Chapter 8: Don't Be Shy
Wasp watches rush hour from the Rowen's top story. Beneath her, traffic treks like ants along I-44. Above, thunderclouds accumulate across the entire wide sky. Gray gathers for miles around and provides ominous atmosphere east over Illinois and north and south over St. Louis. The morose view matches Wasp's mood magnificently, but Ms. van Dyne remains unimpressed. The ersatz aristocrat is too irritated within to appreciate the wonders without. Wasp pouts—still pissed and pissy that Fixer got away.
Besides, the original Avenger habitually experiences such heights, so she does not see their beauty like Bruce Banner, another original Avenger, does behind her.
From the bar, Bruce asks, "May I get you another martini, Jan? You know, it's five o'clock somewhere. For example, back in New York."
Surly, Wasp replies, "I do not need alcohol, boy. For all I know, earlier inebriation caused me to f***-up in Boonville. To use the vernacular."
"Yeah," Bruce wryly notes, "you have mentioned Fixer's escape just a few times since returning."
"Please cheer-up, Jan," Spider-Woman says from the sofa, "We captured two criminals and eliminated another."
Peevish Wasp counters, "So what? Plainsman and the Fiddler will be roaming the range again really soon. The government isn't going to jail two of its own for long."
"So what?" Spider-Woman comments, "We can just recapture the clowns continually until they—maybe someday—learn their lesson. It's what we heroes do. I ain't worried."
Wasp will not have it, "Well, we did not capture Mentallo at all. Instead, Speed stupidly dropped him off in Kansas City. KC native Whirlwind probably whisked him up, and they are likely on their way to St. Louis right now."
"The odds of that event are low," Dr. Banner states, "Whirlwind routinely wreaks havoc in New York, not here."
"Yeah, Jan, smile," Speed snickers, "I dunked Mentallo in the Big Muddy drink—twice—in two separate locales. How highly hilarious is that?"
"It is not," Wasp insists, "The miscreant could be on his way across Missouri right now to re-mess our minds and make us miserable."
Speed shrugs, "Shall I circumnavigate the state quick? I could check med facilities for Marvin Flumm after his eighty-foot fall."
"No need," Spider-Woman assures, "Surely, you knocked a bad guy off of the board. We should be more concerned about adversaries who are still out there."
"Like Fixer," Wasp fumes.
"Agreed, Jullia," the Young Avenger ignores glum Jan, "And, we should perhaps be concerned about our two absent colleagues."
"True," Bruce tips his whiskey tumbler, "U.S. Agent and Tigra went underground to investigate AIM infrastructure secreted under St. Louis, and they have not communicated with me since."
"Their subterranean locale could suppress even a satellite signal," old spy Carpenter comments, "Or, AIM could easily have jamming equipment operating in its lair."
"Let us tour the tunnels ourselves then," Speed suggests, "We shall know John and Greer's status soon enough."
Spider-Woman stands, "Let us not be rash, Flash. We should tour the tunnels after composing a plan of attack. That approach worked beautifully at Big Muddy."
"No it didn't. Fixer got away," Wasp grumbles.
Dr. Banner observes Ms. van Dyne in her "grief", and he grinds the teeth in his green-tinged gums. Grimacing, he growls from his tight groin to his greasy locks. His left hand grips the bar's top as though to crack it. His right hand grasps his liquor glass. Sometimes, Bruce wishes that he were his father Brian. He would swat Jan the same way that Dad did Mom.
Suddenly, Bruce pauses. He glares into his glinting grog. Apparently, certain sauce ever affects the Banner brain a certain way. The doctor had hoped that some rotgut, inhibition killer, would goad his greater self forth, for his anatomy still cannot fully engorge to green. But, a Banner must always find a way to control the raging spirit that dwells within him lest a superhero commit gross misconduct.
Shaking his head, the wobbly man weaves his blurry hand directly to the brown bottle. He takes a burning belt and thinks of his father.
From the side, someone speaks. "Bruce! Can you handle coordination?" Julia inquires. She has been speaking to Tommy about something while Bruce imbibed.
"Shhh-ure," Bruce slurs.
"I like your plan," Speed tells Spider-Woman, "But, may I suggest, though, that I confront Grey Gargoyle once found. Wasp and you are both great, but you each may struggle to subdue the stone man. I would not. I can simply vibrate my fingers into the French fiend and wreck him to rubble. Voila."
"That tactic's harsh. "Are you hero or villain?" Spider-Woman wonders bemused.
Speed winks, "Just call me Quicksilver, Jr."
Wasp walks over, "We should invade AIM soon whether Speed shatters some supervillain or not. Woman's intuition tells me that U.S. Agent and Tigra met trouble."
