Yooo I'm so happy you all love this fic. I'll be honest, when I got this idea, it wasn't supposed to have a plot at all. It was supposed to be a pure comedy fic with Hachiman just acting like a genius fool… BUT it turns out that writing Hachiman X Haruno is actually really fun! I know some of you might think the romance is progressing too quickly but, again, two people craving for love just met their soulmates.

Chapter 3

In the car, Haruno sat there, laughing her guts out at their reactions. Hachiman rode shotgun and sat there as he clapped like a retarded seal, unable make any sounds through his mouth. They both could feel a six-pack coming because of the continuous laughter.

"Oh! Oh god! Did you… see Hiratsuka-sensei? Hahaha, I bet she never saw that coming!" Hachiman choked out between his laughs.

"Poor Gahama-san! She looked like the world was ending! I actually feel a little sorry for her," Haruno said as the laughter started to die down a bit.

After a few long minutes of finally getting themselves back under control, Haruno started her car and they made their way to Hachiman's house. The couple continued the ride in Haruno's BMW in comfortable silence as the radio softly played some old Drake songs in the background. (I like Drake. Sue me.) After a few minutes, Hachiman finally spoke.

"How do you know where I live?" he asked with an amused look. "Not that I mind. I'd love for you to drop by every now and then."

Haruno giggled. "The first time I laid my eyes upon you, I thought to myself: He'll be mine. Are you really surprised that I know where you live?"

Hachiman hummed in understanding. "Not at all… but… you were serious about the first love thing, huh?"

"Of course. Usually, I don't believe in crap like coincidence, fate, or destiny… nor did I ever believe in 'love at first sight'… but when I saw you, I didn't know how else I could describe it," she said solemnly.

"You know…" Hachiman began to talk, looking down, "It's a bit too abrupt for me… and well… I've been deprived of any kind of real love since god knows when…" Hachiman took a deep breath to stop his voice from cracking. "I might not be able to be the best partner… But… But I want to learn. I want to learn to love. I want to try. For real! I just… I just want something genuine." He said and took another deep breath to calm his nerves then say the next part. "That's why I ask you: Will you help me? Will you be patient with me? Will you actually love me?" He finally looked up at her only to see her face completely unchanged. She slowly pulled off the road into a parking lot of a plaza that was mostly empty.

Haruno turned to him and looked at him seriously. "Hachiman… Think about it. What ulterior motives would I possibly have to manipulate you?" Not getting an answer, she continued. "When I said I loved you, I meant it. Remember that time in the mall? Right when I saw you with my sister… that deceptive slouched figure. That head tucked in as to not draw any attention at all. Those eyes scanning the crowd as if looking for a target. Everything about you was perfect. Except, that naivety." She reached over and poked his forehead in a show of love.

"What do you mean?" Hachiman asked confusedly, as he rubbed the spot where her soft finger touched him.

"One of your favourite quotes: Fake people have an image to maintain. Real people just don't care," she explained.

"What about it?" he asked.

"That quote is so true," Haruno elaborated, "And I agree with it wholly, but… Why do you think people maintain an image in the first place?" She looked at him in a way that prompted him to think deeper. To look underneath the underneath. "Why do you think I act the way I do?"

Hachiman scratched his chin in deep thought. Why does she act like that? Well, it's so that she could have fun teasing people and getting under their skin, right? He thought and saw Haruno smile knowingly as if she already knew what went on in his brain.

"It's all a mask," Haruno started explaining again. "A carefully decorated mask that took years to prepare. I used to be just like you. Not giving a shit. Letting people think what they wanted… but then I thought: Why do people maintain this 'Status Quo' of friends?" She looked at him and Hachiman felt those purple orbs boring into his own. "It's because humans love a sense of security, Hachiman. Even if it's fake. Even if they know it's fake. Do you know the phrase 'enough specks of dust create a mountain'? Or maybe 'three heads are better than one.' In other words, when people gathered together, they become even stronger and more secure."

Hachiman looked a little confused by this.

Haruno shook her head and started again, "I got a bit off track but what I meant to say was that you understood the base emotions and personality of humans and found out what makes people behave the way they do. You understood everything, but you didn't understand how to use it to your advantage. I believe that when one realizes that, is when they can live their life to their fullest potential. From what I saw in the clubroom, it seems you learned how to do just that, hmm?"

"Yeah. I did realize that manipulating people is a much easier way to get what you need," he said with realization. "But…" he trailed off.

