Disclaimer: I don't own the setting nor the characters. The thumbnail art is by ももせあん MoMoSE89 on Twitter (or the Pixiv Id is: 3984968).

Author's Note: So full disclosure, I've only seen, like, two episodes of the Bachelor and none of the Bachelorette (I did my research though, don't worry, but also, maybe worry a little because it did include crack videos on YouTube). Please have fun!

"This week on the Bachelorette..."

Kiyoko Shimizu was one of the most stunning Bachelorettes on reality television history. She was beautiful, kind, smart, and an all-around goddess. It was no wonder that she had quite the following of men ready and excited to start a relationship — and hopefully, form a long-lasting, true partnership.

So when Kageyama nervously shuffled out of the limo, fifteen different cameras tracking his every step and his personal microphone pinned inconspicuously on his shirt collar, he immediately forgot what gimmick the producers had shoved onto him. As a twenty-five-year-old physical therapist in training, he had been tasked with something related to his job, something to help the leading lady remember him since his appearance wasn't all that impressive; but for the life of him, he couldn't remember.

Kiyoko smiled patiently, a soft quirk to her lips, and he realized with a start he was staring frozen with the limo door still open. Blushing to the tips of his ears, Kageyama Tobio slowly made his way over in his inexpensive but well-fitted suit. Hopefully, they'd cut out the awkward pause in the final editing, but something in him knew he wasn't going to be that lucky.

Standing next to her, Kageyama felt even more out of place. If he didn't already know that the television life was not for him, this did little to persuade him otherwise. Not only were his social skills near nonexistent, but being compared with twenty-nine other men all competing for one perfect lady's love? He didn't stand a chance.

In a dark purple dress that shimmered like a cluster of galaxies bursting with new stars, Kiyoko tilted her head, murmuring a quiet, "Hello." Her eyes looked even bluer up close, magnified by the thin lenses of her glasses.

"Hi!" he answered a bit too loudly and then winced, hoping the production crew didn't catch the distressed panic on his face. Twisting his hands together, he relied on what was familiar, and abruptly bowed down at a perfect ninety-degree angle, hiding his face from everyone and the cameras. "It's nice to meet you! Thank you for having me!"

He didn't straighten up until he felt a soft brush of a hand against his shoulder. Kiyoko had bent down slightly, peering at him with concern. Surprisingly, there was quiet understanding in her gaze.

Her voice was hushed, and though the mics would easily pick up her words, he knew it was meant to be a private conversation for him. "I get nervous very easily too. I think this will be a good experience for the both of us."

Kageyama's shoulders relaxed and the coil strangling him loosened enough for him to manage a shy, wobbly smile.

"I hope we get some more time to talk later tonight," she told him sincerely, and Kageyama realized that was his cue to head into the mansion.

"Nice meeting you," he managed to say again, this time much more genuinely, before hurriedly turning and following the stepping stones into the 10,000-square-foot estate. Despite it being late in the evening, the manor was well lit and the path to the living room was easy to find.

When he turned the corner, he was relieved to find that he wasn't the first nor the last contestant to make an appearance. He greeted the other men with a casual wave and carefully sized up his competition and the place he would be living in for however long he managed to stay on the show. The other men watching him did the same, and he tried to not let it bother him.

There was a plethora of couches shoved up against the far wall — already being filled up by handsome men in tailored suits chatting amiably — and a well-stocked kitchen. On the counter were countless dishes gifted by the production staff: there were fun little cucumber rolls (filled with cream cheese and colorful peppers) and entire trays of fruit (including bananas, apples, lemons, and limes). No one was eating anything, either from nerves or some unspoken rule he didn't know about, so Kageyama forewent his rumbling stomach and instead made his way over to his soon-to-be competition.

His legs crossed comfortably in front of him, a man with styled brown hair and an elegant blue-trimmed suit was telling the others around him about how, since he was the first one to meet the Bachelorette, he had hoped he made a good first impression. As he tastefully sipped on a glass of alcohol, looking at the others through thick eyelashes and the thinnest of smug smiles on his face, Kageyama frowned at the familiarity.

Oikawa Tooru, A-list actor and an old volleyball rival way back in high school, was one of the main reasons he had not been weeded out during the difficult application process. Oikawa was charismatic, beautiful, and intelligent. He was also the prime suspect for a good villain and lots and lots of drama.

"Tobio-chan!" he called out sweetly when their eyes met, and Kageyama practically felt the hidden cameras gleefully zoom in on his face. A few other men turned their way curiously, and Kageyama tried not to burrow into his jacket.

