The Letter

Even with his shoulder wound, Cole felt well enough to travel until dawn, but he knew the others were not half as resilient. The sun had set behind the trees long ago, and they needed to find a place to rest for the night. Soon.

Just keep walking, a part of Cole hissed. They're weak. A little exercise will be good for them.

Cole stifled this voice with a clenched jaw. He looked to his right. Sage walked close to him, skin flushed. Her legs trembled with each step. She clearly needed a rest soon.

"Here," Cole said, taking Chedva from her. He cradled the sleeping infant his good arm- his other was in a sling. It throbbed still, but it was definitely healing. I'd always wondered if stone warriors could heal from wounds. I guess I have my answer.

Sage nodded her thanks and smiled, too breathless to do much more.

On Cole's other side walked Kai and Besai. They kept at arm's length from each other, eyes on the ground. Besai's expression seemed hollow and sad, and every once and a while as they walked she would sniffle, hiding her face from everyone's view as she wiped her eyes. Her hands usually stayed over her belly, as though she were fighting cramps or an upset stomach.

Kai, however, seemed cold and hard. Hands clenched at his side, his movements stiff and deliberate.

When I first saw him earlier today, his eyes were dead, Cole noted. Now he seems very much alive. And angry.

Sage stumbled over a shrub, and Cole held out his bad arm to catch her. His stab wound flared as he supported both her weight and his.

"You okay?" he asked, steadying her on her own feet. Kai and Besai stopped mechanically beside him.

Sage nodded, hand to her chest. "Y...yes. I am sorry."

"Don't be." Squinting, Cole examined their darkened surroundings. He heard water nearby. "Let's stop over there for the night," he said, pointing to a nearby black streak in the landscape that he assumed was the creek. A chill ran down his spine at the sound of the water, but he refused to show his fear.

Sage nodded again, stumbling the last dozen or so strides to the water. She fell to her knees and drank deeply. Kai and Besai approached and drank as well, though without Sage's gusto.

Cole set a hand on Sage's back, watching as she dipped her cupped hands into the water, then lifted them to her mouth, spilling water all over herself and the muddy ground; her left hand was clumsy because of the cast.

I pushed her too hard, he thought, though he didn't feel much sadness. He didn't feel much of any emotion, now that his brain was dulled by the Transformation. She's still postpartum, and weak after those weeks in a coma. And she hasn't eaten much since yesterday afternoon. It's a wonder she lasted this long.

"I'll go gather some roots for a meal," Cole said. "You guys...just rest."

"Yeah, sure," Kai grumbled his first words in several hours. "You do that."

Cole turned from the others. He'd seen some plants with edible roots along the way, and decided he would search for those first. What's wrong with Kai? he wondered. I'll need to keep an eye on him…

When Merv awoke, it was well after sunup. She could head birds chirping outside, and the air was pleasantly warm. She turned over, expecting to see Jay sleeping- as usual- with Momo. But the bed was empty.

Merv bolted upright with a gasp, looking around. Jay was not in the cave. She pushed away her blanket and made her way outside.

The scene that greeted her was beautiful. Tall palms rattled their leaves in the warm breeze, and large, colorful birds swooped around the trunks, screeching as they played. The sun greeted her warmly- too warmly; she had to squint for those first few seconds.

It was not hard to pick up Jay's tracks. One boot had dragged through the sand as he limped, leaving gashes in the ground for her to follow. She followed them anxiously.

The river, Merv realized, a sick feeling in her stomach as she ran into the clearing by the riverbank. He's by the river.

There Jay lay, about ten feet from her, pants rolled up past the knee. His stump was uncovered and in the water. He had wadded up his shirt under his head like a pillow, and he had a large book propped up on his chest. Momo stretched out in the sand beside him, white fur seeming to glow in the sunlight.

"Good morning," Jay said, unmoving.

"Yes," Merv said, flustered. She settled herself under a tree a good distance from the water.

"You sound breathless," Jay observed. "Did you run all the way here?"

