Chapter 9: Quite the Guy
"I would not believe this unless I was seeing it," Jason Strongbow, American Eagle, blinks several times. Of course, he has extraordinarily acute eyesight, so Strongbow consistently sees astounding things.
Julia Carpenter, Spider-Woman, slowly shakes her head, "Yeah, that is not typical supervillain behavior. Bad guys are usually sneaky."
"Perhaps, his brains melt in the heat like ours," speculates Jan van Dyne, Wasp.
The oppressive heat is nearly unbearable in nigh-abandoned Confluence Point State Park in West Alton, MO, where the Mississippi and Missouri rivers split. Only heroes and the homeless are intrepidly out in this awful August day's elements—except for one clown. Chemistro, conspicuous in his red suit, stands openly upon an expansive barge in the middle of the Mississippi, nine hundred feet from shore. Hot westerly winds blow upon the Avengers' backs, over the water, and into the craven criminal's face. He looks at the superheroes summoned to a trap this late afternoon. He looks past them at the tall, black clouds barreling toward the assembled. Darkness arrives much earlier today than usual.
Surveying the coming squall, Chemistro hopes that his boss MODOK has not supplemented Mother Nature's forming fracas. Five Avengers—Hulk, Wasp, Spider-Woman, Speed, and some costumed guest—are a lot of do-gooders to defeat. Hell, the Incredible Hulk alone is approximately impossible to beat.
Right on cue, Hulk lets loose and bellows, "AARGH! Hulk sees puny Chemistro over there! Hulk smash stupid scuzzball!" Going ballistic, the Jade Giant jumps far into the air in an ominous arc for the AIM ark. The incoming ogre ululates awfully. But, Chemistro keeps composed. Surprisingly, he simply sidesteps Greenskin and shoots his Alchemy Gun at the barge's topside. The devious device destabilizes solid steel. The leviathan lands unexpectedly into liquid, and shocked Hulk splashes right through the hull.
"Sonofa . . ." he shouts before disappearing. Chemistro smirks. Sounds of battle erupt below deck.
Incensed, Speed immediately runs across the Mississippi. Arms wide, Chemistro whips a mass of "marbles" aloft and wide. A batch of magnesium flares explodes blinding the bolting Avenger. Tommy nearly breaks his damn face upon impacting the barge. Body bounced back, bonked Shepherd spills roughly over the Mississippi. Upon stopping, stunned Shepherd submerges slightly. But, ever resilient, the Young Avenger resurfaces. He spits riverwash and treads water. Annoyed, the boy blows blood from a broken nose and bares angry teeth. Amused, crafty Chemistro aims the Alchemy Gun from the AIM craft. Instantly, lead materializes around Speed's legs. The heavy metal drags the dashing speedster down like bait for blue cats.
From shore, Strongbow dives like an eagle after a fish. Jason recalls that American Eagle and Spider-Woman had planned to hold their considerable breath and swim underwater anyway. They were going to surprise the bad guys on the barge. But, well, the bastards surprised the superheroes instead. A powerful breaststroke propels the enhanced human through the murk. His enhanced senses have some chance of detecting Speed in the depths.
On the deck, Chemistro cracks a wide grin. Carr has got to give it to MODOK. The cerebral monstrosity has computed the Avengers' initial strategy almost perfectly. So far, no hero has known what hit him. AIM's players have had essentially precognition.
Then, an assailant interrupts Carr's enjoyment. Suddenly, a long lamppost lances the ship's freeboard to the left. The twenty-foot pipe projectile barely misses Chemistro, and the goggle-eyed bad guy gulps surprised. Sans warning, a big tree bough whistles past the flabbergasted felon like a spear. Suddenly, a boulder blocks the few sunbeams circumventing the arriving storm. Reflexively, Chemistro blasts copious oxidizer from his Alchemy Gun, destroying the rock.
The sinister scientist scans the shoreline. He sees that Spider-Woman, with great arm, tosses tackle the three football fields to him. Chemistro keeps blasting incoming objects as Arachne momentarily occupies him with flying soil, sidewalk, benches, and miscellany.
Under anyone's radar, Wasp launches herself planning a sneak attack. The small scrapper scuds over the aquatic expanse, nearly imperceptible. Although, unbeknownst to her, mastermind MODOK mentally monitors the Wasp's flight while multitasking with the Hulk, so. . . . .
