame if something were to happen to you." He began walking back in the direction of the Highschool building, a few little blue clad figures making their way to their dorms for their lunch break.
"After all, I would hate it if my favorite toy were unable to return." I watched his back as it retreated and a chill ran down my spine at the implication of his words. I suppose he'd finally grown tired of my attitude. Or was he just trying to mess with my head? Was he actually warning me? I turned back to the gates as they began opening, now feeling uneasy about the coming mission, and pursed my lips as I forced myself to analyze the facts. It's much more likely that he was threatening me than warning me. Maybe I'd finally pushed him too far and he felt Natsume was already good enough to take my place. And it wasn't like I could just ignore the mission and stay back at the Academy, or the punishment would be, well, very severe.
I walked through the gates and entered the waiting black car as I slipped my Alice-restraining mask on, which let out a slight zap to confirm that it was active. On the seat next to me was the file for this mission and I picked it up as the car started up. Then quickly felt dread pooling up inside my stomach as I read through it. Lately Persona had been sending me on increasingly dangerous missions, but this one definitely took the prize. He had sent me on a fool's errand. A suicide mission.
Maybe I really would die this year.
…
Natsume's POV
Ruka and his partner sat in the back with me again today since Saito once again failed to show up. While I didn't mind Ruka's company, Saito's continued absence began to worry me. Normally she was gone a day or two tops, but this was the third day without any sign of her. But I kept my worry to myself since I knew Ruka wouldn't share it.
He sent a glance my way though, since I was uncharacteristically neither napping or reading one of my ever-present manga. I ignored him just the same and watched a few animated drawings float around the classroom, getting in people's faces and just generally being inconvenient as we waited for study hall to finish. I watched a drawing that looked like a cloud with a face as it drifted lazily around the room, flashing sharp teeth whenever anyone got too close to it, and my gaze soon found itself settled on the door. Maybe I should ask Persona, though I hated the very thought of it. Maybe he knew where she was.
My finger began tapping against the bench impatiently and I itched to just leave, but I couldn't because…Wait, why couldn't I? Saito had already proved that it was perfectly fine to leave the class whenever. At least for us Dangerous Alices.
I abruptly stood with the intent of making my way towards the door, but a hand quickly caught my sleeve, stopping me. I turned sharply only to see Ruka with a concerned look on his face.
"Where are you going?" I frowned slightly, knowing I couldn't very well tell him that I was talking to my least favorite person to ask on the whereabouts of his least favorite person.
"I have to talk to someone. See you." That's good enough. He let go of my sleeve, allowing me to exit the room successfully this time, but I couldn't help but feel slightly bad at dismissing him so easily. We were, after all, best friends. But lately I haven't felt like I was being a very good one. I shook my head slightly at the thought, figuring I'd just have to make it up to him later. In the meantime I had a creepy masked psychopath to look for.
I don't know exactly where Persona's office was located, I don't actually think anyone really knows, but there are a number of places where he seemed to spend a lot of his time so I went ahead and checked those areas first.
He wasn't in the Dangerous Ability Classroom, not that I really expected him to be, and he wasn't in any of the gyms watching the training going on inside. But he was inside the weapons room, comparing the weapons inside with the inventory list someone must have made when taking stock that nothing was missing unless already accounted for by students for training.
I opened the door silently to see his back to me, and I narrowed my eyes at his spiky black hair, interrupted only by the strap holding his mask in place. It would be so easy to attack him like this, with his back turned to me. So easy.
"Hello Natsume," he said calmly, causing my eyes to widen in shock. How had he known it was me, or that I was even here? "Did you need something, or were you attempting to sneak up on me?" I stayed where I was, wondering if I should just walk back out of the open door and talk to him later when we were in a less dangerous setting. My foot slid back slightly as he turned around to face me, putting the folder down to his side, looking at me through his mask. Then again, I suppose any setting is dangerous if he was in it. I moved my foot back in place and tried to summon more confidence than I felt, schooling my features carefully so I appeared indifferent to the situation
"I'm looking for Saito." He regarded me for a moment before walking closer, making me take an instinctive step back.
"You're quite the sneaky one, wouldn't you say." He was now in front of me, making the difference in height, enhanced by his tall shoes, more obvious than ever. "Like a cat. A sneaky cat." His hand came up, encasing a lock of my black hair. My heart stopped in shock, and I froze as I considered the best course of action. Do I pull away? An image of Saito filled my mind, bruises forming the shape of restraints decorating her wrists, ankles, and neck, blood dripping from a gash lost in her hair. In explaining her condition, she simply said that she had disobeyed once again, warranting another punishment.
