Chapter 3: Teens are their own species

I don't own 'Harry Potter'

"Are you sure this is alright?"

"I agree. This is … unusual, to say the least."

"Oh, for the love of – Reg, help me out."

"Our parents wouldn't dare to hex someone in public where there are witnesses."

"That's not what I meant by 'help'!"

Harry felt his lips twitch at the nearby conversation, through perhaps it was better described as a badly-written comedy act. Orion just rolled his eyes and shook his head, making Harry have to breathe deeply so as to not break down in hysterics. He really did love his children, insane though they were.

He turned to see the group of ten teenagers round the corner, Siri and Reg spotting them first, their silver eyes lighting up.

"Father! Père!"

They didn't run anymore – they were much too dignified to do so – but the boys hastened over and hugged Harry briefly but firmly, before greeting Orion in much the same way. The two of them stepped back and Harry looked up at them, mourning the fact that he was always going to be the shortest in the family. Sirius was 5'7" at the moment, so he only had two inches to grow before he stopped, but Regulus had already reached 5'10", meaning it was likely he'd get to 6' before he stopped growing. Clearly both brothers had had their height tempered by Walburga's genetics, though thankfully every other part of them was pure Orion.

It was unusual to look at these two now, seeing them in a way that had never happened in Harry's previous time. They were close for once, visibly happy together as opposed to at odds with each other thanks to Walburga playing them against one another. Siri wasn't planning on running away any time soon – it wouldn't surprise Harry if the brat tried to sneak his future spouse into their home and just never leave – nor was Reg withdrawing into dubious social circles and preparing to join a psychopath because he didn't know what else to do.

His sons – and they were his sons, blood or not – were happy and healthy, and Harry was content with that.

"Uncle Orion, Uncle Harry! How are you doing?"

Harry turned from his children towards the new voice, catching the exasperation in his husband's eyes as he did. Not that he could blame him or anything; this teenager was a pain in the arse to deal with, no questions asked.

Stood before them was James Potter in all his mischievous and cocky glory, that irritating smirk on his face, his hazel eyes glinting behind his glasses with promises of untold chaos. Harry could only imagine how he would have turned out if this idiot had raised him. Though luckily enough, this time around Dorea had been given plenty of advice from Orion and Harry about not spoiling him, so James hadn't turned out half the git he was last time around. He was still a pain, but he wasn't a bully, and he'd actually learned the meaning of the word 'moderation'. As far as Harry was concerned, it was a miracle of astronomical odds.

The girl next to James just sighed and swatted his arm, berating him for being … well, himself. It seemed that her main issue was that James was being a prat in front of two members of the Wizengamot however, not that she had too much of a problem with his default personality.

Lily Evans was certainly calmer than any memories he'd ever seen of her, and apparently the teenage versions of his parents were already dating instead of only getting together at seventeen after James stopped being so much of a twat.

(They might have once been his parents, but Harry was hardly blind to their faults.)

Also among the mismatched group of teens were two other girls, Marlene McKinnon and Dorcas Meadowes. Dorcas was the second cousin to Sirius and Regulus through Melania, while Marlene was a childhood friend of Dorcas and a friend of Lily's. (Marlene was also going to be something more if his gut feeling was right, but he wasn't going to torment the teen in question about their emotions.)

Dorcas had black hair tied back in a simple bun, narrow brown eyes, and a no-nonsense expression that looked somewhat out of place on the diminutive 5'1" girl. Marlene had long golden curls down to her hips, with pale blue eyes and peach skin that made Harry think of a Barbie doll. Though considering the sly jab about James' temperament with a snide reference to thinking with the head in his trousers, the girl was anything but a doll. Harry quite liked her.

Of course, there was Remus, the responsible one as always, torn between hissing at his friends to get them to shut up, or sending apologetic and vaguely pleading looks in Harry and Orion's direction. Harry didn't have the heart to tell him this was normal for them.

Remus looked a lot healthier than he ever had, though that might have had something to do with Harry essentially stealing the recipe for a half-complete Lycanthropy cure from the future, finishing it himself, and then sending a free course of treatment to the Lupin family anonymously. With a subtle and obscure compulsion spell on it make Lyall and Hope Lupin actually give the cure to their son.

(There was a reason why the Peverell accounts were suddenly raking in a lot of gold.)

It was the final trio of teens that made Harry anxious, even if he could admit that it was unfair to blame the innocent teenage versions for things their adult selves had done. Then again, just because you knew something logically, didn't mean it was any easier to convince your emotions otherwise.

