I hope you guys enjoy! Happy Monday everyone, please let me know what you think!
Chapter 19
Twelve Years Ago... (Tris - age 17)
She's staring at the clock, her fingertips nervously tapping on the side of her desk. Her leg is bouncing up and down vigorously. She feels anxious, nervous. A deep sense of dread engrosses her body as the clock strikes 3:10 indicating the end of school for the day.
She texted Uriah after lunch because she had not seen him at all today. She needed to talk to him. Badly. It's urgent.
Students start packing up, interrupting the teacher from finishing his last thoughts. Tris faintly hears her teacher grumbling about how the bell doesn't dismiss the student, he does. But Tris is far too gone to listen to what he's saying. She bolts out of the classroom, meeting Uriah to the front of the school, near a mermaid fountain.
"Tris! Hi!" Uriah's friendly wave and smile suddenly disappear when he sees the look on Tris' face. He knows what's about to happen. He's been expecting this moment to happen for so long now. Uriah had only wished it was later rather than now.
"Uriah...we need to talk." Tris knows that those words sound too cliché, but she doesn't know what else to say. "You know I love you." She begins.
"Tris," It almost sounds like he is pleading.
"Uriah, you know I love you—," she says again. "I just don't think I can be in a relationship anymore. With college applications and prep, my classes, and there's so much going on with my family at the moment. I don't know if it's fair for you to have to deal with me and my problems—"
"I don't mind, Tris." He takes both of her hands in his.
"I know, but I just don't think I can be in a relationship. It's not fair for you, and I don't want to fuck things up. I just—I don't," Tris doesn't really know what she is saying at this point. "I can't love you the way you love me."
The words have been said and nothing can stop Uriah from feeling this amount of hurt. It feels like a knife to the gut. But it doesn't hurt Tris any less to say them either.
Plus, they're so young. Relationships are new to both of them. For Tris, it was just not the right time.
Deep down, Uriah has known for a long time that this would happen. He's known, and he's accepted. But still, it's still hard for him to say these words. "It's okay, Tris." He tucks a strand of hair behind her ears. "I know."
He brings her into a warm embrace. "I don't want to lose you though."
"You won't, I promise. Uri, I never wanted to hurt you. I really didn't." She starts to tear up. "You mean too much to me."
"Sh—shh. It's okay, it's okay." He coos while brushing her hair. "I love you, Tris. Nothing will ever change that."
"You're my best friend, you know that?" She asks once the tears have finally stopped coming out.
"I know, Tris. I know."
Present Day...
"Hey Tobias, I got your message. Maybe you're right. I hope you figure it out whatever it is you are working on at the moment. I think both of us need time apart and maybe we rushed into things. I want to focus a little on myself at the moment. Hopefully, that is alright with you. It was nice seeing you after a while though. Uhm—talk soon. Er— I guess. Take care, bye." Tobias listens to the message for the fourth time today.
Tobias can't help but feel a little deflated. He wants to win Tris back, and he tells himself that he will. But sometimes good things take time. He reassures himself that everything is going to be okay. Things might not be where he wants at the moment, but he knows things will come around when the time is right.
Maybe Zeke was right. Maybe the two of them do need some distance away from one another. He doesn't know why he sent the text in the first place. Maybe deep down he knew that he shouldn't rush things. There were still so many unresolved issues between her and Tris that they haven't worked through. The more Tobias thinks about it, the more he realizes he shouldn't go into a relationship—or whatever it was they were— until he knew for sure what happened that night.
Memories of their movie night flood back into his brain. He thinks about the moment he wipes off guacamole so close to their lips. Their bodies were so close to one another, and Tobias can remember the heat of hers from being almost pressed against one another. Her smile can make any man melt or turn into dust in an instant. He wants her so badly. How can one person be so intoxicating and so infuriating all at once? He never stopped loving her.
Tobias groans in frustration and presses his back against his bedroom wall. He throws his head back staring at the ceiling thinking about what to do.
I should probably get to work before I'm late. He thinks to himself.
"So I've been doing a little digging." Zeke drops a very small stack of papers on Tobias' desk.
"What are you doing in my office? And when did you even get here?" Tobias stares at the papers and flips through them skimming the words, his reading glasses slowly slipping down his nose.
