Why

When Jay awoke, the rain was pelting on his forehead like tiny balls of lead. He felt lightheaded and sick and weak and...

Ugh. He just wasn't feeling like himself at all.

"Jay?" Was that Liana's voice? "Merv, he's waking up. Help me."

Hands touched him all over, probably feeling for a pulse and whatever else on his head and chest and leg. But it felt good, so he didn't try to stop them.

"Jay can you hear me?"

He managed a moan.

"Good. Umm...here. Open your eyes."

Something blocked the rain from hitting his face. He opened his eyes, nearly screaming when he saw Liana's face inches from his. She was blocking the rain with her head.

"I'm glad that you're alive," she said, stroking his cheek. "You might want to see your leg. It's..."

"Gone?" Jay said. His voice sounded about as awful as he felt. "He cut off my leg, right?"

"No," she said. "It...it's there. But I don't get it."

Liana put a hand behind his head and helped him to a sitting position. Merv supported his back.

He could now see that they were at the bank of the river, near the lake.

He looked down at his right leg, and nearly jumped out of his skin. He yelped. "What is that?"

His leg below the knee had fallen through the mud. He tried to lift it, but only his thigh responded. The rest of his leg and foot dragged through the sand.

Literally, through the sand. Like mist.

"We don't know what happened," Liana said. "Overlord's sword glowed purple and just...sliced through your leg. Straight through. It should have severed. But instead, it started shooting blood everywhere. Like there wasn't any skin to hold it back."

Jay tried to touch his leg. His hand went straight through and touched solid ground. Ground that his leg should not have been able to glide through.

"It's like my leg is invisible," he said, fascination swallowing his disgust. He poked the tourniquet below his knee, shaking his head. "So...if my leg is invisible, that means that all the blood that flows through my thigh will shoot out, like you said. Kinda cool."

Liana rolled her eyes. "You're so weird." Her voice changed, and she waved her arms dramatically. "Hey, my leg's gone, but it's so neat that I don't care!"

"I don't sound like that."

"Yes you do!"

Jay punched her arm. "Yeah. All right. So...we need to get to the beach."

"Where is that?" Liana asked. "Just a couple hours away?"

"Umm...it's more like a couple days. My friend left something hidden there that can help us escape the island."

Liana's face fell. "It was hard enough to carry you here," she said. "How will we get you all the way over there?"

Jay tapped his knee, then thumped a little harder. "I don't hurt anywhere," he said. "I just feel queasy. If you find me some branches, I could make a crutch."

"In this sand?" Liana said. "No, that wouldn't work. You'd slip all over."

I could help, Stormstrider said.

Jay nearly groaned again. He'd forgotten about his Blade. "What happened to everything you'd been complaining about earlier?" he said. "Not having enough power and all that stuff."

This is an emergency, so I am willing to help you. I won't fly you to shore, but I can take off maybe fifty pounds of weight. That would make it easier for them to carry you.

"But I don't want them to carry me."

I don't see how you have a choice. Unless you want to crawl.

Liana looked afraid as she listened to what seemed like a one-sided conversation.

"I know," Jay said to her. "It seems a little crazy, but I can explain. I've got this Blade that-"

"It's one of those," Liana hissed. "Merv. He's got one of those swords like Overlord."

Merv recoiled, and Jay fell onto his back.

"Ouch!" he said, shutting his eyes against the rain. "Merv, I kinda needed that hand on my back."

"Herengla'asi," she said, quietly.

Jay forced a smile. "It's fine. I guess I needed to know that I can still feel pain after all that weirdness. So, Liana, what do you mean? The Overlord has a Blade?"

"Yes," she said. "He calls it Morningbloom. I didn't know that it could turn into a sword until he attacked you, though."

A Blade. Jay looked down at his injured leg and sighed. It made sense, he supposed. But what kind of weird power was this? Did it work on inanimate objects, or just living things?

Judging by the 'cut' in his trousers, it definitely worked on inanimate things.

"It's density control," Jay said. "That is the coolest thing. Think about it! If there's a wall in your way, you cut a hole in it and walk through. Thick vegetation in the forest? Walk through it like it isn't even there. I wonder how long it would take for a wall to regain its solidity after something like that. Does it-"

Liana interrupted him. "Hush. Seriously. You've got problems."

"And?"

"Just stop talking. Let us carry you."