A gentle breeze ruffled their hair, the windows having been drawn open so the contestants could listen in on the others' limo introductions and also cool down the place before it was packed with a crowd of thirty nervous, sweaty men. One down side of living in an all-expenses-paid mansion: there was no air conditioning in the house since it was too noisy for the mics and camera equipment.

"Hello, Oikawa-san," Kageyama answered politely, his face casually blank even as his hands trembled by his side.

The heat of the cameras felt like death was stalking him at every turn. If he managed to survive the night and stay on the show for longer than a few hours, the threat wasn't just going to be impressing the leading lady, but also surviving weeks alone with just the men he was supposed to be competing with.

No phone, no internet, no television, no music. They were allowed books, but Kageyama couldn't remember the last time he had read something for fun that wasn't a volleyball magazine or related to his bachelor's degree. It was an environment that invited drama and interpersonal conflict: with no distractions, the men were completely cut off from the outside world and instead forced to focus fully on fighting for Kiyoko and winning the televised competition.

Oikawa leaned to the side, his smile widening at whatever he saw on Kageyama's face, and he pet the spot on the couch next to him with a predatorial glint in his pretty eyes. "Come sit here, Tobio-chan! I haven't seen you since high school!"

What went unsaid but not unheard was the "since you brutally lost to my team." Despite it being years past, the small, hidden-away part of his heart that had looked up to his fellow setter felt a sharp, bitter pang of anger and hurt. The producers knew only a shade of his history with Oikawa, but what they had gleaned from the local newspapers and old interviews from when they were teenagers was enough to know that their relationship was rife with drama and intrigue.

Not wanting to be rude, and still very aware of the cameras and how this is what his friends back home were going to be seeing once the show aired, Kageyama shuffled over to the spot Oikawa was still patting down for him. A small redheaded boy that looked like he was barely out of high school smiled brightly at him from one of the lounge chairs nearby, and unsure of what to do with that, Kageyama frowned back and then quickly ducked his head so he couldn't see the boy's offended response.

"So how're you doing?" the older man was saying, his tone light and playful and suspiciously without malice as he turned his full attention on him, "Still playing—?"

Kageyama quickly said before he could finish, "I'm training to be a physical therapist now."

Oikawa actually blinked in honest surprise and confusion before his mask quickly reformed and he was smiling again. This time, though, Kageyama felt a bit more prepared for his old rival's manipulations. Oikawa didn't know him anymore, not since high school, and he wasn't going to let him get in his head this time.

"And you, Oikawa-san? How are you doing?"

He never got to hear the answer because just then two very loud, and very wild-looking, contestants stumbled into the living room with stretched out grins and a manic light to their eyes. One was short with a tuft of dyed hair parted in the front and the other looked like a delinquent from the streets, despite both of them being very well dressed and actually quite handsome in their vibrant and personalized suits.

"Guys, come quick! Someone just came out on a 'unicorn'!" the short one shouted cheerily, jumping on the balls of his feet in an astounding display of athleticism.

The other man with the shaved head smirked, slinging an arm around the other with a similarly vocal cheer, "Except the horse won't stop walking around so the poor sucker is stuck!"

"We would have helped him," the other continued, "but he glared at us so badly. Our literal-goddess-Kiyoko is trying to help him and it's hilarious!"

As the group of men tumbled over each other to either leave or pull apart the curtains for a better view, Kageyama stood back slightly and just took in the fact that this was real. He was on a reality television dating show with twenty-nine other good-looking men, one of them his high school rival, and all his embarrassing moments were going to be aired for anyone and everyone to see, just like this poor guy.

The young redhead from before who had smiled at him was pushing at a tall spiky-haired blond with pierced ears and a similarly tall but much more mild-mannered looking man, stuck behind two human trees. Then he bounded on the back of his heel, practically flying as he jumped, and Kageyama startled back in surprise, his jaw dropping. As he watched the boy struggle to get a view of the disastrous introduction, he felt the oddest urge to pick the other contestant up and rest him on his shoulders like a child.

He would never actually do such a thing, could feel the heat bloom on his face just from thinking about it, but there was something about the boy that made him want to help.

The contestant must have felt eyes on him or something, because instead of going in for another insane jump, he turned and stared fever-bright brown eyes at Kageyama. Feeling like maybe this was his chance to correct his terrible first impression from earlier, Kageyama tried to smile like Suga-san had taught him, hoping he had gotten it down a little better than the times he had practiced in front of the mirror this morning.

The redhead stumbled back with wide eyes, curling around the man with the shaved head from before. "What, what do you want? You wanna fight, huh?" he whisper-shouted, half-way raising his fists up in front of him, but still safely tucked behind the other man who was now turning around with a newfound interest.

