Tainted Water

"There are a hundred different roads that branch from this highway, Jay," Cole grumbled, annoyed. "Lord Kaytake could be anywhere between Helin and Kryngis by now."

The events of the day- or rather, the lack of events- had put Cole on a short fuse. Jay didn't blame him; they were all testy.

"Yeah, I know," Jay said. "I was just thinking out loud. Sorry."

"Cool yourself, Cole," Kyle said breathlessly. "I do wonder, though. How did they manage to disappear like that? I mean, the last witness that claimed to have seen Kaytake was at the crossing hours ago."

Jay sat back in his saddle, trying to coax some feeling back into his stiff legs. They had been traveling along the Northern highway since about noon- when they'd rescued Kai and been found by Pixal. And now, as the first rays of pink were slinking across the horizon and the first stars were blinking to life, they realized that they were going to have to stop for the night.

Jay heard Varasach cough. It was a familiar sound now, as she had been wheezing, sneezing, and all those other unpleasant noises for a while now. Currently, she was dozing in the second horse's saddle, safe in Cole's arms.

"Let's stop here," Kyle said. Each time he put a shaky foot forward Jay was sure that the Nindroid's knees would buckle, and he'd fall into the snow. Kyle was exhausted; doubtless, he hadn't slept in many days.

Why didn't he take up my offer to trade for a while? Jay wondered. I can walk, and he needs to ride.

"We can't stop here, Kyle," Pixal said. She walked beside Jay's horse, stride strong and steady as her grass-green eyes. "We need to stop somewhere warm before Vara gets any more sick."

She was right, of course. What Vara had now was a cold, but with her lowered immune system this could easily progress into a flu. Or pneumonia.

The stoic expression on Cole's face indicated that he knew this as well. Jay knew that Cole looked his calmest he was struggling the most. And right now, his mask looked uncannily calm.

The first twinkling lights of the familiar, small town on the Northern border glowed down the road. Jay trained his eyes on those lights. Just a few more minutes and they'd be safe inside the White Rose inn. He could hardly wait. I wonder how Grayren's doing, he thought. I hope he didn't get the ECS; the White Rose had been our first stop while traveling with Besai.

"How are we supposed to get a room here?" Kai asked, speaking for the first time since their false lead down an abandoned mining trail an hour ago. His voice was low and bitter. "In case the thought failed to cross any of your minds, we're wanted criminals."

"Not Pixal," Jay said.

"Yes Pixal," the noblewoman retorted. "Though no one knows it yet, I've cast my lot with you rebels. As soon as the authorities know that, they'll be on my tail, too."

"And you're okay with that?" Cole asked.

"How I feel about being with your troop hardly matters," Pixal said. "What I'm doing is right, and I'll pursue it 'till it kills me. Or until I win."

The silence that followed was broken only by Varasach's fluidic coughs. Jay reached into his pocket for a painkiller to ease the throbbing in his leg. It was hard to think with that sting in his bones. He ate it discreetly, trying not to draw attention to his weakness. If the others knew how often he took these pills, they'd send him back to Cyrus for sure.

As an afterthought, Jay pulled Stormstrider from its sheath and set it on his lap. A long shot, since the sun was still setting, but the moon was up just a little. The Blade purred as contentedly as a cat in the weak moonlight.

Jay stroked the flat side of the Blade. It reacted to his touch, sapphire gem pulsing with light.

You've been awfully quiet today, Jay said.

Same as you. Be quiet and let me recharge in peace.

Jay shifted in his saddle again, cringing as his legs prickled from lack of circulation. He looked at the ground forlornly, wishing the painkiller would kick in already.

"Wish you were down here?" Pixal asked, noticing his gaze.

"A bit," Jay admitted. "I've never liked horses. I travel on foot to my destinations whenever possible. You?"

"Opposite. I hate walking if I can help it."

"Then...want to trade?" Jay asked. "I can walk."

"Absolutely not," both Pixal and Cole said at once. They glared at each other, then turned away with simultaneous sighs.

"No," Pixal said, tentatively. When Cole stayed silent, she continued. "We already went through this when you offered Kyle your horse. You're injured, and we won't let you stress yourself."

Jay dramatically buried his head in his hands, moaning. "Ugh. You guys don't have to baby me. I'm older than most of you."

"You're not older than me," Kai said. "And I order you to stay in that saddle until we reach the inn."

