If you feel like some of the stuff in this chapter is not realistic (e.g.: how quick Hachiman learned to programme), well… Improvise, Adapt, Overcome.

With that being said, onwards to the chapter!

Chapter 1

Hachiman rose out of bed and looked at his phone with its alarm blaring. "Uhh…" he groaned as he tried to solve the math problem that was presented. Hachiman had downloaded the 'Alarmy' app and set it so that he'd have to solve two math problems before the alarm would shut off and by the time that he finished solving the problems, he'd be awake. Hachiman never used to have a problem waking up on time. It had only just started.

Damn vines, damn hacking, damn computers keeping me up all time FUCK WHAT THE HELL THIS IS THE RIGHT ANSWER!

Hachiman hated the app… but it worked. He finally managed to solve it and got out of bed to drag his ass to the washroom. He brushed his teeth and cleaned out his earwax – damn headphones – and took a quick shower. As he got dressed, a sweet smell of toast hit his nose, making him salivate with anticipation at the thought of his sister's cooking.

"Yo, Komachi," he greeted as he descended down the stairs. Hachiman's personality had done a full 180 since he had started watching… everything that the western people watched. It ranged from vines to failarmy to programming tutorials to even some western stand-up comedy. He was still his normal cynical, misanthropic, loner self, but the normal things that usually defined a 'Japanese person' weren't there anymore. One could even call him a 'Reverse Weeb'. Just like a normal weeb, only much cooler version that doesn't embarrass themselves in front of the whole internet.

"Morning, Onii-chan," Komachi greeted with a smile. She had gotten used to her brother's antics. At least he wasn't as much of a… Hachiman… as before… Nah, who was she kidding? He was still the same; now, he was just a bit more tolerable. "What would you like for breakfast?" she asked.

"Deez nutz," he muttered and giggled to himself. He thought Komachi hadn't heard him… He thought wrong. At that moment, Hachiman gained reflexes of the Fourth Hokage and immediately ducked under a knife that came flying towards him, heading straight for his left eye. "Oi! That could've killed me!" he shouted, glaring at a violently blushing Komachi. This was another one of his newly gained abilities. Hachiman didn't blush at the slightest mention of sexual activity. Something that he'd come to find extremely useful to tease Yukino and Yui… and Hiratsuka-sensei, and Miura, and Iroha, and… basically all the women he could think of, other than Haruno Yukinoshita. God knows nothing can make that woman blush.

Though the reason for his newly gained ability was a… indecent one – depending on whose perspective you're looking at it form. Hachiman had discovered something that no normal Japanese teen had. Uncensored p-. yeah, that.

"Onii-chan! Don't make jokes like that!" Komachi shouted back, now fully red like a tomato.

"Hah? What's wrong with it? You and I both are plenty old enough to know what sex is," he said mentally smirking and loving his sister's reaction.

"Onii-chan!" She shouted with narrowed eyes and hands clutching her ears.

"Fine, fine. I'll stop," Hachiman gave in as he sat down at the dinner table, waiting for his meal. The brother-sister duo ate in relative silence until they finished and we're ready to head towards school. Finally, Hachiman couldn't hold himself and just HAD to get a last tease in. "So… Komachi?"

"Hmm?"

"What's your favourite kind of panties?" He asked and looked towards her with a shit-eating grin. He watched as the emotions on Komachi face showed confusion, changing to thoughtfulness, then to realization, followed by the embarrassment of the highest level, and finally pure undiluted raw RAGE.

"YOU SICK BASTARD!" she screamed as Hachiman took off running, all the while cackling madly. "I'M GOING TO KILL YOU WHEN YOU GET BACK HOME!"

…

Fuck man… Can't believe I didn't ride my bike to school today, Hachiman thought as he walked up the school stairs towards his classroom. He frowned at everything he was hearing.

"Did you hear…"

"A new café…"

"… broke up with…"

"XXXTentation got shot…"

"Just like Smoke Dawg…"

"So sad. He was a good singer too…"

Hah, what fucking bullshit, he thought as he mentally sneered at all the gossipers. Just the other day you were saying his music was shit. Little two-faced piece of shit.

"Man, I'm done with this dumbass school with all these fake ass people," he muttered to himself.

Hachiman saw Iroha in the distance waving at him, "Good morning, Senpai!" she said cheerfully as she walked by.

"Morning," he simply replied as he continued on his way. "Tch. Fucking bitch." He muttered to himself again.

After a short while, Hachiman arrived in front of his class and as usual, he walked in without anyone noticing. Hachiman took a seat and pulled out his phone. That was another change that Hachiman had undergone. He used his phone a lot more now. What, you may ask, did he use his phone so much for? Several reasons actually. Memes being the first and foremost. Then came Twitter and Instagram which he mainly used for news and other important things. And finally, to talk to his friends. 'What friends?' you may ask. Well… he didn't know their real name, or which country they were from, or how old they were, or even if they were male or female. How did he make such friends?

Well, sit down ya lil shits cuz this gon be a long story.