"Perks of your best friend being the finest cop you know." Zeke gleams. "I've been doing a little digging about your situation with Tris you had a few years back. I find it strange that you do not remember much about that night. The first thing that came into mind was the fact that you may have been drugged. I still think that is a very likely possibility, but I just wanted to be sure of it." Tobias notions for Zeke to continue hoping Zeke will say something to ease his racing mind. "So I went back to the bar and ran into the manager. Luckily, he had been working in the past for at least five years now. But anyway, it took some convincing because this isn't a case or anything. But I lied my way around it. But basically, I was able to get a list of employees that worked at the bar within the last four years and I found a name."
Tobias jolts up from his seat. "And?"
"Well remember how we thought the girl you slept with was named Margret—," Tobias tenses up at the mention of the girl he cheated on Tris with. "—Well I couldn't find a Margret, but the closest name to that was a Marlene."
Suddenly an image of a brunette woman flashes before Tobias' eyes. "Hey sweetie, you look a little upset. Can I make you anything to drink? I'm Marlene by the way."
"That's her! That's her! I just remembered something!" Suddenly there is a pounding in Tobias' chest. It gets faster and faster with each passing second. A type of excitement runs through his body because of the fact that he may get an answer. "How did you even—"
"Don't worry about it, man."
"Zeke—I can't thank you enough." Zeke puts a hand on Tobias' shoulder. "I can give you a phone number. Don't do anything stupid though. And please do not fuck this up. I know how much this means to you, but please do not screw this up."
"I'll try my best."
Tris is feeling exhausted. Work is keeping her really busy with paperwork. She's prepping for a big meeting with a large cooperation from Japan at the end of the week. It's not something she's nervous about, but her boss rather is up her ass more than usual. A slight headache is starting to make its way in the back of her head, and she takes a minute to stop what she's doing and lean fully back onto her desk chair. Tris lets out a loud sigh and buries her face in her hands momentarily.
"Rough day?" A voice that is normally rough and piercing turns out to be soft and comforting.
"Yeah. I'm really stressed." Volker gives her a look of sympathy. "And Edgar is not really helping with the stress either."
"Don't worry about him. I'm sure whatever it is you are doing is great." Tris gives a soft smile, grateful that she has a friend like him to comfort her in tough times.
"Thanks, Volker."
"Mhm," He takes a sip of his coffee. "So you never told me what happened with that boy toy of yours."
This is the last thing Tris wants to be talking about, but at this point, she will talk about anything as long as it does not involve work. "It didn't work out."
"Why? What happened?" Volker questioned.
"Well, I don't know how to explain this. One moment we getting along, and then the next, he's turning me down over text message. Who does that? But you know what, I've come to the understanding that Tobias Eaton will forever and always be a complicated man to understand." Tris sighs.
"Do you wish something more would have happened between the two of you?"
"I don't know," she exasperates. "I just wish my life weren't so complicated either. One moment I thought I was going to end up with Tobias, and then the next, I'm almost married to another man. And then he—he—well, you know what happened. And then, Tobias comes back again!" Volker listens patiently to her as she continues to rant. "I know there's a gap between each man, but it feels like my life is a soap opera with new men coming here and there, and I just want a break!"
Volker rolls his eyes playfully in an attempt to lighten the mood. "Boo-hoo. It must be nice having men thrown at you. Me on the other hand...well..." Tris pushes him lightly.
"I don't mean to sound like my life is so hard. I don't mean for it to come across that way..."
"I know, I know. Calm down. I was just trying to lighten up the mood." He quickly defends. "It's okay, Tris. I understand what you are trying to say."
"I just want a break from men. I feel a little hurt that he broke whatever it was off through text message. I just want a reason, you know? I also just feel a little upset because he cheated on me. Does he even deserve my forgiveness?" Tris pauses and for a moment her mind is elsewhere, thinking. She feels a hand on her shoulder.
"Nobody is perfect. Yes, he fucked up. If he really cares, he would try whatever it takes to redeem himself. And so far, it's not looking too good for the man. I cannot tell you what to do, Tris, but you have to figure out what you want. You do not have to do anything you don't want to do. It will get easier, I promise."
It's times like these where Tris really appreciates having a friend who is real with her. Tris has not had an easy history when it came to men, and she is finally seeing that playing out in her life. And sometimes it takes time and space to figure it is that you want.
