Welcome back, everyone. This is a bit of a long one, so make yourselves comfy, and enjoy.
Chapter 4
May 7th, 2014
Louise, now discharged, stood in the kids' room at Teddy's house, and examined her head in the mirror. Her eyes lingered on the port which led to the silicone balloon under her scalp. The port resembled a small, white button, and she reached up and touched it delicately. She didn't physically feel anything, but it felt weird, knowing that the port was attached to a cord that was attached to the balloon.
The doctors had made the decision to have an external port, due to Louise's age. An external port meant easier injections, and less pain and upset.
She wasn't too sure why she needed this funny button; she'd heard the word expansion, but she didn't know what it meant. She hoped that when she got her new hair, they would take the button out.
She was going to ask the doctor if he could fix her ears, as well; she knew that they had done a surgery on them, but they didn't do a very good job. They looked weird, and she frowned at herself in the mirror. It looked like the tops of her ears had just stopped growing.
Louise looked around the little room, which she shared with her siblings; they all curled up together in the double bed. There were two night stands, a chest of drawers, a wardrobe, a mirror, and a hamper for dirty clothes. She spent all of her free time in here, but she didn't like it; there was nothing to do. She could only draw on the walls so many times.
Linda stopped typing on the family laptop as Louise toddled into the living-room. She was due to have her first round of injections in just a few days, and Linda was still really worried. What if they injected her in the wrong place? What if it didn't work? They would have performed surgery on her for nothing.
"Mom, I'm bored," Louise complained, jamming her fingers on the keyboard.
"Hey, watch that, missy!" Linda pressed the power button just in time. "If you break this, you're buying a new one!" she joked.
"But I'm bored," Louise repeated. Her head was no longer bandaged, but she was wearing a small cap made of dressing. She didn't need to wear it, but Louise refused to take it off.
"Well, why don't you watch a movie, or play with the General?" Linda suggested. But Louise shook her head, and pressed a book into her hands. "You want me to read it again?" She looked down at "Kuchi Kopi's Long Journey Home." She'd read it to Louise every single day since she had come home from the hospital. Twice. She was certain she could recite several passages from memory.
"I like it." Linda's face softened.
"Alright; come and sit next to me." Louise gladly climbed onto the sofa as Linda opened the book. If it made her baby happy, then of course she would do it. "It all started on a chilly night in the enchanted land of Kofuku," she began. Louise sat contentedly beside her, staring at the book with intent fascination.
It was decided that Bob would be the one to take Louise to her injections. It just made sense; she was much closer to him than she was to Linda. Linda was actually surprised that Louise allowed her mother to read to her. But, as Bob was out most of the day, almost every day, trying to fix his restaurant, Linda was her only option. Louise could read, but she wasn't great at it, and the Kuchi Kopi book had some big words, funny ones that she couldn't understand, like 'Osore', the name of the scary forest.
So, the following week, Bob and Louise found themselves back at the hospital.
"Hello, Louise, how you doing?" smiled Dr. Quinn.
"Fine. I want my hair back," said Louise, sat next to her father.
"You'll have hair soon enough. In just a few weeks, you'll be done." He was twisting the lid off of a small tub.
"What are you gonna do?"
"I'm just gonna rub this special cream on your forehead, okay? It's a numbing cream." Louise nodded, and Quinn leaned forward, and gently massaged the cream into her head, at the hairline, where the port was."We're going to put some saline in the balloon, and it will get bigger, and we'll do that every two weeks, and then, we can use it to cover the bare patch."
"Balloon?" Louise had heard before about some kind of balloon in her head, but she couldn't see anything, nor could she feel it. "Where's the balloon?"
"It's very small; about this size," Quinn held out his hand, outlining his palm. "It won't get bigger right away; it'll be little at first."
"Okay, and when will you fix my ears?"
"We already fixed them; when we put the balloon in."
"You didn't fix them; they look bad."
"They look fine, Louise," said Bob.
"No, they don't! They're baby's ears, and I'm not a baby!"
"Louise, it's because you're not used to them. They look the way your ears used to look, just a little bit smaller. Now, shall we start?"
Louise nodded, eager to get on with it, ear problems briefly forgotten. Her eyes widened as Quinn picked up a needle, and she subconsciously shuffled closer to her dad.
"What's that?"
"It's what I'm going to put in your port; don't worry, you won't feel anything." But Louise's eyes grew larger and more frightened, and she leaned back as Quinn approached her.
"I don't want that."
"I'm afraid it needs to be done. It'll only take a second." Louise shook her head. That needle was pointy, and she knew that pointy things were sharp, and caused pain, and she didn't like pain.
"No."
"Come on, Louise," he said calmly. "You won't feel it."
"Yes, I will!"
"You won't." He turned to Bob. "It might be quicker and easier if you held her."
"I'm not gonna hold her down," said Bob. "It'll work today, but it won't next week. And she won't trust me any more." Most people told him that children, especially very young children, quickly forgot about things like that. But not Louise. She was way too clever for her meagre four years. "Just let me talk to her." Bob drew her onto his lap, and turned her to face him "Louise? Louise, look at me," he said, and she did. "You need to let the doctor do this, okay?"
"No!" She shook her head, her frightened stare fixed on him.
"Louise, I promise you that it will not hurt. I won't let anyone hurt you; I'm your daddy."