So I stayed still, tightening my jaw and glaring fire up at him. I'd let him flaunt his power over me. Not because I was afraid of getting hurt, but because I couldn't stand seeing Ruka and imagining Aoi with those same bruises if I made him angry.
His black painted lips turned up and he let his hand return to his side.
"I do believe I've found a new name for you, Kuro Neko." My fists clenched in anger and I had to will my fire not to emerge.
"Where's Saito?" I repeated once again, my voice coming out as angry as I felt. He gazed down at me for another moment, before turning and reopening the folder in his hands, comparing the weapons present and the ones listed.
"I fear your partner has disappeared." My eyes widened.
"She ran away?" That hypocrite. His mask turned to me slightly, but I couldn't see the expression in his hidden eyes.
"No, it doesn't appear that way." But then if she hasn't run away, that means…
"She was supposed to return from her mission yesterday or the day before. But she hasn't, which leads me to believe she's been captured. Unless, of course, she was killed." His head turned to me fully during his explanation, with a smile on his face.
With that I left the weapons room, slamming the door shut behind me. It was impossible! She couldn't be dead!
Persona's smile haunted me as I fled to Ruka's dorm. He wasn't disappointed by his best weapon's disappearance. If anything he seemed happy. Fire ran through my blood as I paced back and forth, keeping the fire inside only because I didn't want to burn down Ruka's things.
How could he. How could henot care about our lives?!
…
I told Ruka what Persona said, and despite his obvious dislike for my partner, and his fear of her because of what she'd done to her parents, he showed worry for her as well.
She didn't show up to class the next day. Or the next. I began to wonder if she really had been killed, until lunch period three days after I had confronted Persona.
Ruka had gone to grab a couple extra carrots from the nanny-bot for one of his animal friends, leaving me at the table, picking at my own food. With the thought that Saito wasn't ever coming back I had begun worrying about my next mission, wondering if I'd be sent out on my own for the very first time or if I'd be assigned a new mentor. Despite the fear of being sent out on my own, the thought of having another of my other classmates replace her almost seemed like the worse option for reasons that were unclear even to myself.
Ruka hastily sat back down in front of me, but his hands were empty and there was a panicked yet excited look on his face.
"She's back." I stood up quickly, looking around but not seeing my partner anywhere.
"How do you know? Where?" He stood up, talking quickly as the bell went off and people began putting their trays away, ushered by the robot that harassed anyone still sitting down.
"That Alice with good hearing said he heard her going back to her dorm."
I was conflicted on what to do. I wanted to ask her what had happened (and make sure she was actually back), but Ruka would probably want to come. But the next class was math with Jinno-sensei and he would no doubt get in trouble for skipping. It didn't matter so much if I skipped and nobody really cared if I did as long as I did well on my missions and improved in training.
Ruka must've seen the conflict in my eyes because he grabbed my shoulder.
"I'll go to class, but you should check on her. I know you're worried." I wanted to retort that I was most definitely not worried, but he had already hurried after the group of kids returning to class.
Whatever.
I took off quickly in the direction of the dormitories and stopped myself from thinking about what might've happened to her. If she wasn't dead, then that means she was probably captured. But who would be interested in capturing a kid? A powerful kid, sure, but still a kid. She wasn't even a teenager yet.
My thoughts wandered to how often Ruka had to escape from kidnappers back before the Academy. I suppose she was taken for the same reason: she was an Alice user.
I slowed as I approached her door, not wanting to sound like I was frantic to check on her and give her the same wrong impression Ruka seemed to have. Just as my hand was coming down to knock on her door I heard a chillingly familiar voice coming from inside, and I pulled my hand back just in time.
Why on earth was Persona in Saito's room?
I edged closer to the door, putting my ear up against it. The door hadn't been shut all the way however and crept open slightly at the pressure with a little click that I hoped they hadn't heard. With the door now open just a crack the previously muffled words cleared, though I wasn't able to see anything through it. I focused on the words Persona was speaking and went stock still as I registered just what was being said.
"…useless. You know you're worthless." Persona paused slightly as if he had heard something and I worried that I had been found out. But not even a moment later he continued. "A complete waste of space. Surely you didn't expect me to do anything else when you already know you're no longer worth anything to the Academy."
"You're lying," came a weak voice. "He's not ready yet. They still need me."
"Oh but Saito-san, you know that's not true. Because no one has ever needed you. Not me, not the Academy. Your parents didn't need you…Natsume doesn't need you, either. Does he?" When he said my name I took a quick step back, worried I had been caught, but stilled at Saito's silence. She couldn't actually be considering Persona's words, could she? They couldn't be true. Could they?