"Yes."

"Why? Were you afraid for me?"

"...Yes."

"I see." Jay sighed. "You don't have to be. I can take care of myself. My fever is gone, and it's pretty clear that I can walk again. And I have my Blade for self-defense. Ah...are there any predators out here besides stone warriors?"

"Um..." Merv brought her knees up to her chest. "I have heard of dogs attacking sometimes. But there are very few- I have never seen one. And...some birds will pick up small children."

"I see." Jay turned the page again. "Nothing else?"

Merv hesitated. "No…I don't think so."

A breeze blew over them, and Jay inhaled deeply. "Do you think the sky will be clear tonight? I need to get Stormstrider some moonlight."

He's changing the conversation, Merv thought, exasperated. "I don't know. Probably."

"Good."

"Are you reading and talking at once?" Merv asked.

"Yeah."

"How?"

"Practice. You've seen all the books in my room. I'd never have gotten through them all if I hadn't multitasked."

"Muhl-tee-task?"

"Uh...doing two or more things at once."

"Oh." Merv stood. "Um…are you hungry?"

Jay hesitated. "I guess. Yeah."

"Good. I'll go gather something for breakfast."

"Let me go with you," Jay said, sitting up again. "I'll help."

"It's all right," Merv said. "I can do it myself. You just relax. We will probably start our journey today. You'll need lots of strength for that."

Jay seemed torn, but he eventually settled himself in the sand again and continued reading his book.

I can't believe he still has that book, Merv thought as she walked back into the trees and began her search for food. It's the one Cyrus gave him, I think. And he's somehow managed to carry it all the way from Cyrus' keep.

"Hey...Merv?" Jay called after her. With a sigh he sat upright- again- and slapped his book shut.

Merv turned back. "Hmm?"

Jay drilled her with a serious, somewhat frustrated stare. "What's your problem with Pixal?"

Merv paused. What's this about? "I already told you yesterday," she said. "She is mean. I don't like the way she treats you."

"That's why you stuck yourself between me and Pixal last night when you went to sleep?"

"I-"

"Is that also why, when you thought I was missing, you went after me yourself instead of waking her up and asking for help?"

"I could do it myself," Merv insisted. "We can do this ourselves. We don't need her."

"Really? Then I guess Pixal was lying when she told me her bird brought back the medicine and bandages that healed me?"

"I..." Merv's face flushed. With anger or embarrassment she did not know.

Jay shook his head, his scowl fading. "You really are something, Merv. Come here." He patted the sand next to him.

Merv sat, sternly rebuking herself for her fear of the river. It would not hurt her. Even so, she could not bring herself to look at it as she drew her knees again to her chest.

Jay set Momo in the sand on his other side. The pup squirmed, annoyed at having been moved. It snorted and shook its head, batting the air blindly with its paws. Jay stroked its forehead to soothe it.

"I know Pixal is difficult to get along with," he said. "But we need to give her a chance."

"But Jay," Merv began, "she has done nothing but insult you. She is mean, and I am so...what's the word...frustrated with her!"

"You know," Jay set a hand on her back, "not liking Pixal is a good indication that there's something in her that reminds you of yourself."

"Pixal and I are nothing alike!"

"No?" Jay smiled. "You're both highly opinionated, and boldly speak your mind. You're both strong-willed."

"I...that's not true," Merv said, though whether she was denying Jay's observation of Pixal or of herself she did not know.

Jay snapped his fingers. "Aha! There's another point. You're both highly competitive. And..." He trailed off, coming to another conclusion. His brows knit. "And...you view her as competition. You're afraid that she'll drive a pick between us. You don't want to be alone again. Is that it?"

Was that it? Merv felt heat creep up her cheeks as she pondered his words. Am I afraid of being alone again? Do I think Pixal will ruin my friendship with Jay? As she thought it, she realized he was right.

"Oh, Merv…" Jay smoothed her hair. "Do you know how often I thought of you during those fifteen winters?"