Stood to the side, were Barty Crouch Jr., Peter Pettigrew, and Severus Prince.

Snape – not that he was called that any more, but Harry couldn't be bothered to change the form of address in his mind – had been adopted by his grandfather after the man discovered just what sort of man his daughter had married (after an anonymous letter from Harry). Eileen Prince had also gone to live with the House of Prince again, however she was completely cut from the line of succession for her transgressions. Snape was also out, because Lord Prince was an old-school pure-blood supremacist who didn't want any half-bloods near his titles, grandchildren or not.

Thanks to the 'gracious' man, Eileen had been married off to Rabastan Lestrange, now Prince, for the sake of birthing a new generation of Princes. Funnily enough, the younger Lestrange wasn't nearly as horrid as Harry had been expecting, and he'd taken everything of his new life in stride. Then again, seeing as he would inherit the title of Lord Prince in place of Eileen, he didn't have much to complain about.

This Snape appeared to be much kinder than the other version, though Harry was still having a hard time differentiating between the two. After all that the older Snape had done to him, it wasn't going to be simple to treat the younger one decently.

Pettigrew, to Harry's complete astonishment, didn't even closely resemble the human-shaped rat he had before. He was still slightly heavier than his peers, but his hair was cropped close to his head, his back straight and with more confidence than Harry could have anticipated. Peter Pettigrew didn't look around at others as if he were following them, he just stood there quietly chatting to Snape.

How the bloody hell did that happen?

No sooner had that thought crossed his mind, did Dorcas Meadowes reach out and whack Pettigrew round the head, loudly berating him with her hands on her hips as he stood there and nodded along with her, a sheepish expression on his face. Oh, so she beat some sense into him. Literally. Good girl.

Lastly was Barty Crouch the younger, and he looked a far sight better than his insane future self. As bizarre as it sounded though, Harry probably found it easier to deal with Barty than the other two. Older Barty had been so clearly insane that it was obvious he couldn't be held responsible for his own actions; therefore, Harry had never interacted with a Barty Crouch in complete control of his faculties. A sane Barty had never wronged him, so it was hard to judge him when even Harry's younger self had been concerned about the man's mental state.

"Okay everyone, quiet down," Orion called out, his deep voice catching everyone's attention. "If you've all got your things ready, then make your way to the fireplaces and go straight through. The destination is 'Grimmauld Place: Reception Room'. Nobody other than my sons or James will be able to leave that room until I arrive, so please don't try to unless you wish to spend the remainder of the Yule period in Saint Mungo's," he finished in a flat voice.

Everyone other than the three aforementioned teens paled at the words of the intimidating Heir Black, making Harry roll his eyes at his arsehole of a husband. A gorgeous arsehole, but an arsehole nonetheless.

"Orion! Don't scare them!" He turned to the teens with a gentle smile that calmed them down, making him pity them just a little. "Don't worry, if anything does go wrong, I've been a qualified Healer for close to a decade now." Harry beamed at them brightly. "I'll be here to prevent massive injury, disfigurement or death."

Then again, there was a reason why he and Orion worked so well together.

Siri was blinking back tears of laughter as he bit down on his lip, while Reg was frozen with wide eyes, his lips pressed so hard together they were white from the strain of not laughing. James had turned his head away from the situation, shaking shoulders the only indication of his amusement at the situation.

Everyone else was staring at Harry's caring smile, visibly torn over whether or not they should take his words as a joke or not. Considering not even Siri or Reg were laughing at the moment, everyone else seemed to be seriously questioning their life choices, looking between Orion and Harry as if they were faced with two sides of Satan at the same time.

He wondered what it said about him that he was quite flattered.

His oldest eventually took pity on his friends and chuckled lightly. "I'm sure they understand being careful, Père," said Siri with a small grin. He turned to the others and beckoned to them. "Come on, any slower and you'll miss out on Kreacher's lamb roast."

The promise of food was an acceptable bribe for possible danger, and everyone perked up at the idea of a hearty meal.

Orion grinned and added, "Harry's also made chocolate cheesecake for pudding."

His sons and James suddenly looked ravenous and Harry shook his head. James grinned at the others. "Uncle Harry's an amazing baker, and his cheesecake is enough to get you to ignore any semblance of a diet, no matter how much willpower you have."

"It's not that good," Harry rebuffed.