Under the hull, Hulk thrashes AIM agents like fodder. They fire ray guns. They activate booby-traps. They try various nasty inventions. They dogpile. But, ordinary agents can neither contain nor conquer the Incredible Hulk. And, extraordinary agents such as Grey Gargoyle are curiously not in sight. Fortunately, for the throng, an amazing AIM adversary assails the abominable Avenger.
MODOK concentrates a moment, and his mind control immobilizes the rampaging beast. Telekinesis casually yanks the half-ton Hulk down the ship corridor to AIM's captain in the bow. MODOK considers the powerful captive before him. Terrific rage flashes in the titanic catch's eyes. A tremendous thunderclap sounds close-by. It quakes the entire barge as Hulk wishes that he could.
Amused MODOK ogles his old foe and continues to execute a nefarious plan. "The Avengers are going down" is G. Tarleton's tawdry thought.
To starboard. "Gee, I love entering water during an electrical storm," Spider-Woman states to herself. The wonder woman wades into the Mighty Mississippi as mini-missiles shriek past. They explode upon the bank that Julia has abandoned. Two AIM troops have come to Chemistro's aid. They fire ordinance at Spider-Woman who expediently submerges herself. She swims vigorously for the villains' vessel as was the original plan anyway.
Of course, American Eagle already has a lead on Arachne. Underwater, Eagle approaches the area where Speed sank. Strongbow dips toward bottom, thirteen feet down, where Tommy must stand trapped and troubled.
But, out of nowhere, Speed startlingly shoots past American Eagle, tipping him aback and turning him topsy-turvy. Like a torpedo, Tommy speeds for the surface with awesome arms spinning like twin propellers. Instantaneously, he breaches the channel and breathes heartily in.
However, Speed is not done surging. He acts fast. The Avenger's arms keep spiraling unreservedly, and they form twin waterspouts wafting him from the water. In the sky, Speed is a tenebrous silhouette against the arriving brightly burning lightning and fiercely rolling firmament. As Chemistro views vexed, Speed vibrates his legs from the leaden casts as though they were mercury. The bonds melt and drop.
Forthwith, Carr flees from Speed. Dodging between raindrops, the dastard would lead the boy into some booby-trap abroad the barge. But, a deluge of silty Miss crashes over Chemistro, and Speed suddenly stands before him. In a blur, a torrent of blows buffet the soaked sap, slugging and slapping him around. Like the wind, someone swift secures Chemistro against a support—sans Alchemy Gun or any other weapon (seemingly). The bested brigand slumps—in submission (seemingly). Speed shakes a scolding finger in victory.
Meanwhile, valorous Jason Strongbow struggles in the Mississippi's strong current and suffocating waters. Flapping his extremities, American Eagle is upright expeditiously. Eying his bubbles, the warrior whip-kicks after his rising oxygen.
But, from nowhere, a scudding submarine knocks Strongbow silly. Someone escapes the AIM vessel in a compact craft. And, by chance, a loose cable fishtails behind the boat. And, by pure coincidence or devious calculation, the errant mooring captures Eagle's ankle as the itinerant u-boat accelerates northward. Slop sloughs up his nose and down into his lungs. The streaking sub harshly drags drowning Jason by the taut hawser. "What a revoltin' development this is" is Eagle's only thought, borrowed from buddy the Thing (see Marvel Two-in-One Annual #6).
Back at the barge, Hulk's considerable brawn strains to strike a snickering MODOK. The sinister supreme scientist psionicist stares down Hulk stopped in his tracks—quivering with rage. That "the madder Hulk gets, the stronger Hulk gets" is common knowledge. So, MODOK moves along his preplanned machinations for the mind-controlled monster.
"I sense that you could soon sack me if I dumbly dilly-dally," MODOK speaks, "So, I should send you to the ship's stern where an old friend awaits."
"Sub-Mariner?" Hulk hopes.
"No. Why would he work for me?" MODOK responds, "You're slightly slow."
Greenskin growls and heatedly ruminates. He's got it! "She-Hulk!" Cousin Bruce cries.
"S*** no!" the AIM alpha answers, "I would have two Hulks harassing me!"
"Stan Lee?" Hulk guesses.
MODOK mulls, "I do not know who that is."