"But I don't want it!" she wailed.
"Why? Why don't you want it?"
"Because it's gonna hurt! He's gonna stab me!"
"He won't stab you; he'll be gentle. I'm right here, and I'm watching. You won't feel anything."
"How do you know?" she pouted, gripping his hand tightly with her small ones.
"Because that cream he put on your head, is a numbing cream, Do you know what that means?" he asked, and Louise shook her head again. "Well, it means that you can't feel anything on your forehead."
"I'll feel it; I know I will!" Bob raised his hand and gently pressed his finger to her forehead, on the opposite side, as he didn't want to touch the port.
"Did you feel that?"
"Feel what?"
"I just touched your head. And you didn't feel it, so you won't feel the needle; I promise."
"But, Daddy, I don't want it!" Bob felt terrible; he'd never seen her like this. Not even last year, when she caught the chicken pox. She was absolutely terrified, and he didn't know what to do.
"Louise, this will make your hair grow back," he said. "I know you want to have your hair back, and this is the only way we can do it. Tell you what, squeeze my hand as hard as you can, alright?" She stared at him. "And, afterwards, we can go out for ice cream, how does that sound?"
"Can I have two scoops?" she asked.
"Of course you can, but only if you let the doctor do his job," said Bob. Louise hesitated for a moment, her gaze flitting between the needle and her dad's hand. Finally, she nodded.
"Thank you, Louise," said Quinn. "I promise you, it won't hurt."
Louise kept her large eyes fixed on the needle as the doctor approached her. She was squeezing Bob's hand so hard that he was sure he was going to have tiny bruises all over his fingers. As Dr. Quinn got closer, Louise leaned backward, into Bob's chest, and he placed his free arm around her reassuringly. The little girl's heart pounded as the needle got closer and closer to her face, and she bit her lip as Quinn raised it to her forehead.
They both were right; she didn't feel any pain, but Louise still cried out in fear as the needle went in.
She felt no pain, but she did feel a slight pressure, which, of course, meant that they had lied to her. She had felt something, and she didn't like it.
"So, when Louise comes home, her head might be a little bigger. But she's very upset about it, so please don't say anything, okay?" Linda knelt down in front of Gene and Tina.
"We can't say anything? Anything at all?" Tina looked worried.
"No, sweetie; you can still talk to her; just don't say anything about her head."
"What about her face?" Gene tilted his head thoughtfully.
"If it's something nice, then sure. Louise is going to have more of these special injections, and each one is going to make her head bigger, so we don't want you to make a big deal of it."
"Is she gonna look like Sloth?" asked Gene.
"Gene! Now, that wasn't nice."
"Sorry, Mommy; it's just, Sloth is the only one I know with a big head, and is Louise gonna look like him?"
"I don't know," said Linda honestly. She didn't want to think about it; she just wanted it to be all over and done with.
Gene and Tina were having their after school snacks on the sofa, when Bob and Louise arrived. He was holding her on his hip, with her head resting on his shoulder, and Linda knew that it hadn't gone well. She noticed that Louise was wearing Bob's old fedora, and the brim fell down to her nose.
Bob put her on the sofa, and Louise lifted the brim to grab Gene's crackers, and began to watch the cartoons with her siblings. "So..." Linda looked at Bob, and gestured to the kitchen.
"Yeah, it didn't go great," said Bob. He looked upset. "She was so scared; I've never seen her like that before, Lin. It was awful."
"Aw, my poor baby. But.. we can't stop now, can we? I mean, it wouldn't do any good to stop now; it wouldn't help her."
"I know, Lin. I think she was scared because it was the first one. Now that she knows what to expect, it might be easier."
"Yeah, maybe." Linda paused. "Did it – has her head grown?"
"I don't know," Bob admitted. "She hasn't let me see it yet. I gave her the hat, because she kept rubbing her head, and I didn't want her to irritate the port."
"Okay. What are we gonna do about kindergarten? She's gotta go back."
"She told me she isn't going back until her hair's grown back," Bob shrugged. "I really don't wanna try and force her; she's strong. See what she did to my hand?" He held it out, and sure enough, there were little bruises dotted here and there.
"Damn," Linda chuckled. "There's the tough girl I know. Oh, well, just twelve more weeks."
"Oh, yeah, the doctor changed his mind," said Bob, gently rubbing his sore hand. "He said it might be better to do the injections every week, instead of every two weeks. He said it would be easier on Louise, and it would be over quicker."
"That's a good idea; I think Louise would prefer that."
As the week went on, Louise's head began to swell. At first, it wasn't noticeable, but she woke up one morning to find Tina staring at her.
"What?" she asked grumpily. She'd been grumpy a lot lately, and Tina quickly turned away, not wanting to say anything that would make her little sister mad.
"Uh, nothing," she said. Louise clambered over her, and went over to the mirror, and her jaw dropped at the sight. A lump the size of an apple was on her head, almost directly on the top. Her skin had stretched over the lump, and her hair hung down around it. Louise stared in horror, as Linda came in.
"What's the matter, sweetie?" she asked, unable to stop herself from looking at the lump.
"My head!" Louise shrieked, attempting to cover it with her hands. "It's all big and gross!"
"You look fine, baby!" Linda went over to hug Louise, but her daughter pushed her away.