Merv shook her head.

"Every day," Jay said. "Every day for fifteen winters I would think of you. You were my best friend, Merv. You still are. Pixal can't come between us."

"Are…are you sure?" Merv searched his eyes, uncertain of how she should feel. Relieved that Jay was reassuring her? Ashamed that she had ever doubted him in the first place? That she still doubted him?

"Of course I'm sure," Jay said. "I'm sorry that you were going through all of this emotional conflict right under my nose for so long. I'll try to pay better attention to you in the future."

Merv forced a breathy laugh. "It's my fault for not coming to you directly with the problem."

"Maybe so." Jay embraced her tightly. It was an experience that Merv cherished, her body so close to his that it seemed they were one being. Intimate, but not sensual. So different from everything the Overlord had forced on her in those long seasons of captivity.

"If I were to die," Jay said, "how would you feel?"

Where is this question coming from? Merv pulled back so she could see Jay's eyes. They were solemn and dark.

"I… Well, lonely, I guess," Merv said, recalling how she'd felt the first time they'd been separated all those years ago. "You are my only friend. If I were to lose you, I would feel horrible."

"You would be sad," Jay said. "You would question yourself, wondering if there was anything you could have done to prevent it. You would become afraid of making friends again. But at the same time, you would be desperate for human contact. You would want comfort and reassurance, but you would also want to be left alone. That would make you confused, and therefore angry. Angry with yourself and with the rest of the world.

"You would be most angry with those you feel attracted to, I'm sure. You would try to deter them because of your fear of potentially losing another close friend."

Merv digested this new barrage of information slowly. Then she nodded. "I guess so. What are you trying to say?"

"This is how Pixal feels," Jay said. "She lost her best friend, Lloyd, whom she had known since her creation. Her only friend. Her source of stability. Now that he's been taken so suddenly, she's lost and lonely. But she's also afraid and confused, and that frustrates her. So she takes out her anger on those she's closest to."

Merv frowned. "Are you saying that Pixal is being mean to you because she wants you to be her friend?"

"Pretty much."

"Women are confusing," Merv said, rubbing her forehead with her wrist.

"You're telling me." Jay leaned back with a deep sigh. "I work with them nearly every day for my job back with Cyrus, and I still don't understand them."

"You did a good job of understanding Pixal," Merv said.

"Kind of. I've been working on her for weeks. Ever since we first started traveling together after Lloyd's death." He punched Merv's shoulder lightly. "It took a little heart-to-heart with Pixal's twin to really get her down, though. Thanks."

A seed of resentment was planted in Merv's heart with that punch. Heart-to-heart indeed, she thought, forcing herself to not scowl. I'd felt a real connection with Jay until Pixal came back into the conversation.

Merv understood Pixal's behavior a little better now, but that didn't make her feel any less inclined to hate the Nindroid for trying to get between her and Jay.

Jay was right about one thing, Merv thought. Pixal is my competition.

"Nicely done, Jay." Pixal appeared from behind a tree, clapping her hands.

A chill traveled down Merv's spine as she and Jay turned to face her.

"Pixal," Jay said, face a shade pinker than usual. "How long have you been standing there?"

Pixal shrugged. "Long enough"

"Listen. Whatever you-"

Pixal held up a hand, an amiable smile on her face. "No. Please. I just came down here to tell you we're leaving after breakfast. If that's okay with you two best friends. Come back to the cave whenever you're done heart-to-hearting."

She turned, leaving Jay and Merv behind, flustered and confused.

"Good morning," Zane said to Josi. He settled himself comfortably at a table and folded his hands in front of him. "How did you sleep?"

"Fine," Josi said, smiling. She held a cup of steaming tea in her hands, and a half-finished bowl of eggs and fried cakes was on the table before her. "Yourself?"

Zane nodded. "Better than I have in a long time. I was quite exhausted after our travels yesterday."

Josi nodded back, sipping her tea.