"Fine." Jay used Stormstrider's power to stand up, then slung his arms around Liana and Merv's shoulders. "I honestly feel fine. Just a little anemic."

"Says the guy with the bum leg." Liana settled her eyes on the river. "We follow that?"

"Yeah. We'll keep it on our right- hey, Lia. That's my knapsack. Why are you carrying it?"

"Because the guy who owns it is a nutter who doesn't understand that there're some things he shouldn't be doing right now. What did you pack, anyway? This thing is impossibly heavy."

Jay frowned. "Umm...well, I had packed an extra cloak, but it got all wet when I fell into the ocean-"

"You fell into the ocean?"

"-so I don't know if Wu replaced it. There's also some food that he packed, and... Hey, who's hungry? I know I am. I'm craving salt-"

"You weren't kidding about being anemic."

"Lia, I just lost my leg. Now let's find someplace dry and break that pack open."

Liana looked over Jay's head at Merv. "Let's see if that cloak is in there. She's freezing."

For the first time, Jay noticed their clothing. Nothing but those thin gray dresses that didn't cover much skin at all. No shoes, or anything to keep the rain from drenching them through and through.

"Oh, you guys," he said. "I am so sorry. I didn't even think about that. And I don't have enough cloaks. Set me down."

They did. Liana then shrugged the pack from her shoulders and flipped it open. She pulled out a black hooded cloak.

"Liana, you can have mine," Jay said. "Merv can take that one."

"No," Liana said. "Look. There are two in here. No wonder it weighed so much. Are these wool?"

Jay watched in amazement as Liana pulled a second cloak from the knapsack and tossed it in his direction. Had Wu known that he would need a third one, and packed it without his knowing?

He caught it and gestured for Merv to come closer. She did, and he threw the waterproof material over her tiny shoulders.

"There," he said, tying the strings to seal it shut. "Now you can finally get warm."

She flinched as his hands pulled the hood up. Her eyes met his, and he smiled again. She offered a little grin of her own.

"All right," Liana said. "Now that we're clothed better, let's get moving. I'm with Jay; we need to find a dry place to rest and fill our stomachs. I hope you've packed something good, Jay."

"Whatever I have is better than Overlord's standard fare though, eh?"

"You have no idea, Jay. No idea at all."

The chilly air seemed to seep into every exposed pore in Kai's skin, making him shiver like a sapling in the wind. The body of the horse he rode didn't seem to have any body heat to spare, either. Selfish beast.

Cole didn't seem to mind, though. He kept his hand loose on the reins, allowing the horse to plod wherever it pleased.

Trying to balance his interactions with Cole was impossibly hard. On the one hand, Kai didn't want to say nothing. That would imply that he didn't care. But on the other, digging too deep could cause him to clam up. Make him feel like he'd done something wrong and was being interrogated.

A tightrope. Lean too far to either side, and they'd fall into the abyss.

Kai cleared his throat. "So," he said. "How are you doing, Cole?"

"Fine"

"Hmm." Kai scratched his hairy chin. "Well, what are you thinking about right now?"

A pause. "Nothing."

"Nothing?" Kai said. "Come now. Be honest."

Another pause, one that stretched on for a dozen or so hoofbeats.

"I..." Cole's grip tightened on the reins, and his mount snorted. "I can't think. Because if I do, one bend leads to another, and then I find my boat in the ocean instead of the river."

Kai pretended to understand what he meant by this. "Do you mind telling me what your...umm...ocean is?"

A puff of warm air escaped the darkness of Cole's hood. "Her."

"Her?"

"I can't stop thinking of her. And...and my baby. I thought that they were dead. And I had almost accepted it, too. But then Overlord rubs my worthlessness- my helplessness- in my face. She was alive. And then..." He relaxed his grip, and the horse shook its mane.

"...And then I got what I deserved."

"It's not your fault," Kai said. "Overlord is messing with your mind. He wants you to think that-"

"That it's my fault," Cole said. "That I could have stopped it, and I'm a fool for loving her in the first place."

"Cole." Kai sighed. "There's only room for one fool on this expedition. And that would be-"

"You?"

"No. Jay, duh. I mean, who goes flying off at the drop of a hat to save his...friend? Lover? Huh. I have no clue. Anyways, he-"

"I get it," Cole said. "You don't need to rub it in anymore."

"Rub what in?"