"Why is it like this?" she cried.
"Well, this is how they'll get your hair back," said Linda, bending down to Louise's level. "The bigger it gets, the more the hair will grow, and then they'll be able to cover the bare patch."
"But I don't like this!" Louise screeched, stamping her foot. "Why didn't nobody tell me?"
"We tried to," said Linda truthfully,"but you really wanted your hair to grow back, and this is the quickest way." Louise pouted and sank to the floor, crossing her arms.
"I'm not coming out, even to eat."
"Are you sure, baby, because -"
"I'm sure!" Louise kicked her legs frustratedly. "How long until this goes away?"
"Well, with every injection, it will get a little bit bigger, so six weeks."
"Why do I have to have moooore?!" Louise whined, throwing herself face-first onto the floor, and then whining in pain. "Ow," she rubbed her forehead.
"You'll have to be careful not to bump your head," said Linda, sitting on the floor next to Louise. "It's a bit tender. Can you be brave, and stick it out?"
"Don't want to," came her muffled voice. "Don't like this."
"I know you don't," Linda soothed. "But it'll only happen six more times, and then it'll be over, and you'll have hair again. Can you be a big girl, and do this?"
"I am a big girl."
"I know you are, that's why I'm asking you to be brave. Me and Daddy won't force you; if you don't want to do this any more, then we can stop." Louise thought it over. The way she saw it, she had two choices. One, she would look absolutely, utterly ridiculous and terrible for a few weeks, and have a full head of hair by the end of it (and suffer complete humiliation and shame in the meantime), or she could quit right now.. and have a bald spot for the rest of her life. A bald spot which everyone would see, and stare at, and giggle, and make fun of, and point out, and -
"I'll do it," she said, sitting back up. "But," she pointed a tiny finger, "I am not leaving this room, and don't try to make me!"
"If that's what you want," said Linda, the tiniest hint of uncertainty in her voice. "Alright, sweetie, you can stay in here."
As soon as Gene and Tina were dressed and out of the room, Gene turned to his mother, his eyes wide.
"It looked like Louise had a tiny Cousin Itt on her head!"
"Mommy, why is Louise so mad?" Tina couldn't really remember her sister this angry. Louise was usually a hyperactive ball of energy; now, she was like a thunderstorm.
"She's upset about the way her head looks," said Linda, shepherding them to the kitchen. "So, that's why you have to be extra specially nice to her okay?"
"She kept kicking me last night," Tina stopped to rub her sore ankle.
"Me, too!" Gene complained.
"Alright, I'll talk to her about that, but just remember; she's dealing with a lot, so we gotta make allowances for her."
"Okay, Mommy."
"MOOOOM!" At the sound of Louise's voice, Linda went running back to the room. Louise was still on the floor, her fists clenched.
"What? What is it?"
"My head hurts!" Louise wailed, pummelling the floor with her fists.
"Hurts where, sweetie?" she asked, and Louise pointed to the balloon.
"I don't like it; take it out!" she ordered.
"I can't do that; I'm not a doctor," said Linda gently. "I'll get you some medicine."
"It won't help!" Louise shrieked as Linda left the room. Bob came with her; knowing what Louise was like about taking medicine. Together, they managed to get two spoonfuls down her, and Linda told her irritated daughter to get some rest.
True to her word, Louise remained in the room, shrieking through the closed door for Linda or Bob to bring her meals in. She resolutely refused to bathe, and only went to the bathroom at night, when she was sure no one was awake.
Bob and Linda couldn't bear to see her like that; she wasn't sleeping properly, and she was in a lot of pain. The parents had more than once run out of Tylenol. The ever-growing lump caused her a lot of irritation and unbelievable pain, and she refused to take Bob's fedora off.
Bob continued to take her for her weekly expander injections.
"I don't wanna go!" Louise would shriek, seeming to forget her previous agreement. "No, no, no!"
Bob didn't want to force her, but he really had no choice; if he even went near her to try and put her in the car, Louise would start kicking, and her little fingernails were sharp. Therefore, the only option was to (gently) tackle her from behind. Once in the car, she was only slightly easier to deal with.
However, Bob refused to hold her down at the doctor's; he was adamant about that. It would not help her in the long run.
He knew the needles terrified her, and he felt awful, but all he could do was hold her, and comfort her, while she flung her arms around his neck and sobbed and screamed. Sitting her on his lap, hugging her, listening to her cry made him want to cry, but he did his best to be strong.
"It'll be fine," he reassured her, after coming home from her fourth injection, the lump on her head now the size of a small melon.
"No!" she shouted, running to the kids' room, but Bob followed her this time.
"Louise, it's just two more to go, and then we can stop," he called through the closed door.
"Don't want to!" It was the same every week; Louise would have a little meltdown before (and during, and after) her appointment; she would get upset, and refuse to go back, but then she would mellow.
"Louise, you're doing so well," Bob entered the room, not caring about the very real risk of his eardrums being pierced. "If there's something we can do to make you happy, tell me."
"Leave me alone!" she pulled the brim of the fedora over her eyes.
"Louise, I just wanna help," he implored.
"Don't come near me," she warned, sticking out her arm, but Bob approached her, anyway, bending down. She peeked out from under the brim, glaring at him.
