Takes place during the episode WE KILLED YAMAMOTO, any dialogue you recognize from the episode ain't mine

"I know what the marriage incentives are," Amy said, cutting Josh off before he could go on.

"Let's not do this now," Josh said, sensing that their conversation was headed in a dangerous direction.

"Cash bonuses to moms on welfare who marry the child's father, cancelling out child support debts if the parents-"

"You know what? Every single study, every one, shows that kids do better in two-parent houses."

Amy noted that there had been a sudden shift in the way Josh was talking to her about the marriage incentives, something apart from the increased volume; it was as if it had suddenly become more personal. The marriage incentives, it seemed, were hitting close to home- and 'home' meant-

"You didn't marry Jake's mother, he's not in a two-parent household and he's turning out just fine," Amy argued. "Kids are better off if they're raised by parents who love them. Your solution is loveless."

"Well, it is not like she gave me much of a choice, did she?" Josh shouted.

It was immediately obvious to Amy that not only had she hit a nerve, she had also crossed a line, she could tell by the angry look in his eyes.

Even though she realized that bringing up Jake hadn't been the wisest course of action, Amy couldn't understand how much she'd hurt Josh with the words she had tossed out in hopes of making a case against the marriage incentives. Amy squared her shoulders in preparation for what she knew was coming.

The life Josh and Jake were currently living was such a major change from what Jake had had before. He'd had three adults, all of them family, who looked after him. Two loving grandparents and a mother who, although she had a job and ambitions beyond being only a mother, tried her hardest to make sure she had plenty of time with her son, far more time than Josh was able to spend with him.

It killed Josh that he had a job that took up so much of his time but couldn't bring himself to give up, he hated that he'd needed to hire a nanny because there was no possible way for him to take care of his son on his own, hated that most of the time he spent with Jake was in his office in the West Wing instead of at home. And hated that even if he had all the time in the world now he had missed the first 11 years of his son's life and nothing could change that. He wasn't there when Jake was born, he wasn't there for his bris, he never got to see his son take his first steps or hear his first words.

Josh had seen home videos, with Jake's mother behind the camera in most of them but it wasn't the same. Through those tapes he'd seen Jake toddle toward his grandfather, Jake in his grandmother's arms as she danced around the room with him, squealing in delight as she spun him around. But he wasn't actually there for any of that, he was not holding that curly-haired baby that had his dimples. What hurt Josh most was that he knew how much that absence continued to hurt his son. Josh knew that the sad look on Jake's face when they watched those videos together wasn't there just because his grandparents and mother were no longer alive.

Josh loved that boy so much and it drove him up the wall that he couldn't be the sort of father Josh thought he deserved; he was absolutely terrified that the immense all-consuming love he felt for his boy would never be enough because instead of having the complete family Jake should have he just had one incredibly flawed father.

"Amy, don't ever bring up my son in an argument, you don't know anything about the situation."

"And whose fault is that, J?" Amy questioned, unwilling to just take the reprimand without calling Josh out first.

Josh couldn't help but feel angry, at Amy for bringing up the situation with his son when she had no idea what the circumstances had been, at Jake's mother for keeping the boy a secret, at himself for being stupid enough at 26 to have sex without a condom, and for being (only in Josh's own opinion) a terrible father. But Amy had a point, Amy didn't know or understand any of these things because he had never talked to her about them; Josh didn't feel comfortable telling her any of it and he wasn't certain he ever would. In that moment Josh remembered that Donna knew, Donna knew everything. She knew everything for so many reasons, the most important being that he trusted her and because he knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that she cared.

Josh gave a frustrated sigh and ran a hand through his hair.

"Don't call me that."

"You've got a hell of a lot of rules tonight, Josh, and I'm not sure I like being told what I can and can't do."

"Amy, all I'm asking is for you not to drag my son into our arguments, political or otherwise, and to call me by my damn name. I'm not asking for much," Josh said, feeling defeated.

He was getting tired of having the same kinds of arguments with Amy over and over, neither of them learning, and never getting anywhere.

What the hell are we doing, Josh wondered as the argument continued.

A/N: So recently I discovered that some readers hadn't figured out who Jake's mother is and that's fine but I hadn't realized that I'd been THAT vague. I decided to keep this particular vignette a tiny bit vague by not including some names to keep a bit of mystery for anyone who likes that sort of thing or for anyone who is new to this series and hasn't read any previously published vignettes yet.

If you want to know who his mother is a quick re-read or just a bit of a think should clear all of that up, the only real question is 'how did it all happen?' and I'll be getting to that eventually ^_~