It had been quite sometime after Hachiman had started to learn to programme when he realized something. He was a prodigy. Hachiman took to programming as an Uzumaki takes to Fuinjutsu. One thing that helped him with it was his realistic, logical, creative outlook on life. And that was basically 100% of what programming was. Logic and creativity. He had finished learning C to quite a high level and then gotten started on Java. Another advantage he had was that most programming languages were more or less the same. The only thing that deferred was the syntax.

As he got more into programming, he also got more and more into the dark side of the world. Eventually, he came across a person on a random IRC (Internet Relay Chat). Their name was 6God (I was listening to Drake while I was writing this).

Hachiman's first conversation with the person was brief.

6God: Hello

Hachiman thought quickly and chose his username. ThatGuy8.

ThatGuy8: Hello. Do I know you?

6God: No. You do not. But I saw that you entered my website using TOR… that was smart. You also got past all the code-locks. I have ot say that's not something everyone can do.

ThatGuy8: Uh… Thank you. I was just browsing the web and… y'know.

6God: I had a request for you. I have this code puzzle that I can't solve. Can you please help me?

ThatGuy8: Sure thing! How can I be of assistance?

6God then sent him an imgur link which showed some interesting problems. It took Hachiman a couple hours to break it down, but he finally did it.

ThatGuy8: I finished it. How do I send it to you?

6God: You don't need to. I already saw it. The moment you clicked on the link, I got full access to your computer. Don't worry, I won't do anything. This puzzle was merely a test to test your skills. I don't know who you are. I can easily find out, but I won't. I am here to recruit you into the Ghost Security Group. I can see that you are extremely talented but also inexperienced and naïve. That is not a problem since, should you choose to join, we will teach you everything you need to know. This offer is open till one hour.

Hachiman's heart dropped as he read all that. Oh… shit, he thought as he read it all. He couldn't believe it. THE Ghost Security Group was inviting him to join. (A/N: Google it up, it's real. It's basically a higher level of Anonymous.)

ThatGuy8: I don't even need to think. Of course, I accept.

6God: Lol, very well then. First things first, put some tape over your laptop camera.

And from there, he had been invited to another chat where he 'met' all the others. The only thing he knew for sure was that they were from all over the world.

And that is the story of how Hachiman made a few friends who did not judge him for who he was.

"Yahallo, Hikki!" Yui said chipperly, interrupting Hachiman's reminiscing. He turned his head away from his phone to look at his well-endowed classmate.

"Hm? Yo," he replied simply.

"You know, it's pretty rare for you to be on your phone, Hikki," Yui said, finding Hachiman's behaviour odd.

Hachiman internally sighed. Leave me alone for now, woman. How do I get rid of her… OH!

"Say… Yui?" Hachiman asked, keeping his face as impassive as ever.

"Yeah?" Yui quickly replied enthusiastically. After all, it wasn't every day that Hachiman took the initiative to talk to her.

"You see… I was just wondering… If you were to have sex, what would be your favourite foreplay?" Hachiman asked with a completely emotionless face and quiet enough so that only Yui and he would be able to hear it. 3… 2… 1…

"H-H-HIKKI YOU BAKA HENTAI" Yui shouted as she blushed five new shades of red and quickly back up with her arm covering her body. In fact, as she was backing up, she forgot there was a chair behind her and tripped backward over it, giving Hachiman a full 4K UHD view of her panties. Hachiman had enough experience to not blush at the sight, but he still couldn't stop the blood rushing downwards.

"…" Hachiman blinked, not knowing what to say at the sight. In the end, he just decided to play it cool. "Teddy bears, huh? That's pretty cute, Yui."

…

Shizuka Hiratsuka was a strong, confident, assertive, independent woman.

Too bad none of those qualities were very appealing to men her age. She sighed again as she was walking to her first period homeroom class while thinking about the failed date last night. "Jeez… at this rate, I'm just going to end up marrying Hachiman," she muttered to herself as she kept walking with the raven-haired young man in her thoughts now. "Though… I guess he wouldn't be too bad. He's young, but he sure as hell knows how to treat a woman."

Pushing all those thoughts aside, Shizuka slid open the door, ready to yell for the class to settle down. But her brain registered it faster… the class was already quiet. That's… Strange. Her eyes scanned the classroom and took in some minute details. Hayama has a weird expression on his face. Miura looks like she's about to murder som- No, wait she's looking at… Hachiman? What did he do this time? OH!? Is that a red hand print on his cheek? And why is Yuigahama so red? I've got to hear about this later.

"Hikigaya," Shizuka called out.

"Hai, sensei?"

"Lunchtime. My office," she said simply and began class as Hachiman nodded defeatedly.

…

"So?" Shizuka asked the boy in front of her simply.

"…" An uncomfortable silence stretched between them as Hachiman struggled to come up with what to say. "You look very beautiful, sensei." Please work, please work, please work, please work.

"Too bad none of the other men think that. Now, what happened today morning, Hikigaya?" Shizuka asked with an edge to her voice this time.

"Yuigahama fell… and I… thought that…" he mumbled the rest.

"What? I couldn't hear you. Speak louder!" Shizuka reprimanded.

"I thought that her p…" he again mumbled.

"Louder, Hikigaya!" she said, starting to get annoyed.