"Which won't be much longer," Jay said, lowering his hands. Small houses now lined the street, clustered together as if it would help ward off the unforgiving winter weather. A few persons walked the streets around Jay's group, busying themselves with last-minute tasks before nightfall. They never gave the strange-looking group a second glance.

That's what Jay liked about this town. They were far out of the political loop and wanted to stay out of trouble. Even if these people did recognize the six outlaws, chances were they wouldn't say a thing about it- neither Guards or Lord Julien's police force patrolled out here much, so who was there to tell? Besides, we aren't causing trouble. Why would they care?

Pixal sighed again. "We're almost there, Jay. I guess, if you want, you can hop down and walk the rest of the way."

Jay looked up the street perhaps ninety yards and closing with each footfall. There, the White Rose's sign swayed in the wind.

"How generous," Jay said dryly, though he still smiled. "I'll pass."

"Suit yourself." Pixal turned her eyes to the deep magenta-tinted skies. "Where did Kaytake go? You'd think we wouldn't have any trouble finding him. I mean, he only had a few minutes' head start..."

"I'm still holding to the theory that he went to Cyrus by the back roads," Kyle said. "It makes the most sense. After all, they're allies."

"I don't see how," Kai said. "They have entirely different values."

"You need to cut your father some slack," Pixal said. "I know you've had trouble grasping this concept, but politics can be a lot like drowning in a storm. Right now, Kaytake is just struggling to stay afloat."

"He shouldn't have jumped in the water to begin with," Kai muttered.

Cole cleared his throat. "Okay, then. We're here. Kyle, straighten your back. We don't want to draw attention to ourselves. Kai, compose yourself. We also don't want people thinking we're here to hurt them." He brought his horse to a stop, then softened his voice. "Vara, can you sit up? We'll get you into bed soon. You'll feel better after some rest."

"And food," Kyle said. "We'll all feel better after a hot meal."

Jay's stomach rumbled at the thought of food.

What a day, Stormstrider said as it was slid back into the sheath. Even you are salivating at the thought of human nourishment.

You don't have to make it sound so weird. Of course I'm hungry. You know how long it's been since I ate last?

Yesterday?

Yeah, something like that.

You know you had multiple chances today, idiot, the Blade said. They stopped how many times to purchase meals?

Only twice, for breakfast and lunch. And I didn't have an appetite then.

See? You-

Frustrated by where the conversation was going, Jay shut out the rest of Stormstrider's lecture and turned his attention to other things. Like Kai, who was offering him an a hand down.

Jay brushed him away with a growl. "I can do it myself." He disconnected himself from Stormstrider's powers and dropped from the saddle, landing with all his weight on his good leg. He held the horse's shaggy fur between his gloved fingers for a moment, cringing, then took a deep breath and untied his cane from the saddle's rear straps.

Once everyone grabbed their packs, Pixal took the three horses and handed them to a waiting stablehand. "Come on, then," she said, mounting the steps to the front door. "The sooner we get refreshed, the sooner we can get back on the road."

"Agreed," Cole said as he helped drowsy Varasach up onto the portico.

He still looks way too calm, Jay thought as Pixal pushed the heavy door open. The warm air and flickering firelight rushed out to greet them.

Once they were all inside and the door was shut, Jay started to feel nervous. He wasn't sure why- nothing looked different: customers at tables, talking quietly amongst themselves. Silverware clattering against wooden bowls or tin plates. Grayren running between tables, carrying mugs and empty plates. Though he smiled and laughed amiably with his patrons, his face was flushed, and he looked troubled. Perhaps no one else noticed this, but Jay did.

That was it, then. The White Rose's atmosphere looked and sounded as grim as Grayren's face, and it was making Jay's stomach twist.

"Of course, sirs," the innkeeper was saying as he passed a table close to the kitchen. "I'll get that quick as I..." He caught Jay's eye and hesitated, nearly tipping his pile of dishes. "...can. Excuse me." He disappeared into the kitchen, then reappeared a moment after, drying his hands on his apron.

"Good evening, friends," he said, beaming tiredly. He wiped a sheen of sweat from his brow. "Oh, excuse me, please. It's..it's been a trying couple of days."

"Is everything all right?" Jay asked.

"I shouldn't worry you," Grayren said, digging deep into his pockets. He pulled out two keys. "Here. It'll be the usual price. One night, correct?" He pushed the keys into Jay's free hand. "I'll start up a meal, get some more tea prepared. What would you-"

"Hey!" Jay grasped Grayren's hands tight to keep him still. "Hey, come on. Tell me. Did someone come earlier? Soldiers?"