Suddenly, Hulk lunges. Reflexively, MODOK launches the livid lug the length of the ship. "Aaaaah, you suck!" Hulk shouts.
"Have fun smashing St. Louis, schmuck," the big smirking s.o.b. bawls back. MODOK is quite the guy.
The buoyant behemoth bounces off the walls before his broad butt breaks glass in the aft. "Behold AIM's beastly weapon!" blurts a nearby "beekeeper", an agent in established organizational attire. Hulk hops up and howls: "Hrrrrr!" Wheeling 180, the brawler boxes at shadows but strikes—jack squat. Hulk looks befuddled. He seizes the AIM stooge and shakes him severely, suspended over the floor.
"Where is foe for Hulk to fight?" Hulk hollers, "For example, Fin Fang Foom—although he wouldn't fit this glass fixture."
"Just wait. The air ionizes," utters the yellow yutz, "You'll be sorry soon when a horror takes you out."
The Green Goliath flips the flunky inverted and brutally bobs him up and down. "Show me the horror! Show me the horror!" Hulk shouts. Bric-a-brac falls from the peon's pockets.
Angry Man flips the discombobulated back upright, "Where is monster?!"
The dazed chump points past the mettlesome monster, "There."
Hulk pivots and peers into the giant geranium's open air with (seemingly) nothing there. He guesses, "Vapor from U-Foes?"
"No." Over a big shoulder, the wretch watches scintillating specks whirl like a will o' the wisp.
"The Abomination? MODOK mention old associate," Hulk guesses again.
"In a glass enclosure?" the schlub scientist scolds, "Besides a-hole, have you seen an enormous Abomination about?"
"Empirically, no," altered Banner acknowledges.
Behind Green Genes, a huge humanoid form glows as though in neon outline. The bad guy buys the baleful beast some time to arrive. The captured crony interrogates, "Think, Hulk. What threat could be in that empty space?"
Agape, Jade Jaws looks. He studies the electric arcs illuminating the sizable shattered vacuum tube. Hulk hears them sizzle like the cogitation in his ol' cabbage. "Aaaaah, Sue Richards, the Invisible Woman," he says.
Agent 12 chortles, "My ex is now a fantastic freak, but she is far from a monster. Reed is one lucky guy."
"Gail Simone?" Hulk guesses another monster.
"Granted, she and her ilk have ruined comics in the 21st-century, but. . . . ." the grunt pauses, "Oh good, you can quit guessing now, you dumb galoot. He's here."
Hulk hurls the beekeeper far away. Fists raised, he faces his foe. Instantly, electrified tendrils wrap his wrists, and they sharply sting even through Hulk's invulnerable skin. Burning eyes glare at a fulgurant figure before them. The Living Dynamo looks right back. Two basic intellects recognize each other simultaneously. Hulk has fought Zzzax, and Zzzax Hulk. The blaring beast besets his incorporeal adversary, and pure energy simply envelops the simpleton. Zzzax surges unmitigated amperage through his entrapped opponent. But, Hulk incredibly endures, only shaken.
From the bow, MODOK psionically sends his creature commands. Zzzax responses. Unadulterated current melts steel ceiling to slag cascading through Zzzax and over Hulk. The Green Goliath swipes the searing stuff from his face and stomps the barge floor fiercely. The Mighty Mississippi is under both powerhouses, and the river may accomplish what the Mighty Avenger cannot. The aqua could short-out and defeat Zzzax if Hulk's feet but break the ship bottom.
But, the hell-bent hero's efforts are for naught. The Living Dynamo levitates toward the thunderheads above the breached barge, and he easily takes the temperamental titan with him. Zzzax lifts his hostage skyward as Speed, skimming the river's surface, and Wasp, flitting over the water, look on concerned. Then, Zzzax zooms off with the Avengers' biggest bruiser, removing him from the board. Hulk and Zzzax hurtle south toward St. Louis. Shaking a chin, Speed resolves to chase them down soon. But, first, Chemistro and his deck flunkies. . . . .
Farther north, Eve Necker ganders at a video monitor. Her sub's pilot summoned her over to see something. Specifically, the yellow-suited subordinate has spotted some sad sack dragging in distress behind the sub's rear camera. Uncannily, the drawn drowning dope continues to struggle despite surely swallowing magnums of Mississippi. Dr. Necker kneads her hands. She can accurately estimate that the hitcher is an augmented individual accompanying the Avengers. But, Necker does not know him or his capabilities. Perhaps, he will just conveniently die out there. Or, he might issue an energy blast at any moment. Or, as often occurs, the hero might dig deep and rectify his situation.
