I don't understand how it all spiralled out of control so quickly. How did it go so bad so fast?
Nala was yanked out of her thoughts by a cold drip on the end of her nose, as the water slid off the edge of her umbrella. They were finally holding her father's funeral. It was the stereotypical day for one, with the biting wind, the cold drizzle falling from the grey sky. Nala felt nothing as she watched the pastor perform the ceremony, nothing as they lowered her father's cold, dead body into the ground, nothing as that first shovel of dirt was dropped. She knew the people gathered around her felt nothing either. Well the people who were there for her that is, namely the host club, Ranka-san and Maria. The rest of the attendees were her father's many conquests, and the few 'friends' he had.
A quick glance around her showed them all staring impassively, even Honey stared at the grave coldly, none of his usual cheerful energy around him. The twins glared openly at the casket, as if they wanted to rip into her father, even though he was dead, for what he'd put her through. Rnka, and Haruhi, stared at the casket sadly, but Nala knew their sadness was for old memories long past, of happier times between us all, not for the man who now lay in the chilled, wet ground.
A sadness tightened her chest, and made her heart throb painfully as Nala tried to not focus on the fact that Kyoya hadn't come.
It doesn't surprise me, not after what happened between us the other day. I'm surprised he didn't boot me right out of the host club for all i said to him.
Nala was lost in thoughts, not coming back from the memories, until Mori gently nudged her arm. Snapping back to reality, she found the priest frowning at her, calling her name and asking her to deliver the eulogy. She didn't move for a second, before slowly sucking in a deep breath, and putting her umbrella into Haruhi's hand, stepping over next to the grave to stand uncovered under the rain. With a small, sad smile Nala began to talk.
"Hello everyone, thank you for coming today…." However, even as she began to talk, she couldn't drag her mind from the events of a certain day earlier in the week.
* * Flashback * *
Kyoya's dark eyes flashed at her from behind his glasses, and Nala could practically sense the anger radiating off of him.
Crap he's scary like this! Gotta do something about it….
"The beach here is really nice don't you think? Nice sand, and the ocean is rreeaalllyy blue. I kinda like how-" Nala was totally aware she was babbling at this point, but something in his expression had her heart tripping over itself in her chest, and her brain functioning process tied up in knots.
"Miss Fuyumi." Kyoya's voice wasn't loud, wasn't full of fury like you'd expect, but the deadly sweet way he said it, along with the way to cheerful smile that showed his teeth as his glasses flashed had her shutting up faster than an angry tone ever would've. Nala was so nervous she didn't even correct him on her name.
"Y-yeah Ootori?"
"Please stop talking for a minute." Wincing, she nodded her head.
Told you you should've shut up sooner.
Nala mentally berated herself over it.
"Why did you do what you did? It's like you foolishly just put yourself in danger with no thought to your own happiness."
Kyoya had dropped the smile, now his eyes were just cold and impassive. However, his question showed just how little he understood about how i thought. With a smile sigh, Nala answered him, trying to ignore how much it annoyed me that he couldn't understand such a fundamental part of her nature.
"Because, life isn't just doing things for yourself, it's possible that you can live, and help, in a way that will bring other people happiness, which in turn will bring you happiness. Helping people makes me happy Ootori. You can't change that about me, i will help as many people as i can, as often as i can with no thought for how it affects me, because if i can help them, i'm helping herself in turn." His frustration was mounting, Nala could see it in how his eyes darkened as he stared at me, till she couldn't meet his eyes, and had to look away.
"You could've been hurt though. That wouldn't have helped anyone, least of all Ayumi." Again, Nala realized how little he was really thinking this through from her regard.
It's like he honestly can only look out for himself, is he truly incapable of looking out for others?
"But no one can predict the future, so it's pointless to fear the unknown when we are the ones shaping it. Sure i could've been hurt, but i wouldn't have known that i wouldn't get hurt if i hadn't gone in there to help her." He merely raised his eyebrows to her comment.
"Have you forgotten her gift then Miss Fuyumi?" Furrowing her brows, she shook her head.
"No, but i'm saying that you only see the 'what if's'. We have the ability to change the futures you see, it's a matter of the choices we make. So no, no one can really, truly predict the future."
"I've never had a prediction come wrong Miss Fuyumi. But that's not the point, you keep foolishly throwing yourself in front of danger. You need to look after yourself more often. Otherwise you'll get nowhere in life." Nala's anger was slowly rising to meet his frustration at this point, so she didn't think over her response.
"Clueless people who only think to save themselves will, perhaps unknowingly, set themselves on the path to destruction. It doesn't bloody matter if you think you can predict what will happen or not!" He growled under his breath, his dark eyes narrowing.
"You can't really believe that, only a fool would believe that." Nala snarled right back at him.
"Then i'm a fool, Ootori! Because yeah that's what i believe! With a burning passion. Sometimes," her eyes cut back to glare into his, "Sometimes you have to reject common sense to make the impossible possible. You need to learn how to do this. As well as learning to give to others rather than just take from them. Until you learn that," She shook her head sadly. "Until you learn that, our friendship can't go anywhere."
"What do you mean?" His voice was cool again, all hints of anger gone.