"Listen to me, Louise; you're my daughter, and it makes me sad to see you sad, so -" SMACK.
Louise's tiny hand had shot out, and she had slapped Bob right across the face, and he fell backwards, shocked. He brought a hand up to his stinging cheek, wondering what had just happened. Did his child, his little four-year-old child, just strike him? "Louise -!" he began, but then he looked into her upset face, and he suddenly saw, in his mind's eye, her lying in the hospital bed, her little head bandaged, and he knew he couldn't do it. He couldn't be mad at her. Not when she'd gone through something so horrible. How could he shout at her? She was dealing with enough. "Don't do that again," his voice wobbled slightly, and he left the room.
That night, Bob and Linda were awakened by a loud thud, followed by a cry of pain.
"That's one of the kids," Linda sat up, rubbing her eyes.
"Sounded like Gene," Bob, equally as tired, stumbled out of bed. They made their way down the hall, their pace quickening when they heard crying.
They found Louise on the floor of the kids' room, clutching her head. A sleepy Gene and Tina were on the verge of waking up.
"Louise! My baby, what happened?!" Linda rushed over and dropped to her knees.
"I fell out of bed and hit my head! The balloon hurts!" Louise cried, digging her nails into her face.
"Oh, my God!" Linda picked her daughter up, and checked her over. The balloon appeared to have half-deflated, and there was bruising to the forehead. "Where did you hit it, on what?"
"On the table!" Louise flung her arm in the general direction of the bedside table.
"Alright, we're gonna take you to the hospital," said Linda, standing up, and walking to the door.
"No!" Louise cried.
"Baby, they need to check you over," Linda dodged past a sleepy Teddy. "Oh, Teddy, can you watch the kids?" she called over her shoulder, as she ran downstairs, Bob on her heels.
"Uh, sure?" He barely had time to blink before Bob, Linda, and Louise had rushed out of the door.
"We need to remove the balloon," said Dr. Quinn, at the hospital. "Right away; the silicone may have started leaking already."
"Is that bad?" asked Bob.
"The actual saline is harmless, it's not toxic, but we need to remove the expander, and replace it. There is also the risk of infection, as she hit her head."
"Okay, do it," said Linda, covering her face. Louise had already been given a mild sedative; it was the only way to allow Quinn to get close enough to inspect her, and now she was dozing in the paediatric ward.
"What we'll do is remove the expander, and then stretch what excess skin there is over the bald patch. It won't cover it completely, but it'll be a start. Then, we'll give her a few weeks to heal, before inserting a new expander, and completing the process. We can perform the surgery right away." The parents could only nod worriedly, and clutched each other when Quinn left.
They didn't even register falling asleep, until they were awakened several hours later by a different doctor, and once again led to the ward.
Louise was still asleep, her head bandaged. How many times were they going to have to see her like this?
One positive thing during this mess, was that their apartment was now ready, and they were able to move back into their home. It felt so right sleeping in their own beds, eating at their own table, sitting on their own sofa. The restaurant was still a bit of a mess, and they were still a long way from being able open. The restlessness was starting to get to Bob; he couldn't handle not working. Just last night, he'd gone down into the restaurant kitchen, and mimed cooking a burger, that was how badly he needed to work; it was his life. Well, and his family, too, of course, but cooking burgers took him to a happy, almost peaceful place.
"It's good to be back," smiled Linda one evening, as they curled up to watch a movie, bar Louise, who was staying in her room.
"It really is." They only had basic furniture for the living-room; just a sofa, a TV and a TV stand. But charity shops existed for a reason, and Linda knew she would find some good bargains there. A few licks of paint, some pictures, maybe a plant or two, and the place was going to look amazing.
"When will the restaurant be open again?" asked Gene.
"Two, three weeks," said Bob.
"Will you make the burgers black, like they were in a fire?" asked the little boy.
"No, Gene, I won't. Why would I do that?"
"Because you like to do that burger of the day thing; I think that would be a cool one."
"Speaking of fire, maybe we should keep Louise upstairs for a while?" suggested Linda. "The grill might.. scare her." Louise and Gene were too young to do any actual work; they were free to sit and colour in the booths. Tina, on the other hand, was old enough to pour drinks, and bus tables. Bob was trying to get Gene to bus tables, but all he wanted to do was plunk away at his little keyboard.
"I miss Louise's little Cousin Itt," Gene lamented. "I didn't even get a chance to put a tiny pair of sunglasses on it!"
"Lin, I think the best thing to do is not make a big deal of it," said Bob. "If we act like fire is something to be scared of, then she will be. Besides, we can't leave her up here by herself."
"But fire is scary," said Tina.
"It can be, Tina, but we don't need to be afraid of it," Bob assured her. "You know, when the restaurant is back open, we'll need to find a way to get some business. Does anyone have any ideas?"
"We could make some flyers, hand them out," said Linda. That was their go-to method; Bob was so lucky that Linda was creative and artistic.
"We could – uh – go door-to-door, and ask people to come and eat here," Tina suggested, not looking at all sure about the idea.
"I could stand outside and sing, and play my keyboard," said Gene.
"Gene that's.. not a bad idea, actually," Bob straightened up. That was a sure-fire way to bring in customers. People liked music, and people liked little kids making music. It was a perfect plan.
"Great! I'm gonna start making songs!" Gene dashed off to get his keyboard.