"Keep me updated," Dr. Eve orders. She turns to other concerns.
"Ay, ma'am," answers the AIM agent.
Digging deep, American Eagle expels ample plumes of dirty water from his filling lungs. Fighting the crushing current, the champion curls himself upright. He seizes the cable at his ankle. Showing astounding strength, he frenetically furls the line fettering his foot. Hand-over-hand, Eagle gathers the hawser and impossibly pulls himself forward.
Before American Eagle, Dr. Eve Necker operates in the sub. That is to say that she literally has subordinate Minion open for internal surgical work. Duffy moans and groans quietly under deep sedation. Beside Necker, a beekeeper assists the doctor's operations. Behind the two, two other AIM agents observe (apparently) unconscious Tigra strapped to a gurney. Guns at the ready, the twin drudges fret over the feline Avenger, for Tigra is in the flesh and no longer petrified. For God knows what reason, Grey Gargoyle's infamous, odious ossification has worn off.
Agent 17 scrutinizes sleeping, supine Tigra, "Now there is a bear you don't poke."
"Panthera tigris," says Agent 14, "Or, panthera sapien if you wish."
The former surveys his surroundings, "Do we have anything to dope her with like Necker's Duffy? A sedated superheroine is less scary than an active, alert, and angry one."
"Our recently petrified prisoner should again be stoned," the latter affirms. He too scans for narcotics or something similar.
"Get yourselves some morphine as well," someone speaks.
Both beekeepers startle. Conscious Tigra stares them down. She sits-up, and strong straps snap. A keen claw slices her legs' leather restraint.
Hearing Greer, Eve turns, "S***. It is a shame that the barge lacked a six-foot kennel."
The Cat curls. Seventeen and fourteen produce stun-sticks (no sidearms in an enclosed sub). Tigra handstands and cracks each flunky with a furry foot. She spins on her hands and flails them repeatedly. They fall. From the side, another AIM agent charges the liberated Avenger. But, he fails. Tigra just judo-flips him, clamps the juiced cuffs meant for her, and watches him flop as though tased. To the left, the ship's steersman enables the autopilot and takes a fighting position on his feet. Forsooth, Nelson and onlooker Necker simultaneously titter at the outclassed taekwondo enthusiast. Tigra tosses her empty gurney at him. He falls.
"Oh for f***'s sake," Necker feigns fear, "You defeated my four fellows. I should surrender." The mad scientist shows hands.
Surreptitiously, Eve flips a switch under her shoe. You see. Seconds before, she dropped a dicey device upon the floor. So now, nasty nuclear fusion begins. . . . . .
Back several miles, Speed departs secured Chemistro temporarily. In one fell swoop, the bleary streak subdues every AIM soldier on the barge's top. Tommy Shepherd gathers the gaggle of silly geese and deposits the whole gang in a pile before Curtis Carr. Then, in a blink, Speed assembles the goons' arsenal of laser guns and plasma grenades. With a "bye-bye", the puckish blur pushes the weapons along the wet deck until the expensive tech tumbles into the turbulent river.
Torrential rain washes the yellow-bellied crooks creeping for the companionway leading to cover, below deck. A crashing wave catches one and carries him away wailing in the howling tempest. He gropes direly at the slick gunnel. Speed whizzes to the rescue. But, he isn't needed. Spider-Woman surfaces from the churning, treacherous channel. Her sticky hands climb the hull, and the heroine nonchalantly chucks the crying chump back to his chucklehead chums.
"Yeah!" Speed cheers, "The amazing Spider-Woman has arrived!"
Deafening thunderclaps announce Arachne as dazzling lightning complements. The lightning emblazons eerie eyes and an arachnid emblem as dark garb stands against black sky. Her white gloves form fists flickering in the furious fulguration. Piqued, she puffs into the inundant precipitation. Pounding rain rattles the barge deck as the storm rages upon the roiled river.
Weaving and wobbling, Wasp arrives too through the raging rains. She alights and enlarges. The deluge lashes the Avengers' first lady.