Haruno picked up for him, "It's all fake. It's not me. It's as if I'm just acting. That's what you're thinking, right?" she asked, to which Hachiman nodded with a hint of awe in his expression. Haruno chuckled. "Some advice for the future…" she said seriously. "Those who show their true emotions and true selves… are usually the first to die."

And then it clicked. Hachiman wasn't supposed to show his true self. He was supposed to mask his intentions till the last minute.

"I see you finally understood Law #3," she said with a smile.

"Law #3?"

"Keep people off-balance and in the dark by never revealing the purpose behind your actions. If they have no clue what you are up to, they cannot prepare a defense. Guide them far enough down the wrong path, envelop them in enough smoke, and by the time they realize your intentions, it will be too late," Haruno quoted from 'The 48 Laws of Power'. "Now, you are just like me. And I promise I won't leave you. A guy like you comes by once in ten lifetimes. I'd be an idiot to let you go." Haruno leaned over and gave him a quick peck on the cheek. "Now!" she said loudly, making Hachiman jump and clearing the sardonic atmosphere. "That being said, I really want to know more about you. Let's start with: what brought on this change?" she asked inquisitively.

Hachiman smiled wide at the show of affection.

"One word: Internet," Hachiman said.

"Ah!" Haruno replied understandingly as if that one word explained everything. She started up the car and got on the way to Hachiman's house again. "Let me guess… YouTube, Facebook, Vine… LiveLeak – if you've gone that deep – and…" she squinted her eyes trying to remember back to when she herself found the extent of the internet, "…porn?"

"Damn… you hit the- no, you smashed the nail on the head," Hachiman said truly impressed by the deductive skills Haruno showed. "Well except for the 'gone that deep part' at least."

"You mean haven't browsed LiveLeak yet?" she asked.

"I've browsed the deep web," Hachiman said and waited for a reaction.

Haruno's muscles tensed slightly. It would've just been a simple twitch to anyone else, but to Hachiman, it spoke volumes. "I hope you're not involved in anything illegal, Hachiman," she said, unusually serious.

"Loopholes are made to be exploited," Hachiman said, and a warm bubbly feeling spread across him as he saw Haruno's lips spread to a predatory grin.

"That's the guy I fell in love with…"

…

"Alright," Hachiman said as they walked together up to the front door. "If my sister tries to kill me, don't freak out. Just play it cool."

Haruno raised an eyebrow but nodded nonetheless.

"I'm home!" Hachiman said as he opened the door. He waited for a second and when nothing happened, he took one more tentative step in. Immediately there was a whistling noise and Hachiman dodged right in time for a knife to embed itself deeply in the frame of the door. "FUCK! CHILL, KOMACHI!"

"DIE, YOU SCUM!" came a shout from inside the house and Komachi stepped into the hallway clad in only her bra and panties holding a kitchen knife in each hand (she was in the middle of changing her clothes, you perverted shits).

"Wait! The fuck? Why are you only- AH SHIT!" Hachiman said as he decided to shelve the questions for later and save his balls first. Komachi charged with a war cry. "I'm sorry, it was just practice for my girlfriend!" he shouted, trying to placate her.

That seemed to do the trick – at least for a couple minutes. "What girlfriend?" Komachi snarled.

"Hi!" Haruno popped her head out from behind Hachiman and waved.

Komachi narrowed her eyes, trying hard to put a name to the face. Suddenly her jaw dropped, and her visage changed to one of surprise. "I-Isn't that…"

"Yeah. Yukino's older sister, Haruno. Play nice, alright?" Hachiman said and got to removing his shoes. He showed nonchalance but kept an eye on every single knife in her Komachi's hands.

Haruno stepped into the house with a "Pardon the intrusion!" and stuck her hand out to Komachi. "Nice to meet you again, Komachi-chan!"

"Nuh-uh," Komachi said backing away. "Not happening. I'm done dealing with this shit." And disappeared around the corner.

"She'll warm up to you," Hachiman said as he walked in, dismissing all concerns that were starting to bloom in her heart. Haruno nodded, not minding the younger Hikigaya's hostile behaviour. "Coffee?" he asked.

"Double-double, please," she said immediately.

"Hn," grunted Hachiman, copying a certain someone with a superiority complex.

As Haruno and Hachiman entered the kitchen, Komachi was sitting on the counter waiting for her brother. "Ne, Onii-chan?" she called, being extra cutesy.

