Chapter 35: Selfish
Bella's POV
I was anxious. Anxious to the point where I needed to be in Jasper's presence one hundred percent of the time to stay calm. I wouldn't be okay until I had my daughter safe and sound in my arms again. Every second that passed, knowing she was with the Volturi, was like an eternity of hell for me.
I felt a little better once we were on the plane to Italy. But not much. Edward didn't want me to go. In fact he insisted that I stay. He practically begged and pleaded for me to stay behind. He didn't want me anywhere near the Volturi. Physically I was eleven years older than him yet he still felt the need to protect me as if I were a fragile little kid.
I told him that there was no way in hell I was going to stay behind. I needed to be there when my daughter was rescued. So there we all went. My boys included. I wasn't thrilled with the idea of taking my boys to Italy with me but I was not going to leave them behind either. I'd do whatever I could to keep them away from the fight but they were not staying in Hawaii.
Edward put his arm around me once the plane took off. It's amazing how his touch could still make my heart skip a few beats after all these years. The effect he had on me was still the same as the day we met in Biology. I was blessed that he still loved me after all the pain that I caused him.
I hurt a lot of people in my life. I hadn't seen Charlie or Renee since I disappeared and what was worse is that I lied to my own children about their grandparents being dead. It was the only lie I could come up with to get them to stop asking about meeting my own mother and father. Why did I avoid my parents? Because I couldn't risk that they'd tell the Cullens where I was if they had known. I truly was a selfish person. Perhaps I deserved all the pain I received. It was karma coming back to bite me in the ass.
"What are you thinking about Bella?"
I sighed but didn't say anything.
"Doesn't matter how many years go by. I will never not be frustrated by my inability to read your mind,"
I had to smile at his words. Some things would never change. I was happy that my thoughts were still my own. He didn't need to know what I was thinking every second of the day after all.
"Bella can you please just tell me what you're thinking? I'm going crazy over here,"
"That I'm the most selfish person there is,"
"What?" he sounded very surprised. "Bella you are far from being selfish. Why would you even think that?"
"Because of everything that I have done. I can't escape the amount of pain that I have caused. I hurt you, Charlie, Renee-"
"Bella-"
"Edward please don't. I left you and everyone else without considering the effect that it would have everyone else. Charlie and Renee probably think I'm dead by now. I lied to my own children about my parents being dead. I have caused a lot of damage that's irreparable and-"
"Oh Bella. Nothing is irreparable or unforgivable. I have already forgiven you. Your parents will forgive you when they know. They miss you Bella. They have never once given up hope of finding you,"
"You've seen them?"
"We have stayed in contact throughout the years. Charlie and Sue got married,"
"They what?" I gasped in shock.
"It was three years after you vanished. They have two children of their own now. The oldest is three years younger than Nessie. Renee and Phil also had children. Three of them,"
I was shocked by what Edward was telling me. At the same time I was happy. Happy that Charlie and Renee were able to move on despite my disappearance. Would I ever have the nerve to face them again? I didn't know.
"I just don't understand how you can forgive me so easily,"
"Remember what happened when I was the one who left you?"
I shuddered at the memory of one of tbe darkest times in my life. The whole that had been punched through my chest when he left. Then he came back. Then I left him and the pain resurfaced and never truly healed until now.
"I remember,"
"and remember how easily you forgave me?"
"Yes," I said. Wondering where he was going with this.
"I didn't understand how you could so easily forgive me when I caused you so much pain. Now I do. I was just happy to see you in front of me alive and well. I was relieved that you had finally come back into my life when I thought you never would again. I never wanted to be apart again. That's why I forgave you so quickly," he said. "That's why we all forgave you so quickly and I know Charlie and Renee will be happy to see you again. Even happier when they find out they have grandchildren,"
"and you want to give them another one?"
"Oh Bella. Nothing will make me happier than having another baby with you. As soon as things calm down,"
The rest of the flight was pretty uneventful. I slept for a lot of it. I had Jasper to thank for that. Without him I would not have been able to sleep at all. When I was awake I was with Edward. I never wanted to be apart from him again. I would spend every day of the rest of my life making up for all the pain I caused him. I truly didn't deserve him. No matter what he said. I didn't deserve any happiness.
As soon as the airplane touched down and we were allowed to deplane people rushed off of the plane as fast as they could. People were afraid of us. The other passengers had avoided us at all costs during the flight.
Edward stiffened a fee minutes after we walked into the airport.
"What's wrong?"
"Renesmee," his eyes grew wide.
"What?"
"Her scent is still fresh. She was just here. Not too long ago. Maybe only a few minutes...with Alec,"
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