I recalled the fear that's always directed her way by the other students, of the uncaring teachers. I suppose her parents probably didn't have many good feelings towards her, because of what she was unintentionally doing to them. But what about me? Did I need her?
"It's an awful feeling, isn't it? Being unloved, unwanted. Nobody needs you, in fact all your classmates seem to hate you. Fear you." His voice got lower, and I could just imagine how he was now coming down to her level, positioning his face right in front of hers so she didn't have any choice but to look straight at the eyes of his mask. "Is that what your parents felt? Did your parents love you, or did they fear you, like your classmates do?" Silence enveloped the room. The unpleasant silence that feels like a suffocating blanket.
"I asked a question, and I expect you to answer." Yet she didn't, and I clenched my fist at the situation he was putting her in. Not answering would surely anger him, but answering would most definitely tear her apart.
The sharp sound of skin striking skin sounded abruptly from inside the room.
"Did they love you or did they fear you?"
"They feared me." I closed my eyes at her indifferent tone, knowing exactly what kind of pain she was attempting to block out.
"That's right. They feared you, and they hated you. Just like everyone hates you." Having finished mentally assaulting her, I listened as he straightened and turned around. "I'm so glad you returned safely, Saito-san. You'll be allowed some time to recover, so rest while you can."
I quickly turned into another hall just as Persona left her dorm, holding my breath until I couldn't hear the faint sounds his heels made on the carpet anymore, then waited another while just to make sure he was really gone.
Once I felt it had been long enough, I stepped back out and made my way back in front of Saito's door, hesitating on whether or not I should just leave her alone.
Persona's words came back to me and I was left once again with a question for myself. Do I need Saito? My initial reaction is to object, since I don't need anyone. Except maybe Ruka. But thoughts began making their way into my mind without permission, reminding me that though she was annoying and bossy, and most days I really didn't like her, I did need her. She had become a part of my life in the many months I've been here that I can't really imagine Academy life without.
At first I thought she was a stubborn and completely emotionless demon who enjoyed torturing me during my training, but I've come to realize that she does care and just shows it in ways that are easy to miss, ignore, or misunderstand.
Well, I suppose that answers that question. So I raised my fist and knocked lightly on the door, pushing it open soon after since I really didn't expect an answer.
I almost turned tail as soon as I pushed the door open, because I didn't have any clue how to deal with a crying Saito. But Persona's chilling words came back to me as soon as the thought of leaving came to me. I may need her, but right now she really needed me. Or anyone, but considering I was the only one here (and probably the only one who cared at all) that left this on me.
I pushed the door open a bit further and stepped in, watching as the injured and crying girl sat up straighter against the side of her bed and attempted to wipe away her tears before I could see them.
"What?" She snapped, head turned in the opposite direction from me. I clenched my hands slightly at seeing the condition she was in, and simply walked over.
"Go away, Hyuuga. You're supposed to be in class with Nogi." Her voice cracked slightly, but I simply sat down next to her. I really didn't know what to say in this situation, but maybe just having someone here with her would help.
She seemed to realize that I didn't have any intention to leave and heaved out a shaky sigh, though she kept her head turned in the opposite direction. No matter. I took the opportunity to study her.
She looked like crap, to say the least.
Whoever had captured her clearly didn't care that she was a kid, if the signs of torture were anything to go by. Her clothes were torn up in many places, dried and still wet blood staining her uniform many different shades of red. Some of her injuries still looked fresh while others showed slight signs of recovery. Dark bruises and scratches decorated her wrists, some of the deeper scrapes still sluggishly oozing blood, and there was an array of bruises varying in color and shape visible on all of her visible skin. I noticed her mask lying next to her on the ground and was relieved that Persona had at least removed it before leaving her.
I had just been looking at an array of large slices lined neatly on one of her lower thighs when she finally turned her head back. She still didn't look at me, but instead tilted her head back to rest against the edge of her bed. A dark bruise decorated the cheek I could see, and it blended in with the large bag under her eye. Just the same, I recognized the carefully crafted emotionless mask she had put on as the one I had nearly perfected after Aoi's accident. But the ease with which she wore it, and the fact that she almost made it look natural, almost alarmed me.
"Have you kept up your training?" She asked in a voice devoid of all emotion, clearly avoiding the elephant in the room. But I'm not one to beat around the bush. Never have been.
"I heard what Persona said," I told her. She huffed out an annoyed breath in response.
"I don't want to talk about it."
"Saito." She turned to me sharply.