"My incompetence. I should have saved Hagar. I should have a least tried, instead of feeding her sick lines of poetry that left her broken as she went to the grave."

New plan.

Kai scooped a handful of snow from the nearest spruce branch and threw it at Cole.

Cole spluttered, wiping snow from his face as his horse pranced. "What was that-" Another snowball hit the horse's head and it bucked, throwing Cole from the saddle.

"Uh...I meant to do that." Kai jumped from his mount and grabbed Cole's reins.

Cole did not try to get up. He stared up at the sky, arms and legs sprawled at random around him. His hood was pulled out of his face.

"Yeah. Sorry?" Kai offered him a hand. "I just...you totally deserved it."

Cole lifted a hand out of the snowbank and pointed at himself. "Me?" he said. "I deserved to have a snowball thrown at my face?"

"Definitely."

Cole blew some hair from his eyes and let his hand fall. "Yeah. I did deserve that," he said, sighing.

"Come on," Kai said. "Lighten up a bit. We-"

Cole kicked him in the shin. Kai fell backward, narrowly missing a horse's hind leg.

"No!" Cole said. "No jokes! She was too important for that."

"Aha!" Kai sat up and pointed at Cole, cringing at his leg pain. "So you were thinking of something."

Cole scooped up some snow. "What's it to you?"

"Everything. You're my-"

Cole was on his chest, shoving snow into his face. "I'm your what? Project? Goal? You want to fix me, huh?" He grabbed a fistful of Kai's shirt and pulled their faces close.

"Let me tell you something," he said. "It won't work. I'm a monster. One who tends to trample anyone who comes close. So here's some advice. Stay back. Stay as...far away as..."

Kai hugged him.

Cole stayed frozen in place for what seemed like a thousand heartbeats.

Then he released Kai's shirt, and his hand fell back to the ground.

Kai did not say a word. He just held on, eyelids closed against Cole's cold chest.

Cole sniffled. Inhaled a shaky breath. Exhaled, relaxing his shoulders.

"She's gone," he said. "Again. She's...and...my baby. Again. And...and...Vara is dying. And...why?"

Why. An age-old question. Why was death everywhere? Why did the wicked flourish like flowers while those who strived to do better were left in the dry dust?

'Why's weren't meant to be answered. They were wishes. Words spoken when one wanted something that was out of their reach.

A question spoken in silence, returned only with an empty echo.

A desperate plea for help.

"Why, Kai?"

Kai held on a little tighter.

"Why does it hurt so much? Why won't it ever stop? Why does it devour me, leaving nothing but an empty shell? Why...why won't he leave me alone? Chasing me always, telling me that I'm worthless, shoving me down, down, down into my grave. Because I'm nothing more than a tool. One that's become broken and dull, and now needs to be replaced. Thrown away and forgotten."

Cole's heart was exhausted. Kai could feel it in his chest, struggling to keep going past the pain and the heaviness of a man who had seen and done too much, and didn't believe anyone could forgive him.

And, as a result, he refused to forgive himself.

"You aren't forgotten," Kai said. "I forgave you a long time ago. Why do you think I brought you back to life? It had been a stressful day, to say the least, and the easiest thing would have been to give up. But I didn't. And I won't. Not ever."

"But Kai-"

"You're my brother," Kai said. "And brothers mess up. That doesn't make me love you any less. You shouldn't love yourself any less, either."

"...But..."

"But nothing, Cole. You are special. And you are strong. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise."

"But I'm so weak," Cole said.

"You're not weak. You're grieving. It's only natural."

Cole coughed on something between a sob and a wail.

"I'm tired of this," he said.

"I'm not letting you die."

"But I'm so tired!"

"The only thing that's making you tired is this depression. If you'd stop fighting- if you'd realize that this isn't your fault- then you would be happier."

"But it is my fault. I should have saved Hagar."

How was Kai supposed to contradict that? Yes, Cole should have done something. But he shouldn't be pummeling himself into the mud, either. It was in the past.

"Excuse me," a voice said.

Hearing the voice, Cole clammed up. Again.

Frustrated, Kai lifted his head. "What?"

A masked man stood in the middle of the road with two horses.

Kai and Cole's horses.

"Are these yours?" the man asked. "They were wandering down the road a ways."

"Uh...yes," Kai said. He wiggled away from Cole and stood. "Thanks, mister..?"

The man chuckled. "We've met before," he said. "Just the other day. Remember?"