"What i mean is this Kyoya Ootori. You need to damn well get over yourself. You and i? The friendship i want with you? It can't freaking go anywhere till you can get over yourself! Because i can't be friends with someone who's heart is frozen through! You can't feel compassion can you huh? I can't be friends with a damn robot!" Shoving to her feet, Nala placed a hand against his chest, over where his heart was. "I know you have a heart, i know you are flesh and blood just like me, but you are missing an important, life changing ability that makes you human. And that is the ability to care for others, until you can care for others rather than just yourself, you are a self-serving, mindless creature. And eventually? If we were true friends? That would destroy me, because it would suck the care i can give to others right out of me into you. You're like a black hole for compassion. You take it in, but you destroy it, and throw it out somewhere warped and torn." She pulled her hand away, and stepped back from him. "I don't know how you were raised Ootori, but i know that whatever it was the people who raised you did to you, destroyed a crucial part of you deep inside. It kills me to say this, but i cannot fix that for you, as much as i'd like to i don't have the ability."
Nala went to leave, but before she did she spun back.
I have to try and make him understand how i feel!
Stepping forward, she pulled him into a hug.
"You, are the most utterly confusing guy i've ever had the pleasure of knowing. I will be your friend, but it cannot deepen into a true friendship until you learn to care." Letting him go and leaving him standing there stiffly she finished speaking with a soft smile up at him. "I really care for the host club, but it pains me that i can't help each of you with the problems you try so hard to hide. It pains me that," her voice broke, and she blinked furiously against the sudden sting of tears. "That i can't help heal all of you. I want to help you Ootori, i care for you, all of you, but until you can find it in yourself to care, i can't do a damn thing." I turned to leave the room. "Think it over Ootori, i don't know how this got twisted into an argument over our friendship, but it did, and i want you to take this into serious consideration. Come to me when you think you can actually show me the real you, somewhere deep inside, who knows how to care. Find him, and we can have a true friendship."
* * End of flashback * *
I don't know if i can give this.
Pulse rocketed through her body, hands sweating as Nala felt the dozens of eyes on me as she stood there, For a moment lowering her shields for all the world to see her pain. Nala could sense the panic attack on the edge of her mind, and the worried looks being shot at her from her friends, those she expected, what she didn't expect was someone to step out of nowhere, and join the group of hosts. Not having seen him since the hosts had dropped her back off a Haruhi's, Nala hadn't expected Kyoya to show up for this after all i'd said to him last time, but, in a low voice he murmured to her,
"I had a vision you needed the support."
Shaking her head, Nala turned her eyes back to the small crowd, the sudden confidence that swelled through her had nothing to do with, and she was adamant about this, the certain arrival of a certain host.
"Death is terrible for anyone. Young or old, good or evil, it's all the same. Death is impartial, there is no especially terrible death. That is why death is so fearsome, your deeds, age, personality, wealth, none of it matters. They are all meaningless in the face of death. Each of you here had your own relationship with her Dad, each of you has your own set of memories and your own word picture that describes this man. I don't presume to know the man that you knew. I can't say i loved the man, there was no love lost between us, we never got along, but i would like to thank you all for coming today. It shows me that perhaps, he was a better man than i once thought him to be."
Pff no he wasn't, you're just saying that to play the nice, good girl daughter. Maybe….but still better than dissing the guy at his funeral.
She bowed briefly to the people standing there, and stepped back over to her friends as the priest gave his final blessing over the coffin.
"You seemed surprised." Kyoya's voice shook me a bit, and something in her heart loosened up. I didn't realize i was that upset over what happened… Rather than show just how shaken i was by his presence, i snorted, and lightly jostled his arm.
"Surprised? Who gets surprised by the unexpected arrival of someone they thought was never gonna talk to them again." The heavy dose of sarcasm made him roll his eyes, but he whispered back,
"I think we need to talk about it at a later date, when we're both rational." With a small smile at him, and a nod when Nala caught the priest glaring at her, but she whispered back,
"Right, later."
* Kyoya's POV *
"Right, later."
He glanced at the girl next to him, her rain drenched hair clung to her face, and her shoulders, her green eyes glinted with a firmness that surprised him. This girl seemed to be one of the only people who could surprise me, anger me, bring out the emotions he worked so hard to push back.
Does she even realize what she does?
He didn't think she did. She slid past people's defenses so easily, with her wide smile, her bright open eyes, she wasn't someone who kept secrets about herself. For others maybe, but never herself.
She had surprised him when she'd shown a real backbone at the beach the other day, as he hadn't thought she had that in her.
Of course, if she's been through what she's been through it should be taken for granted that she's a lot stronger than she looks.
When he'd first tricked her into the club, he hadn't expected her to be like this, she kept them all on their toes. Another glance over, and Kyoya found Kaoru staring at her.
A strange feeling fluttered in her stomach, but he shoved it back. It bothered him seeing her spending so much time with the twin, talking and laughing in a way she didn't really do with the rest. Blaming it on worry over awkward situations in work relationships, Kyoya turned away.
But i approve of Tamaki and Haruhi's relationship?
Arguing that it was different wasn't getting him anywhere, so he shrugged it all off, choosing to lock the emotions down away and to survey them at a later date.
For now, it would seem he had to get Honey away from asking the priest questions about being a guardian, when the priest wasn't actually one like Honey and Mori were, and Tamaki away from the twins he was now chasing with a baseball bat.
Honestly, where does he even hide that to get it from?
** Authors Note **
Apologizing for this being short, I'll come back and reedit this chapter in the future, but i wanted to post it so you guys would have something, because i don't know when the next time i'll be able to post will be with me moving, and busy last days of school. Question though! How am i doing with keeping everyone in character? Is it realistic so far? I never realized how hard it would be to capture Kyoya's POV, like that was tricky. It's a lot easier looking at them through Nala's eyes so to speak, and viewing them how she would see them. But so far so good with characterization? Also thank you all for the super amazing reviews! I have plans now that i can work with to make you guys happy :P So trust me your ideas are being considered and i'm trying to figure out how to work them into the plot.