Zane fiddled with his fingers, searching for something to say. His eyes wandered to the other customers of The Shipyard Inn. A quaint place that attracted mostly middle-class merchants and soldiers.

"Good morning, Milord," said a middle-aged woman. She smiled broadly as she set a steaming bowl of food before him. "I trust you slept well last night?"

Zane returned her smile and nodded. The fried cakes smelled amazing. "Yes. Thank you. Ah, can I get some coffee?"

"Zane," Josi said, giggling. "Stop joking around. Of course she isn't going to have coffee-"

"Of course, Milord," the woman interrupted. "Please excuse me. I will have it out in a few minutes."

Josi gaped as the woman turned and made her way back to the kitchen. Her fork dropped onto the table, and she hastily picked it up and composed herself.

"This inn serves middle-class citizens," Zane explained. "It will cost me extra, but they do have coffee."

"Crazy," Josi said. "You're crazy. You know that? The only coffee left in the country is what is imported illegally from the Dark Island."

Zane paused. "I thought all the beans were imports from fifteen years ago, stored in the Middle's Imperial Warehouse.

"That's what they want you to think," Josi whispered. "Honestly. You're a nobleman. I thought you would know this already. The Dark Knight used to sell fresh coffee beans and other food items on the black market every time he came to Ninjago. You know, before you, Kai, and Jay got involved."

"How would you know for sure?" Zane asked, leaning forward, food forgotten.

"Because Cyrus is involved in the underground," Josi said, even more quietly. "Secretly selling expensive imports was part of how he made his money. Until Cole stopped doing his raids, at least."

Zane leaned back in his chair, thoughtful. "Does Garmadon know about this?"

"Of course," Josi said. "He's one of Cyrus' biggest customers."

Zane started. "Pardon?"

Josi frowned at him. "You call yourself a politician? I'm not even one of those and I know more about how this works than you."

Zane made a dismissive motion with his hands, sighing. "Why would Garmadon do that? He says Cyrus' illegal empire must come down at all costs, and yet he's...funding you?"

Josi nodded.

"But why?"

Josi leaned forward, folding her hands on the table. "War," she said gravely.

"All right, sir." The woman returned with a steaming cup of black coffee and set it down beside his bowl. "Is everything all right? You haven't touched your food."

Zane breathed deeply to compose himself. "Yes," he said. "It looks delicious, thank you. We were just wrapping something up first."

"All right." The woman nodded, then turned to help other customers. She paused, then reached into her apron. "Oh, Hosts," she sighed. "I apologize, my lord. I was supposed to give this to you the moment you awakened."

Zane accepted an envelope from the woman. "It's all right," he said, examining the unbroken wax seal. The crest of the Julien family.

The woman bowed her head and left hurriedly.

"What is it?" Josi asked.

"A message from my father." Zane broke the seal and pulled out a single sheet of paper, written in his father's handwriting.

My dear son, the letter read, I understand that you are doing crucial work for the King. But it is important that you come home as quickly as possible. I need your help. Lord Kaytake's body has been found in the Li-Sho pass. Killed by his own sword. Go to the South. Comfort Lady Driniah and help her lead the people through this difficult time. Please, Zane. Tension is high between the realms, and there are whispers of rebellion in every corner of the land. You were always the peacekeeper of the family. Do what you can: keep us from falling apart. Don't worry about me. I am well. I will send more news soon.
With love,
Your father, Lord Selei Julien

Zane read the letter again, his heart beating fast. Then he looked up at Josi, who waited impatiently with her hands tucked under her chin.

"Well? What is it?" she asked.

Zane swallowed, folding the letter and placing it in his vest pocket. "I...think Lord Kaytake just committed suicide," he whispered, unable to keep the tremor out of his voice. "I'm supposed to help Lady Driniah govern the South until further notice. I must go. If I hurry, I can still make it to the South before nightfall."

"After you eat," Josi said. "I know you're a Nindroid, but you still need sustenance to keep your systems balanced."