"Yeah?" Hachiman replied instantly wary. His brain ran through a million different scenarios as he tried futilely to anticipate what the hell Komachi was about to say.

"Y'know, my laptop wasn't working properly today so I had to use your laptop," she said, eyeing him.

Hachiman and Haruno stilled at once and turned their dead-serious gaze at her.

Hachiman spoke slowly. "Komachi… what did you do?"

"Oh, nothing! You know, a tab in Chrome closed accidentally and guess what? I pressed control, shift, T. But I pressed it two times and wanna know what came up?" Komachi asked with a sharp glint in her eyes. Hachiman's hand started shaking. No…

"What?" It was Haruno who asked this time.

"B… D… S… M…" with each letter, Hachiman's heart dropped lower and lower into his stomach.

"It… uh... it was a pop-up!" he desperately tried to save himself.

"Uh-huh," her eyes traveled downwards on Hachiman, stopping just below his belt. "Seems to pop-up just fine…" She looked at his face and waited for a reply which didn't come. She continued. "Seems to pop up four to five times in a day, huh?"

"Kill me now," me muttered as a dark cloud of gloom hung over his head. Haruno stood over to the side, unsuccessfully trying to smother her laughter. Hachiman kept his eyes on the ground under Komachi's scrutinizing gaze and carried through the motions of making the coffee.

A while later, Komachi retreated to her bedroom and a profusely blushing Hachiman sat across a widely grinning Haruno.

"Well…" she said, breaking the awkward silence. "This proves one thing at least."

"And what would that be?" Hachiman asked depressed, already dreading the answer.

Great… I just got a girlfriend and I'm already going to lose her… Not even a day. Hachiman mentally cried huge anime tears.

"That we're more alike than we first thought," Haruno said. Hachiman jerked to a stop, almost spilling his coffee.

"Wha…?" he looked up to find Haruno staring off to the side, looking – or at least trying to look – every bit as prim and proper as she always did. Though he looked closer and spotted the unmistakable tinge of red on her cheeks.

"This is the best day of my life," Hachiman said with starry eyes. "Kami has blessed me. It's official," he exclaimed as Haruno chuckled at his antics.

…

"So," Hachiman said as he opened the laptop. Currently, Hachiman was sitting on his bed with his back leaning on the wall and legs extended. Haruno was sitting beside him just like him, except her arms looped around his arm and her head was resting on his chest as she buried her face in his neck, making him shudder with every breath that tickled him. "What do we have to do?"

"Hmm… go the website I told you about and log in with my credentials," she spoke sleepily.

Hachiman nodded once, mainly to get a whiff of her amazing hair. It smelled like flowers that grew in heaven.

"Hachiman… smell my hair later. Finish this first," she said again as she moved closer to him, making him conscious of just how nice and firm she was, pressed up against him.

Oh right, he hadn't lifted his head after nodding. Hehe, oops. Hachiman quickly logged in to the admin website of the multibillion-dollar international company and started to look through their complicated database for problems.

"Haruno… It seems fine," Hachiman said with a confused expression. "What's the problem?" Not getting a reply, he looked down to see his new girlfriends already sleeping soundly with her head resting against his chest. Hachiman's face subconsciously morphed into a smile and placed a kiss on top of her head. "Alright, let's get down to analyzing," he said, missing the smile that flowered on his lover's face

…

One Hour Later

"What the hell? ' '? UNC? United Nations… Chiba? Nah…" he spoke to himself quietly as he found an executable file deep in the personal folder of an accounts employee. "What is this? And why is it hidden?" he muttered to himself. Hachiman quickly copied the file and pasted it into his Virtual Machine inside his laptop.

He opened the file in Notepad++ and went through the code, analyzing it and trying to make sense of it. It seemed like all of it was written in a low-level language and Hachiman wasn't proficient enough to decode it yet.

Ah, crap! What do I do? I can't make heads or tails of this machine language shit… but I don't want to let Haruno down either. Hmm… Maybe…

Hachiman quickly opened up TOR and entered the heavily encrypted IRC chat.

ThatGuy8: Hey guys, sorry to bother you all but can someone please help me with something?

Hachiman waited and within ten seconds one of the guys finally replied.

PrinceOfBA: We all need someone to help us, my friend. It's only a matter of how much.

LukesDad: Prince, it's too damn early for your philosophical BS. Whatchu need 8?

Hachiman sweat dropped as he saw the foremost geniuses in the cybercrime field bickering like children.