Cole snatched the reins from the man. "Kyle," he said. "You're the assassin."

Kyle pulled his scarf away from his face. "Very good," he said. "And you're my next target. Prepare to-"

Cole landed a punch in Kyle's stomach.

Kyle curled around his injury. "H-Hey! I was kidding!"

"Then why have you been following us?" Cole asked. He tossed the reins to Kai and crossed his arms.

"He's been following us?" Kai asked.

Cole gave him a look over his shoulder.

"Because you're fascinating," Kyle said, straightening with some difficulty. "When Cyrus said you were going to the Middle realm, I could not resist. Although...the gun stealer is not here. Pity, because I was a little attached to that weapon."

"Hmm." Cole shook his cloak, dislodging the snow. "Yeah. Well, you can leave now. We're a little busy."

"Busy with what?" Kyle smirked. "Having a bromance in the- Gah!" He ducked another fist.

"Say it one more time," Cole said. "I dare you! Say it!"

Kyle leaped over Cole's head, whirled around, and kicked him between the shoulders.

Kai was so surprised by this feat that he almost forgot to help Cole up. Not that it mattered, because Cole waved his hand away and stood on his own.

He looked into Kai's eyes and groaned. "No."

"Yeah," Kai said. "He might be useful."

"No, no, a thousand times no."

"The nobleman is correct," Kyle said. "I am a useful person."

"His usefulness depends on which side of the gun you're on," Cole said. "No. I don't trust him."

"He might help us dig up the Blades."

"And then take them for himself."

"I wouldn't do that," Kyle said. "But I am willing to offer any assistance that I can. Your scowling boyfriend does not seem strong enough to bear the shovel. Especially since the ground is frozen."

"Please, Cole?" Kai gave him his best soliciting look.

Cole dragged a hand across his face. "Fine," he said. "But if he gives us any funny business, I'll gut him in his sleep."

"Ah," Kyle said, smiling with pride. "Funny business. An idiom. Translation: I must behave myself."

Cole patted Kyle's head. "Splendid," he said. "We're riding, so you have to walk."

"I don't mind," Kyle said. "I walk everywhere anyway. But if you two are so close, then you could share a horse with your boyfriend-"

"I'm married," Kai said. "See this earring? I have a woman. Stop being disgusting."

Kyle looked confused. He squinted at Cole's left ear- which bore no earring- and raised an eyebrow. "I won't tell her that you are cheating."

Cole clenched his fists, and Kai nearly did the same. Where did this guy come from, thinking that such a thing was commonplace? It was as if he wasn't even familiar with Ninjagian society.

Cole mounted his white horse and jerked his head to the other one, which was nibbling at branches nearby. "Hop on, Kai. Kyle, if you're coming, you're not discussing our relationship."

Oh, yeah. That was going to clear up the confusion.

Kyle nodded, discreetly. "Of course, sirs." He fell in stride beside Kai's horse. "Where are we going?"

"To Genesan," Cole said. "That is what you said, right, Kai?"

"Uh..." Kai cleared his throat. "Yeah. But I was thinking, and...maybe we should go to Sheshin."

"What?"

"Yeah. Because..."

"Your sister, right?" Cole said. "But if we get to the Blades, we might find one with a stronger healing talent than Zane's. Then we can go back for her."

"But I have some of my blood in a vial. Cyrus said that it might heal her."

"Vara dying," Cole said. "And Sheshin is in the opposite direction of Genesan. That will put us at least three days behind, and Vara might not...last that long."

"We'll hurry," Kai said. "But you need to understand, Cole. You aren't the only one with a dying sister."

This struck a chord with Cole. He searched Kai's eyes again.

"Sheshin it is." Cole sighed. "We'll be running the whole way. Think you can keep up, Kyle?"

Kyle smiled. "I was created for speed, sir. I'm more concerned that your horses will fall behind."

"Doubt it," Kai said. He made a signal with his legs, and the horse broke into a lope. "Let's see if you can keep up, Black Knight."

Cole leaned in and whispered something to his horse. It snorted, then darted past Kyle. "Don't tell me you're going to try and beat me in a race," he said. "Because that isn't going to happen."

Kai laughed long and loud, then turned his head to the wind and kicked his horse's sides. His plan had worked without a flaw.

He had found a piece of Cole's puzzle and slid it into place.

Now it was time to tackle the rest of the picture.