"So, Louise, whenever you're ready, we can put another balloon in your head, and continue with the expanding," said Dr. Quinn.
"Nope. Uh-uh," Louise shook her head, and folded her arms. They were back at hospital, a few weeks after her last surgery, where he had just finished examining her scalp. The bald spot had been significantly reduced, and now it was the size of a fist, but still very noticeable. At that moment, Louise was wearing Bob's fedora, her head tilted back so that she could see.
"You know this won't happen again, right? We're almost done; it would be two injections at the most, and then it'll be over."
"I said no."
"Louise -" began Quinn, but Bob spoke up.
"If she doesn't want it, then she's not going to have it. We're not going to force her." He'd seen first-hand what this had done to her, and he really didn't want to put her through it again. What if the same thing happened again? Then they were just putting her through unnecessary pain for nothing. It killed him to see his baby like this.
"Alright, then," Quinn nodded. "Well, Louise, if you ever change your mind, just let us know."
"I won't."
"It doesn't matter how old you get," he continued, "if you decide that you want to continue with this, we can."
"I won't," Louise repeated, and Quinn nodded.
"What are we gonna do about kindergarten?" asked Linda in the car on the way home. "Louise has missed too much already; she needs to go back."
"I'm not going back; I'm still bald," Louise pointed out from the back seat. Bob wanted to tell her that she had the opportunity to fix that, but he held his tongue.
"Well, you can wear a hat, right? They've never had a problem with it before," he said.
"I guess it wouldn't be too bad wearing a hat," said Louise. "But I'm not taking it off!"
"You don't have to," Linda told her, "but you do have to go back to school. That'll be fun, right? See all your little friends again?"
"I suppose," was all she said.
Once at home, Louise dug out her favourite pink beanie, jamming it on her head. It rubbed and irritated the bald spot, but it was better than the alternative. Looking at herself in the mirror, she took a deep breath. She could do this. She tried to smile, but she couldn't seem to do it. It was like her mouth didn't want to.
"Welcome back, Louise!" beamed her teacher, Miss M. Her name was actually Miss Mulligan, but Louise called her Miss M, which sometimes sounded like 'Missum.' Right now, she was standing at the front of the class, feeling a bit like a show dog.
"Hi, Missum."
"Are you feeling all better now? We missed you,"
"I'm all better," she lied, looking around the group of distracted children, some of whom were already crawling to play with the various toys in the room.
"Great! Well, I'll let you get settled back in." Missum smiled, and left to sort out Alfie, who had somehow glued his hands together.
Louise ran over to the back corner, where Rosie was already playing with the model city.
"Louise!" she beamed up at her, and Louise dropped down beside her best friend.
"How far have we got?" she asked.
"Well, I finished building the skyscraper, and I knocked down the library, 'cause we don't need that," said Rosie, and Louise nodded in approval.
"Let's make some more skyscrapers, and then, when it's all done, we can bring Godzilla in," said Louise, and Rosie grinned widely, showing off her missing baby tooth. "Oh, you lost it," said Louise, in surprise. "I haven't lost any yet. How much did the tooth fairy leave you?"
"A whole dollar!" Rosie's eyes widened, as did Louise's. "But my mommy said that the tooth fairy only gives you a dollar for your first tooth, and – and then for the rest, she just gives you fifty cents." They both pulled identical, disgusted faces. "I told Mommy that it wasn't fair, and the tooth fairy was being mean to do that."
"That is mean," Louise agreed. "That's a – what do they call it? – a mutiny!" She wasn't sure if it was the right word, but it fit. The back of her head was really irritating her, and Louise couldn't help but reach under her hat, and gently scratch at the bald spot. She knew she wasn't supposed to; both Mom and Daddy told her not to, but what was she supposed to do? Just ignore it?
"Yep, it's a munity!" Rosie nodded, and the two girls continued to build their city.
"Hey, Louise, how come you always wear a hat now?" Rosie asked, around a week later.
"I always wear hats," Louise shrugged as they both lay on their stomachs, drawing.
"Nuh-uh, not all the time. You used to take it off; now you never do. Why?"
"Just because," Louise stuck her tongue out, focusing hard on her paper.
"Well, tell me."
"Don't wanna."
"Oh, come on!" Rosie sat up, and observed her friend. "I thought we told each other everything; we're best friends, 'member?"
"Well, I don't wanna tell you this."
"Tell me, tell me, tell me, tell me, tell me, please?" Rosie begged, clasping her dimpled hands together. "I won't tell anyone else, I promise."
"Well -"
"Is it why you stayed home for ages?"
"Yeah," Louise admitted. "I had a surgery on my head," she said quietly.
"A sugary?"
"No, a surgery, with doctors."
"Oh, wow. What does it look like? I wanna see."
"You do?" Louise blinked. "Why?"
"I've never see a surgery before; I wanna see what it looks like."
"But -"
"I promise I won't laugh or anything. I promise, promise, promise. Will you show me?"
"... Alright," Louise stood, and indicated for Rosie to do the same. "Come with me." Rosie followed Louise to the back corner, where they sat close together, facing one another. Louise took a deep breath, and slowly lifted her hat off, and she leaned forward.