Zane took a deep breath, setting down his cup. "Yes. Of course." He heeded his stomach's cries at long last and cut up his eggs, letting the runny yolks seep into the fried cakes. He took a large bite. Any pleasure he might have felt from eating this sweet and delicious meal, however, was negated by the news from his father. He'd wanted to hurry back to the North and help his father pick up the slack in leadership from both Garmadon and Kaytake, but now...

Zane sighed, then took another bite. Thanks a lot, Kaytake. Leave me to hold together a country run by a poisoned madman and an old scientist.

Zane would be stuck in the South for an indefinite amount of time. Would Garmadon give Kai his title back and make him Lord? Or would he wait another nineteen winters for Driniah's son- if it was even to be a son- to come of age and become Lord? Or would he strip the Kaytake family of their title completely and appoint a new Lord?

Was Garmadon even capable of making that decision, or would it be left up to Zane?

"Hey," Josi said softly, drawing Zane out of his thoughts. She smiled. "It's all right. I'll make sure Cyrus stays in touch with you, so you won't have to make all the hard decisions alone."

Zane breathed deeply. "I take it you won't be coming with me?"

"No. Sorry. I must report back to Cyrus."

This news disappointed Zane more than he felt comfortable admitting. What's wrong with me? I just met her. I can't possibly feel attracted to her. But when he looked into her eyes, he knew he wasn't fooling himself. He did feel attracted to her. She was fun. Intelligent. Not afraid to laugh, and her smile...

Is this what love is? Zane wondered, alarmed. No, absolutely not. We could be friends, yes. But it's impossible for me to actually love someone I hardly know.

So why do I feel so...drawn to her?

Josi, oblivious to Zane's internal battle, stood. "Thank you for your company, and for paying for my room," she said. "I'm sure we'll meet again." She rounded the table and touched the underside of Zane's chin with her second finger, compelling him to lift his head. "Keep your head up, Zane. We'll make it through this."

And with that, she was gone.

Cole had no desire to sleep, so he'd offered to stay awake and keep watch as the others rested. That had been over four hours ago, and the moon was nearing the completion of its trek across the dark sky. Only a couple hours left until sunrise.

It was not uncommon for Cole to have these sleepless nights, even when he wasn't supposed to be keeping watch. Fear, especially during dangerous and life-threatening adventures- such as the one they were currently occupied with- tended to keep his mind and body alert.

In Kai's arms a few paces away, Besai seemed as small and delicate as a child. She slept peacefully, whereas Kai had been drifting in and out of slumber restlessly, his mind likely plagued by nightmares. His sweaty, tense face glowed gently with orangish-red rays: Moonsong was gathering moonlight on the ground by his head.

Cole's own Blade sat in the sand by his left hand. At Cole's instruction it produced no light, ensuring that he would not get burned again. Though, for some reason Moonsong did not burn him.

Sage too slept restlessly, with her head on Cole's lap, face pinched with discomfort. Also a bad dream, no doubt. He didn't blame her. If he was honest with himself, he would admit that half of the reason he wasn't asleep was because he did not want to confront his own nightmares.

Cole ran his left hand- his uninjured hand- through Sage's hair, then leaned down and kissed her forehead. "Shh," he murmured in her ear. "Shh..."

Sage eventually calmed down. Cole smiled to himself, turning his attention to little Chedva, who snored in her mother's arms, one tiny fist clinging to Cole's pants. He stroked her smooth, warm cheek with the back of his hand, and her nose twitched. She yawned and curled into Sage's chest.

I love you, Cole thought, running a finger along Chedva's fuzzy scalp.

Kai gasped suddenly, opening his eyes. He shuddered, glancing around until his eyes met Cole's.

Still shuddering, Kai looked away, eyes shifting anxiously. His chest rose and fell deeply as he attempted to regain his composure. In his arms, Besai sighed softly and turned over, pressing her back to his chest.

"Nightmare?" Cole asked once things settled.