Loudly, Speed greets, "Woo, the Wondrous Wasp has arrived!"
Wasp winks appreciation, but she also then shakes her head. She sadly steers Speed to his six. Tommy sees that Chemistro has escaped his steel chains. They lie rusted through and dissipating on the drenched deck.
"How in the hell did Carr manage that feat?" the Young Avenger asks aloud, "I took his damn Alchemy Gun."
"Perhaps, he had a chemical reaction up his sleeve," the experienced Avenger educates, "I saw him escape right after Zzzax distracted you and kidnapped the Hulk."
"Zzzax? Kidnapped Hulk?" Spider-Woman queries, "What happened while I was underwater? Under slightly more water than this squall at any rate."
"Zzzax the Living Dynamo launched himself from this barge's back, and he took our powerhouse with him," Jan summarizes, "And, Chemistro escaped."
"Aw f***!" Julia is very frank, "AIM just divided and conquered four Avengers and an Eagle ally while leading them into an obvious trap. I feel stupid, and I feel pissed."
"We all feel pissed," van Dyne remarks, filthy weather streaming down her face, "For all I know, Fixer is hiding in the hold down below."
Spider-Woman slicks back her long strawberry locks, "I tell you what, Wasp. Speed and you pursue Zzax and save St. Louis from certain doom. I'll stay here."
"Oh sure," Shepherd remarks sarcastically, "Twin titans shouldn't give us two too many problems. We're Tinkerbell and Twinkle Toes against those dual destroyers. "
Carpenter comments back, "If it cheers you up, I am about to attempt to take-down an entire shipload of super-baddies all by my lonesome. Let's hope that I'm an amazing Spider-Woman." The lady laughs hardily.
"Let's hope that your sortie isn't suicide," Speed pivots south, "Let's hope that American Eagle still shows-up at some point from somewhere. Let's hope that the Hulk is in a good mood when Wasp and I catch him. Let's hope that Zzzax shorts-out in the current sloppy showers. S***!"
Getting set, the keyed runner wipes the rain from his goggles.
Jan shrinks and seats herself in Speed's palm. "Good luck to us all," Wasp shrugs, "Maybe, Tigra and U.S. Agent have broken free inside the barge. Maybe, Hulk will even aid us in our upcoming epic battle with Zzzax. Who knows?"
Tommy takes off like a torpedo toward River City.
To the north, Tigra also has a fight before her. Unexpectedly, she must save a man's life. Somehow, Duffy has awakened. And, the dolorous, dissected dog adamantly attempts to sit-up—shifting his bowels forward and threatening to exenterate himself! The cringing, compassionate Cat tries firmly to keep Duffy flat. But, the cyborg forcefully thrashes about.
Beside Greer, Eve is amused. A moment ago, Necker literally had a trick up her sleeve. With hands up, she subtly activated her Minion with a stashed wrist device. Simultaneously, her toe tapped the powerful nuclear apparatus now operating on the floor. Impressive heat and glow spread across the sub's cabin.
Tigra eyes the ominous illumination. She asks, "What the hell is that raging radiation? I might be a tawny in the two-piece, but I don't need the tragic tan."
"Don't worry. It's just an experimental teleportation device," the mad scientist replies, "It should get my Minion and me out of your hair, or fur, as the case may be. Then, it might cook you and the whole craft. Who knows?"
Someday soon, Eve Necker creates the Death's Head automaton, and that terrible terminator has the ability to teleport. However, the evil genius must first build imperfect prototypes. And, one operates in this transport's enclosed quarters presently.
Punctually, the imperfect invention goes awry. With a blazing burst, the widget's furious fusion acutely intensifies. Tigra has great reflexes, so she springs free of the hot plasma overspreading the floor. She seizes some ceiling pipe by which to "hang in there, baby". Unfortunately, the unconscious AIM agents beneath her are incinerated instantly. Watching them burn, Duffy grows quite agitated as awesome energy melts his gurney toward the ground (and a possible gruesome fate). In the vicinity, Eve experiences an unpleasant irradiation that seemingly consumes her garb and then her flesh. Observer Tigra cannot exactly tell, for the shine is blinding bright. In fact, all through the vessel, the view waxes to nigh stellar.
The Cat clamps her eyes shut tight.
But, strangely, Greer hears someone pounding hard on the bottom hatch of the sub.