"Me too," Julia smirks, "In fact, basic human logic tells me that our mates met trouble."
Jan curls her lip and furrows her brow, "No one cares, Julia." Don't ever upstage or correct a narcissist!
"I care, Julia. Surely, we all care," Speed swoops in. Surprisingly, Shepherd successively slaps each elder on the back lickety-split. She scowls, and the other she smiles.
Spider-Woman states, "We need to get to the missing Avengers' last known coordinates."
"We need to get there in a hurry," Speed agrees.
"But, where exactly is there?" Wasp seeks intelligence.
"I'm ssstill coordinated enough to fffetch coordin'tes," Banner reports.
"OR, I COULD PROVIDE THEM!" an unmuddled, unmuted, unexpected great voice booms like thunder startling, shivering, shaking the heroes. It reverberates like an explosion.
Suddenly, a blinding luminosity invades the Avengers' den as though the torrid sun consumes the Earth. It is as though Apollo himself accosts our heroes. Bruce and Jan tuck their assaulted eyes tight. Spider-Woman seals her sight and summons her fortitude. Stunned Speed shields his goggles and stoops to his knees under the searing sensory assailment.
"LET THERE BE LIGHT!" peals the powerful presence.
Jan painfully peers through her fingers at the effulgent form. She shrinks to Wasp size and intrepidly propels herself at the mammoth interloper. The proud woman has led the Avengers before, and she does so now.
"Let there be light yourself," Wasp retorts as her sting reports.
MODOK lowers both the aureole and his voice. "You know, I do not know why I quoted the Bible just now," the evil Scientist Supreme puzzles, "I am a devout atheist."
"You're both an atheist and a complete a-hole," Wasp issues another point-blank blast upon the freak's big face.
In response, the rotund rascal surprisingly raspberries Wasp. MODOK mocks, "I am also an illusion, for I am not really at the Rowen."
"But, you wan' usss to come where'er you are 'cause you have a terrific trap ssset to elim'nate Avengers," Bruce Banner is a veteran of villains' vile schemes.
"Even the inebriated Hulk understands," the abomination remarks, "Indeed, I invite you four to West Alton, Missouri, twenty-eight miles north, where the Mississippi and Missouri rivers split. I shall shellac you super-schlubs there, if you chumps are not chicken of my champs."
MODOK does further telepathic projection. Grey Gargoyle, Chemistro, and armed AIM agents apparently appear in the penthouse. They menace. But, the Avengers are a little unimpressed. Wasp tsks-tsks and indicates TTFN. Speed turns a finger in the air signaling "big deal". Carpenter thumbs her nose. Puny Banner simply gives the finger. Then, MODOK's manifestation disappears.
A distance north, MODOK, in the flesh, addresses Chemistro and Grey Gargoyle before him. They are below deck in a large barge on the Mississippi. Advanced machinery and yellow-suited staff occupy the space about them. Of that machinery, the a.c. is perhaps the most important. The steel vessel would promptly become a tin-can oven without it, and MODOK is 750lbs of brain and body. You do not want to experience when the sweat sluices down his brow.
The boat bow bobs as gathering storms blow upon the Mississippi's brackish waters. In the prow, MODOK blusters, "Soon, I shall destroy the Avengers!"
"You sound like a stereotypical supervillain," Chemistro sputters.
"Oh come on! I've got to have some fun," spouts MODOK in his most stereotypical nerdy voice offering geekdom's most stereotypically irritating line.
Grey Gargoyle guffaws and giggles heartily like a dork. Getting slightly more serious, he queries MODOK, "What other fun do you plan besides the fun that we are already having?"
The big head explicates, "My big plan is to, first, keep U.S. Agent and Tigra immobilized and, therefore, inactive."
"I touch both regularly to keep them in their place. It is my pleasure," Gargoyle wiggles his wicked digits.
XL lips lick themselves, "I also plan for us to squash Wasp, the Spider, and Speed when they infest this boat."
"Yeah! Let's bring a bodacious beat-down," Chemistro crows outwardly.
"Although, we outlaws always plan a big beat-down—before the do-gooders f***ing deliver one of their own," Chemistro thinks inwardly.
"Hey, I heard that!" the titanic temperamental telepath trumpets. The Mental Organism Designed Only for Killing readies a massive, malevolent mind-ray from his headband. His brows burns with ominous psionic energy.
Dr. Carr cowers slightly. The project head (for the Elements of Doom project) wants to reason that he is essential personnel. But, he knows that he ultimately is not. After all, Earth-616 has just a few mad scientists, including crazed chemists, running around.
Dr. Duval kindly takes the heat off his colleague, "Chief, you forget to mention the Hulk, a.k.a. Bruce Banner. How are we obliterating him too? How are we handling the Hulk?"