"I said, 'I thought her panties were cute!'," he shouted.

Another uncomfortable silence stretched between them as Shizuka massaged her head. How the fuck am I supposed to deal with this? Well, it looks like he's been punished enough already.

"I see," she said. "Well, that's all then. Go on to your club."

"H-Hai, sensei," and Hachiman bolted.

…

Hachiman lifted his hand and knocked on the door twice with his knuckles.

"Enter," came the usual smooth voice from inside. He slid open the door and scanned the room.

"Yo," Hachiman greeted simply as he walked to his spot. Looks like Yuigahama still can't make eye-contact with me…

"Very thoughtful of you to finally join us, Hiki-late-kun," Yukino said with her eyes still on her book.

Hachiman debated with himself whether he should provide an explanation or not. In the end, he decided that no harm could possibly come from it. "Hiratsuka-sensei wanted to have a talk," he replied, giving the bare minimum.

"Oh? Did you finally do something that reinforced your perverted looks?" Yukino asked jokingly.

"Yes," he replied while restraining the urge to giggle at the thought of how it would throw both his club members for a loop.

"H-Hikki!" came a shout almost immediately from a burning red Yui. "You're not supposed to tell anyone," she said, trying to sound angry but with how cute she was, it only looked like a small Groot pouting.

"Ok, Yuigahama. One, I only told sensei because she asked, and two, I really think it's cute. Suits you, y'know," Hachiman replied, loving how Yukino was just watching the two of them with wide eyes.

"Y-Yuigahama-san? What…" Yukino trailed off in a rare show of losing her composed aura.

"Yeah, Yuigahama. Yukionshita is a good friend of yours, isn't she? You should trust her more," Hachiman said. Oh, he knew he was being a devious manipulative bastard, cornering her, but this was just too good to pass up.

"Y-Yukinon… Hikki said that he thought my… panties were cute," Yui replied to the now profusely blushing Yukino.

"Hikigaya-kun," Yukino said as she turned to angrily chastise him. "I can't bel-,"

"Ok, pause!" Hachiman said holding up his hand. "Yuigahama was the one how showed them to me in the first place."

"Huh?" Yukino turned to Yui.

"No, I didn't!" Yui said as she waved her hands in the air.

"Yeah, you did," oh he was having wayyyy to much fun to stop now. "You fell over and showed me the teddy bears."

"Teddy bears!?" Yukino asked incredulously as she turned to Yui.

"HIKKI!" Yui shouted at him.

And that was too much for him. Hachiman couldn't hold it in any longer. He threw his head back and started laughing out loud. "I'm… I'm so sorry… Yuigahama," he breathed out in the middle of his laughs while clutching the side of his stomach. "I just couldn't… help it… you were too cute." He wiped the tears that formed at the edge of his eyes and looked at the two girls. Yukino merely sat there looking at him and Yui, while Yui was standing there biting her lips, on the verge of tears.

Hachiman sighed and stood up. "Listen Yui, I'm sorry alright?" he said as he walked over to her. He subconsciously used her first name since he had gotten used to it after watching so many vines and videos from non-Asian countries. He put a hand on her shoulder. "I only tease you like that because I really consider you a friend," okay that was definitely a lie. But lies only hurt when the person being lied to knows that they're being lied to. "I really think you were cute."

Yui looked a Hachiman with wide shimmering eyes. "You r-really think I'm c-cute?" she asked warily.

Oh shit, she's going to get the wrong idea… but I can't say no now. What do I do? OH!

"Yes, Yuigahama. You are the most cheerful and ditzy girl I've ever met, and I honestly find that pretty cute and attractive," he said. All of it was the truth… and now for the other half. He looked at Yukino who had a sad look in her eyes. "And Yukinoshita is the most intelligent and straightforward girl I've ever met which I find very beautiful in its own way. That's why if I ever tease any of you, it's always in good fun. I never play around with people I don't like." He said, satisfied with his explanation as he saw Yui and Yukino both, smile.

His job was done here but he couldn't help it. He just had to make one more pass at them. "Besides, if you want, I'll show you my underwear," he said as he started to unbuckle his belt.

"NO!" Yui and Yukino both shouted as they went and grabbed Hachiman's hand.

That was apparently the wrong choice. Hachiman's belt was already unbuckled (he was very quick) and his hand was on his pant's button, and Yui and Yukino's hands were on his hand. At that very moment, two other women decided to waltz in. The door slid open. "Service Club! You have a visitor!" said a voice that sounded like an older female.

"Yahall…" the second voice stopped as her eyes also took in the scene that was happening. "Oh my!"

In the entryway stood a bug-eyed Shizuka and Haruno.

And that's it! I know the characters are a bit OOC but I'm just having fun LOLOLOLL. Y'all know how much I love reviews, so feel free to drop some. Respects of you understood all my references to other movies and animes and whatnot. Btw, I know that Hachiman's change in character was drastic but think of it as if he had a two weeks March Break vacation and yeah.

About all the Anonymous and GhostSecGroup things I put in. It's all real. The IRC. The Dark Web. I want to show Hachiman going on the Dark Web but idk what would be a good way.