"Yes, it is," echoed Orion, Siri, Reg and James as one. Harry just huffed and started making his way towards the fireplaces, taking note of Reg falling into step beside him. Harry wrapped an arm around Reg, immensely grateful his sons were still willing to accept affection from him. He didn't think he'd be able to stand it if they brushed him off. Regulus pushed further into Harry's side, and Harry smiled up at his son.

"So, how's this year been so far?"

Reg hummed. "The professors are getting worked up with OWLs, but they're not very good at dealing with the resulting stressed students. Instead of talking things through, explaining how you can retake exams at the Ministry or how to manage stress and a busy work schedule, they just tell us to deal with it and go to the Hospital Wing for potions if things become too much."

Harry frowned heavily. That school really needs sorting out. "Well, if you need any help, you know you can come to me or Orion, or even anyone else in the family, if you prefer."

"I know," Reg replied with a smile. "Is anyone else coming over in the next few days? I remember Dad saying something to that effect."

Harry had to reign in the smirk that threatened to overtake his face. He supposed it was part of being a parent, wanting to tease your children about their love lives. He'd do the same with Reg, if it weren't painfully obvious that Reg was completely out of his depth when it came to his romantic feelings. The boy had no clue what to do or how to act around the person he liked, so Harry wouldn't make his son feel even more embarrassed or confused than he likely already did, even if the sight of the teen blushing was so bloody cute to witness. Harry wasn't going to let anybody else interfere, either. This was Reg's life, and if wanted help, he'd ask for it. He had a feeling Siri would be a useful ally in this situation, as long as he didn't go all 'protective big brother' and piss off Reg in the process.

"As a matter of fact, all of the Potter's are already back at the house."

"All of them?" asked a visibly startled Reg.

Harry nodded. "All of them."

"Oh. Erm, okay."

Reg seemed to have lost all composure and was sporting a bright red flush across his pale face, gnawing at his lip as he became lost in thought. It was as sad as it was endearing.

"Reg," he murmured quietly, "you don't have to interact with them much, you know? And everyone else will be there for dinner, so you won't be trapped and alone at all. If you want, I can just tell everyone you've fallen ill and you can hide in your room until they leave. It's your choice."

His son flushed even more and looked like he wanted to hunch his shoulders. "Is it that obvious?" he whispered.

"Orion and I noticed a while ago, though I'm not sure about the older Potters. I'm fairly certain that Drew's figured it out, as well as Siri." He squeezed Reg's waist and looked him straight in eye. "Regulus. You're my son, and neither I nor Orion are going to do or say anything that makes you uncomfortable. Sirius cares far too much about you to upset you on purpose, and as for the Potters, I am not going to let them make trouble for you. Okay?"

Reg was still red in the face, but the tension bleeding out of his shoulders was a welcome sight to the time traveller. Reg wasn't even sixteen yet; he didn't need to get bogged down with all of this when he still had plenty of time to figure things out.

"Thanks, Papa."

Hearing the childish name that he only got in private nowadays made him smile delightedly, his face no doubt radiating bliss at the love from his son. He was a lucky, lucky man.

"No problem, Reg."

The boy wrapped his arms around Harry and hugged him tightly, squeezing harder when Harry hugged back with equal enthusiasm. He pulled back and smiled at Harry, nodded at Orion, then went back to his friends and directed them through the floo with a relaxed grin on his face.

"Is everything good now?" Orion asked quietly.

"Hmm, more or less." Harry looked up at his husband with a resolute expression. "I won't be happy if anyone mocks him, though. He's struggling enough with this as it is; if people start taking the piss out of him, they'll really cut him deep." He paused and pouted. "And I'm bound by my shitty Healer oaths, so I won't even be able to carry out some good, old-fashioned revenge."

Orion smirked dangerously. "I knew there was a reason I loved you."

Harry flushed at the silent promises of that expression. "Oh, shut up."

He still smiled and followed his taller husband through the floo, wondering how long it would take for Orion to make good on his promise to get him pregnant as soon as possible.

Then again … The heat in those molten eyes made him mourn that they were hosting so many people that day.

If he gets his way, it definitely won't be long.

A/N: Harry will cut anyone who hurts his children, and Orion think this is an incredibly attractive trait. They're made for each other.

I've also messed with the canonical Sorting, because why not? I've listed them by House, including another canon character who isn't here:

Gryffindor: James and Marlene; Hufflepuff: Peter, Dorcas, and Mary Macdonald; Ravenclaw: Lily and Remus; Slytherin: Sirius, Regulus, Severus, and Barty