"By my genius," MODOK answers, "I never imagined that U.S. Agent would be so imprudent as to bring a monster into St. Louis when he must have suspected that I already have one sitting here, ready to rampage." The skipper points to the aft on the other end of the ship.
"You reference Fin Fang Foom, correct?" Carr quietly inquires.
The boss fumes, "Fie! I do not reference Fin Fang f***ing Foom, you fool! Does the area over yon look like it houses a fifty-foot beast?! No! It contains a different WMD!"
"Wait," Chemistro cups an ear, "You brought a nuke into the St. Louis metro?"
MODOK menaces, "Fie again! How wrong-headed do you think I am? Apparently, as twisted as you!"
Telekinesis twirls Chemistro tornadically around in a blur. Then, MODOK dumps him like dizzy debris on the dingy floor. Cad Grey Gargoyle laughs at his chastised colleague, but only to stay in MODOK's good graces.
Gargoyle inquires, "MODOK, what monsters will be aiding AIM in our awesome efforts?"
"Both the Hulk and my secret weapon," the autocratic entity answers.
"The Hulk will be our helper?" the granite golem is boggled.
"Yes, I am about to re-activate his powers after Mentallo suppressed them," MODOK states, "The Avengers should bring him right to us to attack."
"The Hulk is on his way. I guess that that is good," says the boggled slightly befuddled.
"Should I be on my way before he arrives?" Dr. Necker surprises the trio. MODOK is intrigued that Eve approached undetected. He wonders what device that she wears that stifles his substantial situational awareness.
MODOK addresses Eve, "Follow the plan that we discussed earlier. You aid our efforts best that way."
"Understood," Dr. Necker about-faces on her high heels. She plans to execute the plan to have Tigra off-site when the Avengers come looking to rescue their comrade. Continuing to have the Cat in captivity should offer AIM some advantage over Earth's Mightiest Heroes.
Dr. Carr watches Dr. Necker leave. Correcting his mussed costume, Chemistro calmly consults MODOK, "Sir, I have a question."
"Yeah what?!" the Scientist Supreme snarls.
Shoulders squaring, Chemistro gamely accosts the awful AIM alpha, "You are triggering the Hulk once he reaches West Alton, correct?"
"Correct, Chemistro," curt answer.
Curtis Carr counters, "Wouldn't a smarter strategy be to set rampaging Hulk loose in St. Louis? You could surprise our nemeses right now if you did, and they would never even arrive here. Why not do that?"
MODOK clicks his colossal tongue and squints his large lids. "Hubris!" the big head hollers, "I sarcastically say that I have a huge hubris. So, I intend to toy with them in-person instead of at an impersonal distance."
Because he is above all things (in-theory), the advanced organism ignores the irritating, insolent insubordinate. MODOK closes his eyes and concentrates. He cases Bruce Banner's mind miles south.
At the Rowen, Banner breaks a bourbon bottle in his hand. His enlarging physique rips his clothing a little. And, he metamorphosizes a mite. Tinged green, he releases a fistful of glass shards from his clenched hand. No scarlet or slicing appears. His widened jaw smiles broadly while wide-eyed Spider-Woman, Speed, and even Wasp smile back.
Carpenter quips, "It appears that alcohol has solved all of your problems."
"Puny" Banner expands further and entirely loses his shirt. He snorts bestially. He settles his substantial weight on the bar. Hulk states, "Hulk will help raid AIM. Stupid MODOK will not see Green Goliath coming."
"Glad to have you," Wasp notes, "If we find Fixer, f*** him up for me." Jersey girl Janet van Dyne speaks some Jersey girl.
The colossal creature chuckles at Jan's joke. "Heh-heh-heh, you're funny," the beast belly-laughs increasingly, "Hey! Did you see when Hulk gave stupid MODOK the middle finger? Ha ha ha!"
"Yeah, I liked that," Speed assents, "Hopefully, we can all give AIM the American eagle soon."
Suddenly, there is a knock on the apartment door. Instantly, Speed opens it (after checking the peephole, of course).
Some strapping guy stands there. "Hi," the newcomer says, "I am Jason Strongbow. With all due respect, I give you august Avengers the American Eagle."
"I have heard of you," intelligence agent Carpenter considers Strongbow. She believes that Orville Sanderson's FBI has occasionally contacted and contracted this obscure champion of justice. The bureau boss likely guided American Eagle here to help in the same way that he sent Spider-Woman.
"I have heard of you," van Dyne extends a greeting hand. The former Avengers chairwoman knows her stuff and her Avenger Files.
"Would you like to go wallop some AIM ass?" Hulk cordially invites his new best friend.
"I would," Strongbow steps inside the penthouse and joins the party.