"Just leave it, okay? It doesn't matter what he said, and it doesn't matter what you say." She clenched her jaw, and something flashed through her exhausted eyes that looked almost like regret, before she returned slowly and stiffly back to her old position, all of her motions showing the amount of pain she was in.
I was tempted to leave and just let her sort out whatever she was dealing with on her own, but once again I hesitated. If she didn't want to talk, fine. But she was getting a lot of blood on her carpet.
"You need to go to the hospital."
"I'm fine." Alright, now I'm getting annoyed.
"You're going to bleed out." Her shoulders slumped slightly and her chapped lips pulled down just barely. Then, she spoke in the most vulnerable voice I had ever heard from anyone, so quietly that I wouldn't have heard if I was only a little further away from her.
"Would that really be so bad?"
My frustration left as quickly as it came, and I looked at the girl from the side of my eyes again. But this time I looked at her with a new light.
As long as I'd known her she'd been callous, harsh, and sometimes even seemed a bit evil. But right now, seeing her so vulnerable, I couldn't help but wonder just how much of that was to protect herself. After all, didn't I myself hide any and all weaknesses behind an indifferent mask?
Once again I was left wondering whether Persona had been right, all those months ago. Maybe Saito and I had more in common than either of us could have realized.
I took a deep breath and forced myself to relax a little bit. This approach wasn't working, but I was not going to let Persona get to her. So, I allowed myself to be a little vulnerable in the safety of her room, too.
"My mom died when I was young, so I only lived with my dad and my sister, Aoi." I could all but feel her attention switch to me at my abrupt words. "We met Ruka not long ago while trying to keep away from the Academy, and things were good. We were happy." My jaw clenched as I remembered those times from less than a year ago. Things had changed so fast.
"Then the Academy found us and sent some people to get me and Ruka. It's about then that the accident happened." Her attention was completely on me now, head pulled up from the bed and turned towards me.
"Something happened with Aoi's Alice. She has the fire Alice like me and dad, but for some reason she lost control that night. She burned down our whole town. People were hurt. She must've lost control, or something, and was left very weak." My shoulders slumped over slightly, but I was unaware. I was lost in memories from a night not long ago.
"I couldn't do anything. She was in that hospital bed, so pale. And tiny. She lost her eyesight because of her fever, and the doctor said she could have lost some of her memory, too. But people were angry, and I was afraid what they'd do to her, and say about her. So I took the blame. A few of them already knew I had a fire Alice, so it wasn't hard to convince them." I fell silent, remembering the harsh words, the small items thrown at me in a petty form of revenge. Most of the things hadn't hurt, really. Not physically. "I tried to make Ruka stay away so they wouldn't think he caused the fire, too. But…" A small smile forced its way onto my face at the thought of my best friend's sacrifice.
"Then you and Ruka came to the Academy and your sister was taken as your leverage." I nodded numbly and wished strongly that she wouldn't apologize in any way for the things I had suffered. That she wouldn't say she was sorry and she pitied me and it was wrong for me to go through those things. My heart ached for the loss of my childhood, and I wasn't sure if I could handle any empty apologies right then.
But I had forgotten that it was Saito I was talking to, and a reaction like that from her would be more shocking than Jinno-sensei wearing a pink bow in his hair.
"You must miss her." I looked up sharply at her words, meeting her violet gaze. My nod was unnecessary since she could see the answer in my eyes, no doubt. "And your father," she continued, almost uncertain. This time I didn't bother to nod, because of course I did.
"You must miss your parents too, at least a little bit." But instead of the reaction I was expecting, I got a completely unexpected one. Her expression immediately closed off, an array of emotions flickering through her mask too quickly for me to catch all of them. Guilt, shame, disgust, and…fear?
"I…" She closed her mouth, brought a hand to pick at one of her many scabs, and tried again. "I wasn't completely honest with you, when I told you how my parents died." Suspicion rolled off me in waves and I fought the urge to act on it. Some of my wariness must've seeped into my expression, because she immediately looked away again.
"I told you that my parents were affected the most by my Alice, since they were exposed to it every day. But my dad, he had a lot to fear. I could see it all, and some of the things…well, it's really no surprise that he turned to alcohol. As I got older my mom sort of just withered away. She didn't eat, she didn't sleep. But my dad." She seemed to crumple a bit, and for once I felt like I could almost see the scared girl hidden beneath all her masks. Her jaw clenched as her fists tightened even more than they already were. Her arm twitched a little, in that way I've seen it do a number of times when she's feeling especially vulnerable. But then her masks were back in place as quickly as they'd fallen.