What she does want is to move on. From Robert. From Tobias. From whatever drama she's dealing with Uriah.
"I just want things to be easier."
Volker gives a half-smile and a reassuring rub on her shoulder. "I know, sweetheart, I know."
Tris sits and Volker stands in silence for a brief moment. Volker is finally the one who breaks the silence. "I know you said you want no more drama with men, but have you seen the way Al looks at you every time he passes your desk." Tris groans in the mention of Al.
Tris could be oblivious when it came to men, but she was no idiot. The look Al gave her every time he passed by was something that made her feel a little uneasy. It's not that she thought he was a bad guy, it was the fact that she didn't want to have to turn him down if he made a move on her. Al has tried to start conversations here and there, but it never was more than a few sentences being passed between the two.
"Please don't remind me. I definitely do not want to be talking about this."
"Okay, mi amor, but don't come complaining and asking me what to do when he finally makes a move." Volker finally changes the topic when he notices Tris becoming uncomfortable. "There's talk of a promotion."
"I heard. Edgar mentioned to me briefly. They're trying to build a new team in Chicago to focus on graphic and web design. Right now their department is very small, so they want to expand just within the Chicago area. They think it might boost sales, but I don't know. Marketing stuff, I guess." Tris shrugs.
"Hmm...I wouldn't mind living in Chicago." Volker states.
Tris raises an eyebrow. "It's alright, I guess. I grew up there. My parents are from there, and I liked it during the summertime, but anytime else, it was a nightmare."
"Well, we'll see what happens."
"Yeah, I guess so." Tris answers.
Tris arrives home feeling completely drained. Her boss's usual perky and silly attitude was not apparent at all at work today. Though Tris tends to love her boss, today was not one of those days.
When she unlocks her front door, she immediately crashes onto her couch not bothering to do anything before that. She just wants to lay down and not think about anything.
I should probably that an Advil for this stupid headache. She thinks.
Slowly, and sluggishly, she forces herself off her couch and drags herself to her kitchen to get a painkiller pill for her headache. She quickly downs the pill with a gulp of water. Before she heads back to the living room, a dark green bottle catches her attention. She backtracks to grab the bottle, lifting the cork off the top.
Headache and red wine do not mesh well together, Tris. She ignores the thought and decides to suffer the consequences later.
After downing about three-quarters of the bottle within the next several minutes, Tris then makes her way back to the couch and lays down. A massive wave of exhaustion hits her, and she lets her eyes flutter closed.
A knock on the door is what wakes her up a couple of hours later. By this time, the sun has long set. The room is almost completely dark with the exception of street and moonlight coming through the window from the street.
Tris checks the clock in the room. 9:47. She doesn't remember falling asleep nor how long she was asleep.
"Shit." She mumbles under her breath. Tris rolls herself off the couch.
Woah. She bursts out in giggles. The earth suddenly starts to spin. She feels light and the carpet tickles her feet with every step she takes.
Slowly but surely, Tris makes her way towards the front door. She swings the door open without even checking who it is.
"Uriah! Hi!" Tris exclaims way too bubbly for Uriah's liking. Something in her chest tightens, but she doesn't know why. After that conversation she has with Uriah not too along about discussing their friendship, they haven't talked as much as they usually do as best friends.
"Hi, Tris. I wanted to swing by and see if you were home so we could talk." Tris moves out of the way to let him enter her home.
"Come in, come in." She tries to ignore the tight feeling in her gut.
Why do I feel so silly? And why am I so nervous?
"So what did you want to talk about?" She asks once they are seating on the couch a good two feet away from once another but their bodies tilted toward the other. She already thinks she knows what he wants to talk about. Her mind is racing a mile a minute. A giggle escapes her lips and that's when Uriah smells the alcohol in her breath.
"Tris, are you drunk?" Uriah's eyebrows furrow in concern.
"I hate this, Uriah," Tris says, ignoring the question Uriah just asked. "I feel like something is different. I know we discussed this already, but I miss us. I miss our friendship. And don't tell me you haven't been avoiding me because you and I know both know that you have." Uriah has to really concentrate on what Tris is saying because she is slurring her words. She doesn't realize she is slightly drunk.