"S-Shut up!" he yelled and quickly dropped his attempt at a smile, turning bright red in anger and embarrassment and maybe a little hurt. "Dumbass!"

And oh. No. That was not what he had meant to say. Suga was going to kill him if they didn't cut this out.

Rule one that Suga had drilled into his dumb head over and over again: don't make enemies with the other contestants on the first day. That was a surefire way to have a very unfriendly and tense time while waiting for the group and one-on-one dates with the leading lady, assuming he even made it that far.

"What's happening?" the short one asked when he noticed his buddy's waning interest in the Bachelorette coaxing the horse to a stop. His eyes lit up on Kageyama and the taller man suddenly felt the need to hide in the bathroom for the rest of the night.

"Hey! You're Kageyama Tobio, right? I saw your limo exit!"

Oh noooo, his mind shrieked, making a sound not dissimilar to an ambulance siren wailing in the distance, and it was suddenly that much harder to breathe. Kageyama ducked his head to hide his blush, but when the other man crowed in delight, he knew he had failed. At least the redheaded boy wasn't looking as murderous, just annoyed and slightly pissed off.

"Don't worry about it, man," the shaved-headed guy told him, smacking his back in good-natured comradery. "We all get nervous! Especially with someone as gorgeous and perfect and amazing as Kiyoko!"

"I'm Nishinoya Yuu, but you can call me Noya!" the man introduced, jabbing a thumb at himself proudly, "I'm a racecar driver! This is my new bro Tanaka Ryuunosuke," Noya leaned in to stage whisper like it was actually a secret and not something the entire world was going to know soon, "he's private security!"

Feeling whiplashed by all the energy bouncing around him, Kageyama fiddled with his sleeves and murmured, "Um, nice to meet you! I'm Kageyama Tobio!" And he bowed down in respect, only then remembering that they already knew his name and he was looking like even more of an idiot.

The two men just laughed kindly, Noya slapping his back with more force than he expected. "And that little jumping frog is Hinata Shouyou! He's a dancer!"

Oh. That explained the boy's flexibility, then. Kageyama scowled at him, and the boy with the smile that could power the sun frowned back, his nose scrunching up. Looking away, Kageyama shivered slightly from the draft and then tried to pull his eyes back up, realizing that he needed to contribute or the producers were going to have field day editing this. He had to at least give himself a fighting chance.

"Nice to meet you," he finally ground out.

Hinata returned his glare with one of his own, and Kageyama noticed Tanaka and Noya exchanging a surprised look from the corner of his eye. "You too," the boy said flatly. And then he turned on his heels and stalked out of the room, a few people watching him go, smirks and knowing looks on their faces.

Kageyama debated actually hiding in the bathroom until Kiyoko was finished with the limo introductions. It would certainly be safer than risking any more disastrous conversations with the other men.

Because he may have just accidentally made himself the villain of the season.

...o0o…

"Oh, Tobio-chan?" Oikawa said, staring into the confession camera with big brown eyes that shined like melted chocolate. His hair was artfully done, curled in little tufts that gave him a floaty, stylish look. "I knew him in high school when our volleyball teams played against each other. He was a terrible sore loser, to be honest."

With a casual shrug, the actor smiled sharply. "I hope he takes his loss in this new challenge with better dignity."

Kageyama may or may not have thrown his remote at the television screen, barely missing the display by more than an inch. Suga-san, curled up in his boyfriend's lap with a giant bowl of popcorn in front of him, only laughed a little too loudly.

"Oh my god, Kageyama-kun, what did I tell you?" he giggled, having way too much fun at the younger man's expense.

"I hope you choke on your popcorn and die," he grumbled into the pillow he was hiding behind.

"Hey!" Daichi interjected, pulling the silver-haired counselor closer against his chest. "No wishing misfortune on my boyfriend!"

He was going to respond, but the episode was continuing, and Kageyama, who'd lived it and knew how everything turned out, shoved his face back into the cushion and hoped against hope that he could drown out the dramatic music and heavily edited confessions.

...o0o…

He did not, in fact, hide in the bathroom. Instead he just sort of hovered by the food like a broody shadow. New men came in, even the guy who had been stuck on his 'unicorn' for a good five minutes until Kiyoko succeeded in calming the poor animal. They greeted each other and Kageyama tried to listen in, tried to remember the names; but there were too many people, and even on a good day, he knew he could barely remember one person's name correctly.

Soon enough, all thirty men were packed into the living room. Producers and cameramen and -women tucked themselves into the corner, and then the woman of the hour was walking into the room following the click-clack of her heels. She wasn't smiling, but her face was relaxed and youthful, eyes lit up behind her frames, and there was a giddy excitement shining brightly around her like an aura of starlight.