"What? No, no. It's nothing so... I just..." He couldn't meet Jay's eyes. "It's about Jess. You remember her?"

"Of course. I came to your wedding."

" 'Course you did. I'm sorry." He slid his sleeve over his eyes and wiped them dry. "She's got the plague."

"She's not..." Jay began.

"No, no, she's still alive." Grayren cast a glance over his shoulder. A few customers were looking in their direction curiously- or impatiently, if they were waiting for him to fetch something. "I'm hoping that our good King will be true to his word. He says that they're close to coming up with a cure. I..." He shook his head, wiping away a few tears. "We lost the baby. Jess was so sick, and with all the blood..."

Jay squeezed Grayren's hands. "I'm...sorry. Maybe you should take a break. Go be with her."

"I know," Grayren said. "I know, I should. But a lot of these people here, they've lost family too. Children, husbands, wives. Some have even lost their homes because of...well, you know."

Actually, Jay didn't, but he gestured for his friend to continue.

"So I can't just close up and leave these people out on the streets," Grayren said. "Though, it's been hard keeping up without Jess in the kitchen. I've had to do most everything by myself."

"I'll help," Pixal said, drawing back her cloak hood. A few people in the room gasped when the recognized her.

Grayren blinked once. "My lady. You can cook?"

"I know a thing or two," Pixal answered. "Lead the way. I'll do what I can."

Grayren suddenly looked near fainting. He dabbed his forehead again. "Ah...yes. Thank you, my lady. You can follow me. Jay, those keys go to the rooms on the upper floor, second and third doors on the right."

"Got it." Jay counted out his coins and put them in Grayren's hand. The innkeeper put them in his pocket without counting them, and then rushed off with Pixal to the kitchen.

Jay didn't tell anyone, but he'd put a couple extra silvers than the bill required in Grayren's hand.

Kai looked even more dispirited now. He put his hands in his pockets and shuffled toward the stairs to their left.

"Hey," Jay said, putting his hand on Kai's shoulder. "Don't be like that. This plague isn't your fault."

When Kai ignored him, Jay turned and looked at Kyle. "I'm guessing you don't have any more of the antidote on you?"

Kyle held his palms up. "No."

"Well, we'll have to send you out in the morning to get more from Cyrus." Jay began climbing the narrow, well-lit staircase to the second level. "It's only a couple hours' ride. You could get back before lunch, if you left early."

"What about you guys?" Kyle mounted the stairs last, behind Cole and Varasach.

"We're going after Kaytake, of course," Cole said. "Though, I'm wondering who put Jay in charge. I think that he should go back with Kyle and Vara. Kai, Pixal, and I can get answers from Kaytake easy enough. Not that we need answers, but I can't say I'm not curious to know his motives."

Jay balled his fist around his cane. He reached the top step, then counted the doors quietly to himself. His voice cracked as he turned the key to their first room. "Ahem. Um...how will we do this?"

"Do what?" Kyle asked.

Jay stepped into the room. The fire was unlit, but he could see plenty of wood and a flint stone, as well as fresh cream-colored candles on the table. "There are three beds in each room, I'd assume," he said. "How are we gonna split up?"

"I'm not leaving Vara," Cole said as he took the key from Jay. "So who's taking the third bed in this room with me?"

Inexplicably, all eyes fell on Kai.

Kai shrugged. "Fine," he said, unclasping his cloak, letting it flutter to the floorboards. "That's fine." Then he went to the fireplace and went about making a fire, his back to them. "I'll probably go downstairs and help out in the kitchen, though, so we won't be visiting any."

"I've gotta check Jay's bandages too," Kyle said as he ushered Jay from the room. "See you guys...later, then." He shut the door, then muttered, "That was awkward. What's with those two lately?"

Jay squirmed at Kyle's weight on his shoulder. The Nindroid's strength was nearly spent, and he was twitching a bit. Would Zane look like this if he always pushed himself to his limits like Kyle? Riding out in the moonlight to distribute the antidote, then staying up with the sun to help Cyrus upkeep the fortress. Weeks and weeks of minimal rest.

"So sorry," Kyle said, smiling apologetically as he let go of Jay. "Your leg. I shouldn't have leaned on you."

Jay drew out the other key and inserted it into the lock of the second door. "No, it's fine. I hardly feel it anymore."

"Li-ar," Kyle said, punching out the syllables. After Jay turned the key, Kyle pushed the door open with his finger. He leaned against the doorframe. "Why do you lie so much?"

"Because." Jay entered the dark room and lit a candle.