A tell-tale sputtering caused Louise's cheeks to redden, and she whipped her head up to see Rosie covering her mouth, giggling quietly. She quickly yanked her hat back on. Her heart dropped; she felt so betrayed, she couldn't believe it. Rosie had promised not to laugh. But she lied. Her face grew even redder, as Rosie collapsed into helpless shrieking laughter.
"You're bald!" she screeched, falling onto her back, laughing wildly. "We can call you Baldemort!" Louise saw red, but, rather than slap, her hand curled into a fist, and she punched her best friend in the stomach. It stopped the laughing, but Rosie began to cry. Louise looked at her friend – her former friend – and realised that she didn't care that she hurt her.
"What's going on here?" Missum appeared, and knelt down next to Rosie, who was still crying, and red in the face.
"Louise punched me!" Rosie sobbed, her hair falling into her face, and Missum cast a disapproving glance at Louise.
"Did you punch Rosie, Louise?" she asked, and Louise nodded stoutly.
"Yes."
"But why?"
"She.. said something mean." Missum gave her another disapproving look.
"That's now how we solve problems, Louise; you know it isn't. I'm afraid I'm gonna have to call your parents to come and get you."
"Good!" Louise folded her arms, glaring at Rosie.
"I'm just going to take poor Rosie down to the nurse's office."
"'Poor Rosie!'" Louise mocked after they had left the room. She remained in the corner, arms folded, completely ignoring all the other kids who tried to talk to her. She didn't even acknowledge the Pesto twins, who were – now – the least annoying kids in her class.
Louise didn't move until Bob arrived, and he was already holding her backpack. She remained on the ground, until Missum dismissed her, and then she was out of the door like a shot.
"Louise?" Bob called, but she was quickly walking ahead of him to car, and he had to hurry to catch up with her. "Louise, tell me what happened?" he asked, but she only huffed. He'd only been told that she'd punched someone. Ordinarily, he wouldn't have believed it, but with the way she'd been acting lately, it seemed like something she would do. He was still shocked of course; Louise had been slapping people a lot lately; now, it had appeared she had upgraded to punches. "Louise, did you punch someone?" he asked calmly, as they got in the car, and she nodded. "Why did you do that? Who did you punch?"
"Rosie," she said simply, and Bob did an actual double-take.
"Rosie? But I thought you were friends."
"Yeah, we were; we're not now. I hate her."
"What happened?" But Louise didn't answer him, and pulled a face. "Tell me why you punched her?"
"Because I did!"
"But I don't understand why? She's your friend; you guys play together all the time."
"I'm never playing with her again," Louise frowned.
"Louise, tell me what happened." Bob glanced over at her, and saw she appeared to be on the verge of tears. "Louise?"
"She laughed at me," she said quietly, staring at the floor.
"What? Why would she laugh at you?"
"She – she asked me to take my hat off, and I did, and she laughed at me!" Louise pulled her beanie over her eyes.
"Oh, my God." Bob felt like crying himself, and he pulled over, turning to his daughter. "Look at me," but she didn't move. "Louise, look at me, please." She raised her head slightly, but she still didn't look at him. "Listen," he began, "anyone who would laugh at you for this isn't your friend, okay? A real friend would never laugh at you. Alright? You don't need her; you've got me, Mommy, and your brother and sister, and you know we'll never laugh at you."
"I'm never having friends again," said Louise obstinately, hat still over her eyes.
"No, Louise, you'll make new friends, you'll -"
"You said anyone who laughs at me isn't my friend; everyone will laugh at me, so no-one's my friend. I don't want any friends no more."
"Okay, then," said Bob, not sure that she meant it.
"She punched her little friend?" Linda gasped. "I don't get it; they're so close."
"Not any more," Bob glanced down the hallway, towards Louise's closed bedroom door. "I'm not saying I'm not mad at her, but Rosie got Louise to take her hat off, and then laughed at her."
"Oh; okay, I'm understanding now. I'm not happy about what she did, but..." Linda trailed off.
"I don't wanna punish her, either," said Bob. "I know we should; she hurt someone, but, every time I see her, I just see her in hospital, all bandaged up. I mean, even when she slapped me, I couldn't tell her off."
"I know what you mean; I do, too. And I think the slapping thing's just a phase; she'll grow out of it." They both looked at the bedroom of their youngest. "Gene asked me earlier when we could stop making allowances for Louise; she slapped him, as well, and I told him that it'd be when Louise.. gets over all this." Linda paused. "She's just.. been through so much, and she's still just a baby; I feel like we should just give her a break."
"Yeah," Bob wiped his face. "She knows she did something wrong, and the teacher said she can come back tomorrow. She said she'd keep Louise and Rosie apart."
"Do you think they'll make up?"
"I really don't," said Bob honestly.
"But they're only four."
"Yeah, and it really upset Louise. She said she doesn't want any more friends ever, but she might change her mind. But I don't think she'll go back to being friends with Rosie."
"That's a shame; they had so much fun together."
"Yeah. I hope it won't affect Louise too much; being made fun of."
"I don't think it will," said Linda. "She's never really been one to dwell on things."
"You're right."
By the time evening rolled around, Louise had calmed, and was back to her normal self. Well, her new normal; sarcastic responses and general moodiness were now to be expected.
"Louise, I want you to apologise to Rosie tomorrow," Said Linda at the dinner table that night.
