Disclaimer: I do not own Station 19, nor the dialogues, nor the characters!
Dedicated to the Surrera Sanctuary, you girls are the best :)
"Your father blocked you from becoming a captain because he was worried about how you would handle his death. And to be honest with you, the way that you're acting right now, I can see that he was right to worry." Robert said. Up until then, his voice was laced with worry, but when she made that comment about solving problems with drugs, something snapped inside him. So now, he was in full chief mode, talking in that firm strong voice he usually used only at the station, never at home.
As soon as he was done with his speech, Andy looked up at him, her eyes a wild mix of disbelief, pain and even more anger than before. It was not the first time that he had seen this look in her eyes. It was pretty much the only feelings she expressed these days. However, Robert's heart broke all over again because, this time, all those emotions were there because of him. She had hurt him with the drug thing, and he hurt her back, and he was not fine with this. So, when their eyes locked and he saw all this pain and anger he had created, Robert regretted immediately what he had just said. All these emotions he could read into her eyes were too much for him and, barely two seconds after their eyes met, he dropped her gaze, unable to face the fact that she was now hurting because of him.
Andy could not believe what he had just said. She was deeply hurt. She would have never expected him to stoop so low. Of course, she regretted that drug comment as soon as the words left her mouth, but she never expected him to hurt her back. When he broke eye contact, she sighed in disbelief, she really could not believe this was happening.
"Wow…" she said, willing the tears away. She turned around, because she knew that if she stayed any longer, the fight would get worse. Despite the mess they were in, she did not want them to say anymore things they would later regret. She went for the stairs, stopping at the bottom to dial once again her aunt's number. Once again, she was greeted by her aunt's voice asking the people calling to leave a message. "Great" she thought. She had tried calling so many times that she was starting to know that voicemail message by heart. Still holding the phone to her ear, she glanced one last time at her husband before making her way up the stairs. She was too mad to deal with him now.
Robert watched as she made her way up the stairs. He could not believe he had hurt her. He walked around in the living room, trying to find a place to sit. His leg was bothering him a little and he was feeling so guilty, he needed to sit a minute and think. He walked to the couch since it seemed to be the only available spot left in the whole room, Andy having moved the white box just a minute before their big argument. He sat down, moving the brown box next to him a little farther away, pushing it to the other end of the couch. He sighed deeply, leaned forward putting his elbows on his knees and resting his head in his hands.
"Why did I say that?" he thought. "Why can't I help her feel better? I know she's suffering, but it doesn't make it an excuse to bring up my drug problem." He sighed once again. He could feel a headache building because of all the frustration and anger and sadness he felt. "But if it's not ok for her to use my problems against me, it's not ok for me to do the same thing either." He breathed in deeply, leant back against the back of the couch, head thrown backwards, facing the ceiling. He covered his eyes with his hands, rubbing his face a little. This day was not getting better, if anything, it was getting worse as time passed by.
Andy stomped her way upstairs, hanging the phone up, feeling too angry to leave the message just yet. She entered the bedroom, flopping onto the bed so that she was laying face down, her head burrowed deep in the pillows. She let out a deep breath as soon as her head hit the cushions.
She was so mad. She was mad at her dad for dying, she was mad at Sullivan for making her go through the boxes, well no that was good, she had to go through those boxes. Anyway, she was mad at him for saying those things about her dad and trying to be her dad, she was mad at her dad for keeping secrets from her, she was just so mad. Actually, she was so mad she felt like screaming into the pillows, so that is what she did. Andy let out a long, muffled cry before she started sobbing uncontrollably.
After about 20 minutes of deep thinking on the couch, Robert made his way up the stairs. He stopped at the entrance of the bedroom, and his heart broke even more at the sight of his wife. She was laying on her side, rolled into a ball, hugging a pillow close to her. He half-smiled when he noticed that it was in fact his pillow she was holding. Feeling a tad bit more confident, he stepped into the room, sitting on the bed beside her, making sure not to touch her. He did not know if she was still mad, and to be honest, he had been walking on eggshells around her for days now.
She only acknowledged his presence when she felt the bed dip under his weight. She immediately sat up, moving to rest her back against the headboard, still clutching the pillow close to her. Robert sighed at her reaction, his eyes never leaving her body.
"Andy, I…" he started.
"Don't! I don't wanna hear it." She replied in a trembling yet firm voice.
"I didn't mean it." He said anyway.
"Yes, you did!" she shouted back.
"No! Andy, I…" He shifted on the bed so that he was facing her. "It's the reason why your father didn't want you to get the promotion, that's true. But I wanted you to have it."
"Stop it!" She interrupted him. "Stop that! Whatever you're trying to do here, just stop it! Please!"
"Andy, I…"
"No! You don't get to hurt me and then come here and do that!" She yelled, moving her hands around in his direction.
"Hey! You hurt me too, you know!" He yelled. "I know you're hurting, but it does not give you the right to use my biggest mistake on me! It was a really low blow to talk about my addiction! Especially when you know that I'm clean now!"
"And you had no right to bring up my dad and side with him! You basically said that I was a wreck and that you were happy you did not give me that promotion! You know how much I want to be a captain!"
"And I wanted you to have that promotion!"
"Yeah, but you didn't! Because my dad asked you not to give it to me!" She took a deep breath, hiding her face in the pillow for a couple seconds. Robert took that time to breathe deeply, trying to compose himself.
"Andy, honey, I know you're hurting, ok?" He said in a soft voice, putting a hand on her knee so that she would look up at him. "And it makes me so frustrated that I can't do anything to help you, but you hurt me too. Hurting doesn't give you the right to be unfair."
As he talked, Andy looked at him in disbelief. He could see waves of anger rolling off of her, so he brought the hand on her knee back to his side, knowing there was going to be yelling again.
"I…Maybe you're right, but you worrying doesn't give you the right to force pills down my throat every time I'm mad and not ok!" She pushed the pillow to the side. "You can't sedate me all the time! I'm not crazy, I'm mad! I'm mad and I'm sad and I thought you were going to support me, and you do, but sometimes it's too much! I'm unveiling some family secrets and I don't like it and what do you do? You just want me to take sedatives!" While she was talking, she had scooted closer to him, so that now she was kneeling on the bed, her face close to his.
Robert listened to her. He did not know what to answer to that. Consequently, he looked into her eyes, her face was now so close their noses were almost touching. His eyes never leaving hers, he looked at her as she breathed heavily, out of breath after that angry speech. He could not take it anymore, it hurt too much to watch her spiraling down like that. So, he did the first thing that came through his mind. He cupped her face with both hands, kissed her forcefully on the lips, and let go. He got up and made his way out of the room, turning back once to look at her.
"I love you, Andy. But I can't do this." He said, before he left her there, sitting all alone on the bed, confusion, anger and sadness covering her face.
He made his way downstairs, grabbed the keys on the console table near the door, and slammed the door as he left his apartment.