ThatGuy8: Well, I have this one file of code, but I can't understand jack about it. It's written in a low-level language. Might even be Machine code, I think, and I haven't studied that yet.

6God: Send it here.

ThatGuy8 sent a file.

ThatGuy8: Here.

Hachiman waited and five minutes later he got a reply back.

PrinceOfBA: It's a weird file. From what I could see, it's meant to activate once a month, find a random excel file, and scramble it. I'd say it's harmless, but… if this thing found its way into big companies, like Apple, or Google's offices, it could potentially cause billions in damages.

Hachiman paled. Billions?

LukesDad: I agree. That's pretty much what it does… Though the way they wrote the part to hide it from antivirus is pretty specific. Almost as if they knew where they want to attack specifically.

An inside job?

6God: Both their evaluations are correct. This style of coding is familiar though. The way that the bookmarks and comments in the code are placed… It's definitely not CIA, but it is North American. I remember it seeing it somewhere, but it was probably a long time ago, so I can't remember exactly. Hope that helps though.

ThatGuy8: Thanks a lot, guys, I really owe ya one.

After exchanging a few more pleasantries, he finally closed the chat and sat back, putting his laptop away. Hachiman rested his head against the wall and reflected on the day's events. He liked this feeling. Peacefully spending time with Haruno and helping her out.

Hachiman absentmindedly combed his fingers through Haruno's beautiful smooth hair. Sometime during the hour, Haruno had slid off of Hachiman's shoulder and now she was curled up with her head in his lap.

"Haruno," Hachiman called softly to wake her up. Haruno stirred for a bit but went back to sleep. Hachiman snickered at the thought of having one of the most beautiful women in the nation curled up like a cat, sleeping on his lap. "Haruno!" he said a bit louder. She opened a bleary eye and looked up at him. Hachiman chuckled at how cute she looked, "Wake up, sleepyhead," he said with a smile.

"Mmm," Haruno moaned and wrapped her arms around Hachiman's torso, burying her face into his stomach. "Five more minutes," she mumbled out sluggishly.

He laughed at how her voice tickled his belly. He smiled serenely as he once more stroked his girlfriend's head. Hachiman looked at her and thought about how natural this felt. It felt like they were just meant to be together. He didn't believe in fate either, but Haruno was definitely special. I don't want to lose her, he decided. "Haruno, I found the problem, baby."

She turned her head to look at him with one eye. "What problem?"

"In your database, there's a file – virus, actually – that messes with your accounts department," Hachiman explained to which Haruno groaned loudly.

"Goddammit… That actually explains some of the problems we've been having," she said as rose back into the land of the living. "What did you find?"

"A file; in your accounts department. It's a '.exe' file. Apparently, it activates once a month, finds a random excel file, scrambles it, then deactivates," Hachiman replied as watched as realization slowly dawned on his girlfriend's face.

"Could you tell me which computer it's on?" Haruno asked as she massaged her temples and prepared for what was going to be a huge headache.

"Well… technically I can, but you'll have a hell of a time finding it," he said and went on to explain more at her confused gaze. "I can tell you the MAC address of the computer, but like, not the location or anything."

"I'll take that," Haruno said as she leaned over a gave him a kiss. "Thank you. You did so much for me."

"Well, it's a boyfriend's job to help his girlfriend isn't it?" he said. Hachiman was calm but there was a small part of him in the back of his mind that was still afraid of a rejection.

Haruno smiled deviously, and for a moment Hachiman feared that she actually was going to reject him. His worries were quickly put to rest though, as Haruno got on all fours and advanced towards him. "And it's a girlfriend's job to rewards her boyfriend, isn't it?"

Hachiman froze. Oh shit… he thought, Am I going to get laid?

Haruno's advance, however, was halted as Komachi's voice floated up to his room.

"Onii-chan! Onee-chan! Dinner's ready!"

"Aww," Haruno said with disappointment and kissed Hachiman once more before getting off the bed. "Looks like we'll have to continue this some other time… baby," she said in a teasing voice and left the room, laughing out loud.

Hachiman's face lit up with a blush that would've even made Yui proud. He cleared his mind and shook his head with a chuckle. "I think I'm actually going to enjoy this whole 'falling in love' thing," he said as he followed Haruno. What he didn't know, though, was that Hachiman was already in love.

Ay yo! If any of you are computer geniuses or something, can you please give me ideas of what sort of problems I can put for Hachiman to solve for Haruno. Thank you!

P.S. I love reading your reviews, btw!