Sam and Toby were sitting in a secluded corner of Andy's backyard. He'd come directly to Andy's from the airport with Ainsley. Sam's two Secret Service agents were parked in front of the house and Ainsley was in the living room with CJ, Andy, and the rest of Toby's family.

Toby had known that there was something on his friend's mind the moment he'd seen him so he dragged him outside and away from everyone else as fast as his old joints would allow, and had waited patiently for whatever it was that was eating away at Sam to come out.

"I loved him," Sam whispered, half to himself, as if the statement was more for Sam's own benefit than Toby's.

Toby knew what he meant, he wasn't blind and he wasn't stupid, he'd seen the way Sam had sometimes looked at Josh, there had always been something more than admiration in Sam's bright blue eyes.

Toby wondered if Donna had ever noticed. Maybe she'd been too in love with Josh to notice, maybe she'd been too busy being distracted by Mandy Hampton and later Amy Gardner's presence in Josh's life to notice that someone else was making eyes at Josh. Maybe her world had been too heteronormative then for her to even consider-

And then Sam had left, Josh and Donna had gotten married, Sam had returned and was single only briefly before marrying Ainsley and after that he'd only had eyes for the brilliant blond Republican sex kitten he'd married.

But obviously Sam hadn't forgotten how he'd felt. How could he- how could anyone- forget something far stronger than a crush on someone as magnetic as Josh.

"Did he- did he know?" Toby wasn't sure he wanted any answers, it felt far too private, something that should've only been between Josh and Sam.

"I don't think so, he never- he never said anything- we never talked about it. I don't even know if he liked- you know-"

It amazed Toby how hard it was for either of them to say it, to say that maybe Josh had also been attracted to men as well as women. They were both open-minded liberals, Toby had grown up with a Lesbian sister and his daughter was Bisexual, but like Sam he couldn't say that maybe Josh had been Bisexual out loud. It wasn't sexuality that was the issue, it was that Josh was gone and so many things had gone unsaid, it felt strange and not a little painful to ask questions they could no longer find the answers to.

He had always wondered, especially after noticing how Sam and Josh had interacted with each other, after seeing how tactile Josh was with Sam, but as the first Bartlet Campaign had progressed and their little group had gotten closer he had realized that Josh was that tactile with just about anyone he cared about; he liked to touch and be touched. Josh, who most of the time was wound tighter than a spring, would appear to unwind if Leo so much as brushed a hand against his shoulder. Josh and Donna seemed to have lost any understanding of personal space early in their relationship, it hadn't been anything inappropriate as some of the staff had been afraid it might be, they were just always huddled together going over polling data and electoral math, Josh explaining things to Donna, Donna sharing some semi-related trivia that would light a spark in Josh's brain, and when Donna came back after her brief disappearance Toby had noticed the way his hand found it's way to the small of her back. Then there was the way he was with CJ, at first it had been the source of mild jealousy when Toby had seen the way Josh would hug CJ; but Toby had seen CJ interact with her brothers and the way Josh and CJ behaved around each other wasn't at all different. Even Zoey Bartlet couldn't escape Josh's affection, he could often be found with his arm slung around Zoey's shoulder, the two of them laughing like two conspirators and Josh humoring her the way he would a little sister. So, Toby was left doubting, was there something romantic or sexual between Sam and Josh or was this just the familial affection Josh bestowed upon everyone in his new found-family?

Things hadn't gotten much clearer as the campaign and then the administration progressed. Over time Toby had learned certain things about Josh and his family. The Lymans, it seemed were a small clan, those days it was Josh, his mother, and his mother's cousin (who wasn't technically a Lyman). He had discovered all of that right after the Illinois Primary, when he had noticed something going on with Josh and Donna while everyone was celebrating, the two of them disappearing, followed by Leo and then Donna and Leo coming back without him and Leo pulling the governor aside.

"He was so nice on the phone," Donna had told Toby. Donna had sniffed before continuing, her big blue eyes starting to look glossy. "It's just Josh and his mom now- and a cousin- I think it's his mom's cousin."

Toby had a hard time grappling with what it must be like to be one of three members of a family. His own family wasn't particularly large but he had his two sisters, his brother, mother, an uncle, two cousins, a few nieces and nephews, and some in-laws. After learning these things it seemed only natural for Josh to be so physical with those he cared about, it explained why he hugged everyone so tightly, why he took every opportunity to slap a shoulder or to let his guiding hand hover and gently touch the backs of his friends. He had a terrible fear of loss and an incredibly capacity for love.

"I think maybe he did like- but he was too... you know... 'Josh' to realize it," Toby meant too obtuse, because Josh *would* be too distracted by anything and everything to realize that he had in fact felt any sort of sexual and romantic attraction towards men as well as women. "And then Donna came along and there was no way he would've explored the possibility that he felt that way."

Josh of course had had moments of profound clarity, he would never have married Donna or been so successful as a politician if he hadn't, but there were some things that he could never decipher, never even managed to take into consideration, particularly about himself; it was as if he willed himself not to be self-aware out of some strange Josh-sense-of-self-preservation. Toby could only imagine how difficult Josh's defense mechanism that protected his private self had made things for both of Josh's Stanleys.

"You won't tell Donna, will you," Sam said, suddenly sounding panicked when he began considering what such a revelation might sound like to a recently widowed woman.

Toby sat in thought for a moment.

"Toby?"

"I won't," Toby assured him. "But Sam, do you honestly think she'd be- upset?"

Toby didn't believe that it would. If anything it might make things easier for Donna, Toby reasoned, to talk to someone who had felt that way about Josh, someone whose love had been far more tender than anything Mandy and Amy had been capable of with Josh, something that was a far cry from intense sexual desire that had done nothing but bring out the worst in both members of the relationship and had made Donna absolutely miserable.

Maybe Sam wouldn't have to say anything, maybe Donna would understand. She'd always been astute and maybe now her grief would grant her some clarity, especially since there was no longer anyone to throw her off. She'd see what Sam had felt all those years ago, he wouldn't be able to hide it no matter how hard he tried and she would see right through him, Toby was sure of it.

Sam decided to change the subject.

"Have you spoken to the President yet?"

"No, I haven't, there hasn't been any time."

Sam understood, he nodded.

"This won't be easy for him, it won't be easy for any of us," Sam had to pause for a moment to clear his throat. "But especially not for him."

Toby sighed.

Sam was right, the President's grief would have to be measured. The leader of the free world couldn't just take a week off, he couldn't appear at meetings with heads of state looking scruffy in a stale smelling suit, and unshaved face, and without dress shoes.

Toby rubbed his beard for a moment and took a deep breath.

"They've got us - Donna, the kids, the grandkids - they've got us, we'll make it easier."

Sam replied with a gentle smile that sent Toby traveling back decades, back when he'd first seen one of Sam's loving looks directed at Josh and Toby had been profoundly confused because who could possibly love such a loud and abrasive idiot savant like Josh Lyman, it seemed nearly as impossible as someone loving Toby.

What a fool he'd been then.

Out of the corner of his eye Toby saw CJ standing on the porch, it was time for them to head to the White House.

"Come on, Samuel, it's time to go perform our mitzvah," Toby said as he rose slowly and took Sam gently by the elbow and they made their way back into the house.