Kai nodded, propping himself up on an elbow, wiping sweat from his brow.

"How do you feel?" Cole attempted a smile. "The sand soft enough for you, subordinate?"

If Kai found Cole's jab at the past funny, he did not show it. "I'm okay," he said at last. "Could be worse." He cleared his throat. "So. When did you arrive on the Dark Island?"

A strange and abrupt way to change the conversation, Cole thought, raising an eyebrow. "A few days after you, I guess."

Kai nodded, picking sand from his ear. "Okay."

Cole turned his eyes to the stars, which winked at him from their lofty bed in the sky, silent and mysterious. And peaceful. Watching them eased his mind a little. It made him less restless. It's so quiet, he observed. There's no wind. No animals or insects, either.

"Where's Jay?" Kai asked.

"After all those quiet hours of walking yesterday, you're just now wanting to be filled in?" Cole asked. He'd meant it in jest, but Kai didn't find it funny.

"Just answer the question," he said tiredly.

"Fine. I'm not sure," Cole said. "Overlord claims Jay escaped a couple days before us."

"Don't you think Overlord could have been lying?" Kai asked.

Cole sighed, shaking his head. "I don't know. Because Overlord never believed Nephilim was in any danger, he could have lied about Jay, I guess. But that's not really his nature." It felt strange to say that to Kai. The ex-nobleman was living proof that there were many things worse than lying in Overlord's character.

Kai turned his gaze to the moon. "Are we really going to take the chance that Jay's not still with Overlord? I don't want him- or anyone else- to be near that evil thing."

"We don't have much of a choice," Cole said. "If we go back, we'll get captured. We'll just have to trust that Pixal has a plan, and that she'll break herself, Jay, and Merv out of there soon. If she hasn't done so already."

"Yeah," Kai said. The stars glittered in his eyes. Like topaz, or polished bronze. He'd shaved before going to sleep last night- Cole understood; having a lot of hair could be uncomfortable in this muggy climate- and his high cheekbones cast angular shadows across his face. His hair- having been brushed by Besai the night before- fell in soft waves to his shoulders, rich and dark.

He really is attractive, Cole found himself thinking, and immediately felt flustered. Never. I would never. It's just...well, I'm not blind. I can admit that Besai's the luckiest woman alive. Kai is flawless. No scars, unlike me...

"I...really owe you, Kai," Cole said, turning his attention elsewhere. "You saved us back there when you killed Nephilim."

Kai shifted uncomfortably. "Not really," he said. "I don't even...I didn't know what I was doing. I just…heard you call for help, and I acted."

"Well, those actions not only saved my family, but prevented you from being next on Nephilim's kill list. You saved Besai, too. That's got to count for something."

Kai looked at Besai. "Yeah," he said wanly. "I saved her."

It was then that Cole noticed the way he caressed her hair. He did not use deep, affectionate strokes as Cole did for Sage. It was a light, hesitant touch. Almost reverent. Her earring glinted in the moonlight as Kai ran his hand down her face, touching the piercing lightly before lifting his hand and returning it to the top of her head.

"Where is your earring?" Cole asked. "Did Overlord take it away?" The thought made Cole shiver. It was difficult to imagine what Kai had been through these past couple weeks.

Kai brought a hand up to touch his ear. He opened his mouth to speak, then shut it with a quiet exhale. He nodded. "Yeah," he said. "Overlord took it. And...a whole lot more."

How does he want me to respond? Cole gauged Kai's expression carefully. Does he want me to express sympathy? Does he want me to tell him to toughen up? Or does he want me to just stay quiet?

Before he could come to a decision, however, Kai spoke again.

"I used to wonder what was so bad about rape," he said, tucking a strand of his own sand-infested hair behind his ear, movements slow and deliberate. "I mean, yeah, it couldn't be fun, but what caused such trauma in its victims? What makes it such a horrifying experience that they relive it every night in their dreams?" He spoke weakly and quietly, eyes distant.