"I'm not sure when my dad started hurting me. Maybe he always had, and I just can't remember that far back." I recoiled, shocked and disgusted at any man who could hurt their child. "He hurt my mom, too, but I think he knew deep down that I was the reason he was always miserable. He hit me a lot." Her arms wrapped around herself, as if she was attempting to hold all of her broken pieces together.
"When I went to school the other kids and the teachers didn't like me, either. Of course, their fears weren't anything like my fathers, but they were fears just the same. On days when my Alice was acting up more than usual they'd stick me in the closet for hours. It must've helped, because I went into that closet often." An image was painted in my mind of a young girl surrounded by her faceless peers and a looming teacher, shutting a closet door and leaving her in the dark. Listening as everyone was happy now that she was gone, and anger grew inside of me at the injustice of it all.
"Then, one day, a man in a mask approached me on my walk to school. I knew better than to talk to strangers, even though no one had really warned me against it, but he wouldn't leave me alone. And everything he said seemed to make sense. But I didn't trust him any more than I trusted anyone else, so I avoided him the best I could. Not long after he appeared I made a mistake before school." She gripped her arm, the one that always twitched, and a chill ran subtly down her spine, and her voice grew quiet.
"I thought my dad was going to kill me. He got really mad, yelling a lot. Mom was crying again." Her eyes were open, but she wasn't looking at anything. I knew she was reliving a bit of her past that she likely hadn't ever told anyone before, just like I hadn't told anyone mine. "He broke my arm, and somewhere along the line he started to choke me. I knew I was going to die, so I used my Alice intentionally for the first time. I somehow felt for his fear and made him see it to make him let go of me." My knuckles had turned white and I could feel the bite of my nails in my skin. Anger flowed through me as she recounted the tale of her childhood. There was nothing I wanted more in that second than to teach her cruel father a lesson he would never forget. I had to drag my mind away from the gruesome thoughts to focus on her words as she continued.
"He finally let go of me and instead grabbed one of our knives to attack the thing he was seeing. But I was afraid that he would turn his attention back to me, so I fled to the only other place I knew: school. No one cared enough about me to notice I was hurt, or that something was wrong. After what happened at home my Alice was acting out more than ever, and being in the closet only made it worse. I was afraid someone's hands would come out of the darkness and finish where dad left off. They must've still been affected by my Alice through the door that day, because they didn't let me out until school ended. By then I was…I was so scared. Everyone I saw was an enemy, and I couldn't go back home. So when Persona cornered me again I ran, and I hid." She took a shuddering breath.
"You already know the rest." I sat there in stunned silence for a moment, wondering at the terrible story I had just been told. I snuck a glance at the girl beside me, but she had rested her head back against her bed once again and was staring intently at the ceiling.
"Saito…" I began once again, only this time I didn't know what I was trying to say.
"Kokutan," she interjected instead, not moving her head at all.
"What?"
"You know my story now, which is more than any of the others know. So you can call me Kokutan if you'd like." I wasn't sure how to respond to her offer, so instead stood and held a hand down to her.
"You really need to go to the hospital, Kokutan." Her eyes moved down from the ceiling to meet mine and this time she didn't complain. She weakly grabbed my hand and I pulled her up, shocked at just how much she was leaning into me. Her injuries must've been worse than I thought.
"If you'd like," I muttered as we made our way to her door, me gripping her waist with one arm and hers coming around my back to grasp my shoulder for support. "You can call me Natsume."
"Thank you, Natsume," she murmured, all of her attention focused on not tripping and falling over her own feet as they dragged along.
If I'd been paying attention I would've noticed that the door was just a crack open, though I had shut it securely behind me, and if I had made it out any sooner I might have seen the black spikey hair disappearing around a corner.
[o]
Quick update on my brother for those concerned, he's still recovering well and is a week into his quarantine. I should clarify that he doesn't live with my family so we haven't been exposed (as far as I'm concerned), he is actually a nurse in CA so I expected he'd contract it sooner rather than later. He asked me not to tell my family since he didn't want my mom to freak out, or for my dad and another brother to minimize his situation on the basis that as a nurse he has high exposure to covid patients. Because the fact is that he's still suffering, even if he's not dying, and no one who's hurting wants to be told they were asking for it. The other day he did finally tell the rest of my family, which is such a relief honestly. Keeping it to myself was stress-inducing and I felt a lot of undo-pressure (which I imagine is the reason he told me in the first place). Thank you everyone for the well-wishes and support, whether it was written out or not. You guys were the only ones I was able to go to with this and I appreciate you all so much