"That's not an answer." Kyle kicked the door shut and dropped onto the nearest bed. "You say you're fine. You say you can handle things. You say you aren't hungry. You say it doesn't hurt. Why?"

As if in agreement, Jay's stomach growled. But he didn't want to think about this, so he went to the fireplace and-

Now, here was a predicament. He couldn't get on his knees to light the fire without hurting himself. He couldn't crouch because the muscles in his right leg were healing and sore.

Eventually, he bent at the waist awkwardly and struck the flint against the iron grate. Sparks showered down on the bits of awaiting paper and twigs, and in a few minutes he had a large, warm blaze.

Kyle had a point. Jay's whole life had been one big, ugly lie after another. I even lied to Nya.

"I lie because that's all I've ever done," Jay said out loud. "As a kid, I tricked myself and others into thinking I was a happy little orphan child. I tried fooling myself into thinking that it wasn't my fault Merv died. Or...well, you know what I mean. I..." He dropped the flint and hobbled to the middle bed. "I...I lie because if people knew who I was... They'd be disappointed by John Keith, the man who couldn't lead them."

Kyle searched Jay's eyes for a long moment. "And why can't you be a leader?" he asked.

"Because I'm weak," Jay said, pulling off his left boot. "How does a scrawny little Western kid convince crowds to flock under his banner? One with a missing leg and a depression disorder, at that. I'm unstable."

Kyle knelt on the floor and gently pulled Jay's other boot free. He seemed to be taking his time pondering this as he rolled up Jay's pant leg, revealing the metal contraption that had replaced his leg.

"It's like you guys always say," Jay said. "I'm useless. I need to stay out of the way, let the real men handle the world-saving."

"Hmm." Kyle undid the prosthetic's straps on Jay's thigh. He set the long, somewhat leg-shaped piece of metal and leather on the bed and prodded the bandages.

"You know what I think?" he said, spasming fingers working with all the care he could muster.

"No. What?"

"I think a man's only as weak as he thinks he is," Kyle said. "You know what else I think?"

"What?"

"You take too many painkillers." Kyle undid a portion of the pinkish bandage and sniffed. "I should have checked this more often on the road; the sutures haven't been getting enough air. It's festering and swollen. How can you walk with this, magical Blade or not?"

"In my defense, I haven't used Stormstrider's powers to help me walk for a few hours."

"Even worse. So all your weight- not that you weigh that much to begin with- has been landing on this mess of severed bones and stitched-up skin. And you're taking so many drugs that you can just barely feel it?"

Jay set his elbows on his knees and clasped his hands. "You see? I'm weak. Useless."

"No, you're not." Kyle opened his pack and unraveled a length of fresh white bandage.

"Oh?" No tears, Jay. No tears. "So you think I'm an asset to the team? You think Cole and Kai would be lost without me?"

Kyle did not answer. His eyes, usually full of light and joy, were dimmed. As if he'd aged forty years in as many seconds. He hummed a slow tune to himself as he took a basin of cold water from the table and returned to Jay's bed.

"I can do it myself," Jay said. "You should rest. If we're going to leave at first light tomorrow-"

"Shh." Loose strands of hair fell into Kyle's face as he knelt and dipped his hands in the water. "Not another peep out of you. Not until I've had my say."

So Jay stayed quiet, watching Kyle do the familiar task of washing the raw, swollen stump, then disinfecting it with a pale green ointment, and then re-wrapping everything with his fresh bandages. He was gentle and patient about it, as if this were a sacred task, and he was honored to be attending to it. And he murmured the notes to his song all the while.

Finally, he fell silent, stood, and carried the bowl of tainted water back to the table. Shaking uncontrollably, he planted his palms on the table and let his head sag between his shoulders.

"You should lay down," Jay said. "Seriously. I'm getting tired of saying-"

"Shh!" Kyle held up a hand, then slid it across his face.

Jay leaned forward as far as he dared, trying to peer around Kyle's back. He was making strange noises- soft, breathy hiccups.

Was Kyle crying?

No, that wasn't possible. Kyle was always so...happy. So strong. So the opposite of Jay.

Jay hastily strapped on his prosthetic and stood. "Kyle, what's wrong?" He limped across the room and touched Kyle's arm. "You're delirious. Go lay-"

"Shh, shh." He pulled his hand away from his face and looked up at Jay brokenly, shaking his head.

"Jay," he whispered, reaching out to touch his friend's face. "You have no clue, do you?"