"Why?" Louise asked grumpily, peering up over her plate.
"Because you hurt her."
"So? I don't care?"
"Wait, what happened with Rosie?" asked Tina.
"We're not friends any more," Louise informed her, using the moment to steal a potato from Gene's plate.
"But why?"
"Because she's a butt, and I don't like her!"
"Louise," Linda butted in, "I know you had an argument, but you still need to say you're sorry for punching her."
"No, I don't."
"Yes, you do," Bob chimed in. "It's not nice to punch people."
"It's not nice to laugh at me, either," Louise mumbled to herself.
"Louise, you're a big girl now, remember? And big girls apologise," said Linda.
"No," Louise reached up under her beanie, and scratched at her bald spot.
"I'm mad at Rosie, just like you," Linda said, and Louise finally looked up at her. "But you need to say you're sorry; that's part of being a big girl. But when Mommy's mad at someone, she still says sorry, because it's the nice thing to do."
"I don't wanna be nice; she's not nice to me!"
"Well, that's why you need to be a big girl and be nice anyway, and stop scratching," she added, noticing that Louise's hand was still under her hat.
"It's itchy!" she complained, moodily removing her hand.
"Louise," said Bob gently, "all you have to do is say sorry, and that's it. You don't have to be Rosie's friend; you don't even have to speak to her after that, but you need to say sorry. I know she was mean, but so were you. She's going to apologise tomorrow, and you're going to, as well."
"Maybe I will, maybe I won't," Louise drew herself to her full barely three-feet height.
"Alright," Bob nodded, deciding to drop it. She'd agreed to give it some thought, and that was better than nothing.
"That's my girl," Linda nodded approvingly.
"I'm sorry, Louise," said Rosie, the following day. She and Louise were both standing by the door to their classroom, with Missum hovering nearby. "I didn't mean to make fun of you."
"Very nice, Rosie," Missum praised, and Rosie beamed, clapping her hands. The teacher turned to her other charge. "Louise, is there something you want to say?"
"Plenty," said Louise, glowering at Rosie, whose smile soon faded. "But I'll say just one plenty. Sorry," she said shortly, still glaring at her former friend, who looked quite upset.
"Thank you for apologising, Louise," smiled Missum. "Now you can both go off, and play." Louise instantly went over to her favourite corner, the sand and water section, and to her surprise and great annoyance, Rosie followed her.
"Hey, Louise, are we gonna finish the city?" she asked, hovering around the water tray.
"I don't wanna do anything with you; I hate you," Louise did not look up from her wet sand sculpture.
"But I said sorry, and so did you." Rosie looked confused.
"I didn't mean it. I don't like you no more."
"Why?" Now, Louise was looking at her.
"Because you laughed at me!" she hissed.
"I didn't mean to, but it was funny." Louise scowled at her.
"If you ever tell anyone, I will... I'll – I'll shave your head, and laugh about it!" she threatened, before walking away.
"She's.. changed, Lin," Bob sank onto the sofa a few weeks later, after the kids had gone to bed. "I think this is just who she is now."
"I'm sure she'll get better," Linda sat down, as well. "She's just had a lot to deal with."
"I hope you're right. I spoke to her teacher when I picked her up from school today; she says that Louise and Rosie still aren't speaking."
"I didn't really expect them to," said Linda, sipping on her evening wine.
"It's not just that, though," Bob carried on, "she says that Louise is still so moody, and she doesn't play with anyone any more. Not even the Pesto twins. She says that Louise is withdrawn."
"I don't know what to do, Bobby," Linda shook her head sadly. "She won't take her hat off, but it makes her itchy, she doesn't play with Gene and Tina any more; it's like she hates everyone!"
"There's gotta be something we can do."
"I'll tell ya what I have to do; get her some more eczema cream, 'cause she's scratching like crazy. That hat's giving her a rash, but she still won't take it off."
"That's it!" Bob sat up, and Linda started.
"What's it?"
"I'm gonna take her hat shopping, and get her a new hat; one that won't irritate her."
"Do you think that'll work?"
"It's worth a try. A new hat might cheer her up."
"Anything to stop me from having to keep reading that Kuchi thingy book over and over again," Linda chuckled, and Bob laughed as well.
"She loves it, doesn't she?"
"Yeah."
"What's your secret?"
"I don't know," Linda shrugged, taking another sip of wine. "I mean, I do voices, but I do that with every book. It's just that book, though; she won't let me read anything else to her."
"Where are we going?" Louise asked the following day, as they drove past the restaurant after kindergarten had finished.
"I'm going to take you to get a new hat."
"Why?"
"Well, that one makes you itchy, doesn't it? We can try and find one that isn't itchy."
"Alright," Louise only shrugged, not expecting to find this all-magical hat.
They pulled up outside the OMG Mall, and they went inside, Louise pulling her hoodie tight over her head.
The first shop they went into was a children's clothing shop, and they made their way over to the hat rack. "You stand there," Louise ordered, pointing with her tiny hand, and Bob obliged. With him shielding her, Louise tried on every single hat, discarding them almost instantly. "They all make me itch!" she complained.
"Never mind; we'll just go into a different store," Bob took her hand, and led her out of the shop. He would go into every single shop in New Jersey to find her what she needed.
They went into shop after shop with no luck at all, until Bob decided to try an adult clothing store. Maybe a bigger sized hat would help?