Tris had never been the one to handle her alcohol too well. Though the internet sees her as an outgoing and bubbly girl, in reality, she likes to keep to herself. She wears many different filters. It's not a bad thing, really, but Tris feels like maybe sometimes she is just faking herself. So when Tris and alcohol mix with one another, her usual self turns way too friendly and way more outgoing then she usually is. Tris is quite the talker too when she is drunk.
"Look, Uri." She points a finger to her chest. "I dunno wha's going on, but I want things to go back to normal."
Maybe now is not the time to have a serious discussion with Tris. Uriah thinks.
Tris interrupts his thoughts. "I know that won't be easy, but I want to at least try. I hope I didn't ruin things between the two of us. I feel like I'm a middle school girl dealing with all this boy drama," she slurs. "But...let me tell you a secret." Her voice suddenly drops to a whisper as she learns closer to Uri.
"I was kind of heartbroken after we broke up in high school, Uri. But then we talked, and we agreed to remain friends. It was kind of hard pretending like I was totally fine, but deep down I was not. I feel like I got real good at hiding it after what Tobias did. But anyway!" Uriah doesn't know what to say, but Tris continues to speak anyway. "So yeah, I was heartbroken, but slowly time went on and things went back to normal. I really don't want to mess up our friendship, Uri. You mean too much to me."
"I didn't know that." Uriah finally says after a long moment of silence.
"Of course you didn't because I tried to hide it as well as I could. I never told you, so I don't blame you for it." At that moment, this situation almost seemed comical. Uriah had felt the exact same way after the two of them separated in high school.
"Maybe if things happened differently, you and I would still be together."
"What do you mean?"
Uriah gets out of his seat and walks to Tris until they are about a foot apart. "I felt the same after we broke, you know. Zeke had to help me through my funk. I didn't have an easy time either, Tris. I thought breaking up was what you wanted, so we did. But that was the most difficult thing I ever had to go through. Sometimes I look back and wish I fought harder for you." He puts both of his hands on her shoulders and bends town so they are eye level with one another. "I just don't want to ruin what we have."
The reality of this situation hits drunken Tris full force. A weight is lifted from her shoulders. This was all new information surfacing and it was a lot to process in so little time.
"Uriah," her voice is softer, more alert. "We can't change what has happened in the past. Yes, we made mistakes, but despite whether we had or had not broken up then, I'm not so sure we would have lasted. I only want to be honest with you." Uriah appreciates her honestly, but it doesn't make her words any less hurtful. "You have always been there for me. You are one of my best friends in the entire world. I just want what's best for you, and I do not think that will be more. Hell, I'm dealing with my own problems right now. And god damn, this is not helping at all on making this any easier for me. But I need you to understand where I am coming from. Maybe we both need some time to figure things out. I don't want to ruin our friendship any more than what it is now."
Words start to get harder to say as the tightness in Tris' chest gets deeper and deeper. Her headache comes back full force and the thumping noise and ringing in the back of her ears make it even more difficult to speak.
Suddenly it feels like they are juniors in high school again, breaking up for the first time.
Uriah sighs; he agrees with her. He brings Tris close and wraps his arms around her waist. He buries his face in her neck near her shoulders. Uriah tries to take this moment in because he doesn't know the next time we will see her. He just wants to soak every last minute he can before he leaves.
He pulls back, finally, kissing her cheek and tucking a strange of hair behind her ear. He swallows and a lump forms in his throat when he notices tears starting to form in her eyes.
"I love you, Tris." He means it both in a friendly and romantic way.
"Love you too, Uriah." But he knows it doesn't mean the way he wants those words to mean.
"I know." It's the last time Tris sees him for a while.
A/N: A few things. I know this story might feel like it is all over the place, but I promise it will come and tie itself together. Also, I know it feels like Tris' and Tobias' relationship is falling apart, but I think it is better this way for multiple reasons. When I first wrote this story, I was in eighth grade. Their relationship, I feel, was super rushed. When I reread this story last week, I really wished I had written things differently back then. Right now, I'm kind of undoing their relationship because I don't know how to explain, it just feels right for me to do that. I have an outline of what this story will be like. If you are disappointed, I'm sorry. But trust me. This story might feel all over the place, but it will come together, I promise. For the first time in a loooong, I feel really good writing this story. Thanks for the support as always. Please please let me know what you think!