"The moment that Overlord made his advances that first day, it all suddenly made sense." He shook his head, blinking a few times in quick succession. "Like a lantern had been lit in a dark room. But instead of seeing a room with, like, with a bed and stuff, you see something horrible. And you want to snuff out the light, but it won't go out. You're forced to look at the horrible thing until someone else turns out the light. You have no control." He looked up at Cole, eyes pleading him to understand.

"I had zero control," he said. "Whatever he wanted, whenever he wanted it. I had no choice. And he didn't care if he hurt me or not. I would be…bleeding at the end of a session, and he would just walk out. And I knew he'd return later- I never knew when, I just knew that he would. And I'd be forced to do it all over again, and I'd bleed worse, and..." Silent tears streamed down his cheeks.

"...and all I could do was beg for him to stop. I'd plead with him. I promised I'd do anything for him, if he would just stop."

Cole swallowed hard. I did this, he thought, looking down. I should have been there for him. "Kai, I-" he began, but Kai talked over him.

"But you see, the thing is, he liked it when I begged. And it only encouraged him to do keep going. So, eventually..." Kai trailed off, chest quivering with a sharp intake of breath. "...I stopped begging. I stopped everything. And...it's a horrible feeling. Giving your captor complete control over even your voice. I said what he wanted, I did what he wanted. My only goal was to make him as happy as possible so that he would- maybe, if I was lucky- show some mercy."

He balled his hands in a fist and pressed them together, as if held by invisible bonds. "Have you ever felt like that?" his mouth quivered as he tried to regain his composure. "So...small. Powerless. Humiliated."

Cole looked at his own hands, permanently scarred by ropes, whips, and his own knife during his season of self-harm. In a subdued voice he whispered, "Yes."

"So you know how I really feel," Kai said. "I'm not fine. I'm dying."

Why is he being so open? Cole wondered. This is not the same Kai that I saw a few hours- or even minutes- ago.

Kai breathed deeply, wiping his eyes dry. "I know..." His voice cracked, and he cleared his throat. "I know how they always say that it isn't the victim's fault. That they shouldn't blame themselves. But-"

"It wasn't your fault," Cole said.

"It was, though!" Kai spread his arms to accentuate his words. "Don't you see? I'm being punished by the First King for what I did to my father. I should have just forgiven him and stayed at the inn with you guys. Then we wouldn't be in this mess."

"We would, actually," Cole argued. "The only difference is that, if we'd all left the inn together, Senzo would have captured us all at once before we could reach Cyrus. And you know what that means?"

"What?"

"It means that I never would have had the chance to tell Cyrus that Malian and Grayren's wife needed the antidote," Cole said. "It means that Vara would have been captured with us. She would have died in a prison cell instead of a hospital bed."

Kai's brow crinkled as his eyebrows tilted upward, widening his moist eyes. Eyes that begged for an end to his pain and confusion: for reassurance.

Cole itched to reach out and take Kai in his arms. To tell him that he was worth it all, and that he should not let Overlord drag him down.

Kai rubbed his eyes with a knuckle. He seems so…tired, emotionally and physically.

"I'm sorry, Kai," Cole said. "We can get through this. I hope you realize, we're all with you. Besai, myself, even Sage. We'll help you."

"I don't need your help," Kai muttered.

"Kai-"

"I don't want your pity!" Kai snapped. "I can do this myself. Leave me alone."

"But… Kai…" Cole allowed his voice to fade, flustered by Kai's sudden change.

Kai glowered at Cole for many long seconds before turning away. He laid himself down in the sand, putting space between himself and Besai, his back to them all. "I don't need your help," he muttered, likely just to ensure that he had the last word.

Yeah. Good riddance, Cole thought bitterly. Then he breathed deeply. His stone warrior side was hard to control at times. What's wrong with me? With us?

He clenched his fists, glaring up at the sky. We're supposed to be Knights, strong and brave. But instead, we're broken cowards, running from the very monster we've been told to defeat. Why?

Why aren't we strong enough?