Kageyama felt himself straighten, saw the other contestants do the same, many smiling down at her in anticipation for more to come. In the crowd of men, Hinata smiled the brightest, the loudest, and Kageyama had a hard time looking away from the dancer. It was infuriating.

"Thank you for coming," she started, tucking a wayward curl behind her ear and blushing cutely. She looked down, a little unsure of herself, before forcing eye contact with the crowd. Kageyama carefully kept his face blank, knowing now that his smiles still looked like a serial killer planning a murder. Her gaze swept over them, lingering on a few men more than others, and then she was smiling like the sun coming out of rain clouds, a rainbow in her eyes.

"I appreciate everyone putting themselves out there for this journey with me. This isn't something many of us are used to: the cameras, the lights, the crowds. But I'm glad you all decided to try it out, and I hope we get to know each other better over the course of the next few weeks." She took a breath like she was resurfacing from a long swim, like she wasn't used to speaking so much, and continued on a slightly quieter note, "Please raise your glass to the beginning of a new and exciting journey to find true love."

She held up her champagne flute in toast and the other men raised theirs back at her. Let the games begin, Kageyama thought cynically, as Oikawa-san skillfully appeared by the model's side in one fluid, natural motion. His smile looked humble and shy, but he was such a good actor Kageyama doubted it was real.

"May I whisk you away for a moment?"

Kiyoko-san nodded and then the two were gone.

Tanaka and Noya growled and Kageyama practically jumped out of his skin, swallowing down an unattractive yelp. The two men surrounded him on both sides, and he wondered worriedly if he had not only made an enemy out of Hinata but also the two rambunctious bachelors as well.

"Who does that pretty boy think he is?" Tanaka gumbled, crossing his arms and looking over at Kageyama. Noya was nodding his head in the ultimate form of support.

"Um, yeah," Kageyama tried, hoping he sounded agreeable instead of awkward and stupid.

"You can really tell who the villain will be by who first steals the Bachelorette," Noya complained dramatically, eyeing the door the two had left with death lasers in his eyes.

That was some relief, actually. Kageyama didn't want to be the villain. Maybe Oikawa would be able to keep that status, after all.

"I hope he doesn't get the first impression rose," Tanaka continued with a mean face directed at the empty archway and then the silver platter with the single rose presented tastefully on a knee-length table in the center of the room for the men the ogle at. Only one person in the room can get the first impression rose — which, in turn, ensures his position on the show for at least one more night. That lucky person isn't forced to endure the rose ceremony, where names are called out one after the other to see who gets to stay or go.

As the two complained, munching on some cucumber rolls and chips, Kageyama felt an odd sort of kinsmanship despite feeling more and more out of place in the conversation. Even though they were loud and excitable and slightly grating on his ears, both men were trying to include him and make sure he wasn't left alone to brood and be moody on his lonesome.

"I'm going to go steal her away!" one of them said. "Wish me luck!"

"You got this, bro!" the other cheered.

Kageyama mumbled a sincere, "good luck" in the general direction of their shoes.

The night was getting longer and longer, and exhaustion was creeping up on him. Other contestants came in and out in a blur. Kageyama only paid attention to when Hinata tried for his private conversation with the leading lady. He bounced up with too much energy for this late into the night, and practically ran out of the room.

Kageyama vindictively hoped it went terribly.

In what felt like forever, but was probably more like ten minutes later, the small race car driver jumped up and slapped his back, nearly bowling him over with his enthusiasm. "Go get her, Kageyama!"

In the end, it was actually very easy to find Kiyoko. She was speaking with a kind-looking man with innocent eyes. He might have been the elementary school teacher, Kageyama wasn't sure.

"Mind if I, um, steal her for a minute?" he asked, repeating what Noya had told him to say. There was an art to rudely interrupting other people's conversations, apparently.

The guy didn't seem too bothered though, likely because Kageyama hadn't come in too early and he had had enough time to genuinely make a connection with the model.

After the other contestant left, Kageyama awkwardly shuffled in place before Kiyoko took pity on him and motioned for him to sit next to her on the bench.

"I'm sorry, I don't remember your name," she told him honestly but not unkindly.

Oh. Had he even told her his name? He couldn't remember, it had happened so fast. One minute he was making a fool of himself in front of her, and then the next he was in the living room making a fool of himself in front of the men.

"It's Kageyama Tobio," he breathed out, fumbling with his hands in his lap. "Uh, thank you for what you said earlier, about being nervous. I'm not good with talking to people, so it was a relief to not feel so alone."