Jay tried not to flinch at Kyle's wet, teary touch. "Clue?" he repeated, shifting uncomfortably on his feet. "What am I missing? Tell me what's wrong. I'll help you."

Kyle rubbed Jay's cheek with his thumb, unaware of how uncomfortable the Western nobleman was. "Ever since I was first activated, Cyrus has told me stories," he said in the same low voice. "Stories about you, Jay. About where you were from, and what you've done, and..." He sniffed again. "...and all I could think was, Wow. I could only dream of being a man like John. You were my hero before I even met you."

"Well, I'm sorry to have disappointed you," Jay said. "Uncle always has had a habit of making things sound grander than they are."

"His stories haven't even come close," Kyle said. "You're so much better than anything I imagined."

Jay immediately went back to the delirium theory. Kyle was overtired and emotional.

"Uncle said that you were a natural leader, though you have a tendency to leap straight into the heart of a problem without thinking," Kyle said. "He always told me that you were the kindest man he'd known. The one who put others before himself- who analyzed his friends, figured out what made them tick, and then built them up, made them stronger, encouraged them honestly."

"I'm not any of those things," Jay said. He pried Kyle's hand from his face and tried to lead him to the bed. "Come on. I'll have to report this malfunction to Cyrus when we get back."

"He's proud of you," Kyle said, pulling his hand away. "I can see it in his eyes when he talks about you. You...you're the reason Cyrus fights, you know. Everything he does, he does for you. All he wants is to see you happy again."

"Liar," Jay said, but his voice lacked conviction. "And...and even if it were true, it just goes to show you: Even Cyrus is fighting my battles for me. I'm useless."

"Quiet!" Kyle said angrily, then softened again. He took Jay's head in both his hands. "Jay, you are amazing. You are so, so strong. You fought the Overlord, for Una's sake! Twice! And you escaped with two prisoners, missing only your leg. Most escape with far less than that, if at all."

"Cole rescued me the first time," Jay said. "He was weak, near death, and still he did what I couldn't. And that second time, Overlord let me go. I never beat him."

Kyle pulled Jay's head down and kissed his forehead. "You are incredible, brother. How do you not see it?"

"There's nothing to see."

"Tell me you don't believe that."

"Is what you're saying any more believable?"

"Yes!" Kyle lifted Jay's head and smoothed his hair. "Damn you, Jay, yes! You're not useless. You are an important part of the team, and you are a wonderful kind of friend. The best, I'd say. We only want you to go home because we're worried for your health. You're not doing anybody any favors by pushing yourself. If you'd just take it easy for another week, you'd feel so much better. Then you would truly be an asset. You understand?"

Jay nodded numbly. He was sure how, but he managed to keep back the tears as Kyle pulled him into an embrace. Because strong men don't cry, he said. It was the same argument he'd used for years. It hadn't failed him yet. Tears meant that he'd given up. And I can't give up because there's too much at stake.

"Well, look at this," Pixal said from the doorway. She held two large bowls in her hands. "Hope I haven't interrupted anything private. Here's your dinner." She approached, wearing a clean white apron over her lavender dress.

Blushing, Kyle stepped away from Jay and accepted one of the bowls. "Mmm. This looks like good stew. Did you make it?"

"No," Pixal said, shoving the other bowl into Jay's hands. "You know, when Grayren said I'd be helping in the kitchen, I thought he'd meant it. But apparently my greatest asset is running errands." She saw the dirty washbasin and wrinkled her nose. "I left the tea in Cole's room. If you want some, go over there." She picked up the dish and left, skirts swirling around her ankles.

Kyle rubbed his temples with one hand, blowing air through his lips. "Well. I'm gonna have to apologize to Cole and Kai after this."

"Why?" Jay picked up the dinner roll in the bowl and sniffed it. It was sweet and moist. It was hard to restrain himself from cramming it all into his mouth.

"It's nothing really," Kyle said. "Just a sense of déjà vu. Two guys having a heart-to-heart, then getting walked in on by a Nindroid who reads the situation wrong..." He smiled at Jay, tears sparkling in his honey-colored eyes. "You really don't want to know. Come on, sit down and take that stupid leg off. I don't know about you, but I'm famished, and this looks delicious."

Jay nibbled at the hot, broth-sodden crust of the roll, then mirrored Kyle's smile. It tasted better than anything he'd had in a long while. Maybe he'd eat the entire bowl tonight.

Whoa, slow down. That might be a bit too much. Just... He sat down on his bed and took a larger bite. ...yeah. I'm gonna eat it all.