"None of them work!" Louise threw down a purple baseball cap in frustration.
"What was wrong with that one?"
"The strap hurts."
"Okay, don't worry; we'll find a hat for you."
Louise tried on beanies, she tried on fedoras, cowboy hats, berets, you name it. She tried on flat caps, bucket hats, top hats. She found a ushanka that she liked, because it also covered her ears, but the lining was woollen and it irritated her.
"We're never gonna find one!" she whined, throwing yet another hat back onto the shelf.
"We will," Bob assured her. "Look, we've been through every store here; let's get back in the car, and we'll drive, and every time we see somewhere that looks like it sells hats, we'll go inside."
"Okay," said Louise, rubbing her eye tiredly; they'd been out for a few hours now.
They drove around Seymour's Bay, going into several shops, but they still had no luck.
"See anything?" he asked, driving down Hillcrest, feeling dispirited.
"Wait, stop!" she cried. "Stop, Daddy!" Bob stopped the car, and turned to see what she was staring at.
"That's a toy store," he said, after observing the name, 'About a Toy'.
"I wanna go in." Before Bob could stop her, she had unstrapped herself from her booster seat, and was running inside.
"Louise!" Bob fumbled with his own seat belt before taking off after her, panting. He thought that that booster seat was supposed to be child-proof; that was why he'd bought it. Next time, he reminded himself to get a Louise-proof seat.
He found her just inside the door, staring in amazement. Dozens of toys, games, curios, snow globes, filled every available inch of this tiny shop.
"Wow," Louise moved forward, eyes wide. Then, a look of wonder spread over her face. "Daddy, they have Kuchi Kopi here!" she pointed up to a shelf which displayed several Kuchi Kopi items, including a night light, a china figurine, a keyring, a mug, a music box, amongst others.
"I thought we were going to get you a hat?" Bob smiled down at her in amusement.
"But it's Kuchi Kopi!" She was practically hanging off his hand, her eyes bright, before her jaw dropped. "Maybe they have a Kuchi Kopi hat! I want one!" She let go of his hand, and ran through the store, causing Bob to laugh. This was the happiest he'd seen her in weeks. Since the fire, actually. If a Kuchi Kopi hat made her happy, then a Kuchi Kopi hat was what she would get.
He slowly walked through the little shop, scanning for any kind of hat. He saw several kinds, but he waited for Louise to pick one out.
As if out of nowhere, Louise ran up to him, and grabbed his hand, and started pulling him.
"Did you find a Kuchi Kopi hat?" he asked, allowing himself to be led to a small nook at the back of the shop.
"Better!" she cried, still dragging him. In the nook appeared to be a small selection of items on sale. None of them seemed to be part of any collection, like everything else. Rather, they appeared to be one-offs, or at least, the last of the batch. Louise was pointing frantically at something on the top shelf, which she couldn't reach, and Bob looked up. He saw only one hat; pink, with tassels. and large bunny ears. He blinked; he never would have imagined that Louise would pick that.
"That one?" he pointed as well. "The pink bunny one?"
"Yeah," she nodded, as Bob reached up, and pulled it down. The ears had some kind of wire in them, and the lining was made of pink satin.
As usual, he blocked her from the cashier while she tried it on, not looking at her, just as he had been told to do. "Daddy, look!" Bob turned around – and almost cried. Louise was standing there, beaming up him. She hadn't smiled since the fire. The hat was a little too big, and rested a little above her eyes, and the tassels fell to below her shoulders. But she looked so happy.
"Is this the one you want?" he choked back tears, and Louise nodded, still grinning widely.
"Yes; I want it, I want it!"
"It doesn't hurt you?"
"No, it feels soft, and not itchy."
"Alright, then," Bob made to walk to the cash register, but Louise grabbed his arm again. "What?"
"Can I have that?" She pointed up at the Kuchi Kopi night light. Bob was about to say no, when he paused. Louise was still afraid of the dark, and her moon night light had seen better days. And she had had a bad week; what harm could giving her a little treat do?
"Okay," he relented, handing the box to Louise, who clutched it to her like it was the Holy Grail.
Louise refused to take her new hat off, even to let Bob pay for it, and so eventually, he had to hold her up so the clerk could scan the tag.
"I look like the General!" Louise cried, skipping back to the car, and, seeing her like that, Bob knew he had made the right choice. "I have bunny ears, so now I can hear everything! Now I have four ears!"
"I'm glad you like them," Bob chuckled, buckling her into the supposedly child-proof seat.
"I really do. I'm gonna wear this forever and ever and ever. I'm never gonna take 'em off," Louise insisted. She felt.. right, like she was herself. For the first time in her life she felt.. whole. Like nothing could stop her. She felt big and strong and powerful and tall. Louise felt confident, like she wasn't afraid of anything, and could do anything. She felt like... Louise.
"I know these will help you," said Bob. "So, listen, you wear these for as long as you need to. You don't need to take them off until you're ready, okay?"
~ X ~
Done! I know it may seem a little dramatic in places, but there had to be a reason why Louise still had the bald spot, and why she didn't want to continue with the expanders.
I was always intrigued about how she never cared if she had friends or not, and I thought there might be a reason why, and so I made up my own theory.
Hopefully, you enjoyed reading.