He hesitantly sought out her eyes and felt that familiar calmness settle over him with the understanding in her gaze. "Thank you," he finished, not much for words anyway.

"My pleasure." She smiled gently, "So tell me a bit about yourself?"

...o0o…

"Boooooo!"

Kageyama sighed in relief as Suga simultaneously groaned in disappointment, throwing some popcorn at the TV screen and booing loudly over the host's narration. The production crew had edited out his entire private conversation from the final cut. He was both relieved that the entire world wasn't going to know his Tragic Backstory™ and a bit insulted he wasn't good enough to get more than one minute of screen time that made him look like a normal contestant.

"Better luck next time?" Daichi tried cautiously.

He shrugged.

On the screen, Hinata was moving his hands excitedly as he talked about his history of dancing, even going so far as to take Kiyoko's hand and lead them into an impromptu waltz. The background music was playful and romantic, focused on Hinata's blinding grin and Kiyoko's melodious laugh as they looked into each other's eyes.

Kageyama scowled into his lap. They had probably had to cut out Hinata tripping over his own feet.

...o0o…

To no one's surprise but many men's disappointment, Oikawa got the first impression rose. They kissed. While he saw a few men scowl and pout at the loss of the first rose, Kageyama just felt frayed. He wanted the day to end.

Unfortunately, despite how quick the rose ceremony always looked on television, it actually took a good few hours to fully complete. All thirty men were forced to stand in three rows, facing Kiyoko and the platter of thornless roses.

She looked radiant, the orange glow from the lanterns softening the harsh, anxious atmosphere from the gathered men.

The first few names were long and tiresome and Kageyama didn't pay any attention until she called out a "Tanaka Ryuunosuke and Nishinoya Yuu."

The two confidently sauntered over to collect their prize one by one. Kageyama was happy for them, even if he felt like he was going to fall asleep on his feet.

After each name was called, Kiyoko had to be whisked away so her producers could supply her with the pictures and names of all the men. Kageyama could relate: no one could remember thirty guys, especially after meeting each one for only a few minutes one after another. Not to mention the time it took for all fifteen cameras to reset after each lucky contestant picked up a rose.

Barely keeping his eyes open, Kageyama was startled out of his daze by someone elbowing him in the ribs. Blinking and trying to clench down on a yawn, he stared back at a tuft of wild orange hair and vibrant brown eyes lit up by the start of the sun rising behind them, eyes trying to tell him something important.

Someone coughed delicately and he jumped. Hinata mouthed something that looked like "rose" and jerked his head in one direction. Following the motion, Kageyama saw Kiyoko purposefully holding out the red flower for him.

Despite wanting to melt into the floor, he managed to stumble his way over and collect the symbol of his success. "Thank you," he told her quietly, holding the rose to his chest like a lifeline.

Her gaze moved a little to his left, looking behind him for less than half a second, before meeting his eyes again and smiling sweetly. "I hope you stick around a bit longer."

She gently rested her hand on top of his, taking the rose back so she could pin it to his lapel like she had done for the other men. "Will you accept this rose, Tobio-kun?"

He nodded, trying to fight down a blush when he realized he was doing things all out of order. "Yes, of course, thank you."

He walked back over to his spot, keeping his head down so he didn't have to see Oikawa's stupid smirk. He brushed past Hinata on accident, though, and moved to apologize, but those wide eyes were watching him so fiercely he forgot the words.

First to look away loses, he thought competitively, accepting this new challenge, and knew the dancer was thinking the same thing.

It took Tanaka slapping him upside the head for him to finally pull his eyes away. From his peripheral, he noticed Noya doing the same for Hinata.

In the end, seven men were sent home. The rest of the contestants headed into the mansion to unpack their two bags of luggage (or in Oikawa's case, the five suitcases he'd smuggled in against regulations).

His own room was larger than his apartment back home and his view from the wall-length windows overlooked the backyard pool. Knowing he'd fall asleep in a matter of minutes, Kageyama twisted the crank, opening the windows a crack for some fresh air.

Outside, he heard a crow caw out. He peered through the curtains and watched the black bird take to the pink and purple sky, a feather falling gently to the ground.

They had an early start later. Kageyama changed into his pajamas and set his shoes by the base of his bed, not bothering to fully unpack. He was asleep as soon as he hit the pillow.

.

tbc

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Author's Note: Thanks for reading! Not much Kagehina yet BUT JUST YOU WAIT. I wanted to lay out the context first, get used to the setting, and then I could have the parts where the guys just chill and hang out since there's no TV or internet or phones and if that's not the start of a horror story, what is? No wonder some people go crazy by the end: I would too!